Chapter 14
Rooted to his spot at the edge of Ford’s bedroom, Trevor stared into hazel eyes. “You’re putting us first.”
“That’s what it means to love someone.” Ford’s voice shook, but his gaze never wavered.
Tension drained from Trevor’s muscles. “I’ve always hoped so.”
“Why are you all the way over there? Come back to bed.”
Trevor walked to the edge of the mattress and looked down at the blanket. “My favorite things to watch on TV when I was a kid were those old fifties family shows. Donna Reed, Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best. It was the equivalent of sci fi to me. Just so completely removed from what I saw as real life. I’d watch whenever I could, didn’t matter if it was an episode I’d already seen, and I’d fantasize about what it’d be like to have a family like that. Parents who kissed each other hello and goodbye. Warm cookies and dinner table conversations about everyone’s day.” He looked up. “Being somebody’s most important priority.”
“Trevor,” Ford said hoarsely. He climbed to his knees and reached his hand out. “Come over here.” He placed his free hand on his stomach. “Please.”
“I’m okay.” Trevor smiled as he climbed onto the bed and knelt before Ford. “I’m not that kid anymore. I just wanted you to understand how much what you’re doing means to me.”
Ford circled his arms around Trevor’s waist and pressed their foreheads together. “That kid never goes away. He just finds a place to sit inside our big adult bodies and then he comes out every once in a while to remind us to take care of him.”
“That’s…” Trevor rubbed his nose against Ford’s and gently bit his chin. “I don’t know what it is. Sad, maybe?”
“No, not sad. Or at least it doesn’t have to be sad.” Ford laid back down, pulled Trevor with him, and then snuggled close, wedging his knee between Trevor’s thighs and caressing his hip. “I promise to take care of the little boy inside you.”
Trevor chuckled. “That little boy grew up into a man who can take care of himself, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Well, I’ll stand beside that grown-up man and hold his hand while he takes care of himself. How about that?”
Pressing his lips to Ford’s, Trevor kissed and mumbled, “I’m being a jerk and ruining a romantic moment, aren’t I?”
“Not a jerk.” Ford tilted his head and opened his mouth, taking the kiss deeper. He sucked on Trevor’s tongue and moaned before pulling away, his breath coming out in fast bursts. “You’re doing what you’re used to doing. It’ll take time to learn to lean on someone if you’re used to going it alone.” Ford paused and crinkled his forehead, as if he was thinking about something. “It’s probably even harder if you’ve never seen that type of relationship modeled.”
“You know, it’s funny. I think I have seen it modeled, just not the way I thought it should be.”
“Should I ask what you mean? I know how tight-lipped you are about your parents.”
“See? That’s exactly my point.” Trevor adjusted his pillow, straightened the blanket over them, and settled in for a middle-of-the-night talk. “I’m not their biggest fan, haven’t been since I was young, but I never tell anyone that and I never, ever talk about them.”
“Why?”
“Good question.” Trevor nodded. “It was the number one rule in our house. What we did stayed between the three of us. Nobody else could be trusted ever for any reason. The thing is, as much as I resented it, I also knew it was true, but I never thought about what it meant until recently.”
“I don’t think I’m following.”
“My parents don’t have a marriage like Ozzie and Harriett.” He looked at Ford meaningfully.
It took several long moments but eventually Ford’s eyes widened in surprise and he gasped. “You don’t mean infidelity?” He whispered the word, like it was too horrible to speak.
“God, you’re sweet.” Trevor sighed happily. “Yes, I mean infidelity.”
“They were cheating on each other and you knew about it?”
“Remember what I said about the number one rule?”
“What you did stayed between the three of you.”
“That’s right. The three of us. They weren’t having affairs in the way people usually think of them. They always told one another about them before they did anything so they could protect each other from whoever they were sleeping with. I remember more than one situation where the other man or the other woman tried to raise trouble and my parents were a united front making sure they stayed quiet.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Neither did I. Well, I did and then I didn’t. When I was really young, I had no idea what it meant when they slept on completely opposite sides of the house or when I’d sneak a peek at someone leaving one of their bedrooms, so I thought it was normal.”
