Chapter 11
"What does my seeing the wife of a friend of yours have to do with any of this?" she asked him.
"Afiya King is married to Garrett King and she is a plus sized woman who is not ashamed of who she is. There is also another wife of a friend of mine by the name of Aaliyah who is married to the banker Edward who is also a member of my club."
"Why?" she asked him.
"Why what?"
"Why are you interested in what I do?"
His gray eyes met hers for a moment and then looked down at their joined hands. "I thought it was pretty obvious."
"No, it’s not, so tell me."
He lifted one of her hands to his lips and kissed it briefly. "I have been asking myself over and over again why I feel the way I do about you. When I am away from you, I cannot wait until I see you and when I see you it is like I am home." He turned her hand over and looked at the palm. "I am in love with you," he added quietly as he looked at her.
She pulled her hand away from his and stared at him. "No, you are not."
He smiled slightly at that. "I am." He took back her hand in his. "I am in love with you. I think I knew that when I saw you with my mother that afternoon when you came over." His eyes met hers. "I love you, Sasha, and would like nothing better than for you to become my wife."
She started to tug her hand away but he held on firmly.
"Aren’t you going to say anything?" he asked her softly.
"You are crazy," she told him. "I am not your type, Stephan, and yes, we share something intense and I love the way you make me feel when we are making love, but it will pass."
"Will it? What are you afraid of, Sasha?"
"Who says anything about being afraid?" she scoffed. "As I said before, we are not suited. You are mistaking passion and desire for love and you are not thinking straight. For heaven’s sake, we just met a few months ago!"
"Long enough for me to know how I feel about you. Do you need time? Is that it?" he asked her.
"Do I need –" She rolled her eyes at him. "Stephan, listen to me! I am not going to marry you and I do not need time. We have this amazing connection; please, don’t spoil it by trying to introduce something else into it. We get to be with each other, just leave it at that."
"Why?" he demanded. "Why should we be satisfied with just being together in this fashion? I love you, Sasha, and I am not prepared to hide the fact that I want you in my life on a permanent basis."
She managed to pull away from him and got to her feet. "Then we have a problem," she told him quietly. "Because I am not marrying you. Months from now, you are going to thank me for not agreeing to this spur of the moment admission of yours. I will come here or go to that apartment of yours and we can be together until this thing runs its course, but I am not marrying you." With that, she turned and left the room.
When he went back downstairs a few minutes later, he saw her talking and laughing with his mother. She looked up as he came into the room and then looked away from him. For the rest of the day, she stayed away from him. Dinner was served, and this time she ate, although sparingly, and did not rush away so he knew that she had not gone into the bathroom to get rid of the food. His mother retired soon after and he went with her into her suite to make sure she was settled for the night and stayed a little. He was in no hurry to get back to her. He had poured his heart to her the way he had never done with another woman and she had turned him down flat. He had no idea what to say to her now.
"You can go on and leave me, darling. I will be fine," his mother said as he plumped up her pillows. The nurses had been given the holidays off because he had planned on being home.
"I wanted to spend a little time with you," he said lightly as he pulled up a chair.
"Sasha is waiting," she pointed out.
"We need space from each other."
"You two had a fight." His mother shook her head. "I noticed that there was something wrong when she came back down without you."
"Just a disagreement," he said lightly.
"You need to fix whatever it is that is wrong, darling. I see the way you look at her. She is different from the others, isn’t she?’
"I told her I was in love with her and that I want to marry her."
"Darling, that’s wonderful!"
"She turned me down flat."
"I am sure she is overwhelmed by your proposal and that she will come around."
"She has a problem with her weight and does not see us together."
"Then you are going to have to convince her that she is a beautiful young woman and she has nothing to be ashamed of."
"I am not sure I can do that." Stephan took her hand in his. "We should not be talking about this right now. It is my problem and it will sort itself out. Maybe Sasha is right, maybe it is too soon."
"Do you believe that?" she asked him softly.
"No." He shook his head. "Ever since I saw her with you that afternoon, I somehow knew that she was different from all the women I knew. I don’t know how to make her see it."
"You will. Just don’t give up."
*****
"Is she asleep?" she asked as soon as he came into the room. She was propped up against the pillows as she waited for him. All through the evening she was aware of the tension between them. He had expressed his love for her and offered her marriage and she had turned him down. She was sure that it was a first for him. Any woman in their right mind would have been over the moon to hear that from a man like him! So what was wrong with her?
"Just about." His gray eyes studied her for a moment before going over to the towering dresser to take off his watch. "I don’t think we should see each other again."
The explosive statement had both of them silent as they stared at each other. "Why?" she asked finally.
He pulled the sweater over his head and then the white undershirt. "I think we went into this thing too fast." He tunneled his fingers through his jet black hair and Sasha watched the play of muscles in his arms and chest.
