Madison

 

As I walked Steel out, I wasn’t naive about the fact that Alex wouldn’t let Graham get off scot-free, but what he was planning I didn’t know. Quite frankly, I believed Graham deserved whatever horrible plan these men would dish out.

“Steel.” He turned and looked down at me. “Make him pay.”

His face revealing nothing, he simply nodded and left.

I quietly made my way upstairs and peered into Alex’s room. As expected, he was asleep. I chose one of the guest bedrooms and put my things away. I anticipated some resistance from Alex at first, but as soon as he was stronger, I would be more than happy to share his bed. For now, I would hold my ground.

Then I decided that I’d explore on my own. The great room had a stone fireplace that reached the vaulted ceilings. Hardwood flooring was beneath my bare feet. The windows were all floor to ceiling, giving the impression that you were living within the wilderness. They also wrapped around, leading me into the kitchen, which was undoubtedly state of art.

Down the hall, I relished the sight of Alex’s masculine office and extensive book collection. I was learning more about the man than I’d expected. There was also a workout room. I bit my lip as the memory of his firm physique and ripped body. I remembered the thick muscles of his arms holding me in place as he pressed his solid form against mine. A tremor of desire ran through my body at the thought, but then I heard a loud shout which immediately pulled me from my racy thoughts, startling me.

I scaled the stairs in no time, then stood frozen in Alex’s doorway. As I observed him thrashing with explosive power, I realized that his nightmare was in full force. I cautiously approached the bed.

“Alex,” I said firmly.

I attempted to reach for his arm, but the monster had a tight hold on him. The scene before me was unfolding with such intensity that I couldn’t move and I couldn’t breathe. I gathered what courage I could muster and called his name as if I was drowning, needing him to rescue me.

He shot up too quickly and a moan escaped as he held his side in pain. His eyes met mine, and sudden fear pierced through me as if a high-voltage spear had penetrated my heart. I could see all his naked rage, and the panic. Sweat covered his entire body, and he was hopelessly wrapped in his twisted sheets.

“Hey, it’s me. Alex, look at me. You’re safe now.”

I searched his eyes, which were still processing his surroundings. He took some time to answer, which caused me to worry.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, his mind clearly elsewhere.

“How can I help?” The frustration in me was mounting as I realized I could only offer feeble attempts to calm the storm inside of him.

“No one can…”

“Surviving something so traumatic comes with a backlash of complications.” I reached for him and his eyes diverted our connection. “Look at me, Alex.”

I felt his hesitation, and I intuitively understood that he didn’t want me to see him like this.

“Let me in,” I begged. ”We can fight this together. We’re a team. We’re partners.” I squeezed his hand. “We’re lovers. I love you.”

I would break down the psychological walls he had made brick by brick if I had to. I also blamed myself for what had happened. My involvement with Graham had led to this. Freeing myself from blame wouldn’t fix this nightmare, but maybe my love would.

“Take these.”

I was aware that the pain medications might intensify the nightmares, but I was left with no choice. He followed my instructions, and slowly the sensation of the medications raced through his bloodstream. I could see the pain receding as his eyes closed again.

Once I made it back downstairs, my phone blinked with a text from Eden.

We’re bringing dinner over for the both of you. Won’t stay long. Be there at six.

I appreciated that, as I knew the cook wouldn’t start until tomorrow.

Maybe that’s exactly what Alex needs right now: Theo.

To clear my thoughts, I grabbed a water and slipped out the French doors leading to the patio. I liked it there. The quiet surrounded me as the peace of nature engulfed me. I enjoyed the sun that heated my body. I let it sweep over me, healing me with each step I took. The dry heat also soothed me, despite the fact it was topping out at one hundred degrees here in the desert. As far as I could see, there was an absence of color, but that didn’t take away from its beauty. Yet as I turned, making my way back, the colors exploded within the landscape surrounding the house. Colors and shapes of every variety stimulated my scenses.