“That’s horrible.”
Trevor shrugged. “That was our life. I don’t think they realized I saw them, but…” He arched his eyebrows and let out a long breath. “Anyway, time passed, I got older, and eventually I understood what was going on in those rooms. I think that’s when I started realizing our family was different. We didn’t match those TV models of relationships and it made me sad. Fast-forward a few years after that and I went from sad to angry. I was sure my parents couldn’t love each other if they kept sleeping around and the only thing they ever talked about was the next election or my dad’s job.”
“It’s amazing this hasn’t come out. Keeping secrets when you live life in the public eye and have people digging into every closet is nearly impossible.”
“Like I said, they’re a united front. They’re both also brilliant and hyper-focused on the same goal—politics. They won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of that goal.”
“Which is why you dislike politics so much.”
“I loathe it,” Trevor corrected. He sighed. “Look, Ford, I’ll be honest with you, I don’t understand this path you’ve chosen. To me, it looks like a bunch of power hungry, vicious people fighting over moving a giant rock two inches to the left or to the right—exhausting and pointless.”
“It isn’t pointless.” Ford shook his head. “Politics matter. Why do you think people donate all that money and search for reasons to smear the other guy? They do it because most aspects of our lives are determined by politics. Health care, education, national security, business ownership, jobs, the military, all of them are impacted by political leaders who represent every single citizen in this country. In our society everyone has a voice in directing the issues that impact them, which is amazing.”
Trevor might never agree with Ford, but he respected his opinion and admired his enthusiasm. “Maybe you’re right.” He cupped Ford’s cheek and softly moved his fingertips from side to side. “Either way, I understand the sacrifices, the time, and the lifestyle that go along with holding public office. I told you I only recently realized something, and that’s that my parents do love each other. They don’t have the kind of relationship I want, but they do have a strong relationship, a deep commitment. It’s the two of them—” He paused and considered his family. “The two of them and me against the world. I didn’t grow up with parents like yours, but I’m not walking into this relationship with blinders on. I know what it is to put someone else’s goals first and I understand what it means to protect that person above all else. So, yes, I hate politics, but if that’s your dream, I’ll do anything I can to support you in it.”
Rather than responding right away, Ford raised his hand to Trevor’s cheek and caressed him, mimicking his position. “That’s one of my dreams. It was handed down to me by my dad who inherited it from his dad and, from what I’ve been told, it goes back even further. The Hollingsworths have a long history of public service; it’s our family business so to speak. I was raised knowing how important it was and watching my dad plan to go further and do more. I always thought he’d be president one day, and when I was really little, I thought I would too. When I realized I was gay, I was terrified that’d ruin my dreams. How could I ever be the man my father was if everyone thought I was a sinner?” Ford shook his head. “Nobody would believe in me.”
“The world’s changed a lot since then, Ford. So has the political landscape. You have options.”
“That might be true. I was brought up to believe God didn’t give a man more than he could handle so I figured the road I’d chosen would be difficult, but not impossible. And so far, I’ve been right. I’m thirty-seven years old and I’m a congressman for the great state of Missouri. That puts me right on track work-wise.” Ford gazed at Trevor, his expression serious. “But this career is just one of my dreams and it’s not the most important one.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips over Trevor’s. “You want to know my other dream?”
“Yes.” Trevor wanted to know every single wish and hope Ford had so he could make them come true.
“Well, when I was that little boy watching my father and thinking I’d be president one day, I also saw how he was with my mom. I saw the love they had, the devotion and commitment to each other and to our family and I wanted that. I dreamt of growing up to be a good husband just as much as I dreamt of growing up to be a good president, and when I realized I was gay, the worst part wasn’t being scared of losing an election and it wasn’t even being worried about disappointing my family. The worst part was thinking I’d have to live my life alone because I’ll tell you, back then, being an openly gay husband seemed a fair bit less plausible than being a secretly gay president.”
Trevor’s heart slammed against his ribs and his lungs worked overtime. “Like I just said, the world’s changed a lot since then. So has the political landscape.” He licked his lips and looked Ford straight in the eyes. “You have options.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” Trevor nodded.