"So you are peeved because I told you that I don’t want to marry you? Is that it?" she demanded.
He laughed briefly. "Maybe." He looked at her. "I have never asked anyone to marry me before. I never told a woman that I was in love with her. What I said stands between us like a wall, Sasha, and I cannot take it back. Maybe we need space."
"For how long?"
"I don’t know." He bit off a sigh. "I have my mother’s illness dealing with and you definitely have a problem that you refuse to deal with. I am not sure I can handle both."
"My ‘problem’ as you put it is just that: mine, and I will deal with it my own way. I will not be forced into doing something that I don’t want to do."
"You mean marrying me?"
She stared at him for a moment. "Maybe. I told you that I am satisfied with us seeing each other for now. Who knows what the future holds?"
"And I am not satisfied with that."
"You are used to getting your own way and when something does not happen for you-" She threw her hands in the air. "I refuse to be bullied, Stephan."
"You think my saying that I love you and wanting to marry you is me bullying you?" he asked her incredulously. "Do you know the amount of women who would jump at the chance of being my wife?" The minute the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it! "I did not mean-"
"Yes, you did," she said heatedly, her dark brown eyes flashing. "And it just proved my point. You are Stephan Coleman! The rich and successful billionaire who causes heads to turn whenever you are out in the public. Everything you touch turns to gold! I am not going to subject myself to the scrutiny of being out in public with you and the speculations. As you said before, I have my issues dealing with and I need to deal with them alone."
He stood there staring at her for a moment before turning away.
"Where are you going?"
"I will be sleeping in one of the other rooms tonight." He turned back to her. "I would appreciate you leaving in the morning."
"Stephan-"
"You are right, Sasha. I had no idea what I was thinking. You are not my type." He left her staring after him, stung by the careless remark!
*****
Sasha peered at herself in the mirror and noticed the redness of her eyes. She had cried herself to sleep last night and had finally drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning. She had kept hoping that he would come back into the room and climb into bed with her and hold her tight, while telling her that it had been a mistake and that he wanted her to stay. She had thought about going to him, but the remark he had made had stung her too much. She had called Uber and they would be there in ten minutes. Enough time for her to go and say goodbye to his mother if she was awake. It was barely seven, but she wanted to leave before he got up. She stepped away from the mirror and went into the room to make sure she had everything and then picking up her overnight case she left the room where she had spent so many hours in his arms! She deliberately pushed it from her mind and made her way downstairs. She dug a pair of sunglasses out of her pocketbook and put it on. A maid hurried forward as soon as she made her way downstairs. "Hi. Is Mrs. Coleman awake by any chance?"
"She is, miss," the woman said with a smile.
"Could you listen for a cab for me? I will just go and say a quick goodbye."
"You are not eating?"
"No. Please just listen out for the cab." Sasha hurried into the suite of rooms, leaving her bag behind. Elizabeth was propped up not the pillows and turned her head as Sasha entered the room.
"My dear, what are you doing up so early?"
Sasha pulled up a chair next to the bed and took her hand. "I am leaving and I wanted to tell you thanks for having me."
"My dear, what on earth happened?"
"Stephan and I-" She shook her head. "It’s between us and I don’t want to burden you with it. I really appreciate the gift and the hospitality. I don’t know if I will be seeing you again, but I want you to take care of yourself."
"You are not saying goodbye," the woman said firmly. "Whatever happened between you and my son can be worked out."
"Not this time." She got to her feet and knew that if she did not leave soon she would be disgracing herself by crying and she had done enough of that last night! She bent forward and kissed the woman’s cheek before stepping back. "Take care, Elizabeth," she said before hurrying from the room.
*****
Upstairs in the bedroom where he had spent the night, Stephan watched as she made her way into the vehicle she had called to pick her up. He had not slept very well and had spent the night twisting and turning this way and that. He had lied to her because his feelings had been hurt, his ego had been pricked! She had told him that she did not want to marry him and she never said she loved him back! He moved away from the window as she looked up before she went into the vehicle. He stood there watching as the taillights disappeared, his expression bleak!
*******
Sasha sat in her living room and stared into her cup of insipid tea for a long time until it got cold. She had reached back two hours ago and just sat there with the cup in her hands. She had not eaten anything and she was not hungry which made it very good for her because she had her weight to think about! She sat there and remembered everything about the time she had spent at the manor. Especially how he had come home from the press party to be with her. "You are going to be missed!" she had told him as he climbed into bed with her.
"Maybe, but I prefer to spend my time here with you," he had told her as he pulled her into his arms.
"You are not seriously thinking of ducking from parties in the future are you?" she had asked him.
"If you are not there with me then the possibility exists that I might," he had told her teasingly.
And another conversation they had had when they were in the huge shower.
