Drinks to celebrate filming our last scene together seemed like it would be a good idea when Rebel suggested it. Brewer certainly seemed on board with a celebration. Clearly ready to be done filming with me. He can go back to the scenes he has so much fun doing with Heart, Campy, and Pixie. I know he’s been trying to convince Bear to let Heart and himself DP Pixie. Not sure how that will go, but either way, it’s time for both of us to get back to our regular work schedules.

I can’t help but wonder what this will mean for everything else. Will our friendship slowly crumble back to nothing? The thought starts an ache in my chest. Rebel told us we can’t break up for at least another month, so he can get as much marketing opportunity as possible out of our last few scenes. But after that, then what? I’m sure Brewer will move out sooner or later. Everything will go back to normal. I’ll be watching movies alone again and cooking for just me. Well, at least I have Shaggy now. I’ll be cooking for me and Shaggy.

“What’s wrong, dude? I figured you’d be psyched to be finished with Brewer? And only a few more weeks before you can be totally free again. Why aren’t you celebrating?” Rebel asks.

“I don’t know,” I lie, lifting my drink to my lips and downing it quickly. I can feel Rebel’s eyes on me as he waits for me to tell the truth. I guess I was even less convincing than I thought. Fair enough since I didn’t put any effort into that lie. “I think...fuck...I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I might be in love with him.”

The shocked expression on Rebel’s face— eyes bugging out and mouth falling open— is almost enough to make the confession worth it all on its own.

“Wow...I mean, that’s...wow.”

“Yeah,” I agree solemnly. “I’m not stupid enough to think Brewer could ever feel the same. He likes to party, have fun, and I’m the opposite of fun by just about any metric you can come up with. Not to mention, I was a complete asshole to him for the first however many years we’ve known each other. I’m sure it’ll pass, I guess I’m just not ready for the ruse to be over yet, since it’s all I’ll ever have of him.”

“Have you talked to him about any of this, or are you assuming he doesn’t feel the same without even bothering to ask?” Rebel challenges, clearly already guessing the correct answer.

“How could he feel the same way?”

“How could he not? You two obviously get each other on some deeper level than the rest of us have ever been able to access. I can’t pretend to know what’s going on between the two of you, but you’re a great guy, and Brewer would be lucky to have you. He’s a smart guy, he must know that, too.”

“You think?” I ask uncertainly.

“You’ll never know unless you pull up your big boy pants and tell him.”

“Okay, yeah,” I agree. “I’ll tell him.”

* * *

Rebel’s words run through my mind over the next few days. Is it possible Brewer could feel the same way I do? And if he doesn’t, can I handle the humiliation of putting myself out there just to be rejected? My gut twinges at the thought.

“Hey, did you check Blackboard yet for our English Lit grade?” Brewer calls from his bedroom.

“No, did you?”

I hear his door creak open farther, and I crane my neck to see him walk into the living room. He plops down on the couch beside me with a big smile, and his phone in his outstretched hand. I take it from him and look at the university website he has pulled up to our English class page.

“We got a hundred percent,” Brewer declares, adding a little fist pump of victory to punctuate.

“We make a good team,” I offer casually.

“You know, grizzly bear, I think you’re right.”

He kisses my cheek with a noisy smack and takes his phone back from me. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I think we could make a good team in life, too. To ask him if it’s possible that he could fall in love with me. But I can’t manage to get the words out.

Before I know it, he’s sauntering back into his room.

Maybe this really is some sort of cosmic test where I have to overcome my biggest fear. If that’s the case, the only way to give the universe the middle finger and prove I’m worthy of Brewer is with the possibility of public humiliation.

* * *

“Thanks again for letting me borrow the set for a little while,” I say to Rebel, earning a pat on the shoulder. “I didn’t want to do this at the apartment in case…well, you know.”

“I’m just proud of you for finding your balls and letting Brewer know how you really feel.”

“Me too,” I agree, taking a deep breath in an attempt to dispel my nerves. “I just hope I don’t end up making an ass of myself.”

“You’re making an ass of yourself in the name of love; there’s nothing more noble than that.”

I chuckle and give Rebel a quick hug before shooing him off so I can get to the potential humiliation.

