Chapter 8
Jonah
I pace outside Kinky Closet, trying to work up my nerve to go in. For the past two weeks, I’ve driven past the shop every night on my way home from work. A few days, I’ve even idled in the parking lot for an undetermined amount of time, trying to work up the courage to go inside. And I can tell Lars is starting to wonder why I’ve been late getting home so often recently.
I’m sure to anyone inside watching, I look like a crazy person. It’s a sex shop, and I’m a grown man; this shouldn’t be a big deal. And normally it wouldn’t be. But knowing what’s in there, I can’t get my heart to stop thumping erratically or my palms to stop sweating. After spotting the shop, I went on their website and confirmed that they do in fact have puppy stuff in there. So close, but so fucking intimidating.
“Just go in, take a look, and leave. No big deal,” I pep talk myself. “It won’t be any different than looking at the hoods and stuff online.”
With one more deep breath, I push through the door and step into the shop.
“Hi,” the small man behind the counter greets me with a friendly smile. “Can I help you find anything today?” I give a quick shake of my head and a half smile that earns me an understanding look. “If you change your mind and have any questions, let me know.”
I turn away from him, heading deeper into the shop, and there it is, hanging innocently on the back wall alongside a number of other accessories—collars, knee pads, mittens, toys—but right now, the only thing I can see is the hood. My heart gives one of those odd flutters again, my hands shaking as I slowly make my way toward the display.
I glance around to see if anyone is watching me and realize no one else is in the store right now. I look back at the employee and find him leaning against the counter, thumbing through his phone like he couldn’t care less about what kinky shit I’m here looking for. And I’m sure he can’t. He works in a sex shop for fuck’s sake; I’m sure he’s seen it all.
The pleasant scent of leather lingers in the air around the display as I near it. When I come to a stop in front of it, my knees tremble, practically knocking together, and my breath is coming so fast I’m a little concerned I’m about to pass out from lack of oxygen.
I reach out an unsteady hand and when my fingers brush against the smooth material of the hood, a rush of excitement zips through me like an electric shock. To my surprise and slight horror, my cock begins to perk up as my fingertips dance along the muzzle and around the eyeholes, mapping the topography of it.
“You can try it on if you want.” The voice makes me jump, nearly knocking the entire display off the wall.
“Oh, I don’t…” I shake my head quickly as I look over my shoulder to find the employee a few feet away.
“Here, let me help,” he offers gently, stepping around me and pulling the hood down. “I like this one a lot too. I used to have a more full coverage hood, but it made me feel a bit claustrophobic. So, I went without a hood for a long time after that, until we got these in, and I couldn’t get over how cute and perfect they were. I special ordered one with pink markings on it though to match my pink leash and harness I have at home.”
“You…” I lick my lips and watch as he holds the hood out to me. “You’re a pup?”
His smile widens, and he nods. I eye the hood, willing myself to reach out and take it from him, try it on like he’s suggesting, but terrified of how I’ll feel, how much I’ll like it. His smile stutters a little.
“Did I misread this? Are you a handler, not a pup?” he frowns, looking apologetic as he lowers the proffered hood.
“No,” I answer quickly, nearly grabbing it from him before he can take it away. “No, I am…I’m a pup.” The words come out barely above a whisper but as soon as they’re past my lips, a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders and an even heavier one settles in the pit of my stomach. It feels a lot like coming out, except this time I’m terrified of what Lars will think when I tell him.
The man smiles again as I finally take the hood from him and put it over my head.
It’s a bit like wearing a Halloween mask, the smooth material against my face, my peripheral vision wanting to dart to the edges of the eyeholes as I get used to it. But it’s not difficult to breathe like I expected it to be.
“Here, take a look,” he offers, putting a hand on my shoulder and turning me around.
My breath catches, and my eyes go wide as I look at myself in the floor length mirror.
“I look so…cute.”
He giggles. “You really do.”
I’m not sure how long I stand there staring at myself, but he doesn’t say a word, just stands beside me, smiling at my reflection with me. Eventually, I take the hood off and find myself feeling oddly cold with it off.
“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked your name.”
“Adrian. And if you make a Rocky joke, I’ll punch you in the balls,” he warns, and I laugh.
“I’m Jonah, and if you make a joke about a whale, I’ll punch you in the balls,” I counter.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jonah. Do you want help picking out any other accessories?”
“No, just the hood today.”
Adrian leads me up to the register to check me out, placing the hood into a plain box and then into an opaque plastic bag without any sort of distinctive name or markings on it. There’s no way anyone looking at it would know what’s inside, but I’m still sweating bullets as I step outside with my purchase.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I get home and don’t see Lars’ car in the driveway. But I still call out as I step inside, just in case. When I don’t get any answer, I hurry to the guest bedroom and open the closet, shifting a few things around on the top shelf to make room for my bag and then stashing it away so Lars won’t stumble across it.
Then, to ease my guilt, I go to the kitchen to start cooking dinner. All the while, my mind lingers on the hood hidden in the closet, begging to be tried on again.
Lars
Jonah fidgets through dinner, playing with his food more than eating it, and I have to bite my tongue a few times against the urge to sternly demand he settle and eat. His gaze flicks to me frequently, and I could almost swear there’s something he wants to say but can’t seem to find the words.
“Everything okay?” I check.
“Fine,” he answers entirely too quickly, ticking my concern higher. The rift that has formed between us is still sitting heavy on me, and I don’t know how to breach it.
Reaching across the table, I place my hand over his, letting the warmth of his skin seep into mine and offer comfort. It seems to be doing the same for him, because he slowly calms and some of the worry behind his eyes turns softer.
“If something’s not fine, you can tell me.”
“I know,” he assures me, leaning over the table slightly as if his body unconsciously wants to be closer to mine. He shifts in his seat once more, his eyes going to mine. My heart stutters when I find fear and uncertainty there. Not overwhelmingly so, but I’ve known him my entire life, and I can read him better than anyone.
The only other time I’ve seen this expression on his face was when he was trying to figure out how to come out to me. I knew for months before he actually spoke the words, but I didn’t want to push him before he was ready to say them on his own.
“JJ, do you remember what I said to you when we were fifteen? The night of the homecoming dance when you were trying to come out to me and chickened out?”
Jonah’s eyes widen a fraction, and he nods. “You said that whatever it was, it wouldn’t change what we have and that I could tell you when I was ready.”
I brush my thumb against the back of his hand, leaning over the table toward him and brushing a strand of his copper hair off his forehead and back into place.
“I meant it then, and it still holds true now. You and me? We’re forever. That was true then, and it’s even more true now. Whatever it is that you’re afraid to tell me, just know that whenever you’re ready, it won’t change anything.”
Jonah drops his gaze, and his hand stiffens under mine.
“How can you be so sure? What if it does change things?”
My heart beats faster, fear mixing with curiosity. I knew there was something he’s been hiding the past few days, but to hear him all but confirm it…
“Impossible,” I assure him with more confidence than I feel before pressing our lips together to let the familiar taste and feel of him ease my worry.
When we part, Jonah is visibly more relaxed, but no less distracted. I resolve to give him time to find the words for whatever it is he wants to tell me and not push him.