Molly

Too much has happened in the last twelve hours.

From Cole pleasuring my body in the most erotic and intense ways to being a part of my very first takedown operation – two things have been solidified in my mind. I want to do both of those things all over again. The only thing I would change? Next time, I damn sure don’t want to be the person getting arrested. Even if it were part of the scheme all along, I would have appreciated the heads up that it was going down tonight.

That moment, where all the hard work over the last few months, came together and we all collectively took an entire team of scumbags off the street, was what I worked so Goddamn hard for through college. That was the dream goal. The energy that filled the room as we all debriefed and handed over every ounce of information we’d gathered, was something I’ll never forget.

“You ready to get out of here?” Cole wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close as we walk out of the conference room.

“Ready to go home and crawl in bed. I think I could sleep for a week.” I stifle a yawn.

He places a gentle kiss on the top of my forehead. “I hear you.”

When we hit the main lobby, Cole freezes and lets me go. Looking up, I spot Jade sitting on one of the benches. So much for going home.

“Jade, are you okay?” Cole rushes to her side and the familiar pang of jealous rises in my chest.

“You two know each other?” Dallas’ voice echoes behind us.

Jade immediately stands and smiles. “Cole, this is Dallas, the guy I told you about.”

Cole steps back. “Let me get this straight, you two, are seeing each other?”

A gasp escapes my lips. I don’t know why this even shocks me. Jade always seems to get all the luck. I can’t help but wonder if Dallas knows about her history with Cole.

“Cole and I have been friends for a few years now,” Jade wraps her arms around Dallas and gives him a kiss while I roll my eyes at her over the top display of affection.

The anger on Cole’s face takes me by surprise.

“You’re right. If I had known this was the guy you were interested in, I would have put the fear of God in him.” He turns his attention to Dallas. “I hope like hell you’ve told her most of the truth, or will, soon.”

Without another word, Cole takes my hand and tugs me toward the exit. I’m tempted to pull back but the only thing I want to do right now is go home and he’s my ticket back to my place.

The drive back to my condo is silent. I’ve tried to engage Cole in conversation to no avail. One-word replies and grunts of acknowledgment are all that I’ve earned in response. For the first time in nearly four years, I can’t get a read on him either.

Figures.

Pulling into my assigned parking spot, Cole puts his truck in park, but he doesn’t shut it off.

I want to ask him to come inside. More than that, I want him to talk to me. I need to know where his head is at right now.

Fearing his rejection, I keep my invite to myself and open my door to climb out instead.

“Thanks for bringing me home. Get some sleep,” I try to maintain confidence in my voice, pretending my heart isn’t cracking even more.

“You’re not going to invite me in this time?” Cole’s question surprises me.

When I look up and see his sexy smirk, my heart leaps into my throat. “I...you...I...” The words jumble.

He turns off the truck and pulls the key from the ignition before getting out and coming around to the passenger side. A surprised squeal escapes when he lifts me out of the passenger seat and slams the door shut, quickly hitting the lock button on his keyring.

Cole carries me all the way up the stairs, to my front door and over the threshold after he unlocks the place with his own key.

Inside my place, he finally sits me down on the counter and pulls his shirt over his head. “I need to wash all the dirt from the past few months from your body.”

Taking my cue, I hop down from the counter to start the shower when his arms wrap around me.

“Bathtub,” he mumbles against my neck while slipping his hands under the hideous smock top they gave me to change into at the police station.

Cole let’s go long enough for me to turn the water on and let the tub begin to fill, then he’s on me again. Taking his time to undress me, slowly. He doesn’t kiss me, doesn’t touch me with his mouth, but his hands trace feather light touches everywhere. When the water is high enough, he steps in first and holds out his hand. Joining him, I settle comfortably between his legs, my back to his chest as we sit.

He massages my shoulders, and my head falls back. “That feels amazing.”

Cole kisses my cheek. “I think we have some things to talk about.”

I know we need to talk and there are a million questions flowing through my head but now that I’ve finally gotten him here, and we’re together like this, I can’t find the strength to care about any of that at this moment.

I let out a sigh and try to weasel my way out of doing this now. “On a scale of one to ten...how much trouble am I in exactly?” I already knew when he realized I was a virgin he’d have a whole lot to say on the matter.

“Oh, you’re in a lot of trouble. We’ll come back to the part where you left out one really important detail before you let me fuck you senseless. And, we’ll address what the hell you were really thinking, stepping out on that stage and showing off your body.”

“Hey.” I look over my shoulder. “I told you, that was all for you.”

“Bullshit,” he chuckles, but I’m not sure he really is amused.

“I got the reaction I wanted,” I confess. It’s a partial truth. “The more I think about it, I would have never been able to go any further than I did. Regardless of how empowering it felt for a moment. All that time downtown? It felt pretty shitty in hindsight. I was counting on you to stop me before it went too far.”

Turning myself around so that I’m straddling him, and better able to see him, I tell him about Roxy. “She’s the one I took a hit for, remember? Her real name is Sara. She’s only sixteen. I knew the minute I met her in the hallway that night that she was underage. She was one of many young girls that those bastards were selling to the highest bidder online. Cole, I had to save her. Stepping out on that stage, was to protect her from having to. When I agreed to it, I had no idea that Dallas had already gotten her out and taken her to a safe house.”

I see the understanding in his eyes.

“Mol?”

“Yeah,” my voice cracks and I feel all of the emotions from the past few hours boiling to the surface.

