Rose
Two months later …
A rooftop party on a swelteringly hot Saturday afternoon is the last place I want to be. There are so many people here, and their constant chatter is deafening. I’m shocked that we have such a large turnout considering most people abandon the city every weekend until Labor Day.
But the party is in full swing and there’s no indication it’s slowing down anytime soon. I’ve been at it since first thing this morning, helping with the setup, making sure everything arrived and everyone was staying on task. I didn’t quit Fleur. I came back because I couldn’t leave. And with this stupid party, even though I’ve been feeling like crap, somehow Daddy convinced me to help and I reluctantly agreed.
I hate that I caved so easily. I’ve straight up lost my balls—I can totally imagine Lily saying this—since I returned from London and now that I haven’t felt well, these last few weeks especially, I seem to let everyone take advantage of me.
It’s awful. I’m worse than I was before. It’s as if I’ve faded into the background.
“Are you feeling all right? You look pale.” I turn to find Lily standing before me, a concerned look on her face. She looks gorgeous as usual in a thin white sundress, her skin a golden tan, her long, blond hair up and showing off her gorgeous, perfectly made-up face. Grandma would be proud.
Too bad she’s not here. She wouldn’t show up because Pilar is the force behind this particular get-together. Grandma refuses to mix with Pilar in “polite company,” as she calls it. Smart move. At least someone has the courage to tell Pilar to fuck off, albeit in the most polite way possible.
I smile wanly. “It’s the heat. I hate being in the city in August. You know how I get.” Total excuse. When I was ten I fainted. Once. It was hot as hell and at the tail end of summer, and I collapsed on the sidewalk right in front of the Fleur building. I milked that incident for all it was worth, too, and Daddy fell for it every single time.
Not anymore, though, I guess. When I mentioned my aversion to heat, he brushed me off, then begged me to help. Violet’s not around, he told me. Lily doesn’t know the meaning of the words help and work. Could you put it together, Rosie girl? Please?
He calls me “Rosie girl” only when he’s trying to get something out of me. It worked this time. It works all the time. I’m a complete sucker for my daddy. I only ever want to please him, no matter how much he doesn’t seem to care whether I’m really happy or not.
So here I am, representing Fleur at a so-called summer soiree originally put together by Pilar. She’s here, hanging on Daddy’s arm, looking smug and also constantly checking her watch. They’re leaving early so they can get some time in at our family’s summer-house in the Hamptons, Pilar’s new favorite place to go.
A house I visited only once this summer because hello, Pilar is there.
God, I hate her.
“You’re wearing the necklace.” Lily’s fingers graze the stones of the Poppy Necklace. “It looks good with your dress. Does it kill Pilar that you have this?”
I pull my head out of the clouds—a place I seem to visit a lot lately—and focus on her. I’m wearing the necklace because it makes me feel closer to Caden. As stupid as that sounds since the man almost stole the damn thing, it’s the truth. “I don’t care what she thinks. Not like it’s really mine anyway. I’m returning it to Grandma when she comes home.”
Our grandmother escapes the city entirely in the summer and spends her days sitting on her porch in the Hamptons, taking in the sun and the salty sea breeze. Says it’s good for her complexion.
No one argues with her. Not even our diligent sunscreen wearer Violet.
Lily touches my arm, her delicate brows lowering. “Oh, my God. Your skin is clammy, Rosie. I swear, you look like you might faint.”
That’s because I feel like I just might. Glancing around, I see a few empty chairs at a nearby table and I hurry over, practically collapsing into one of them. Lily follows me, pulling the other chair close before she sits in it, staring at me as if I’ve grown two heads.
“Tell me what’s wrong. Are you sick?” she asks.
I laugh weakly. I wish. No, I’m not sick, not in the way she’s thinking. Not that I can tell her the truth. Not yet. This has been my secret to bear and it’s a doozy. “I’ve been working too hard, getting this party put together. I think … I’m just tired.”
Lily’s lips firm into a straight line. “I still can’t believe you helped out with this party. You hate Pilar.” She looks over her shoulder, presumably making sure Pilar isn’t anywhere close, before she starts talking again. “What happened to you quitting anyway?”