In spite it all, Alex’s darkness wouldn’t push me away. Nor would his anger. I understood it. Either way, I was in. I had the kind of devotion poets wrote about. The kind of love that triumphed even during the worst of times. Now, if only I could show him what forever meant. No matter how bad things became, it wouldn’t change my love.

I slipped into his room when I returned to the house. He was sleeping peacefully, thank God. I couldn’t resist the rush I always got when in close proximity to him. God, that face. That stubbled line of his jaw. His masculine lips. His hair, which was slightly grown out. I didn’t realize how much I’d needed him until I knew what life felt like without him. I tucked him in and quietly headed downstairs.

I checked my emails. I had hired a new manager, someone to make my daily manufacturer decisions. He had only sent two emails, and I handled the rest. I was relieved he only wanted designs from me which I could do from here—anywhere, actually.

A light tap on the door brought me out of work mode. I opened it, knowing it would be Theo and Eden.

“We didn’t want to wake Alex if he was sleeping.”

They stood before me, a glass casserole in hand.

“Come in, please. Yes, he’s asleep, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind some time spent with Theo.”

“How’s he doing?” Theo asked.

Eden made a beeline toward the kitchen to put the dish in the refrigerator.

I shifted my gaze up toward the upper level before answering.

“His pain is being managed.” I hesitated for a moment, but I couldn’t tiptoe around the truth. “The nightmares are growing stronger, and more violent. I’m giving him time to open up to me, but…”

There was a moment of understanding between us. Some part of Theo must have known what Alex was going through, because his face was pained with empathy.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Theo’s warmth and compassion, displayed so openly, only made me love him all the more. He headed for the stairs, and when I turned away, Eden was sitting on the couch, patting it, inviting me to join her.

“How’s playing nurse been so far?”

“Challenging.” Quite unexpectedly, tears filled my eyes. “It could have been so much worse.”

She nodded, understanding my meaning.

“I could have lost him, Eden. I regret so many things.”

“Madison, this is love, and when it’s the real deal, it comes with a price. It tests you at times, like now. Alex will heal in time, but he’s also trying to escape the ordeal that almost destroyed him.”

We heard muffled voices coming from upstairs, but then the words drifted off again.

“Oh, I brought you a baby monitor. It will be very useful if you’re down here. Let me shut it off.”

I reached for it, setting it closer on the coffee table, just as Eden’s hand stopped mine.

“Could be enlightening,” she said, a fun little smirk on her face.

“No, it’s wrong. Listening in on their conversation? No.”

It was tempting as hell, but still wrong.

“But you can’t deny that it may be useful.”

“I feel like I learn a little more about you with each passing day, Eden.”

We turned up the volume, just a bit.

 

***

 

“You awake?”

“I am now.”

“How’s the pain?”

“Manageable, but I can’t think about that right now.”

“And why is that? The nightmares?”

Silence.

“Yes, there’s that. The nights still hold me captive.”

“Alex, as you recover, more pieces of the puzzle will reveal themselves. Healing here at home will help. It should feel safe to you. Familiar.”

“I feel empty, though. My body is broken. My mind is tortured.”

“What about Madison? How does she fit into all this?”

“I love Madison, but I hate that she’s seeing me like this.”

“You mean, you hate that she sees you vulnerable?”

“That, and that I’m so weak and angry and fucked-up. The list is endless.”

“I get it, I do. So send her home then.”

“Ouch! My fucking ribs.”

“Then don’t get up so quickly, dumbass.”

“I love her, Theo. I don’t want her to leave.”

His voice was rising. Eden and I locked eyes.

“Ah. You’re going to be fine, you know.”

“Not by a fucking long shot, Theo. There’s only one way to get through this in my book. And my only interest is revenge.”

“Revenge may not get you the results you’re counting on, my friend. In fact, it may do more harm than good.”

Silence again.

“Is Steel involved?”

“You don’t even want to know, Theo.”

“It’s clear you’re at a crossroads, Alex. By all means, do what you have to do. We all want the best for you. I’m here, just a phone call away. And if you truly want Madison, I would strongly advise that you show it.”

