Chapter 36 - Mara
Everything reminds me of Dominic. As we drive through the forest, I remember how he used to hold my hand as we walked through the trees. I remember the way he always smelled like fresh pine and sawdust after a day of work. When we board the plane, I think about how big he would have looked in the tiny airplane seats. When Vincent grabs my hand with his cold, clammy fingers, I think of the way Dominic was always warm and gentle with me.
When I look at Vincent, all I feel is disgust. He doesn’t see me as a person. He sees me as a ticket to expanding his empire. What happens when he doesn’t need me anymore, I wonder? What happens when the contracts are signed and the new hotels are built? What happens when he’s made all the money he can make from our union?
He’ll toss me aside like a piece of trash and move on to his next victim. I know he will. Did my mother think of that? Did she think of anything except herself and her bank account?
We drive up to the luxurious estate that I used to call home. The tall, wrought-iron gates open and our black sedan glides through. The estate feels more like a prison than a home. We make our way up the winding drive towards the big driveway loop in front of the house and I see the huge gaudy fountain in the center of the circle. I take a deep breath and try to contain my disgust. Everything about this house – everything I used to love and be in awe of – it’s so ugly now.
I miss Lang Creek. I miss the fresh air and the wind in my hair. I miss the calming presence of the mountains around me and the smell of pine trees and fresh air.
I miss Dominic.
Every time I think of him, a hot dagger passes through my heart. The black sedan stops in front of the steps and I open the door, stretching my body as I stand up and look at my new prison. Vincent circles around the car and hops up the steps.
“Will is coming out to help you with your bags. I’ll be in my office. Don’t bother me with anything,” he says without looking at me. He disappears through the tall wood-paneled front door and suddenly I’m alone again. I turn away from the house and can see glimpses of the tall black fence that surrounds the property.
How did this place never feel like a prison before?
“Hi, Miss McCoy,” the concierge calls out. I turn to see him and smile at the familiar face. “I wasn’t expecting to see you back here.”
I chuckle. “I wasn’t expecting to be back, Will. Thanks,” I say as he starts unloading my bags. “How are the kids?”
“They’re great! Melissa just started kindergarten and I can’t believe it. They’re growing up so fast.”
A pang passes through my heart when I see his eyes shining. I know that’s something I’ll never have now. His happiness when he talks about his wife and kids is so obvious. I hate how jealous I am.
The rest of the day is a blur. The house, the staff, the neighbors – they’re all familiar, but somehow I feel like a stranger. I feel like I’ve changed. Maybe I can finally see it for what it is: empty and fake.
I eat dinner alone and then watch TV alone. I go on my phone and scroll through social media and the boredom starts to creep in.
As I toss my phone aside with a sigh, it dings. I look at the screen and my heart starts thumping. Dominic’s name flashes across it. I look around the room to make sure I’m alone.
“You okay?”
There’s that question again.
I stare at the two words on the screen for a minute before taking a deep breath. Somehow it seems more real when it’s coming from Dominic.
You okay?
I read it and re-read it over and over and over. What am I supposed to answer? No, I’m not okay. I’m far from okay. I miss you. I love you.
Or maybe I can lie. I’m fine.
I could tell him not to contact me. I could ignore him.
My fingers hover over my phone as I read those two little words over and over. I hear a door open and close down the hall and my head snaps around. I’m still alone. I look back at my phone and feel my heart drop.
I know what I have to do. I can’t talk to him, or maintain any kind of relationship with him. My heart breaks all over again when I start typing a response. My fingers are trembling and my eyes blur as the tears start to fill them.
“Please don’t contact me again. Good luck with the furniture, I wish you the best.”
My fingers are shaking so much I can’t press send right away. I put my phone down and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I jump when my phone buzzes again. It’s a picture from Dominic.
“Made you this:”
I start laughing through my tears when I see the little cup full of pens, carved out of a piece of wood. I think of that day in my room, when he knocked over all my pens and pencils. It was the first time I saw that glimmer of humor in his eye. It was the first time I saw the real him. I stare at the picture and a warmth passes through my heart. It starts beating again and it feels like I’m alive for the first time since Vincent appeared in Lang Creek.
I erase my message and type a new one.
“I love it.”
I press send and hold my phone to my chest. I close my eyes and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I know I shouldn’t talk to him. I should delete his number. But when I look back at the photo of the wooden cup full of pens, I feel more love from Dominic than I’ve ever felt from Vincent.
Dominic sends me another message.
“Post office is closed. You’ll have to come get it yourself.”
My chest squeezes and my hands start trembling all over again. I glance over my shoulder one more time and type out a quick response.
“I wish I could.”
I exit out of the text and delete it in a couple taps. I scroll through my phone and find Dominic’s number, deleting it from my contacts. My heart is thumping and I know I shouldn’t be talking to him. I shouldn’t be encouraging him.
But my God, it feels good.