We win our game in Oregon, which has everyone in good spirits on the way back. It’s a long ass flight and then an hour bus ride to get back to Valley, and every minute feels like torture. I don’t know where to sit on the bus. Ridiculous as it sounds, everything has changed, and I’m no longer one of them. If I were an injured sophomore or even junior, it’d be different, but I’m never gonna be a real member of this team again.

I settle next to Z, but his silence only makes my nervous energy feel more pronounced. The tension I usually release on the floor has built up, and I can’t sit still. Shaw sits across the aisle and catches my eye. “You all right? Foot bothering you?”

“What?” It takes a second for his attempt at polite conversation to register. “Nah, just feel restless.”

He nods as if he could possibly understand. “Look, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I’m really sorry about the way things went down. You were a good player. The guys really respect and look to you. It’s tough shoes to fill. I just want you to know I don’t take the job lightly.”

I resist an eye roll but can’t stop the disbelieving grunt that escapes.

“What is your problem with me, anyway? You’ve been on my ass since I arrived at Valley, so I know it isn’t just that I’ve taken your spot.”

Count to five and consider keeping my mouth shut. The consideration is rejected. “I don’t like that you’re dividing your time. Pick a sport. Coaches might be okay with it, but no one else is. It’s damn risky, and it makes both teams feel like you aren’t giving one hundred percent.”

“That’s such bullshit,” he says and shakes his head. “I work my ass off to be a part of both teams. Twice as many practices, double the coaches and training routines.”

“Why do that to yourself? Just pick one and give it your all. Save yourself and all of us a lot of heartache when you get burned out or injured.”

“You just don’t get it. I can’t pick between the two of them like it’s a choice of pizza or tacos. I love basketball. I love the sound of shoes squeaking on the floor and the echo of the ball in an empty gym. But I love baseball too.”

“Yeah, sure. I loved football once upon a time, but I made the decision to put everything into one sport.” Most of us played other sports as kids, but at one point or another we gave the others up and made basketball the primary focus.

“You didn’t love football as much as basketball.” He is adamant, and that pisses me off.

“Excuse me?”

“You couldn’t have. There’s no way I could pick between basketball and baseball. Come on, you know what it’s like to love two things so much you can’t give either up. How is my loving two sports different from you playing ball and having a girlfriend?”

“You’re really comparing your situation to my dating life?”

His head bobbles like he’s waiting for me to figure out the connection.

“It isn’t the same,” I finally say.

“Sure it is. You split your time between the two. They both consume your thoughts. Your main objective for both is to score.”

I roll my eyes at his lame attempt at humor. “That is the weakest analogy I’ve ever heard, rook. We’re done here.”

I stand and move to the front next to Joel. He looks me over and nods appreciatively. “Nice work today. You have a knack for keeping Shaw and the bench ready to go. And you look damn good doing it. Getting laid agrees with you.”

“Jesus H Christ,” I mutter and stand again. The only other available seat is next to Coach.

He takes off his glasses and looks me over as if I’ve personally offended him by invading his bubble. “The guys are in rare form after that win.”

“It was a good game. Shaw is finally finding his rhythm. Thanks to you.”

“Please don’t thank me.” I scrub a hand along my jaw and around my neck. “I resent every second of it.”

He laughs. “You won’t after a while.”

I narrow my eyes as if that’ll help me understand him better.

“I wasn’t always a coach,” he says

“Yeah, I know,” I say. “Baylor, player of the year in 1999.”

“That’s right.” He nods with a proud look on his face, and I see a bit of that cocky player he had to have been back then. Z and I looked up old clips once; Coach was a beast. “I played all four seasons. Four great seasons. Still hurts just the same no matter when you have to give it up.”

“Why’d you become a coach if you resent not playing anymore?”

He studies me. “Why’d you decide to come back and sit with the team?”

I shrug.

“The only thing that hurts more than not playing is losing it completely. They’ll have to drag me off that court kicking and screaming when I’m ninety years old.”

“I guess I came back because I didn’t know what else to do. Who else to be.”

He shifts in his seat and studies me. “You thought about what you might want to do after you graduate?”

“My dad has offered me a junior analyst job at his company.” I shrug. I haven’t really allowed myself to think beyond May.

“Coach Lewis is moving on, we’ll have an assistant coaching spot if you’re interested. Think about it. Pay is crap and you’d have to keep working with these knuckleheads, but for what it’s worth, I think you have a real talent for it. You’ve already made a difference in Shaw. Maybe coaching at Valley, with guys you played with, is too much, but you say the word, and I’ll make some calls to other programs.”

Somehow, I manage to speak through the shock. “Thank you. I’ll think about it.”

Be a coach? We sit in an uncomfortable silence. It’s already been a night out of bizzaro land, so I ask the question that’s been floating around in my head since Shaw mentioned it.

“Do you think it’s possible to love two things equally?”

He regards me seriously but waits for me to say more.

“Like two different sports or two different women or anything as much as I love basketball.”

