Physically, I don’t feel any different after losing my virginity. Okay, maybe a little sore.

But after reading all those romances where the hero and heroine wound up together forever after a night of love, I didn’t expect that would happen.

My night with Axel had been amazing, but I didn’t expect to marry him. Although …

I sigh, staring at my body in the mirror. Life will go on. But surely it will be better now. Debate club will take place every Friday, and girls will still make fun of me for being nerdy, but now I’ve got Axel.

My handsome Axel.

I’m not sure he’s mine, though. Maybe I should ask him to be. My cheeks flush at the thought, and my skin starts to itch. Maybe his hands can scratch that itch.

Stop it.

I have to stop it.

But I don’t want to. Axel lives right next door. He’s an adult now, but barely eighteen. He will still live with his parents for a while, at least until he goes to college in the fall. Maybe he will take me with him.

Okay, maybe not, since I’m still seventeen. If my dad knew about last night, he might kill Axel as much as he likes him. Plus my father needs me with everything he’s going through.

Banishing those thoughts from my mind, I focus on Axel and the happy feelings in my chest and in other places that tingled when I thought of him.

He’s not far away. I could go over there right now, and ask him about us.

That seems so lame, though.

“Ugh,” I groan. I shouldn’t be thinking about this. I am so used to being a good girl. But Axel has exposed me to a more dangerous world, and I want to experience more of it with him. He makes me feel safe.

Last night had been the best night of my life. It had been Axel’s birthday, and I hope he had the best birthday ever. I also hope he really appreciates my present. The one thing I could never give anyone again, since I already gave it to him.

Exhaling, I adjust my skirt in front of the mirror. I have to go. This skirt is also short, outgrown. With a giggle I think Axel will like this one the way he liked the one I wore last night. It does show off a lot of my legs.

But it’s not too short. My skin feels clammy, and I need to go to see him before I lose my courage.

Taking deep breaths to calm my nerves I go next door. My palm is sweaty as I lift the heavy brass knocker and tap it against the door.

While I wait I glance around and notice a few areas in need of repair, and I wonder if Axel’s family might be having some financial troubles themselves. He always acts like everything is fine, but I wonder if that might be a brave façade. No one is more proud than the Reigns.

I adjusted and readjusted my skirt while I waited for an answer. After a few minutes, I slammed the knob against the frame again. Proud of my assertiveness.

Axel likes it when I’m strong.

Not that I was weak. I could defend myself. Not that the door needed defending against …

“Someone please answer,” I groaned, throwing the knob against the latch a final time.

Looking through the window, I see his mother shout for someone to get the door, but no one comes. She sets a baby down on the couch—one of the twins. I can’t tell if it’s Jake or Josh, but I think she’s coming to answer it.

No, no, no. Axel needs to answer.

His mother opens the door, her smile grows taut when she realizes it’s me.

She has never been hostile toward me, but I can tell she still sees me as a kid. Not the right girl to date her son. I believe his father is more of my champion.

All of a sudden, I’m afraid she’s going to tell me that Axel doesn’t want to see me anymore, that he—

“Axel isn’t home, sweetheart.” Her smile is more genuine now, but she looks tired as she picks up the toddler crawling toward her. She bounces the boy on her hip.

God, I feel so awkward. “How are you, Mrs. Reign? Are you okay?” From the way her eyes crinkled like she was ten years older, I could tell she wasn’t doing great.

“I’m all right,” she says, smiling again. “Just tired. Motherhood does that, you know.” She leaned into me, like she was telling me a secret. “Children aren’t for everyone, Olive.”

I nodded. I wasn’t thinking of having any for a long time. Definitely not now. But I have to find out more about Axel, and I can’t help but ask. “Oh, okay. Do you know when he’ll be back? Or where he’s gone?”

Over Mrs. Reign’s shoulder, I see her husband. He waves at me sadly, like he knows something I don’t. Something is wrong.

“Axel left, sweetheart,” Mrs. Reign says, and right away I know she means for good. Not like he’s gone and he’ll be back in a bit the way he used to, but that he was gone … forever.

“Uh huh.” Her husband nods. He’d snuck into the conversation when I wasn’t paying attention. “Signed a contract. We’re real proud of him. Gone on a circuit, fighting.”

“Oh, I see,” I say, choking back tears. To them, I’m just a childhood friend he’s grown apart from. They can’t know how much this hurts me. I catch my breath before asking. “When will he be back?”

“I don’t know, sweetie,” Mr. Reign says, ruffling my hair like I’m one of his boys. Not the girl his son loves.

No one knows if he loves me, or not. I don’t.

But I thought …

“Where’d he go?”

“Missouri, for now,” Mr. Reign’s says with pride. “Knew he could do it. He’ll be traveling all over the states—Axel Reign, professional boxer! One of the youngest, too. Just turned eighteen, you know.”

I know. I celebrated his birthday with him yesterday, bonding with him more closely than I ever had … And it was probably the last time I’ll ever get to see him.

I nod a final time. “Well, thank you.” This time I can’t hide that my voice is breaking, and I bolt before they have a chance to respond.

Sprinting across the Reigns’ perfectly manicured lawn, I don’t hear the door close behind me. Throwing open my front door, I’m grateful my father’s not home, because the hot tears fall down my cheeks before I make it back up to my bedroom.

I sit on the cold, white subway tile of my bathroom floor.

When I first felt sick I thought it was from missing Axel.

He called me. I told him I’d call him back later.

I said I would. I just needed to feel better.

But I didn’t.

He called me a few more times, and I ignored them all.

Soon the days since we talked turned to weeks. My heart didn’t get better. If anything, it got worse.

And I felt sicker. One day my dad said he came to our door, but I refused to see him.

The toilet is cold against my back as I slouch in front of it. I stare down at the test in my hand, and a single tear slips down my cheek onto my nightgown.

It had only taken one time.

I loved him. I loved him with all my heart, and he destroyed me.

He can never know. I need to move on, to get over him.

He will not be the last man in my life.

But he was my first love.

I need to be strong. I can’t turn my love for him into hate.

No one knows that anything had happened between me and Axel, though I think my dad guessed.

Things are still bad for my dad, but I believe before the Reigns moved they gave him a little of the money they made from the sale of their house. The house next to us sits empty for the moment, until the new owners move in. The Reigns had moved to be closer to where their star son fought.

It’s probably for the best. I don’t think I could bear seeing them, the constant reminders of Axel.

Besides school, I’ve only seen the inside of my room for weeks. I quit debate club. I have no heart to go back. I ruined my chances with Jason, definitely.

Who can I tell about this?

Definitely Papa. Maybe Selena.

Never Axel. Absolutely not Axel. He hurt me too much, and he was focused on his boxing career. He had no interest in being a dad. There was no way he was coming back, and I had to get used to that.

I glared at the ten pregnancy tests all lined up in a row. I drove two towns over to get them because I didn’t want anyone where I live to know about my suspicions.

All ten plus signs tell me what I already knew, even though I prayed at least one of them would provide a different result. None of them did.

God, I’m so stupid.

They’re all positive.

I’m having his baby.