“I’m with you.”

“Stay out of trouble, and I do mean that literally. I’ll see you in a couple of days. Get well soon.”

“Another Hallmark-card moment. Thanks, man.”

 

***

 

When we heard Theo’s footsteps descending the stairs, we both grabbed the monitor in a mindless panic to turn it off. Then we both giggled and dropped it. Our eyes met as we reached for it on the floor, our heads colliding. This just caused another round of laughs.

“The sound of female laughter warms my heart,” Theo said as he approached. “Did you invite Madison?”

Theo’s eyes darted to Eden in question.

“Oh, I forgot.”

“Hmmm. What have you two been doing down here all this time?”

We both ignored the question.

“My first art exhibit is this coming Saturday, and I would be honored if you came, Madison. Alex is invited, too, of course, if he’s up to it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. How exciting!”

“It’s by invitation only, so I’ll email you the information.”

“This is a big deal for her. If this goes well, next up is Paris.”

Theo proudly rested his arm on her shoulder.

On their way out the door, Eden looked back at me.

“Lasagna, my mother’s recipe. I left heating instructions. Enjoy!”

“Thank you both.”

I couldn’t seem to concentrate, however, as I walked back into the room. The newfound information I had discovered while listening to Theo and Alex’s conversation left me more confused than before. I felt so helpless. I decided to let Alex sleep until dinner. I thought I’d set up a table for two in his bedroom. Maybe something as normal as dinner together would open him up.

As I rearranged a few pieces of furniture, I heard Alex stir.

“You hungry?”

“What’s all this?”

I looked over my shoulder to see him sitting up, curious.

I turned toward him, hopeful.

“A special surprise. We’re having dinner together, right here. Eden dropped off lasagna. How does that sound?”

“Good.”

I returned to set the candles out, along with the plates and glasses.

“There, all perfect.” I stepped back to admire my handiwork.

“I only need to fill our plates now.”

Standing at the foot of his bed, my heart was suddenly feeling heavy.

“Speaking of Eden, her first art exhibit is Saturday, and we’re invited. I want you to join me if you feel up to it.”

“Right. I did tell Theo I’d attend when he mentioned it.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“It’s a I’ll try.”

I wouldn’t nag, I wouldn’t be that girlfriend, but he was going, and I’d make sure of it.

“Let’s get you up.”

I rushed over and stood by, in case he became unsteady. I had already learned the hard way not to physically help him up. Once he was seated, I poured him a glass of water and lit the candles.

“Be back soon.”

The silence felt awkward at first, as we ate. He seemed preoccupied. His eyes, even though they were stormy and unsettled, didn’t take away from his good looks. I observed his thick five-o’clock shadow and his inviting mouth. I couldn’t look away as the candlelight cast a soft glow between us.

“You can tell me whatever it is, Alex.”

But the expression on his face told me otherwise. His fork dropped a bit harsher on his plate than I think he intended.

“Maybe it’s the pain, or the medication.”

What a cop-out. I let out a frustrated sigh. As I stacked one issue on top of another, my head began to list all his recent offences. Now I couldn’t touch him, help him, or talk to him.

“You can’t hide from me, Alex.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

Our eyes met steadily, but his expression betrayed his true feelings. He was still unwilling to share those empty moments where he’d felt most alone, even though I was right here, right now, willing to listen.

“I will be on your side, no matter what happens.”

I still had trouble knowing he was actively seeking out a plan of revenge, and I didn’t share in his delusions that this was the answer to everything, but I wanted to open a door for him to walk through. I wanted to hear his ideas without judgment.

“I feel defeated.”

His voice cracked, and I studied him, watching him from across the small table. I searched his face for the one thing I needed, the one thing he had been keeping from me. His love.

“I’m here,” I offered, but the look on his face was forced. He was masking his emotions, and once again shutting me out.

“Don’t do this, Alex.”

His eyes searched mine, and my smile vanished, my eyes suddenly misty. 