“Two things I wanted to tell you before we talked about your other indiscretion.” He winks playfully, relieving pieces of the tension around us.

“Hmm?” I hold my breath.

“The first thing is that I’m really fucking proud of you. You know how much I hated this fucking idea, but without you – I don’t think today would have happened this quickly. If at all. You were right all along, as much as it pains me to admit that.”

Part of me wants to say something witty about trusting me and that I’m always right, but I’m having a hard time fighting back the emotions, so instead I ask, “What’s the second thing?”

“I talked to your brother.”

My eyes widen, the meaning behind his words linger around us. “And?”

“He says, next time he sees me, he’s going to kick my ass. And that if I ever hurt you, he has no problem going to jail for murder.” He smiles.

“Oh my God.” I bury my face in his chest. “He’s as bad as you and Cody.”

“Hey.” He lifts my head. “He’s looking out for you. I don’t blame him.”

“Cole Davenport, I don’t think you have it in you to hurt me, at least not anymore.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you away. You scare me,” he admits. “Loving you terrifies me. I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit in my time, and you’re so much better than that.”

“So? Let me be the light in that darkness for you.”

“Molly, you already are. You have been for a while now.”

Those words alone mend together every piece of my heart that has shattered over the years. Every ex-boyfriend who couldn’t handle me, the ones who wanted more than I was ever willing to give. The tiny cracks from Cole denying this thing between us. I can feel all of it slowly blending back together.

“Now. Let’s talk about that little detail you left out. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When would have been a good time? It’s not something you blurt out. ‘Oh, hey, I’m a virgin!’ Besides, if you knew, would you have touched me?”

“Nope,” he answers honestly. “At least not there. That’s not the introduction to sex that you deserved.”

“Oh, for fuck sake. Let’s not go there. I asked for it. I was well aware of what was happening, and I wouldn’t change anything about it.”

Cole raises a brow in challenge. “You wanted your first time to happen against a door, in a strip club, minutes before a raid?”

With a sly smile, I shrug my shoulders. “Sure, why not?”

“You’re a terrible liar,” he barks out a laugh. “You gave me something that should be treasured. I would have done it differently. I would have taken my time with you. And, I also lost my head. Completely. I never should have fucked you without a condom.”

Shit. This is not how I pictured this conversation happening.

“It doesn’t matter. I mean, we know I’m clean...” I’m about to lay another confession at his feet when panic sets in for a moment. “Cole are you...” I never even thought that he may not be clean. I mean, I’m not blind, I know he’s not a saint what if...

“I’m clean. I haven’t had sex with anyone...since you started at the club. And I got tested right after that.”

“You and Jade?”

Cole blows out a frustrated breath and runs a hand over his face. “I don’t exactly want to talk about all of my ex’s, but so we’re clear, last time I touched her was that night after you kissed me.”

I’m silent for a beat as those words hit home. “So, you pushed me away and ran to her instead.” I fill in the blanks.

“Yes.”

I want to be angry, but I don’t know if I’m entitled to that. We were not together, I knew he slept with her on more than one occasion over the years, in fact, I assumed it happened many times. He’s being honest. Surely, he should get credit for that.

Yet, it still burns. Harshly. Especially after seeing his reaction to her relationship with Dallas tonight.

“That was the last time. And, I let her know shortly after, that it wouldn’t be happening again,” he goes on.

Pushing back, I move away from him as the water sloshes around us.

“Cole?” There’s no hiding the emotion in my voice.

“Yeah.” He exhales, and I have a feeling he already knows what’s coming next. You don’t spend years getting close to someone, as friends, and not have the ability to pick up on their emotions.

“In favor of honesty and all that.” I swallow hard. “I think, I’m going to need some time to process that information. Knowing you left me, and ran to her? It stings.”

Please don’t cry. Don’t let the tears fall yet. I plead with myself.

His face falls, and his mouth sets in a grim line as he nods once. “Okay. I can respect that.” Slowly, he slips out from under me and stands. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

I don’t watch him dress.

I don’t look up and watch him walk out the door.

The minute I hear my front door close and the lock slip into place, the first wave of tears fall. I drain the tub only to turn the water back on, as hot as I can stand it and let it fill again. While sobs rack my body, I second guess everything.

I stayed in this job for far longer than I ever planned, because of Cole. His security firm was only supposed to be a temporary stop. A source of income and hopefully some experience so that I could eventually land a job with the government. I wanted to work on a team like Dallas, the big time. Not some private sector.

But I stayed.

For two of the four years I spent working for him, I longed for him to see me like he saw other women. For him to want me, and tonight, he did.

Regardless of how Cole may have tried to downplay what happened, or how vulgar his words made it seem. It felt different. I didn’t feel like I was being fucked or used. I felt wanted. Cherished. Loved.

Still, knowing that he pushed me away and found comfort in the arms of someone else months ago, guts me. And I can’t help but wonder I wonder if all of this makes me the naïve girl that I always thought Cole perceived me as.

Was I really naïve enough to believe that I could give Cole what he wants? If he didn’t think I was enough the night we kissed, what changed? Who’s to say he won’t grow bored with me and go running back to Jade? Can I give him what he had with Jade...with the others I’ve heard about over the years? No matter how hard he tried to hide it – I know about all the times he shared women with Smitty. Hell, they even shared Zoey for a while. I may not know the extent of it all but I know enough to wonder if he asked, could I share myself with someone else, for our mutual pleasure? Is it something Cole needs or was it all just for fun?

More and more questions swirl through my mind as years of self-doubt creep in and control me.