“If you find a penny today, are you more or less likely to find a penny tomorrow?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what the statistical likelihood is, but I think I’d worry less about trying to quantify it and grab on to anything that can even begin to compare to your love of the game. Especially now.”

I mull that over for the rest of the trip, closing my eyes and faking sleep. Maybe quantifying love is a losing man’s game. It doesn’t matter if I love Blair the same way I love basketball, it just matters that I love her. She’s been beside me for the worst year of my life, and when I try to picture it any other way, I don’t know if I would have survived. She’s breathed life into me again. I might still be bitter, but I’m no longer scared of what the future holds as long as she’s by my side, forcing me to look at the positives and putting up with my grumpy ass.

The bus pulls into the fieldhouse after six. Been a long ass day, but I’m not tired. Ain’t that a first. I gimp home, unable to wait for my roommates to shower and drop off their jerseys.

I’ve already texted Blair to give her an ETA on our arrival. So many times, I’ve come home to her waiting for me, giving up her life to be part of mine. I’m not selfless enough to think we’d be where we are today if she hadn’t. She gave, and I took. I’ve always known what a badass chick she is, but I wouldn’t have gone out of my way for her.

Not then, but I will now. I’ll follow her around campus for the next four months, tell everyone that’ll listen that she’s mine, prove day in and day out that I’m not going anywhere.

I’m not happy that I can’t play ball. There’s no positive spin I’m putting on it today or any day in the future. Going out like this sucks, and I’ll always wonder what-if and wish I’d been able to savor those last games knowing it was the end.

Nah, I’m not an optimist like Blair. I’m a grumpy motherfucker, and I probably always will be, but that’s why I’m not letting go of her. She evens out my dark. Makes all the dull and gray seem polished and new.

Blair

My phone rings with a video call from Vanessa.

“What’s up?”

Vanessa sets the phone down and steps back, turning side to side to show me her outfit.

“Mario is picking me up in fifteen minutes. Help!”

“Where’s he taking you?”

“He won’t say, which is why I can’t figure out what to wear. All he’ll say is it would be a night to remember.”

“Maybe he’s gonna propose.”

She places a hand to her lips. “Oh my God, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“You look hot, per the usual. Relax and have fun.”

She picks the phone up, bringing it closer to her face. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Not sure. Wes just got back, but he said he has some things to do.” Saying the words aloud makes my stomach flip—and not in a good way. I know I’m being overly sensitive, but it feels like the beginning of another brush off.

She bites at her lip and narrows her gaze. I wait for her to give me another lecture on being too available, but her phone beeps and her expression goes serious. “Shit, he’s on his way. I gotta go.”

“All right. Have fun and text me later. I can’t wait to hear where he takes you.”

When we hang up, I look around the empty tutor center and stand. It’s ten minutes until we close, but no one has walked in the door in an hour.

I shift my attention to said door, and my eyes widen when Wes fills it. His arms are full of flowers and boxes and I start to make my way to him.

We meet in the middle, and his eyes scan the room. “Where is everyone?”

“Tutor sessions are over, and I told them I’d lock up. What are you doing here? What is all this?”

He shrugs, which is all he can manage with his arms full. “I was hoping for an audience, but I guess this will have to do.”

I swallow a laugh when he begins to hand me the items he carries. A dozen red roses, a box of chocolates, a giant bag of Chewy Spree, a miniature stuffed pig, and a card that I can’t wait to read later.

I’m stunned speechless, but manage to say, “Thank you.”

“I know it isn’t much, but it’s all I could come up with on short notice.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m in love with you. Been in love with you, and I’ve done a really shitty job of showing it. I wanted to storm in here and tell you and everyone else because you deserve that and so much more. Guess just telling you will have to do for now. I never asked the first time, just assumed. I don’t want to do that this time. I want to be worthy. Want to be your choice. Be my girl?”

My heart is in my throat as this amazing guy stands in front of me looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen him. “You’re in love with me?”

He nods.

“Dumb jock fell in love with the prissy sorority girl, go figure.”

He grins. The cocky swagger is back as he closes the short distance between us and bends so we are eye to eye. “The smart jock fell for the hot sorority girl.”

“She fell for him too,” I say as I wrap my arms around his neck.

His lips slam down over mine, and I drop the gifts so I can jump him, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Probably should get out of here. I’d been prepared for an audience. Without one I’m likely to bend you over this desk.”

I consider that, but ultimately pry myself off him.

“All right, boyfriend.” I test the word, loving the way it sounds. “What’s next?”

He chuckles. “I have no freaking clue. What do you say we start with a double date? Mario got tickets to some ridiculous K-pop band Vanessa likes.”

“BTS?”

Wes shrugs. “Don’t know, but I figure my best shot at winning over V is getting on her good side while she’s happy . . . and maybe drunk.”

I don’t tell him what I already know—that all he has to do to win Vanessa over is keep me happy. It’ll be way more fun to let him sweat this one out. And I can’t wait to watch it unfold.