"Stephan, stop!" she had cried helplessly as he tickled her.
"I finally found something that you are vulnerable to."
"Who says I am vulnerable?’ she had asked him.
"Let’s see how afraid you are," he had said with a grin as he proceeded to tickle her again.
She blinked as she tried to stop the memories. "You are not my type." The cruel remark reverberated inside her head and caused the tears to come again. With a decisive movement, she got to her feet and went to put the cup away before going into the room to change and get on the treadmill. It did not matter that she had not eaten anything! She was going to do everything to lose the weight!
*****
"I thought you were staying with Stephan Coleman for the holidays," Diana said as she came in and hung up her coat. Sasha had finally called her the next day after contemplating if she should.
"Change of plans," she said briskly as she handed her friend the fat free hot chocolate she had made. Diana tasted it and then grimaced as she followed her into the living room. The heat was turned way up, but there was still a hint of coldness in the air. It had snowed last night and she had spent the night staring at the ceiling not been able to fall asleep.
"What happened?"
Sasha put away the cup and pulled the ragged old blanket that she had had since she was a child around her shoulders. She had taken the weave out and was considering giving it a rest for a little bit. Her natural dark hair was braided and fell across one shoulder. She looked different and somewhat younger. "He asked me to marry him."
Diana stared at the girl in shock! "What?"
"That was kind of my reaction as well," Sasha said with a humorless laugh.
"What did you say?"
"I told him no."
"Why?"
"Because after this thing wears off between us, he is going to regret asking me and telling me that he loves me."
Diana’s eyes went wide. "He told you that he loved you?"
"I forgot to mention that part of it," she said wryly. "He was just going with the mood, Diana. He did not mean a word of it."
"How do you know?"
"Look at me!" she cried. "I am an overweight black woman and he is Stephan Coleman. I have seen him naked, Diana, and trust me when I tell you that no amount of photo with his clothes on does him justice. He has muscles in all the right places, not an ounce of extra fat and believe me when I say that he is absolutely magnificent! I will never be enough for him."
"And yet he told you he loves you and he proposed. How do you know it won’t work?"
"Because when we spoke last he told me that he had made a mistake and that I was not his type." She bit her lip and blinked her eyes.
"You hurt him with your rejection, Sash," her friend said gently. "It is natural for him to lash out."
"I spent last night going over and over in my mind in what universe I could be with him in the open and I could not find it." She picked up the hot chocolate and sipped it, just managing to hide the grimace at the awful taste of it. "I have this problem with the way I am and I am going to have to concentrate everything in dealing with it. I cannot think anything else right now."
"And yet here you are pining. I have never seen you look this way before, honey."
"I will get over it," she said firmly. "Now enough about me! What about you and Brian?"
"We are getting there," Diana hedged. "I am not sure I trust him, Sash, and I am thinking of parting ways with him."
"It’s up to you." Sasha took a deep breath to swallow the lump in her throat. "I have to find a way to forget that I ever met Stephan Coleman!"
*****
Sasha sat in the back seat of the church and concentrated fiercely on the message that was being preached. She had woken up that morning after another sleepless night and had sat on the side of her bed wondering how to go about forgetting him. She had hoped that he would have called at least and had told herself that if he did she would tell him that they could try again, but he had not called and she was not going to call him! So she had gone into the bathroom and taken a long hot shower before coming out of the bathroom and selecting something to wear to services. It had snowed and the place had a startling whiteness to it that hurt the eyes. As she was driving to the sanctuary this morning and looked out at the whiteness of the snow, she had been reminded of the winter wonderland that had been his place and how entranced she had been!
Now she sat in the back and tried not to think of him and what he was doing. She had refused to look on the internet and read any magazines because she did not want to know if he had replaced her. Surely, a man like him would not be alone for very long! The thought of him being with someone else made her insides brittle as if they were about to break! She curled her hands into fists as she stared up at the pulpit. She blinked as she remembered that her mother would have been sitting up there because she had been on the choir. She had spent her childhood listening to her mother’s lovely tenor singing out in the sanctuary. She had been treated to several shows at home. Her mother sang when she did the dishes and when she cooked and she would sit and listen to her entranced. "Oh, Mama!" she whispered. "I have made such a mess!"
*****
Stephan patted his horse’s flank before going around to tie the reins. He had had to get out of the manor. He had told his mother that he would be back later and he had headed to the club. She had asked him about Sasha and he had told her that he did not want to talk about it. He pulled off his gloves and slapped the leather against his thigh as he stared off into the trees. He shivered slightly as a clump of ice fell from the tree he was standing beneath and slid down the sweater he was wearing. He had come close to calling her, but he had stopped himself just in time. He had gone into his bedroom and sat there looking at the crumpled sheets for a long time. With a set look on his face, he pulled on his gloves. It was time for him to move on!