Chapter Five
She didn’t have a chance to process the question before Kiki came bustling over, chattering about the customer who’d bought every single Nero Wolfe mystery they had, which was like twenty, and now there was a big gap in the mystery section under S where Rex Stout had been, and did Jane want her and Felicia to close up tonight?
Jane grasped onto the question mark at the end of that last sentence. There was something in Kiki’s chatter that required a response.
“What?”
“I said, do you want us to close up tonight? I heard Sam—I wasn’t eavesdropping, but you don’t really have to with her, right? She’s so loud—say that you guys have dinner plans. So if you want me to close up I can. All the customers are gone except—” She looked at Dan. “Not that I’m rushing you out, or anything. I—”
“No, not at all,” Dan said. He turned to Jane again. “I could walk you to wherever you’re meeting your sister for dinner. If that’s all right?”
Everything was happening so fast. What was she supposed to say?
Dan had asked if Samantha was single. He was interested in her. He wanted to walk Jane to the restaurant in the hope of seeing her sister again.
She had no idea how to respond.
“I—”
No. She would say no.
But what reason could she give for saying he couldn’t walk her to the burger joint around the corner?
“I was going to do an errand on the way. You don’t have to—”
“I don’t mind,” he said quickly. “Really.”
And then, in that moment, Jane felt herself give up.
It wasn’t a new sensation. She’d been giving up when it came to Sam for twenty-seven years. Sam had always been too much for her, and she always would be.
“Okay,” she said hopelessly, but Dan didn’t notice the hopelessness—only the acquiescence.
“Wonderful,” he said jubilantly. “Are you ready? Should we go?”
She couldn’t think of a single excuse to delay. “Sure.” Well, there was her purse and her cardigan in the back room. That would give her a moment of privacy to get herself together. “Let me just grab my—”
“Your sweater and purse?” Kiki said, producing them like a genie. “Here you go. I brought them with me so you could head straight out.”
Great.
She mustered up a smile for her employee and friend, who was only trying to be nice. “Thanks so much, Kiki. That’s great. You’ve got the keys?”
“Yup.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
And less than a minute later, she was walking down the sidewalk with Handsome Dan, just as she’d imagined—except that they were talking about Sam.
“She’s so beautiful. I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
He wasn’t the first guy to think that. He wasn’t even the first guy Jane had been interested in who thought that.
“Uh-huh.”
“And she’s so . . . so vital.”
“Yep.”
“She practically glows. Like she’s surrounded by an aura or something. A nimbus of light.”
A nimbus of light? Okay, sure.
Dan stopped short, looking down at her in sudden consternation. Around them, bustling pedestrians flowed like a river past a rock.
I’m so sorry, he was going to say. We obviously had some kind of chemistry going, and now I’m blathering on about your sister. This has to be really uncomfortable for you. Please forgive me.
“She’s dating someone, isn’t she? A woman that gorgeous can’t be single. And you don’t want to tell me. I must sound like such an idiot.”
He looked so worried as he looked down at her. His forehead was wrinkled and his eyes were anxious, and she really, really wished she could think he was an idiot.
Only she couldn’t. She’d been ludicrously wrong about the energy between them, but that wasn’t Dan’s fault. It was obvious now that any chemistry between them was intellectual. Anything else had been in her head, and she couldn’t condemn Dan for being fickle when he hadn’t been interested in the first place.
And the truth was, she still really liked him. He was still the bookish geek she’d been drawn to yesterday, and now he was showing this adorably romantic side.
Because of her sister.
“Of course I don’t think you’re an idiot,” she forced herself to say. “And Sam broke up with someone a few months ago. As far as I know she’s still single.”
His face lit up, making him even more charming and making her feel even worse. He started forward again but stopped midstep.
“I’m sorry, you said you had an errand to do. Where do you need to go?”
Right, her fictional errand.
“You know what? It’s fine. I can do it tomorrow. That’s the restaurant up ahead, the one with the blue awning. Let’s go.”
They were on the move again. The setting sun was in her eyes, making her blink. It always seemed brighter between buildings.
“I can’t believe I’m only here another week,” Dan was saying. “But it doesn’t matter. I have to take her to coffee or dinner or—well, something. Anything.”
Wait a minute.
“You don’t live in New York? You’re only here another week?”
Was this the first time he’d mentioned that, or had she missed it somehow?
“Unfortunately, yes. I’m here a few times a year on business, though, and to visit my sister.”
“Where do you—”
“There she is! No, I’m wrong. That’s not her.”
They’d arrived at Kobe-yashi Maru, and Dan was looking through the window at the crowd inside.
She should invite him to join them. Shouldn’t she?
Join us for dinner, Dan.
No, Jane, I couldn’t possibly intrude like that.
Don’t be silly, you wouldn’t be intruding. We’d love to have you.
Well, if it’s really all right . . .
Then she could spend the next few hours watching the guy she had a crush on make a move on Samantha.
She couldn’t do it. It would be the nice thing to do, but she couldn’t do it.
