Chapter 5
Jonah
I lay awake, watching the shadows on our bedroom ceiling flicker every time a car drives past outside. Lars’ slow, rhythmic breaths should lull me to sleep—they usually do—but for some reason, I just can’t seem to close my eyes and let go of consciousness. No, not for some reason, it’s because every time I close my eyes, I see those men dressed as puppies again, and the strange longing starts in my chest all over again.
In theory, I’ve always known puppy play existed…okay, not always, but this certainly was not a revelation for me. But I’ve never seen puppy play, and I’ve certainly never thought about it. Even when I visited the kink club, I didn’t see any puppies. And, if I remember correctly, on the fetish dating app I tried, puppy play was listed under “other” alongside ABDL, which was not something I had interest in exploring. No shame to those who are into it, but it wasn’t for me. I guess, in my mind, I sort of lumped those two things together and didn’t bother to explore puppy play.
But what if I had? What if I’d seen what it looked like and felt this longing in my chest all those years ago when I was single and wondering? Would Lars have been interested in dating me if he’d found out then that I wanted to put on a dog mask and run around on all fours? Or maybe I would’ve been too afraid to tell him, shoving that side of me to the back of my mind to fall into the arms of my best friend.
The fact remains that I didn’t discover it then, and now…
I glance over at Lars, fast asleep beside me, drooling onto his pillow and snoring softly. My heart gives a fluttery spasm, and I lean forward to brush my lips against his forehead. He makes a sleepy noise and moves closer to me, throwing his arm over my midsection and burying his face in my neck.
I love this man more than anything, more than my own life. But what about these feelings stirring inside me?
Confusing thoughts and warring emotions chase themselves around inside my head until the sun starts to peek through the bedroom window, and I groan, realizing I didn’t sleep a wink all night. Thank god, I’m not on call today, not that med school didn’t well prepare me to work on zero hours of sleep.
Lars is still cuddled against me, even hours later, and I use my arm that’s around him to pull him closer, gasping quietly when the hot shaft of his morning wood presses against the side of my thigh, making my own cock throb in return.
I roll to face him, our erections pressing together through our briefs, and his warm breath puffs against my neck, making the pit of my stomach flutter. How lucky could I possibly be to have a man who still gives me butterflies after all this time?
Pushing the front of my underwear down, I quickly do the same to Lars’, and his eyes flutter open.
“Good morning,” I murmur against his lips as I wrap my hand around our shafts, pressing them together tightly.
“I’ll say,” he agrees in a sleep rough rumble, rolling his hips to drag his cock against mine in the confines of my fist.
Lars wraps his arm around my neck, pulling himself flush against me. Our heavy breathing mingles, our chests rising and falling together, our hearts beating rapidly as one.
“How can I love you this much?” I ask, in awe of the way my body lights up at every point of contact, the heat of his skin sliding against mine as our lips bump and taste each other. My hand moves almost lazily between us, unwilling to hurry things along this morning.
“Because we’re meant to be together. Every annoying thing about each of us is perfect for the other,” Lars concludes simply, nibbling at my coarse, stubbled chin.
“God, you’re smart,” I agree, and I can feel his smile against my jaw before he moves his face lower and nuzzles my neck.
No matter how slowly I jerk us, the feeling of my man in my arms, the warm, sleepy scent of him surrounding me, and his lips teasing my flesh, all work together to bring me to the edge faster than I would’ve liked. After a tumultuous night in my own head, I need to hang on to our perfect connection just a few minutes longer.
But when his cock throbs against mine, his sticky spend pulsing down my shaft, I can’t hold on any longer. With a low grunt, I thrust against him as he comes, making him groan as the friction prolongs his own orgasm. Soon, our cum is mixed together, and we’re both too tired to move, a few minutes of sleep finally overtaking me.
“JJ,” Lars’ whispered voice startles me awake. I blink my eyes open to find him freshly showered, standing over me. “I have to get going or I’ll be late for work. You look tired, are you feeling okay?” He brushes his hand over my forehead, no doubt checking for a fever, his brow wrinkled with concern.
“Yeah, I didn’t sleep great. I’m going to nap a little longer, and then I’ll get my normal day off stuff done around the house.”
“If you’re tired, sleep. The chores will be there,” he assures me, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “Text me later and have a good day.”
“Will do. Love you.”
“Love you.”
My eyes drift closed again as the bedroom door clicks closed behind Lars on his way out.
