CHANCE
On Sunday, some people went to church. I happened to jerk off until black spots appeared in my eyes while calling out Megan’s name in prayer. That counted for something.
I washed myself and breathed deeply, willing my heart and lungs to go back to their usual slow rhythm. Still shaking, I left the shower and quickly dried myself before I wound the towel around my hips. I didn’t make a habit of jerking off as if I was a teenager overwhelmed by his hormones, but after that kiss with Megan last night and the way she dismissed me when I knew that she wanted me, I was a mess.
My head was in the gutter, replaying that kiss, again and again, picturing her tight little nipples peaking under her t-shirt, remembering her taste in my mouth, the sound of her gasp and the feel of her body against mine. I was a goner, and I had never been so eager to see a woman again in my life, only in this instance I knew that my winning smile wouldn’t work.
She had walls tightly erected around herself, and it would be damn hard to find the right cracks for me to squeeze through until I finally had her writhing and begging me to fuck her until we were both spent and sated. Until she was out of my head and she realized that I wouldn’t be anything more than a good fuck she’d remember fondly whenever we saw each other again. I couldn’t be anything more to her because I was pretty sure she idealized me. I could never be the damn prince charming she thought of me, and I didn’t want to change who I was to try and make someone happy. That wasn’t true happiness and it never lasted anyway.
Also, I was out of practice when it came to relationships. The longest relationship I ever had was five months, and it was back when I was in high school.
Let’s not forget that she was my best friend’s little sister, a man who wasn’t known for his warmth and cuddling habit. After all, before he fell for his wife and someone disrespected her, he made sure to buy the man out of his own company as revenge. I couldn’t imagine what he’d do to me if he ever knew about what was happening between Megan and me.
That efficiently killed the renewed hard on that was about to make me doubt my well-being.
Sighing and running a hand through my wet hair, I padded out of my bedroom and went to the kitchen, ready to get another coffee in order to chase off the last tremors of the orgasm I gave myself in the shower.
As the coffee brewed and the aroma filled the open floor kitchen and probably reached the large living room, I thought about work and the files I still had to review instead of the woman that had me bent out of shape when the doorbell startled me.
Eyebrows raised, I checked the time on the big ass clock, supposedly old like the ones that used to grace train stations, and noticed it wasn’t ten yet. On a Sunday.
I glanced down at the towel around my hips and the water droplets on my chest from my wet hair and shrugged. “There are worse views,’’ I mumbled and went to the door, opening it without checking the peephole.
I believed I was hard before I stepped in the shower to jerk off, it's nothing compared to the instant boner I get when I take in Megan there, beautiful in a little dress that stopped mid-thigh and her eyes stuck on my bare chest.
“Hey,’’ I said, voice rough. My hand on the door tightened, and the one at my side closed into a tight fist just so I didn’t reach out to gather Megan in my arms to kiss her again, hear that gasp and feel her against me. I was turning into an obsessive sap.
“Uh, sorry. Is it a bad time?’’
From the way her eyes skimmed over my shoulder to look in my apartment and how she lost her smile, I guessed what was on her mind and that pissed me off. Jaw locked, I stepped back from the door to let her in.
“Not at all,’’ I grumbled and watched her as she took a few hesitant steps inside, her feet light on the floor, so quiet I wouldn’t have known she was walking if I had my back to her. She glanced around and I watched intently as she let her guard down. Her shoulders lost that stiffness and she inhaled deeply before she turned around just as I closed the door. She offered me an apologetic smile. “I’m alone. I usually have a lazy Sunday morning,’’ I explained, forcing away my annoyance at her assumption after what had happened the night before, but my usual smile didn’t come.
“Oh, okay.’’ She nodded and her eyes drifted down my bare chest before she blinked twice and looked away. “Maybe you’d like to put on some clothes.’’
“And miss that blush on your face and the way your eyes can’t stay away from me? I don’t think so,’’ I replied and this time my smile came easily as I walked past her to take a seat on the couch facing the big windows with a view of other buildings. I had more money than I knew how to spend, but I didn’t see the need to get an apartment with a view of Central Park like Mathis or another equally epic view. I cared more about my job than that and I spent a lot more time at the office than here anyway.
“Are you always like this with women?’’ she asked quietly as she quickly made her way to the opposite couch to sit primly with her legs closed tightly and her hands on her thighs, gripping them. That was the only outward sign that she wasn’t as calm as she’d like me to think. Oddly, that pleased me, making me wonder if maybe Mathis’ twisted mind hadn’t rubbed off on me after all these years.
