As soon as Axel leaves, and I’m left staring at his back, I feel empty and drained of all emotions. I’m already regretting sending him away, but it seems to be my default whenever I’m near him. I’m just so afraid of his new status as the “cool guy,” his new popular friends, his bike, his boxing.

I’m scared I won’t measure up, and I’ll never be good enough. I guess he just proved me right, because he walked away.

My mom used to say, any guy who is worth having, will fight for you. And while Axel sometimes puts up a fight, he never really sticks around long enough to make sure I’m okay. He always leaves that job to someone else—usually my dad, or in this case, Jason.

I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from begging him to come back, but he disappears amidst the other people at the party in the next second. I’m too afraid to go back inside, so I just cross my arms in front of my body and sulk on the lawn, freezing in my T-shirt and jeans.

Finally, Axel comes back outside in what seems like hours later, even though it’s probably only been minutes. I give him an angry look and we lock eyes.

It’s not until he reaches me that I notice he brought Jason with him.

“Hey, Olive!” Jason says with an awkward smile. “Where’d you go? I’ve been looking for you.”

I mumble back something incoherent, and Jason grins at Axel. “Thanks for telling me where she was, man. See you around?”

Axel looks like he wants to punch Jason, but he just nods with his lips in a thin line before disappearing back into the house. And it hurts like hell that however hard I try to deny it, I will always have a thing for Axel Reign.

“… so I’m really sorry, but I’ll have to head back home now. Olive? Is that okay? Olive?”

Jason’s words finally reach me and I look up at him. “Sorry, what?”

He laughs at me and ruffles my hair, something I’ve always hated. “Went someplace else in your mind, did you?” he teases me, and it rubs me the wrong way. I hate it when people use that patronizing tone with me.

“Yeah, sorry,” I say in a clipped tone. “You were saying?”

“I said I just got a phone call from my mom. My little brother apparently crashed Dad’s car, and I have to head there to smooth things over. I don’t want the next time I see David to be in a casket.”

He laughs easily, and I give him an uncertain look. “So, you’re leaving?”

“Afraid so. Anything else I can do for you before I go?” he asks, giving me a deep look.

“No, that’s okay,” I say moodily. “Thanks for bringing me here. It was nice hanging out with you.”

One part of me is disappointed he didn’t try to make a move, the other is still preoccupied with thoughts of Axel. But when Jason leans forward to hug me, he goes in for a kiss. Before I can stop myself, I instinctively turn my head to the side so it only ends up being a peck.

“Hope to see you again soon,” Jason whispers in my ear. The next thing I know he’s gone. Too late, I realize he was my ride home.

I sigh heavily and head to the back of the house. There’s a huge pool there, but also an area with a playground a little way off which is suitably deserted, just like me. I think Becky has a younger sister. She must be the one using the swing set and the slide.

I plop down on one of the swings and stare at the ground. Even though I fight them hard, the tears are threatening to spill from my eyes. And really, it’s no one’s fault but my own.

I messed everything up. I stood Axel up and was so rude I didn’t even tell him I’d made other plans for the party. I assumed he would just forget to pick me up, anyway. But Dad’s call from an hour ago proved otherwise. Axel had been at my house and apparently looked “a bit upset” when I wasn’t there to meet him.

Jason was perfectly nice to me as well, while I treated him horribly.

I deserve everything that happened, I decide with a sigh. I messed up royally, all because of my horrible insecurities. I kick at the grass on the ground, mumbling something to myself.

“Who’s the stupid, stupid idiot?”

I look up, blushing. Axel’s leaning against the metal rod of the swing set, his eyes gleaming with mischief. And for the first time in months, I feel like I can open up to him.

“Me,” I say softly. “I was mean to Jason, and … I let you down. I’m sorry, Axel.”

He sits down on the swing next to mine. For the next few moments, we hang suspended in the air. Axel’s tall, so his legs reach the ground, while mine flail in the air.

“I admit it’s not the best day I’ve ever had,” Axel says, giving me a sideways look. “But it seems like you’ve been having a hard time too, Olive.”

I shrug, my gaze glued to the ground. Even though I’m talking to Axel, my dearest and oldest friend—if I can even call him that anymore. I’ve probably ruined any kind of relationship we had.

The first fat tear rolls down my cheek and hits my jeans.

“Hey, Olive,” Axel says softly. “Don’t cry, baby.”