I keep my gaze fixed on my knees, plucking at the fabric of my pale pink dress, the necklace weighing heavily around my neck, my legacy heavy on my heart. I told Lily all about my grand plans when I first came back from London, all fired up and ready to set out on my own. I’d been angry, so furious at Caden’s abandonment and that shitty, awful letter he left me. It had given me an inkling of hope. He said he loved me. I truly believed he would cave and contact me. I figured he just needed some time.
But no. There were no calls, no texts, no emails, no in-person confrontations. Nothing. He disappeared as if he’d never existed and at times, late at night when I’m exhausted and can’t sleep, lying in my bed and staring at the ceiling, going over every single moment I spent with Caden in London, I wonder if I did imagine our time together.
I know the truth, though. I have undeniable proof that our time together happened.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I say miserably. “If I quit, where would I go? What would I do? I couldn’t find a job elsewhere, like at a rival company or whatever. Daddy would’ve been so mad. I would’ve never heard the end of it.”
“Oh, screw him,” Lily says bitterly. “I’ve disappointed him time and again, yet here I am, hanging out at another Fleur party and wishing I’d never showed up. He said a few choice words to me when I first arrived and so did that bitch girlfriend of his, but I sent her a look that said I would cut her in an instant if she so much as breathed another word to me. She shut up after that. So did he.” Lily sighs and shakes her head.
I smile, wishing I could laugh. I can’t remember the last time I laughed. My misery has hung over me like a dark cloud and everyone can see it. Most choose to ignore it, though. “I’ve always been envious of the fact that you can basically do what you want.”
Her smile is fleeting, her eyes full of sadness. “What makes you think I can? I’m just as controlled by him as you and Violet. He just chooses to do it in a different way. I’m the shunned one. The outcast. At least you’re the favorite.”
“I am not,” I say indignantly. I can’t believe she thinks that. “Violet is the favored one.”
“And she’d tell you I’m the favored one. So there you have it. We’re all pretty much screwed.” She smiles grimly.
A wave of nausea hits me and I rest my hand on my stomach, feeling it clench. Oh, God. I think I’m going to be sick. I tried my best to curb it all day, drinking ginger ale whenever I got a chance and making sure saltines were always nearby. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I mumble as I leap out of my chair, escaping the party as fast as possible.
“Rosie, wait!” Lily follows after me but I can’t stop. My stomach is pitching and roiling like a ship in a violent storm and I push open the women’s bathroom door with a loud bang, collapsing on my knees in front of the toilet in one of the stalls just in time.
“Jesus,” Lily breathes, coming up behind me. “Rosie?”
I’m too busy throwing my guts up to answer her. Not that I have much coming up. I haven’t really eaten much the last few days. The floor is cool on my knees and I brace my hands on the edge of the toilet, gasping and spitting and generally feeling like a total ass. The necklace dangles from my neck and I rest my hand over the front of it, not wanting to get anything on it.
So gross.
Lily rubs my back, pulling back my hair when I bend back over the toilet to retch one last time. The wave of nausea leaves as fast as it came and I fall against the cool metal wall of the toilet stall, pressing my forehead to it and closing my eyes.
“Rose.” My big sister’s voice is stern. She’s rarely tried to pull her authority on me, even when we were young. I’m the annoying baby sister she didn’t want to deal with, especially when she went through her wild years. But right now I can tell she means business. “You need to tell me what’s going on. This is beyond feeling tired and overheated. Are you drunk?”
I laugh weakly, but it hurts my stomach so I stop. “I wish I were drunk,” I mutter. I could drown all my sorrows in booze. But that’s not happening.
Blowing out a frustrated sigh, Lily reaches over and flushes the toilet before she grabs hold of me under my arms. “Come on, let’s get you over to the sink so you can wash up.”
I let her lead me there and I wash my face, then rinse out my mouth as best I can. Lily presses a stick of gum into my palm and I thank her gratefully, relieved that the strong minty gum nixes all bad flavors in my mouth with a few chews.
Lily fixes my hair and whips out a lipstick from her purse, slicking it on my lips for me. I let her take care of me, thankful someone is doing it because for far too long, I’ve been taking care of myself. Watching out for myself. For those blissful weeks I had someone take care of me, comfort me, and I miss it.