“You understand what I mean, right? Marriage isn’t just words on a license to me. It’s not only a legal contract. Marriage is a holy covenant.”
“I understand.”
His voice getting louder and his words coming faster, Ford said, “Entering into that covenant means taking vows before God and I won’t do that unless I mean every word. That’s why I haven’t been willing to date women. Even if I could lie to them or to myself, I won’t lie to God.”
“I hear you. I don’t share your beliefs, but I respect you for having them.”
“The only way for me to be truthful in marriage vows is if I’m saying them to someone I genuinely want to share my body and my soul with.” Ford trembled. “That’s commitment, fidelity, and loyalty no matter what.”
“I get it, honey.” Trevor couldn’t hold in his smile in reaction to the picture Ford made—red-faced, bumbling, and nervous. “I want to put you out of your misery here, but you told me you’d been having this dream of being a husband since you were a kid and, knowing you, that probably included a very traditional vision of a proposal.” And Trevor doubted Ford’s childhood fantasy involved his bride popping the question. He couldn’t be a woman in a white dress walking down the aisle to meet Ford, but he’d do the best he could to sit back and let Ford play the role he’d always hoped for but hadn’t considered possible. “The last thing I want to do is take away your chance to do this just like you’d imagined.”
“I didn’t expect this.” Ford sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t have anything planned. I didn’t buy a r—” He swallowed hard. “I’m not prepared.”
“I showed up at your house in the middle of the night and threw a lot of things at you. Of course you didn’t have a plan ready to go.” Trevor rubbed Ford’s thigh. “But there’s no rush, okay? I’ll wait as long as you need. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay.” Ford bobbed his head.
“All right. Now lie back down.”
“Okay,” Ford said, but he didn’t move.
“Ford?”
“What if I don’t want to wait?” Ford jerked his gaze to Trevor’s. “What if every time I’m with you, I realize I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and every time I have to leave, my heart aches because I don’t know how long it’ll be until I see you again? What if you’re the only person I want to talk to when I’m sad or scared or stressed because I know your voice will make things better? What if you’re the first person I want to call when something good happens because sharing it with you makes it even better? What if I’ve always hated myself after I’ve gone to bed with other people because I knew I was desecrating something holy, but every time we’ve made love, I’ve felt whole and blessed? What if I know that the way I feel about you is stronger and purer and better than anything I imagined? What then?”
“Don’t wait, honey,” Trevor rasped, his throat thick with emotion.
His whole body shaking, Ford slid out of bed and onto the floor, one knee raised, and reached his hands out to Trevor. “Trevor?”
Trevor took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting the joy of the moment wash over him, and then he joined Ford on the floor and clutched both his hands.
“It’ll probably be more than a little chaotic and messy at first. You’ll get asked all sorts of personal questions from people with microphones and cameras. My family might not be all that pleasant for a while. You might see your name in newspapers with less than flattering stories, but…” Ford swallowed hard and tears dripped down his cheeks. “If I promise to cherish you every minute for the rest of my life and dedicate myself to making you so happy that none of those other things matter, will you let me be your husband?”
“I will.” Trevor squeezed Ford’s hands, released them, and then wiped away his tears with both thumbs. “And I’ll make you just as happy.”
“Okay.” Ford sighed and leaned forward, resting his head on Trevor’s shoulder. “Good.”
Trevor ran his palms over Ford’s shoulders and down his back in a gentle massage.
“That was a horrible proposal, wasn’t it?” Ford asked after a few minutes of silence.
“The last part was beautiful.” Trevor continued moving his hands over Ford in soothing circles.
“Glad you stayed around long enough to hear it.” Ford straightened, shook his head, and grinned bashfully. “You must really love me if I didn’t scare you off with that first part.”
“I do really love you.” Trevor tugged Ford’s bottom lip between both of his. “And I’ve been dealing with the press and the public my entire life, so taking heat for being with you will be like jumping out of the fire into the frying pan. I’m not worried. Plus—and I say this with all due respect to your parents and sisters—I am the only offspring of John and Angelica Moga. There isn’t a Republican alive who can intimidate me.”