His word of endearment actually makes my heart stop for a second. Damn my stupid crush on Axel Reign. I should’ve gotten over it years ago, when I first realized I wasn’t worthy of his attention.

“Please, baby,” he says again, getting off the swing and coming to kneel in front of me. I finally let my eyes float to his, surprised to find his gaze filled with compassion and kindness. I really am a massive bitch. Axel’s been nothing but nice to me, and all I do is push him farther and farther away.

“Olive, it’s going to be all right. I know things are a bit weird right now. Is there something else going on?” Axel asks gently.

I shrug again. “I miss my mom a lot,” I say simply. Not that Axel doesn’t know. When she died, I spent weeks crying on his shoulder. But now that we’ve stopped hanging out, I haven’t really been able to speak about her. Dad gets touchy whenever I bring her up, then worried for my well-being. I’m handling it okay I guess. If losing your mom at eight years old is something you can handle okay.

But I miss talking about her. Remembering her. Seeing her smile when I walk down the stairs and she’s made pancakes for breakfast.

“I know, baby,” Axel says softly. And suddenly, his hand is on my knee and it feels so good to be touched, to have someone care for me, that I start to cry uncontrollably. Sobs rack my body, and I’m gasping for air.

The next thing I know, Axel has pulled me from the swing and wrapped me up in his arms. It feels so familiar, yet new and exciting at the same time. His hands are stronger, more muscular. His scent is more masculine—deeper and muskier. At the same time, it’s still Axel. My best friend. My first love, not that he knows that.

“You know,” he says softly, stroking my hair. “She always made me a cake for my birthday. Remember that?”

Somehow, his soothing motion manages to calm me, and I sob more quietly, smiling through my tears.

“Yeah,” I say with a sad smile. “Carrot cake, your favorite. And I hated it, and always moaned about it every year.”

I lean my head against Axel’s shoulder and snuggle closer to him. For once, I’m not delving into dangerous territory. I’m not thinking about his lips on mine, or his hands on my naked skin … Okay, maybe now I am. But it feels so good to be held like this, for the first time in months.

“I know.“ Axel laughs. “I thought of it all day today. It really isn’t the same without her. My mom baked a cake, and burnt it gloriously. Smoldering chocolate lava cake really doesn’t compare to your mom’s carrot.“

I laugh, and after a second, pull away and give Axel a confused look. “What do you mean?” I ask in confusion. “Why did you have a cake today?”

Axel smiles slowly at me, and it finally hits me. “Oh my God,” I whisper. “Oh my dear God. It’s your birthday today.”

“Yep,” he says with a grin. “I’m eighteen.”

“Shit.” I rip myself out of Axel’s embrace and cover my mouth with my hands. “Axel, I completely forgot. I messed up so much … I can’t believe it slipped my mind.”

The whole day replays in my head, and it’s even more awful than I remember it. He came to talk to me. I was rude as hell. He invited me out, I stood him up. And I yelled at him countless times just today. I really am a bitch.

“Don’t worry about it, Olive,” he says with a small smile. “Happens to the best of us. Remember when I forgot yours when you were seven? It was no big deal.”

“Yeah?” I raise my eyebrows at him, panicking. “I made you eat a dirt cake instead of the strawberry shortcake my mom made.”

“There might’ve been a worm in it,” Axel grimaces, and I wail.

“Axel, I’m so sorry,” I manage. “I can’t believe I forgot!”

“How about you let it go?” he asks, his grin growing wider. “But you can finally wish me a happy birthday, how about that?”

I take his hand in mine, trying to look as sincere and serious as possible. “Axel,” I say with a solemn voice, making him crack up. “I wish you the best, most amazing, special birthday ever. And I hope you find a better friend than me to spend the rest of it with.”

“Well, there’s only a few hours left,” he says, pointing up at the night sky. It’s a full moon tonight, and the evening is pleasant and cool. “What do you say we make the best of it? Want to make it up to me for forgetting?”

I look at him for a long time, thinking about his question. And just like that, I realize there’s nothing I’d rather do in the world than spend the rest of the night with Axel.

“Yes,” I say with a small smile. “Yes, let’s make it a night to remember.”

He grins as he pulls on my hand, leading me somewhere with a wink. “Way ahead of you, baby. Way ahead of you.”

My heart stops again when he calls me that.

I’m such a fool for him.