“What are you doing here?’’ I asked, ignoring her question, thinking it was the kind of interrogation that was better left unanswered when you were hell-bent on exploring whatever crazy chemistry you had with the woman asking the question. There were enough obstacles without adding my promiscuity with women to the list.
She sighed and dropped whatever she was about to say and instead, frowned in what could only pass as concentration as her eyes planted on mine. “I wanted to stop by on my way to my parents’ for the usual Sunday brunch because I need this sorted out.’’
“By this, you mean what happened last night.’’
She nodded stiffly and I watched her dig her fingers into her thighs over the fabric of her dress. It reminded me of the way her delicate hands felt when I kissed her, how she held onto me as if in desperation. Fuck, that was good.
Strategically, I place my hands on my lap, making sure I wouldn’t flash her my hardening cock bulging under the dark blue towel.
“I don’t know in which alternate world I was thrown in, Chance, but what happened last night can’t and won’t happen again. I wanted to clear the air and make sure we were on the same page.’’
I laughed then. I truly laughed, the kind of laugh with the head back, mouth wide open and eyes closed. My laughter filled the large room, shattered the awkward tension hanging over us. At least, it did for me.
“Megan,’’ I said once my laughter calmed down and I found her brown eyes on me. Her perfect mouth turned down in annoyance, but her cheeks still had that red hue telling me that she didn’t find me that annoying after all. “We’re not on the same fucking book if you think for one second I won’t kiss you again. Now, it’s a matter of when we’ll have sex. It’s too late to back out.’’
“I’m not having sex with you,’’ she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Stubborn woman.’’
“I’m a Grimes. Speaking of, have you forgotten about Mathis?’’
That made me lose my smile and rub at my face as if to rid myself of something, whatever it was that complicated my life so much. But it didn’t change a damn thing because as soon as I lowered my hands, I saw Megan and I wanted her so damn much I silently cursed Mathis for being my friend and for owing him my career and the money I had that also helped my parents to better their lives.
“Tell me something and be honest,’’ I went on, “do you want me or was last night a fluke?’’
“You’re bad news for me.’’
“That doesn’t answer me.’’
“It does if you’d listen.’’ I went to open my mouth, but she went on in a rush. “But that’s not the point. You’ve been thinking about me for a couple of months when I had spent years hung up on you. And now that you see me, all you see is a new woman to sleep with.’’
“It’s not just that. Do you think I’m on some kind of high because you’re pushing me away?’’ I laughed without humor and didn’t find much pleasure when her eyes fell on my mouth and glided down to my chest. In her eyes, I only saw a bittersweet lust that didn’t sit well with me and pushed me back to the truth that had Megan running to France for two months without a word.
“No, I think you’re curious and also flattered.’’
“Wow.’’ My eyebrows hiked up on my forehead, and my eyes narrowed on the brunette that had me twisting forward and backward. I stared at her and waited for her to crack a smile, but she sat there, unperturbed and eyes steady on me. “And you say you’ve fallen in love with me? I see you have a nice opinion of me.’’
“What?’’ She shook her head and frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that. Come on, Chance. Don’t tell me it’s not flattering when someone tells you they’ve been in love with you for years.’’
“It’s mind-boggling, that’s what it is.’’ I pushed my bare back against the couch and balled my hands in my lap, right over the bulge under the towel.
“You know what, let’s not fight over semantics. I’m not here for that.’’
“No, you’re here because you want to make sure nothing is ever going to happen between us.’’
“You’re maddening.’’
“Why is that?’’ I asked with a big smile as my amusement came back when she grew flustered. Flustered meant she wasn’t as over this, me, as she wanted to be. That meant I had some wiggle room to convince her to explore whatever this was between us. One thing was for sure, after a kiss like the one we exchanged last night, it was impossible to resume life as it’s always been between us. I would never be able to pass her by at a function with a simple greeting when I craved her taste, to bend her over and fuck her like she had never been and listen to her moans.
Something told me that even once I did those things, it wouldn’t be enough.
My chest tightened at the thought, worries slammed back in at all the issues that could land on me, but they weren’t as pressing as my need to be with Megan Grimes.
She opened my eyes, she couldn’t blame me if I didn’t want to close them again.
“You don’t take me seriously. I shouldn’t have come here. It was stupid.’’
She stood up and made to leave. My smile vanished and a frown that rarely graced my face appeared. In one swift move, I was on my feet, towering over her with her arm in my hand to stop her.
And as clichés went, my towel opened and fell at our feet.