My mother and Alton spoke at the same time.

“Brinkley Renee!”

“You little whore!”

Momma was taken aback.

My stepfather was furious.

Me? I had no idea what I was.

Other than pregnant.

By Dane James.

“Please tell me it’s Chad’s.”

I looked from my mom to Alton and back again. And then I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. Most teenaged girls had to worry that their parents would disown them if they got pregnant. Not me. I only had to worry about getting pregnant by the wrong boy.

“It’s not.”

Alton’s anger was barely controlled when he spoke again. “Jesus Christ, you’d better not say it’s Dane James’.”

To that, I said nothing.

“You trashy little slut,” he said, coming at me. He actually grabbed my upper arms and started to shake me, but before he could rattle my teeth, my mother stepped in.

“Alton, calm down. We can fix this. We can fix this.”

When he released me, I crawled to the corner where the bed met the wall, as far from my stepfather as I could get. He stared daggers at me as Momma urged him back, away from the bed. Away from me.

“She’ll have an abortion. No one will know. I’ll take her to Columbia. Or Charlotte. To a clinic. You can tell people she and I went to a spa for the weekend. When we come back, no one will be the wiser. She’ll get more serious about Chad and she’ll marry well. It’ll work out fine. You’ll see.”

She guided him out of the room, all the while he was cussing a blue streak under his breath, calling me every name he could think of, some of which were even new to me. Before she closed the door, my mother threw me a look that told me to stay put and keep my mouth shut. She needn’t have worried about that, though. Alton had scared me. For a few seconds, I actually thought he might hurt me. The look in his eyes…it was frightening. I had no desire to be near him, or to push him to that point again. At least not right now. I didn’t feel well and I had a lot of thinking to do.

I didn’t see or hear from anyone for the rest of the day. I could hear Momma downstairs puttering around. A couple of times I heard her voice, something about scheduling a time. I assumed it was my abortion she was making arrangements for, as though I’d go along and not have any problem with getting rid of a baby made in love with the guy who saved me from dying inside on practically a daily basis.

On and off, I cried. I cried for the untimeliness of the pregnancy, I cried for what might happen next, I cried that my mother hadn’t thought for one second that I might not want an abortion. I cried for myself, my youth, my future.

I just cried.

I spent part of the afternoon, when I felt better, staring out the window, imagining Dane waiting for me at our rock. And me never showing up.

It had been weeks since I’d seen him.

It might as well have been a lifetime.

If I thought for one second he’d be there now, I’d leave. I’d run out the front door and run to him and never look back. But he’d be in school, where I should be. And then he’d be at practice, and then he’d come home and work. And I’d miss my chance with him. Again.

Only tonight, no one would stop me. I’d already made up my mind that I was going to see him, Alton be damned. The worst had already happened. We’d been found out. There was no reason not to go see him now. I had to tell him about our baby.

I showered and dressed with great care, putting on a shirt that made my eyes look greener and my most flattering pair of jeans. Dane would remember this night, this conversation forever. I wanted to be beautiful for him.

If I hadn’t been ravenous from not eating all day (and probably from being pregnant), I’d have skipped dinner, but my stomach was growling so vigorously I almost felt queasy. When I appeared in the dining room doorway, neither Alton nor my mother said a word. In fact, Alton didn’t even look up, like he was disgusted by the sight of me.

I took my customary chair across from my mother, and I dug in, filling my plate with a huge helping of every item she’d prepared. When I was halfway through and feeling stronger—and braver—I cleared my throat and made my announcement.

“I’m not getting an abortion.”

If someone had dropped a pin a mile away, it could’ve been heard in the dense and complete silence that surrounded the table.

At first, they both just stared at me. Neither said a word.

The first one to speak up was Alton, and he was even fairly calm when he did. “Then you’ll leave.”

He said it as though he was informing us that the sun was supposed to come up in the morning. No big deal.

Only it was a huge deal.

“Pardon me?”

He even continued to eat, shrugging when he reiterated. “Your choices are: have an abortion or leave. Up to you.”

