“You’re sick again?”

“It’s not like I wanna be, Momma.”

I knew she was just worried. I knew because I was, too. I woke up sick two days ago. Had to run straight to the bathroom as soon as I opened my eyes. I’d thought I was getting better, though. I felt almost normal as the day wore on the first and the second day, yet this morning… I found myself curled around the toilet, puking my guts up again.

“If you’re not better tomorrow, I’m taking you to the doctor.”

“Fine by me,” I managed miserably before I heaved again.

I heard Momma sigh and the rustle of her robe just before the water turned on. A few seconds later, a cool cloth was pressed to my forehead and warm fingers pulled my hair away from my face. She might not always show it, but I knew Momma loved me in her own way. I just had to let that be enough for me.

When it seemed I was emptied, my mother helped me back to my room, tucked me into bed, and left to go get me some crackers. They always seemed to settle my stomach. It wasn’t until, like magic, I was feeling better around lunchtime that an alarming thought occurred to me.

Momma was downstairs starting a roast for dinner when I bolted up in bed. Pulse racing, I thought back to the last time I had my period. I couldn’t remember having one that month, but I’d noticed I was bloated and kept thinking it was time for me to start. Only I never did.

Maybe I wasn’t just bloated.

“Oh God. Oh God. OhGodOhGodOhGod.” I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head into my hands. Is it really possible to get pregnant from one night of sex?

I knew that it was.

But was it really possible to get pregnant from your first and only night of sex?

I feared that was probably possible, too.

We hadn’t planned to do it, and I hadn’t even thought to ask him about protection. I got caught up in the moment. I just wanted him. Needed him. And I wasn’t thinking about anything else.

What if I was, in fact, pregnant with Dane James’ baby? What would that mean? For him, for me, for us?

I felt sick, and not from morning sickness. I just felt sick that we’d been so careless.

But then a picture flashed through my mind. It was a little girl with the face of an angel and the eyes of her father, staring up at me from within the folds of a fluffy white blanket. I could see her as clearly as if I’d already met her.

Part of me and part of Dane James, together in one child. We could be together forever that way. Could I ever really regret that? If I was pregnant, could I really be that upset about it? I loved him, and I would love any part of him, no matter how untimely or unexpected.

I lay back in the bed, letting my mind wander to a world somewhere off in the distance. Whether it could ever be real, ever be ours or not, I had no idea, but I liked thinking about it. In this world, Dane was mine and I was his, and we had a baby. In this world, we could go out in public and he could hold my hand and laugh with me. In this world, we lived in the same house and he rocked our little girl to sleep at night. In this world, we weren’t who we are. We were who we wanted to be.

My heart rate settled back into a normal rhythm, and I found myself smiling as I thought about what might be, about what could be. I reached over to the tray Momma had brought up, and I squirreled away some crackers so I could eat a couple before I even got out of bed the next day, because I had to go to school. I had to go to school so I could skip school to sneak to the pharmacy. I’d get a pregnancy test so I’d know for sure, but suddenly, it didn’t seem like a bad thing at all to be pregnant with Dane James’ child.

In fact, I found myself hoping I was.

The next day, everything went as planned. I made it out of the house and to the bus stop without throwing up once. Unfortunately, between the exhaust from the bus and the curvy country roads, I felt sure I was practically green by the time I got to school. It was a no-brainer when I got to homeroom and asked to go to the bathroom that I’d be excused. Mrs. Clark looked at me and cringed. “Yeah, you’d better. You don’t look too good.”

I nodded, took the pass, and headed down the hall. I bypassed the bathroom and made my way toward the gym. I could leave through those doors with less likelihood of being caught by a teacher. Besides that, it was on the side of the school closest to Main Street, which is where the pharmacy was.

Once I was clear of the building, I cut through the grass and walked behind the row of houses that separated me from the pharmacy. When I finally got there, I kept my head down as I walked through the door. I hurried along one end of the store, checking each aisle for anyone I knew or anyone who might know my mom or Alton. When I saw that there was only one old lady in the store, I made my way back through the aisles looking for pregnancy tests. Turned out they were at the end of a row with condoms and tampons, in that order. Condoms, tampons, pregnancy tests. I wondered at the logic that went into that placement. I wondered if the people who set up the store said to themselves, “Well, if you don’t use the first one and you don’t need the second one, you’ll surely come looking for the third one.”

I surely did.

I scooped up a test and hurried as quickly as I could to the checkout, where I all but flung money at the guy behind the register and flew out the door. I tucked the test into my backpack and practically ran back to school.

Unfortunately, once there, I read the directions and discovered that the test was only completely accurate when tested on first morning urine. I’d flushed that long ago. I was both frustrated and dejected, but nevertheless, I slipped the box back into my backpack and headed to my locker. There was only one thing I could do.

Wait.

Wait to find out if my life was going to be turned upside down. Wait to find out if I had the mother of all bombs to drop on Momma. Wait to find out if I was carrying a little piece of Dane James inside me.

Fear nibbled at me. It nipped and bit like a mouse chewing its way through a wall. But despite the fear, I felt an intense excitement. I chose to focus on that as I walked to my second period class.

Yes, I could wait one more day to see the results, even though, in my heart, I already knew.