I’m a shitty boyfriend. Or not-boyfriend, whatever my title is, I suck at it. I haven’t told Phoebe about New York. I also haven’t told her about the second email. Or the phone interviews. The headhunter I signed with is worth every premature gray hair I have. Interviews with three prestigious pharmaceutical companies in Manhattan, and I’m not sure the ink has dried on my degree.

I meant to tell Phoebe, but she took an impromptu trip with her mom to visit some cousin who had a baby, and now we’re headed to the airport for the month in California her parents gifted her and Duncan for their birthday. Sure, I had opportunities to share my news, but they never seemed like the right time. Plus, Phoebe is more herself since getting back from her trip, and I don’t want to rock the boat so to speak.

“Dude, can you believe this? Cali, man!”

I rub the spot on my arm Duncan punched before returning the gesture. Fucker. “Please don’t start talking like some cheesy surfer movie, Dunc. I don’t think Californians use the words “dude” or “Cali”.”

“Eh, whatever, man. It’s fucking California! Hot chicks, perfect waves, and no parentals!”

“Hey! Fiancée here!” Kelsey mock pouts as Duncan pulls her to him and practically eats her face. Gross.

Kelsey reciprocates Duncan’s kisses and purrs loudly, letting us know she loves every minute of it. I catch Phoebe’s eye, and we laugh. I swear, Duncan and Phoebe couldn’t be more different. While I’m not opposed to a little PDA, Phoebe prefers to keep our PDA to hand holding and an occasional peck on the lips. Well, unless she’s drunk. Then she’s like a cat in heat, and it’s like she can’t get enough of me. Not that I’m complaining. Hell no. My girl is fucking hot, and I love nothing more than having her grind up on me like I’m her own personal stripper pole.

“I think we’re going to need some ground rules if we’re going to be living together,” I tell Duncan while kicking him in the leg. I’m not sure how our driver has managed to keep his eyes forward, but he has. Yeah, driver. Phoebe insisted we hire a car service to drive us to the airport to avoid having to rely on a friend or family member. Her parents upgraded that into a limo service. Not that I’m complaining. There’s more leg room but there’s also more room for this soft porn moment Duncan and Kelsey are having.

“What do you mean?” Duncan looks confused as he turns his head but never removing his lips from Kelsey’s. We both know what I mean.

“I know,” I begin, “that I’d like to avoid any kind of up close and personal view of your junk. So, maybe we need to agree all nakedness will be restricted to our bedrooms.” My suggestion stops Duncan and Kelsey from sucking face long enough to look at me. Confused.

“But,” Kelsey starts, biting her bottom lip, “what if we go skinny dipping?”

“Take a towel. I don’t know, Kels. I do know I’d rather not see you and this schmuck”—I gesture toward Duncan who mocks offense in response— “bumping uglies and I absolutely guarantee he doesn’t want to walk in on me and Phoebs.”

“Gross, man.” Duncan exaggerates a shiver and makes a gagging gesture in response. “No way. I still don’t understand how you find my sister attractive in the first place, but it’s your nightmare not mine.”

“Fuck off Dunc. Mads is right. Can we attempt to be civilized?” Phoebe attempts to kick Duncan but misses and connects with Kelsey instead. “Whoops, sorry, Kels.”

A few more minutes of snarky remarks exchange between the twins. Kelsey and I sit back and let them have their moment, then everyone agrees to keep naked times in the bedroom with the occasional concession for beach time nudity. Something I’m personally looking forward to.

Without any hiccups in checking our luggage or security, we take a table in the bar and indulge in appetizers and a few drinks until our flight is called. Duncan and Kelsey head to the bathroom while Phoebe and I settle the bill.

“I’m excited, are you?”

I smile at Phoebe and nod while signing my name on the credit card slip. “I am. What are you looking forward to?”

Phoebe sighs and smiles at me while I take her hand and lead her toward our gate. “Everything. The sun, the sand, the ocean. I’m excited to have a place without upstairs neighbors stomping around like a herd of elephants. I’m fucking stoked my parents won’t be around making me feel like I need to have life figured out . . .”

She does this. Phoebe’s parents have only asked what she plans to do now that she’s graduated and somehow, Phoebe has taken that to mean they are pushing her to do something with her life. I’ve tried arguing the topic, but it gets me nowhere so now I just let her ramble on about it. I think it has more to do with her than her parents. Of course, this would be a shitty time to tell her about New York, but not saying something is killing me.

“So, I have some news,” I begin while taking our place in line for boarding.

“Oh really? What kind of news?” she asks.

“I have an interview for a job. Well, three actually.”

“What? Mads, that’s great! I’m so happy for you. Are any with the companies you wanted?”

“Actually, yeah, all three are.” I can’t help but feel proud of myself. I know she’s happy for me. Her reaction is genuine, and the love I see in her eyes tells me I should keep going.

“Thing is, the interviews are in New York.” I’ll give Phoebe credit, she doesn’t falter as she hands the ticket agent her phone to scan. I do the same, and we begin our descent down the walkway to the plane. I hear Duncan and Kelsey a few people behind us, but I ignore them to continue with my news. “And, the interviews are in two weeks.”

I watch as the words I’ve spoken register and she turns toward me with a smile. Not her true smile. Not the one that hits me in the heart and makes me believe in the future and forever. No, this is the small, not quite to her eyes version. The one she reserves for being polite.

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.”

“Hey,” I say, tugging her aside and motioning for people to pass us. Duncan sees us and starts to say something, but Kelsey grabs his arm and stops him. Once they pass, I look at Phoebe. She’s not making eye contact, and I know she’s hurt.

Fuck.

“Baby, look at me.” She does and I can tell her heart is conflicted. She’s happy for me but at what expense? “This doesn’t change anything. It’s New York! It’s like your mother ship!” My attempts at humor are for naught, and the first tears pool in her eyes. “Phoebe, this changes nothing. I love you. That doesn’t change. This is just a few interviews. I probably won’t get called back for a second. We have two weeks together, and then I’ll be gone a few days for the interviews. When I get back, we’ll spend the rest of the month together. Let’s just have fun, okay?”

“Sure. I’m sorry. I really am happy for you.” She sniffles and takes my hand to begin falling back in line. “You’re right. Let’s have fun and enjoy our time in California. I . . . I’m really proud of you, babe.”

“This is a good thing, Phoebe. Our life will only get better. Together we will rule New York City, baby. You and me.” I kiss my girl and hope she knows we’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it.