I miss him. Caden.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“You want something to eat?” Lily asks once she’s finished putting me back together.
I make a face and shake my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Something to drink, then. Maybe a little wine to calm your nerves?”
“I can’t.” I press my lips together, not wanting to give my secret away. “I’m trying to stay off alcohol.”
Lily’s eyes narrow and she studies me for a long, nerve-wracking time. “Why?” she asks skeptically.
“Because it’s bad for your skin.” I shrug.
“Honey, if that’s the case where you’re concerned, I’d recommend you chug a bottle of the stuff because your skin looks terrible right now. You’re so pale, and you have dark circles here.” She runs her finger below one eye, then the other. “And here.”
I bat her hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” She rests her hands on her hips, her expression one of pure skepticism. She doesn’t believe anything I’m saying and I can’t really blame her. I’m a terrible liar.
More than anything, I don’t want to lie to Lily. I want to tell her the truth. Then I won’t feel so alone anymore.
Turning away from her, I start for the door. “I’d better get out there. I’m sure Daddy needs my help with … something.”
“He’ll survive.” She follows after me, I can hear the click of her heels, but I don’t look back. I exit the bathroom and start for the door that leads back out to the party but she grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving her.
“Tell me what’s going on, Rosie. Spill.” I try to pull out of her hold, but she won’t let me go. “And if you don’t tell me, I’m going straight to Dad and telling him something’s up with you.”
“You wouldn’t.” I glare.
She raises a brow. “Try me.”
Damn it. She will. Lily plays dirty. She always has. Glancing around, I step closer to her, lowering my voice almost to a whisper. “You have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Not even Violet.”
Her brows go up. I’ve surprised her. “So Violet doesn’t know your deep, dark secret?”
“This is not a laughing matter. Promise me, Lily.”
“Fine. I get it. I promise.”
I haven’t uttered these words out loud yet and suddenly I’m scared. What if Lily breaks her promise? God, what if she runs off and tells our father? I will flip the fuck out. “I’m …” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, exhaling shakily before I open them and force the words out. “I’m pregnant.”
Lily’s eyes are so wide I swear they’re going to bug out of her head. “Are you serious?”
“No, I made it up. April fool’s.” I roll my eyes. “Yes, I’m serious. I’m almost nine weeks along.”
She covers her mouth with her hand, slowly shaking her head again and again. “Ah, Rosie. How did this happen? When exactly are you due? Who’s the father?” Realization dawns at the exact moment she says that and I know she knows.
I start to open my mouth but clamp my lips shut. There’s no use explaining or arguing. What’s done is done.
Lily snaps her fingers. “This doesn’t have anything to do with that guy Violet asked me about a couple months ago? The one you were messing around with in London?” I must give myself away because she starts shaking her head. “You’re pregnant with Caden Kingsley’s baby? Oh, my GOD!”
“Sshh.” I glance around, thankful no one’s near. At least we’re having this conversation near the bathrooms. Why does everything seem to happen by the bathrooms? “Say it a little louder so everyone outside can hear you. God.”
“Rose! This is crazy. Does he know? You have to tell him. Make that scumbag pay, because he owes you.”
“Stop it. He’s not a scumbag and he doesn’t owe me anything. I’m the one who owes him—an explanation. I haven’t told him because I don’t know where he is.”
“He can’t be that hard to find,” she says drolly. “I’ve heard his mom is in Miami. Maybe we need to start there.”
Miami? I frown. Caden never mentioned Miami to me ever.
“And no one else knows? Daddy is going to lose it when he finds out.”
I really don’t need the reminder. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. I do. But it’s so hard when I’m feeling so awful and Caden is not around. I miss him. I want him back. He deserves to know he’s going to be a father.
He will also probably freak the fuck out when he finds out he’s going to be a father.
“Have you considered having a …” Lily flicks her chin, looking uncomfortable. “An abortion?”
“No,” I say vehemently. “I’m not against them. They have their place. But … I can’t do it. I know it’ll be hard being a single mom, but I want this baby.”
“You’re just so young. I don’t know what I would do if I found out I was having a baby. I’d be the worst mother ever.” Lily laughs, but it doesn’t sound sincere. More like it sounds sad.