“You really know how to woo a girl, don’t you?”

I got up to clear the table. I gathered as much as I could carry, because I had no intension on revisiting him tonight. He was on his own now.

“Madison,” he began, but I didn’t turn around. I didn’t want to wait for the words that would never come.

 

***

 

Around three in the morning, I heard his voice. The nightmare had ruled his dreams again, twisting them into a horror show. I was there in seconds.

He was hyperventilating, trying to draw in enough air to breathe. I didn’t miss the darkness in his eyes as they shifted to mine. I watched him stare at me—or through me—as if he was being transported back to hell. He was being forced to endure the agony again and again, feeling like a prisoner in his own mind.

I wanted to say something, anything to pull him from the depths of his internal battle, but he was the one actually living through it, and he seemed unreachable to me.

Unprotected, my heart grew heavier watching the man I loved changing before my very eyes. He was being tormented by events that I had caused. Tears burst from my eyes, trailing down my face, fueled by the guilt I couldn’t seem to shake.

My hands trembled as I reached for him. Eventually he slowly calmed and drifted off again, leaving me shaken. It would be a long night, for both of us. I could feel it.

 

***

 

I woke to the smell of bacon, and my stomach growled in response. I threw on a robe and made my way to the kitchen.

The woman standing at the stove turned to me with a bright, warm smile.

“Hello honey, I’m Mrs. Davis.”

She had a sweet, Aunt Bee look. She was petite and round, with gray hair in an old-fashioned bun. She was a welcome distraction in my current mental state.

“I’m Madison, and it’s so nice to meet you. Whatever you’re cooking smells wonderful.”

I watched as she poured coffee and filled two plates. Then she set one in front of me and carried a tray up to Alex. There was a relief that came with her presence, making me smile a little. She could take on the grumpy bear for a change. I needed some time off.

The next few days passed easily, but the nights were filled with nightmares that haunted him deeply within his soul. I wanted to believe I could help somehow, but in reality, there was nothing I could do but wait it out.

Something essential had changed in him, though. That forty-eight hours of hell had turned the man I knew, the man I loved, into a stranger. Broken and angry, revenge was his only friend. Our conversations were just about superficial topics—how he felt, what I could do. I would be putting an end to his pain medications very soon. They were escalating his bad moods and worsening his sleep.

The distance between us was also growing as his demeanor continued to change, and it ripped at my heart.

Today, Ben and his mother were visiting. I hadn’t a clue how it would go. I’d given up on guessing how Alex would respond to anything normal.

It was later in the afternoon when the doorbell rang. I opened it to find a warm, smiling Ben as he embraced me.

“How ya doing?”

“Eh.”

He smirked.

“Come in.”

I held the door open as my hand swept the air, encouraging them to come in.

His mother was cool and distant when Ben introduced me to her. I took in her perfect, Jackie Kennedy style, with the white gloves and pearls. I just stood there speechless as Ben gave me a wink that spoke volumes.

Just go with it. Crazy woman on board.

The three of us approached Alex’s room. It was bright for a change, as if Mrs. Davis had thrown open the curtains, leaving Alex with no choice in the matter. He was on his iPad, frowning as Ben went in first.

“Get off your ass, brother.”

Alex’s growl was a warning. He wasn’t prepared to play, and then, to make matters worse, in stepped his mother.

“Jesus, Ben.”

The groan was almost comical as a huge smile crossed Ben’s face.

“Laying it on kinda thick, aren’t you?”

“Hello, Mother.”

She leaned and air-kissed her son’s cheek.

I realized that this was the first and only time she had seen him since his accident. It was very peculiar.

“Are you well?” she asked Alex, in a slightly confused manner.

I watched the looks pass between them. Ben was amused by the entire scene. Alex just looked like he wanted to deck his brother.

“I suppose,” Alex finally answered.

At that, she took a seat, holding her pocketbook on her lap. Her duty was completed.

“What’s with the mood?” Ben asked Alex. “I checked with the doctor, and he assured me that you were healing faster than expected.”

