“You’re doing great.”

Daire squeezes his eyes shut and forces his body to finish out the allotted repetitions of exercises the therapist has set for him today. “Cut the bullshit, Lola,” he grunts. “You aren’t a cheerleader.”

Grazi looks at me and frowns, and I wonder if I look as exhausted as she does. It’s been two months since I stepped in to help, though I’m feeling more and more useless every day. Daire’s attitude is only getting worse. He’s irritable and mean, and everyone’s walking on eggshells around him. Well, everyone except for Jimmy because he apparently holds some extraordinary power over Daire that I’m not capable of harnessing.

The session ends, and Grazi says she’ll make us dinner. But she’s made dinner every night this week and what she really needs is a break. “It’s okay,” I tell her. “I’ve got this. You and Jimmy should go home and relax tonight.”

She glances at Daire, and his response is to flippantly wave her away. It pisses me off, and it’s getting harder to hold my tongue around him when he’s acting like a toddler. Grazi may have seemed like a raging bitch at first, but she loves Daire like a mother would. And now that I understand that and we’ve gotten to know each other, I want to smack him whenever he’s a dick to her.

“Are you sure?” Grazi asks. “It’s no bother.”

“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure Daire will be happy to order some of his favorite curry tonight. We’ll make it easy.”

Grazi nods in defeat, and I walk her out of the room.

“I don’t know what else to do,” she admits. “It seems like he’s in so much pain. My heart breaks for him. But he won’t let us help. He won’t tell us how to fix it.”

“We can’t, Grazi. We can’t fix this for Daire. It’s something he has to do himself, and that’s what makes it so hard. We have to sit here and watch him struggle, and he likes that just about as much as we do. He’s too proud to admit it. But he doesn’t mean to be so… well, mean.”

“I know.” She shrugs. “He is not used to having someone to care about him. And he’s not used to being so helpless. He doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t know how to deal with it.” She looks like she’s on the verge of tears, so I shoo her towards the end of the hall.

“Go home. Take a bath. Read a book. Watch a movie. Whatever you want. But don’t worry about Daire tonight, okay?”

“Thank you, Lola,” she says. “Thank you.”

She turns to go but stops short. “I was wrong about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You do love him,” she answers. “You love him even when he’s at his worst.”

Daire is a treat all the way back to his apartment. He’s either giving me the silent treatment or doesn’t feel like talking, but either way, it’s a nice reprieve from his caustic observations.

I order up dinner and then help Daire to his shower, where he insists on being left alone. While he’s in there, I do some of the laundry and cleaning to keep myself busy. He does have a maid, but lately, the place has been such a mess I’ve felt bad every time she has to come and clean it up. Plus, it doesn’t help that she’s as meek as a mouse, sneaking around and hoping she won’t cross paths with Daire.

I stay mostly in the proximity of his bedroom so that I can hear if he falls or needs any help. But when I walk back to listen near the door, there’s a soft whining coming from inside. I call out to him, but he doesn’t answer.

The whining continues, and my mind goes straight to the worst case scenario. He’s fallen and hit his head. He can’t speak, and now he’s drowning, and I have to go in there to save him. I burst through the door and rush inside but stop short in front of the open stone shower. Because Daire isn’t hurt. In fact, he seems to be perfectly fine.

He’s sitting on the stone ledge inside, one hand braced against the wall while the other tugs at his erect dick. I can’t look away. And it might be silly, but the first feeling that I have is one of jealousy. His orgasms used to be mine and mine alone. He used to demand me to please him whenever the mood struck, and now he’s resorted to tending to himself.

I briefly wonder who he’s thinking of. I wonder why he hasn’t pushed harder for more between us. I told him I’d be his friend, but it isn’t like Daire to accept that so readily. Unless he really doesn’t want me anymore.

He opens his eyes and meets mine, and the relief on his face transforms to anger. “What are you doing? Can you not give me one goddamn second of peace?”

I flinch at the callousness of his voice and tears spring to my eyes. I’m immobile, stunned by the cruel way he’s looking at me right now. My nerves are frayed already from his verbal wounds, and I can’t handle this right now.

“Get the fuck out!” he roars.

I finally force my legs into motion and get the fuck out. Out of his bathroom. And then his bedroom. And I’m almost out of the building when I realize I can’t leave him here like this. As hurt as I might be right now, I need to go back up there and handle this.

I allow two minutes to collect myself before I punch the button that will take me back to the top. Back to Adrian’s sanctuary in the sky where he wants to be left in peace. The shower is still running when I get there, so I retrieve my phone and pull up google. By the time I hear the water shut off a few minutes later, I’ve arranged everything.

I don’t go back to his bedroom. I wait quietly on the sofa while he dresses himself and listen for the chime of the elevator. Eventually, Daire wheels himself into the living room and spares me a brief glance.

“I can’t do this anymore.” My voice is choked up, and it’s hard to speak. I’m emotional. And maybe that makes me weak in Daire’s eyes, but I can’t pretend to be as hard as he is.

“Lola.” His voice is softer now. Apologetic, even. But it doesn’t matter. I know that he can be soft. I know that he can be kind. But I can’t wait around in the hopes that I’ll see those fleeting glances anymore. Not when he’s like this. Not when he still has so far to go.

“I feel like I failed,” I admit. “I wanted to help you, and I haven’t. I wanted to be there for you all the way through, but I can’t. It’s so hard, Daire. It’s so hard when you’re so mean.”

He doesn’t answer me, and it’s probably for the best. Because I would crack if he asked me to stay right now. I would tell him yes because what Grazi said was true. I love him even at his worst. But I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with him at his worst twenty-four seven.

The elevator chimes and Daire doesn’t drag his attention away from me, even when Stephanie walks back in. She’s tall and beautiful and warm, and I’m a little jealous of her already. I bet Daire will want her. I bet that will give him something to think about in the shower.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” I tell her.

“It’s not a problem.” She smiles.

Daire still hasn’t spoken.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him again. “I’m sorry I didn’t do better, but I’m only a phone call away. If you need anything.”

I know he won’t. Daire would never admit that he needed something from me. But it makes me feel better to say it anyway. I walk to the elevator and wait.

He watches me go.

All the way until the doors close.