“You don’t know that, Lily. And you can test out your mothering skills on your future niece or nephew.”
She slaps her hand over her mouth again, tears springing to her eyes just before she hauls me into her arms and hugs me tight. “If you need me, I’m here for you,” she whispers. “Whatever you want, I’ll come over whenever. You can’t go through this alone. And you need to tell Violet.”
Violet will kill me. She will hit me with I told you so and all of those other annoying statements I don’t want to hear at the moment. I’m beating myself up quite well on my own, thank you very much. “Not yet,” I tell Lily. “Give me time to work up to it.”
“Lily Fowler, is that you?” A booming, gravelly male voice asks and my sister and I spring away from each other, Lily hurriedly wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Of course, she looks beautiful while crying, her hazel eyes this brilliant color, while I’m a red-nosed freak. Sometimes I really hate my sister.
But right now, I love her more than anyone else I know. She wants to help me. And I need her. More than I want to admit.
“Cash, is that you? Oh my God!” Lily squeals as she runs and throws herself into a man’s arms and he clasps them tight around her waist, picking her up off her feet as he spins her around. He’s older, much older, with very tan skin and very white hair and wearing a pair of thick-rimmed black glasses that somehow look good on him.
“Baby girl, it has been far too long since I’ve seen your pretty face. How have you been?” He squeezes her again and I assess his age as at least seventy. Possibly older. I really, really hope this isn’t one of Lily’s ex-boyfriends. I wouldn’t put it past her, but if she messed around with this guy?
Ick. He’s probably older than our dad.
“I’m doing well,” she says as he sets her back on her feet and she releases her hold on him. “How about you? You look great, Cash.”
They make small talk and I try to sneak past them, but Lily’s having none of it. “Have you met my baby sister, Rose?” She snags my hand and stops me so I’m standing right next to her. “Rose, this is Cash. We’ve known each other, oh, what? Since forever?” She laughs, her gaze meeting mine. “An old boyfriend of mine introduced us a few years ago when we were out in Miami. We’ve stayed in loose contact ever since, huh, Cash?”
Miami again. Weird coincidence.
“Why, no, I haven’t had the good fortune to meet your sister yet. Though I’ve heard plenty about her.” He turns toward me, his smile wide, his teeth blindingly white. He’s a good-looking man, if a bit plastic, as if he’s been well preserved. But his warmth is genuine and I take his offered hand, which he shakes vigorously. “A pleasure. And aren’t you a pretty little thing? All you Fowler girls are beautiful, almost as beautiful as that pretty necklace you’ve got around your neck, Rose.”
I reach up, touching the stones absently. I regret wearing it. All I can think of is Caden.
Of course, I think of him always, necklace or not.
“Oh, stop trying to flatter us, you big flirt,” Lily teases good-naturedly.
“Hey, hey, no flirting allowed. I’ve given it up for good. I’m here tonight with my new lady friend.” His smile grows wider if that’s possible. “She’s a real beauty, Lil. You’d like her. A little ditzy, but I think that’s my favorite quality of hers.”
They both laugh and I try to do the same, but I just can’t. It’s as if I’m … broken inside. Nothing’s funny, and I feel so crappy it’s all I can focus on. I’m also thirsty. As in, my throat has turned into the Sahara Desert. I’m about to excuse myself to go in search of something to drink when the women’s bathroom door opens and a beautiful older woman glides through it, a serene smile on her face, her eyes lighting up when she spots Cash.
“Darling.” She comes toward us and stops at his side. Cash slips his arm around her waist and pulls her in close, sending her a look of pure adulation.
Seeing it makes my heart hurt. Caden used to look at me like that.
“This is my lady friend, Cora. Rose and Lily Fowler, meet Cora Kingsley.” Cash sends me a knowing look that confuses me for a brief moment.
Until I get it.
My head spins and everything starts to fade. Cora smiles at me—God, I recognize that smile—and reaches out her hand to shake mine. But I don’t grab it. I feel like I’m frozen. My ears are roaring with my thundering heartbeat and I hear Lily call my name, but she sounds so far away.
“Rose. Rosie!” I hear just before my eyes roll to the back of my head.
And I collapse on the floor.