“This is impossible,” Daire whines.

“It’s not impossible,” I tell him. “Just remember this is what you wanted.”

“All they do is eat and shit.”

“Welcome to fatherhood.”

“But why are there three of them?” he protests. “I only asked for one.”

“You get what you get,” I say. “Consider it good practice. You’ll be triple qualified.”

He grunts in response, and I kiss him on the forehead. “Kay, well I’m off to meet up with Mellie.”

“Yep,” he grumbles. “Have fun.”

I muss up his hair and then lean down to kiss all three puppies that are currently clambering over him. They are only foster babies, so we can’t get attached, but damn they are cute.

Daire turns on the television and settles into the sofa. “How long will you be gone?”

There’s an undercurrent of panic in his voice, but something about it feels a little contrived. I’ve suspected for a while that he’s not quite as frazzled as he’s pretending to be, and today I intend on finding out why.

“Don’t know.” I shrug. “At least a few hours. Could turn into an all-day event.”

He nods. “Yeah, alright. Well, have fun.”

“Love you!” I sing as I make a beeline for the elevator. “Don’t forget to let them out every two hours.”

“Love you too,” he says.

It still gives me goosebumps whenever Daire makes any kind of emotional declaration towards me. Six months of marriage and it feels like the first time every time.

I ride the elevator down to the lobby and head for the crosswalk. There’s a coffee shop across the street, and it’s the perfect place to conduct my impromptu stakeout. Mellie is already waiting for me there as agreed upon, and she’s ordered for both of us. We grab a couple seats by the window with a direct view of the building.

“This is fun.” She dumps a couple Splendas into her cold brew. I follow suit. She’s officially converted me to iced coffee.

“I don’t know if fun is the word I would choose,” I answer. “I’m dead tired. Puppies are hard work.”

“So is Daire,” Mellie snorts.

“Tell me about it,” I laugh.

“You really think he’s up to something?”

“Something’s fishy. He isn’t nearly as tired as he should be when it’s his turn for puppy duty. I don’t know.”

“Maybe he’s just handling it exceptionally well,” Mellie muses. “He could be really excited about fatherhood.”

We both maintain our composure for all of two seconds before bursting into a fit of laughter. But something outside the window captures my attention, and Mellie perks up too.

“Who is that?” she asks.

I squint and suddenly wish I’d brought a pair of binoculars. Rookie mistake. You should always have binoculars at a stakeout.

“I don’t know. But she looks like she’s incognito for sure.”

The woman is wearing a long leopard print overcoat and a giant floppy hat with huge sunglasses. It’s like something straight out of a movie when she glances over her shoulder and then darts inside the building.

I suck down my coffee and stuff the rest of my muffin into my mouth before scooping up my handbag.

“C’mon,” I mumble. “Let’s go.”

Mellie dutifully follows me across the street and into the building. The doorman, Frank, pales when he sees me, and that’s how I know he’s in on it too. He reaches for the phone, and I shake my head.

“Don’t you dare, Frank.”

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Daire,” he answers sheepishly.

We ride the elevator to the top, and I spring out of the doors the moment they open. And there it is. The confirmation of my suspicions. Daire is sprawled out across the sofa, snoozing, while Grazi tends to the puppies. She gasps when she sees me and belatedly attempts to run and hide before she realizes the ridiculousness of that idea.

“I can explain.” She sets the puppy in her arms back into the playpen.

Daire’s eyes spring open, and he immediately looks to Grazi to save him.

“Oh, no, I can’t explain,” she shrieks. “And I can’t save you either.” She runs to the elevator and makes a quick getaway while I cross my arms and wait for Daire’s explanation.

“I was tired,” he groans. “It’s really hard.”

“I know it’s hard. That’s pretty much the whole point. You want to have a baby, but you can’t even take care of a few puppies.”

“It isn’t the same,” he argues. “They’re puppies. It will be different when it’s my own kid.”

“How?”

“It will be ours,” he says as if that explains everything.

I sigh. Daire gets up and uses his cane to walk to me. And it isn’t fair because he knows it’s a losing battle when he touches me. That’s exactly what he does, stroking my cheek in his hand, rubbing my back with the other.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to let you down, LB.”

He kisses me, and some of my annoyance melts away. But Mellie clears her throat, reminding me she’s still present, and also that I’m supposed to be mad right now.

“Right.” I take a step back. “You need to take this seriously, Daire.”

“I do,” he says.

“Then prove it,” I tell him. “Without any help from anyone. I need to see that you understand what you’re signing up for and it’s not just some romantic notion you have in your head.”

He sighs. “It isn’t, Lola. But you’re right. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it.”

The bed shifts when Daire climbs back into bed, and it wakes me up.

“What are you doing?” I murmur.

“The pups were crying,” he says.

“But it was my turn. You should have woken me.”

He pulls my body into his. “You looked too peaceful. I didn’t want to wake you.”

I snuggle into his chest and breathe him in. He smells amazing. And he’s so warm. It’s no wonder the puppies favor him. They spend half the day piled in a heap on his lap whenever he gets home from work. Luckily since the shop has been doing so well, I’m able to spend more time away from it. We juggle our schedules and take turns with the responsibilities surrounding the puppies and the house. We get tired, and we bicker, and some nights we just end up eating cereal for dinner, but Daire has done what he set out to do.

He’s proven that he’s more than capable of being a good father. We’ve had a lot of practice, and I guess it’s probably time I go ahead and put him out of his misery.

He pokes his erection into my hip. “Wanna try to make a baby right now?”

I tell him yes, but neither one of us has the energy to really do anything, so we just grope each other until we fall asleep again. When I wake up an hour later, Daire’s already awake, stroking my hair and staring up at the ceiling.

“Whatcha thinking about?” I ask.

“Your tits,” he answers. “I bet they’ll get huge when you’re knocked up.”

I roll my eyes and rest my head on his chest. He has another erection, and this time it’s tenting the bedsheets.

“We probably only have a little bit before they’re up again,” I say. “You wanna make some babies?”

He bites my neck playfully and then rolls me beneath him, emphasizing his words with some hip thrusts. “Hell yes.”

We fumble around like we’re drunk, but really, it’s just the exhaustion. Daire squeezes himself inside of me and pumps erratically while we paw at each other. I come too fast, and so does he. We are officially domesticated.

He rolls beside me and rests his face against my boobs. I play with his hair, and he’s about to doze off again when he murmurs against my skin. “I think that was the one. I feel like I went deep. I gave it everything I have.”

I snort, and he cracks an eye to look up at me. “Are you doubting me?”

“Never,” I smirk.

He grunts and starts to drift off again when I wake him. “I think you already gave it everything you have, Daire. Approximately two months ago.”

His brows shoot up. “What do you mean?”

I smile and deliver the news he’s been hoping for. “I’m pregnant.”

---

The End.