“Cut me some slack, little brother.”

I could hear Alex’s back teeth grinding. Ben was openly challenging his brother, and was getting away with it, too.

I should invite Ben to stay the week, I thought, and a smile escaped that no one noticed.

“Then, by God, snap out of it! You’re a lucky motherfucker, don’t you realize that?”

“Son.”

Instantly, all eyes turned toward their mother, who seemed offended by Ben’s swearing. Then everyone just carried on with the conversation without any acknowledgment to her disapproval.

“Just shoot me now.”

Alex let his head fall back on his pillow and closed his eyes.

“Not before your big surprise!”

Ben’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, and I suddenly saw a kink in his armor.

I could also tell that Alex couldn’t resist the game.

“Come on, get up!”

Ben waved for him to make his way over, but no one rushed to help Alex. He took his time about it, being careful with the boot on his foot.

“Ta-da!” Ben pointed out the window. “You said you wanted red, right?”

I moved to the window, resting my hands on Alex’s shoulders.

Then I saw it: a brand-new Audi R8.

“Well, brother, you certainly know how to romance a guy.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Relax, I was only kidding. I love it. Thank you. And I appreciate the surprise. Once I get this boot off, I’ll give it a spin.”

Then they attempted a man-hug, but after a few groans from Alex, Ben quickly put a stop to that.

“Well, we’re off to the office. Along the way I’m going to drop Mother off to play bridge with her friends.”

Then he whispered in Alex’s direction, for his ears only.

“Don’t ask.”

Ben received such a genuine smile from Alex that it caused jealousy to surge throughout my entire body. It was pathetic of me, I admit.

“I’ll walk you out. I said. “Oh, and hand over the keys. Is it a stick?”

“Anything else would be a crime.”

“Great time for some real fun.” Glancing over my shoulder at Alex with his mouth hanging open.

 

***

 

Saturday arrived in all its splendor. Not a cloud in the sky, a slight breeze was cooling the temperatures down to the mid-eighties. I reached Alex’s room, and only partially went in.

“Tonight is Eden’s art exhibition. I had your black suit pressed, and we’ll be leaving for downtown around six, so be ready.”

Then I turned to leave.

“Madison, wait. I don’t know…”

“There will be none of that today,” I interrupted him.

And off I went. I had lots to do.

Later I stood before the full-length mirror. The sexy black lace that covered my unmentionables was a craft I discovered early on. It hugged my body firmly, dipping low in both the front and back. The built-in bra was a fabulous structure, too. I had my new manager send the sample dress to me, and it was more exquisite than I had anticipated.

I straightened my hair so that it was sleek and long, the blonde in it slightly lighter from the recent walks I had been taking along the path toward the mountains. I kept my makeup soft, with light eyes and a red pouty mouth.

The doctor was coming by soon to follow up and remove Alex’s boot, and I had saved that as a small surprise. He would look stunning in his black suit, with me on his arm. I had high hopes that this would pull him out of the depression he seemed to be wallowing in.

I’d had enough days sitting in this beautiful house feeling isolated. A deep loneliness had me suddenly doubting our future. I even questioned if I am might end up alone.

I patiently waited in the kitchen, drinking a glass of wine by the island. When I heard his steps, I knew there were two Gucci shoes approaching, and not a boot in sight. I watched as he searched the room for me. I took a second to appreciate the view, which was all male. His build had certainly not been affected by the accident.

I reveled in the moment where he finally saw me. The gleam in his eyes sparkled as his smile widened. His gaze pierced through me, reminding me of the way he used to touch me. He tracked my body slowly, from my favorite crystal heels to my half-exposed breast, and finally resting on my mouth. I ran my tongue over my top lip just enough to stir a memory of his, the one of me on my knees.

He looked smug, as if he already knew how good he looked. He also knew the effect he had on me. I only hoped he would eventually find what was under my dress waiting for him: nothing but skin.