I pull out my phone and open my Instagram account that Brewer had to show me how to get in to since he’s been the one keeping it up for me. I take a deep breath, refusing to think about the ways this could backfire, and I click the icon to start a live video.

“Hi guys, Peter here— although you all know me better as Tank. And I'm sure you're all shocked to find I can put coherent sentences together all on my own. I've seen the comments, and I know you all think of me as a scowling, grunting caveman. That's how most of the world sees me. After all, I am a giant brute, and I play into the stereotype well. Only one person had looked past that and seen the real me underneath. Brewer. I hated him when I met him, and our relationship started out as a PR stunt, but I fell in love with his arrogant, sexy ass along the way. And I’m hoping like hell he’ll give me the chance to make this thing real.”

I smile at the camera, thinking about what an ass I’m making of myself. Hopefully, it’ll pay off in the end. And if not, I’m glad I’m putting it out there to let Micah know what’s really on the table. I want everything with him— a shared home, a shared future, a chance to take care of each other.

“I’m sure I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one day, so I’ll sign off now and keep my fingers crossed that Brewer will get his fine ass over here when he sees this. Take care, guys.” I give a little wave and end the video.

I toss my phone down and lean my head back, rubbing my hands over my face. It’s not long before I hear the studio door open, and my heart leaps into my throat. That has to be Micah. But will he be here to tell me he feels the same? Or will he rip me a new asshole for spilling all that shit online for the world to see?

I take a deep breath and stand just as he steps onto set. I’m caught off guard as Micah throws himself into my arms. I stumble back, nearly losing balance as I grab onto his ass to keep from dropping him.

And then his lips are on mine, hard and insistent. He nips at my bottom lip and when I part my lips on a gasp, he thrusts his tongue inside. I moan at the taste of him in my mouth, hot and wet as our tongues stroke and tangle together.

“I think it was always real, Peter. We both just had our heads too far up our own asses to see it,” he says when our mouths part, our foreheads resting against each other as we both try to catch our breath.

“I love you.” I’ve never said those words to anyone in my life, but they’re easier than I ever expected them to be.

“I love you too, teddy bear.”

He kisses me again, and this time I walk him over to the bed as our lips slide together. I toss him down and strip my shirt over my head as he laughs in surprise.

“Wait, one question,” he says, putting a hand against my chest to slow me down when I climb on top of him.

“Yes, you can top me sometimes.”

“Good to know, but that wasn’t my question.”

“Okay, you talk while I get you naked,” I suggest, already unbuttoning his pants before he has a chance to respond.

“If we’re together, what about Ballsy? Do we have to quit porn?”

My hands still. “Do you want us to both quit?” I know neither of us planned to do porn forever, but I also know we both need the paycheck while we finish our degrees. And I’ve always thought we both enjoyed it.

“Honestly?” he asks, his eyebrows pulling together.

“Yeah, baby, I think honest is the only way this is going to work.”

“I don’t want to quit. I like doing porn. And there’s no other job that’ll pay bills and keep us from having student loans out when we’re finished.”

“I agree.”

“But, what do we do? We can’t just do scenes with just the two of us, right? That would get boring for viewers, and I doubt Rebel and Bear would go for that.”

I nod in agreement and try to imagine what it would be like to be sitting at home knowing Brewer was getting fucked by Heart or sliding inside Pixie’s tight little ass. I wait to feel a flash of jealousy like I experienced when he would take guys to the bathroom to fuck at the club, but I find none.

“I think I’m okay with you doing scenes with the other guys still. As long as off-camera you’re only mine. But how do you feel about me doing scenes with the other guys?”

He takes a few seconds to ponder it before answering.

“Don’t let anyone else top you on camera either?” he asks.

“Deal,” I agree easily. It’s not like I was thrilled at the idea of letting anyone else top me anyway. And I’m sure that’s something Rebel and Bear will have no problem agreeing to since I’ve been a strict top for years.

“Great, now that’s settled, back to the naked part.”

“Good plan.” I strip his shirt over his head and toss it aside. Gazing down at Micah— spread out on the bed, smiling up at me— warmth spreads through my body and makes me smile.

“I like when you smile, Pete.” He traces my lips with his index finger, with a look of wonder on his face. “I like that I’m the only one who makes you smile.”

“I like that too.”