When I wake up again, the clock says it’s nearly noon. Thank god I had a dreamless sleep for a few hours, but with consciousness filtering back in, my first thoughts are of the pups again.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I grumble to myself, sitting up and rubbing the heels of my hands against my eyes.
I reach for my phone on the nightstand, thinking a distraction might help. Pulling up Addie on my messenger to text her, I notice the link to her brother’s blog again, and my finger hovers over it for a few seconds. There was a section about exploring kinks, maybe it’s exactly the kind of thing I should read.
On the other hand, should I be exploring this? Maybe it’s best to push it to the back of my mind and wait for it to go away. It has to go away eventually, right?
I close my eyes, swallowing a lump in my throat as another flutter of longing starts in my chest. I don’t want to wait for it to go away. But if I open this can of worms, will I eventually have to choose between Lars and a newfound kink? I’d never choose anything over Lars, but if I let myself fall too deeply down this rabbit hole, I’m afraid I won’t want to climb back out.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I hit the link and hold my breath as the website loads. While I lay there, I absently notice there’s cum crusted in the hair on my stomach; the front of my briefs stiff are soiled as well. Five minutes of browsing, then I need to let this go and take a shower.
I click on the tab labeled Kink and find a series entitled Art Tries… My heart gives a strange lurch, and my fingers start to tremble when I reach Art Tries Puppy Play. I take a few deep breaths before taking the plunge and clicking the link.
Art Tries Puppy Play
When I started this series, I didn’t think there was anything that could shock or scandalize me, but if anything could, I honestly thought it might be dressing up like a dog. No kink shaming, you know I love all you kinky bastards, I just didn’t see this as being for me. I was right; it’s not for me, but it certainly was a hell of a lot more fun than I anticipated. So, come with me (Pun intended ;)) on this journey into the world of puppies.
First things first, the basics. What the hell is puppy play? Is it just a bunch of grown ass men and women deciding they’d rather go back to a time when they’re six years old, crawling around, barking like dogs? Well, kind of, but there’s a lot more to it than that. Puppy play is a form of dominance/submission play that does revolve around the submissive partner role playing as a dog as a way for the individual to leave behind their everyday stresses and enjoy a round of fetch or maybe a nice snuggle. Now, I know what a lot of you think when you hear puppy play— wait, someone wants their partner to dress up like a dog so they can fuck them?? — sometimes, and quit kink shaming, asshole. But puppy play isn’t always sexual; it depends on the individual or the couple (or throuple…or however many people you can manage to cram into your bed before losing track of whose limbs are whose).
I chuckle as I read through the explanation, making a note to tell Addie her brother is just as hilarious as billed. The rest of the post goes into more details about Art’s night spent at a Puppy Romp, which apparently is a bi-monthly get together at a kink club in his area. The way he describes the experience—A little awkward and silly at first, then fun and freeing once he stopped taking himself so seriously and let himself have a good time—starts the longing ache growing in the center of my chest again.
I lift my hand to my chest and rub the spot in slow circles.
How the hell can I want something this fucking much when I hardly knew it existed until yesterday?
At the bottom of the article, there are pictures, and I find myself unable to tear my gaze away. The men in the photos aren’t all dressed the same: some have hoods on, others don’t. Some are wearing harnesses, others aren’t. Some are more or less fully dressed, and others are in nothing but a jock and their puppy gear. It seems like there’s no wrong way to be a pup necessarily, and that intrigues me as well.
I stop on one picture of a pup sitting at another man’s feet—I think master is the right word for the other man?—and the tenderness captured in the image nearly brings me to tears.
My phone rings, and I’m so surprised I nearly drop it, my heart hammering as if I’ve been caught looking at the filthiest porn, even though the images are innocent, and the person calling can’t see anyway. It takes my phone a second to display the caller, and my throat tightens a little when Lars’ name flashes across the screen.
“Hey,” I answer, wincing at the high, fake quality of my voice.
“Hey. By some miracle I managed a lunch break today, so I thought I’d call and see how you’re feeling.”
“I’m okay,” I assure him, doing my best to sound normal. “I just woke up, and I was about to take a shower.”
“You just woke up?” I can hear the concern rolling off Lars, and it makes me smile.
“I’m fine, I promise. I just slept like shit last night; there was too much on my mind.”
“Work stuff?” he asks.
“Yeah.” The lie tastes sour on my tongue. I never lie to Lars, not even stupid little white lies most people tell their partners. In the thirty-five years I’ve known him, this is the first lie I’ve ever told, and I don’t like it at all. But, I need to get my head around whatever is going on before I dump it on Lars.