“I’d invite you to join us, but I think Sam was counting on a sister thing. You know?”
“Of course,” Dan said instantly. He grinned a boyish grin. “And anyway, a part of you must think I’m nuts. I wouldn’t encourage me, either.”
“That’s not it, I promise.”
If she really meant that, though, she’d try to help him out.
She took a deep breath. “I’ll make lunch plans with Sam for tomorrow.” She pointed at the deli across the street. “We’ll be there at one o’clock if you want to, you know, casually drop by.”
He looked delighted. “Really? I’ll be there.” He grabbed her hand and shook it. “Thank you, Jane. Have a wonderful evening. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow,” she echoed, feeling a little tingle where their palms had met and watching him walk away until he disappeared into the crowd. Then she turned resolutely away and went into the crowded restaurant.
She could see why Caleb disliked this place. He hated crowds, for one thing, and this place was always a crush of people. After the refreshing October air outside it was like a furnace in here, and with the dim lighting and noisy chatter all around her it felt as though she were swimming in a chaotic sea.
Her temples started to throb.
“Those effing Mets . . .”
“Damn mayor . . .”
“And it’s not even me being an asshole. I mean, of course there’s going to be drama in a divorce, right? But she’s a pig. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe what she . . .”
“Where should we go after this? There’s no movie I feel like seeing, and I’m just so bored by everything, you know?”
Welcome to humanity, she thought as she tried to edge past a knot of millennials in business attire without shoving anyone or being shoved. We’re bored, pissed off, or assholes. Maybe all three at once.
She thought longingly of her store, always a refuge. The voices there came from the pages of books—thoughtful, funny, sensitive, brilliant, so much more kind and beautiful and articulate than actual people ever seemed to be.
Give her books over real people anytime.
“Little sis! Over here!”
She craned her neck and caught sight of Sam, waving furiously from a corner booth, and Caleb, across the table from her, leaning back with his cowboy hat tipped down so she couldn’t see his expression.
Sam really was gorgeous. Perfect skin, long blonde hair, and that toned, athletic body. Even in New York City, where there was no shortage of attractive people, Sam always drew attention.
It was slow work inching through the bar area, where the young and hip were waiting for their cocktails and microbrews. She felt more invisible than usual, noting that none of the guys gave her a second glance as she moved past them. The only time she ever got male attention was when she was with Sam, and then it was only from the wingmen of the guys hoping to meet her sister.
A gap opened in the crowd and she hurried through it, finally able to make a direct line toward her goal. She slid into the booth next to Caleb, elbowing him in the ribs so he’d move over, and tried not to feel like a jealous kid as she smiled at Samantha.
But the hand that squeezed at her heart was all too familiar.
So was the voice that spoke in her head—a little girl’s voice, bitter and resentful.
I wish I were an only child.
How could she think such a thing? She wasn’t a kid anymore. She was a grown woman with a life of her own—a life she loved, even though Caleb might think it was boring. And she loved her sister.
“I love you,” she said under her breath, willing the words to wash away the acid running through her veins. Envy was corrosive, as she knew all too well, and she wouldn’t give in to it.
She was a grown woman.
She loved her sister.
“What?”
She focused on Caleb. “What?”
“That’s what I said.”
“What did you say?”
“I said, ‘What?’”
“What?”
“Oh my God,” Sam broke in, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. “Janey, you said something, but we didn’t hear it. Caleb asked what you’d said. Then we got Abbott and Costello.” She paused. “So what did you say?”
“Nothing important,” Jane said, grabbing one of the big plastic menus and fixing her eyes on it. There was no way she was going to shout I love you at her sister in a crowded hipster burger joint.
“This is why I hate it here,” Caleb said, his eyes still hidden under the brim of his hat. “It’s not too late to go somewhere else, you know. Or we could order takeout and eat at home.”
She actually agreed with him. And that was so annoying she grabbed the hat from his head and put it on her lap. “You shouldn’t wear this thing at dinner.”
Caleb made a swipe for it, but Jane tossed it to Sam, who put it on the seat next to her.
“Little sis is right. Just pretend you’re civilized for an hour, C.B. It won’t kill you.”
With the hat gone, Jane could see Caleb’s expression clearly, and he looked as irritated as she felt. He sat up a little straighter and turned his hazel eyes on her.
“So. How’d it go with Horn-Rims today?”
She might have known he’d ask. God forbid she could just pretend the last hour hadn’t happened.
And of course, Sam perked right up. “Horn-Rims? Who’s Horn-Rims?”
Jane looked back down at the menu. “A guy.”
She could feel Sam’s interest and excitement from across the table. Her sister was always telling her to “put herself out there” more.
“A guy you like?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s awesome! Does he know you’re interested? Does he like you?”
Jane looked up finally, meeting her sister’s happy gaze. What would it be like to be that uncomplicated? For sisterly love and affection to be unmarred by jealousy or insecurity?
She took a deep breath, and then she said words she’d said before. Often, in fact. At fourteen, and seventeen, and twenty, and twenty-three.
“No, he doesn’t like me. He likes you.”