As he approached me, his scent took me by surprise. I hadn’t been privy to it since Tahoe. It catapulted me back to sexy days and passion-filled nights. The ache between my legs reminded me of how long it had been.

I saw the passion reach his eyes at the same time as mine, and I recognized his all-knowing look. Tonight I wanted one thing and one thing only: for him to want me.

“Let’s go,” I said, not wanting to waste any time.

 

***

 

We ended up arriving a few minutes late. Alex drove his new R8 for the first time, and I could feel the adrenaline pumping through him on the way over. He opened my door as I tucked my arm into his, carrying a dozen white roses for Eden.

The venue was stunning, all done is glass, blacks, and grays—no jarring color. It all accentuated her palette of work. I looked around at all the other people here. They were from all walks of life—art connoisseurs and her friends, all there to support her. There was also a columnist who had been invited to review the show for the Nevada Times paper. I wondered how nerve-racking this whole night would be for Eden.

We had been offered champagne upon our arrival, and we mingled. We approach Eden’s first collection, which was named ‘Unforgiven.’ It was oil on canvas in stark blacks, grays, and white. It was stunning darkness among the light, and I was seriously impressed.

In another alcove, we found watercolors and abstracts. Seeing a new level of sophistication in her work, it was as if the paint had seeped down the canvas, mimicking tears. With every turn I took, her creativeness flowed, capturing her life. I felt compelled to touch it, but resisted.

“I’m captivated by Eden’s exuberance in her art. Yet, there’s also intense heartbreak that rests among the brushstrokes.”

Alex said it casually, as we moved from painting to painting. It surprised me, because he just got art, in a similar way that I did.

Taking sideway glances of the man who had me on his arm was intoxicating me. No matter how hard I tried to control the melting sensation that soared through my body, it was still there, begging for attention.

Two hours went by, and we toured more of Eden’s compelling work. We drank wine, ate appetizers, and lingered as the show began winding down. I noticed everyone was leaving except for a small group. Alex held me close, and I saw Gage and his guy friend. Ben was also here with Jordon.

Then Theo approached the podium in the center of the grand entrance and lit several white candles. He called out to Eden.

“Come, angel.”

He reached out for her as she approached him.

“Congratulations on a magnificent exhibit, darling. Your talent and craft have shone so bright today for everyone to see, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

Then he gently removed the glass of champagne from her hand and placed it on the podium. He held her hands in his and kissed the top of each.

I noticed that her beauty was extra-emphasized when she was in close proximity to the man she loved. The yellow dress I had designed hugged her body gracefully. Her long, dark waves were flowing down her back as she looked up to meet his gaze.

“When I met you, I met my destiny. I fought a battle with my heart, but it already knew you were my one true love. Everything I am, everything I do, everything I have is all because of you.”

“Theo…”

She drew his name out as her first tear fell.

“With you, I found laughter, passion, joy, and love. With every heartbeat, you are the air that I breathe.”

Then he got down on one knee, and there were gasps from the small crowd.

Eden rushed to cover her mouth, both of her hands trembling. Tears were flowing freely now. The room was sparking as electrical energy bounced off every wall. Each of us felt it, witnessed it, and envied it.

“Our future rests on this single moment.” Theo was holding a blue box, which he then opened and presented to her. “Will you marry me, Eden Barnett?”

Finally, the magic words were spoken.

“Yes,” she whispered. “With all my heart, yes.”

Theo put the ring on her finger, kissing her passionately.

The remaining crowd rushed them all at once. There were hugs, tears of joy, congratulations, and admiration of the beautiful, princess-cut diamond ring.

It was utterly unforgettable, and I had a feeling that every woman in there wanted to say yes to Theo.

Alex stood beside me, pulling me into him.

“Did you know?” I asked.

“Yes. I’m assuming I’m the best man.”

Then his phone vibrated. I could feel it in his pocket. He looked apologetically to me, and took the call, which lasted only five seconds.

“I have to go. I’m sorry, but it’s urgent—life-or-death urgent.”

Then he gave me the keys to his new car, and I was left trying to make sense of it all.