“Why don’t you take it easy today? I’ll make a nice dinner for us when I get home.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I argue. “You’re working all day, and I’m home. I should cook.”
“Jonah.” His stern tone makes my cock thicken against my leg, threatening to add to the mess I’m already covered in. “You take it easy today, and I’ll make dinner when I get home.”
“Yes.” I bite my tongue against the urge to add the word master to the end of the sentence. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? “I’ll see you tonight.”
Lars
Frowning with concern, I set my phone down on my desk and reach for the sandwich Seb ran out to grab me. Jonah sounded off, not sick necessarily—usually, he sounds more tired and raspy when he’s sick—but not quite right. Add that to sleeping half the day, and I’m honestly worried. He had such an odd tone when he answered the phone, almost guilty. And I can’t put my finger on it, but even the yes he said in agreement to taking it easy trailed off like he wanted to add something but was holding himself back. One of the things I’ve always loved about Jonah, even before we were together, is that the man can’t hold anything back if he tries. He’s an open book, at least he always has been with me.
“Hey, Doc,” Seb peeks his head into the office, and I shake off the paranoid train of thought. “Mind if I hide in here and eat with you? I’m afraid if I eat where the receptionist can see me, she’ll keep running back to ask me to take phone calls from clients who are so dumb they disprove Darwin’s entire theory of evolution.”
I laugh and wave at the empty spot at the end of my desk.
“You can’t possibly have had a client dumber than Mrs. Black last week, who was worried her dogs were stuck together, even when I told her that was going to happen when she was breeding them. She said she was going to throw hot dogs at them to get them to separate before hanging up the phone on me.”
“That was pretty dumb,” he concedes. “But I just had a woman with a couple of cats infested with fleas; when I told her which treatment to apply, she said she won’t use that brand because, and I quote, they test it on kittens. Dude, it’s a product for cats and kittens, who the fuck else should they test it on?”
I nearly choke on the bite of sandwich I just took I’m laughing so hard. Seb joins in my laughter, and we trade a few more dumb client stories while we eat.
“So, did you and Jonah have fun at Pride yesterday?” he asks once we’re cleaning up our lunches and bracing for the rest of the afternoon.
“Yeah, it was great. I think Jonah got a little overheated, but it was a great time.”
“Told you,” he crows.
“Did you have fun with the guy you picked up?”
“Oh yeah, he had a giant dick and knew how to use it.” Seb waggles his eyebrows, and I shake my head.
“Charming.”
“Don’t be jealous.”
“Believe me, I’m not jealous. Jonah keeps me more than satisfied,” I assure him with a smirk.
“In that case, that threesome is still on the table.”
“Not gonna happen, Seb. Now, stop picturing me and Jonah naked, and go get stuff prepped for afternoon appointments.”
“You’re no fun,” he complains jokingly before heading out into the treatment area to gather vaccines and other necessary items for our upcoming patients.
“Honey, I’m home,” I call out with an exaggerated tone, kicking my shoes off and going in search of Jonah to check how he’s feeling.
I find him in the living room with his computer on his lap. As soon as he sees me, he slams it closed, his cheeks pinking and his smile nervous.
“I didn’t realize how late it was. The day sure flies when you sleep until noon,” he says, setting his laptop on the coffee table and standing to greet me. I notice a slight bulge in the front of his pants, and I quirk an eyebrow at him.
“You know you don’t have to hide porn from me. We can even watch it together if you’ve got something interesting pulled up.” I cross the room and step into his arms, his blush deepening.
“Oh, no, I wasn’t…”
His denial draws me up short, and the sickening realization hits me that for the first time in our lives Jonah is lying to me. But why?
“Oh, okay,” I force a smile to hide my hurt and confusion. Jonah’s arms tighten around me, his nose pressing against the top of my head as his body melts against mine, even if he is much larger than I am. “What do you want for dinner?”
“How about spaghetti? I can make the garlic bread if you want to make the rest,” he suggests, giving me a tighter squeeze before letting me go.
“Sounds good. Let me get changed, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
Jonah nods and steps back, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he looks at me with uncertainty.
“It was a porn rabbit hole I fell down. You know, weird shit that you don’t really even want to see but can’t help being a little curious about.”
I smile, the knot in my chest easing.
“Well, thank you for sparing me that, then.”
He gives me a jerky nod before turning and heading for the kitchen.