My mother kept her head down and kept eating. If that’s even what she was doing. It looked more like she was pushing food around her plate with her fork.

“Ummmm, no. I won’t be leaving. I won’t be leaving, and I won’t be having an abortion. It’s my body. My baby. I get to make the choice.”

“No. You don’t. You won’t be making a fool of me. I promise you those are the only two choices you have.”

His anger was coming back. I could see it in the red tinge that was suffusing his face.

“You can’t make me have an abortion.”

“Then get out. Pack your shit and get out.”

I hadn’t expected this, so I had no defense prepared. “No.”

Alton slammed his fists down on the table so sharply, so suddenly, so forcefully that it rattled every glass, plate, and piece of silverware. It sounded like a gunshot, and my mother and I both jumped.

“You don’t get to tell me no! You will either get rid of that piece of filth in your belly, or you’ll leave here and never come back.”

I was getting angry now, too. “You can’t make me do either! I’m a minor. You can’t put me out on the street.”

“The hell I can’t! Try me. Try me, little girl, and see what happens.” Alton stood up so abruptly his chair tipped over and hit the floor with a loud clatter. “I’ll ruin his life, Brinkley. Do you hear me? I’ll destroy him and his father. I’ll dismantle his whole life. How do you think he’ll feel about you then? When you’re all homeless. And he has another mouth to feed. An unwanted mouth to feed. How much do you think he’ll love you when he finds out the mother of his brat could’ve saved him a lifetime of misery, a lifetime of guilt, but she was such a selfish little bitch she couldn’t be bothered to think of anyone else? How do you see that working out, Brinkley?” As if I might not have heard him screaming at me, my stepfather bent down in my face and roared, “Huh? How will that work out for you?”

With that, he turned around and stalked off, walking out the front door and slamming it behind him. My mother and I sat in the wake of his fury, the quiet falling around us like fire raining from the sky.

“Brinkley, how could you?” Her voice trembled as though she was close to tears.

“How could I what? Make a mistake?”

“You’ve ruined everything. Everything I fought so hard to give you, it’s all ruined if you don’t do this. Can’t you see how stupid you’re being?”

“Stupid? For wanting a child made in love? How is that stupid?”

“Because that child will only be a burden to you. One day, it will be the chain that holds you back, the regret you can never outrun. Is that what you want for your life? You’ll suffer, Brinkley. All alone, you’ll suffer and he’ll be gone. One day you’ll wake up and you’ll have wasted the best years of your life. You’ll be poor and alone, with nothing to show for it.”

“Is…is that how you feel about me, Momma? Is that why I was never enough to make you happy?”

At least she had the good grace to lower her eyes in shame. But she didn’t deny it, because it was true. I was a burden to her. I was the chain that held her back. I was her one big regret. And Alton was the one who’d saved her from a life of poverty and solitude. Or at least that’s how she saw it.

“I’ve done what I could to give you opportunities in life, Brinkley, but if you don’t make the right choice now, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

My heart rose up in my throat, choking me. “You mean there’s nothing you will do to help me. You could. You just won’t.”

At that, she brought her eyes back up to mine and said simply, “It’s the same thing.” Momma wiped her mouth, laid her napkin beside her plate, and rose gracefully to her feet. “Have the abortion, Brinkley. Don’t push him. He could make this so much worse for you. And for Dane. If you don’t think of yourself, and you don’t think of me, think of him.”

She walked away after that, leaving me the heaviest weight of my life resting on my shoulders. But none of it, nothing she’d said, the weight of it all, the scariness of it all, was enough to make me waver. Not for one sliver of a second. I was pregnant with Dane James’ baby. I could no more kill it than I could kill him. If I had to leave in order to give our baby life, I would. I could be that strong. For it. For the little bundle that would carry a piece of him and a piece of me, for the embodiment of our love, I could be strong.

No longer hungry, I pushed away from the table, too. I walked up to my room, my head abuzz with the surrealness of the situation. Of all the outcomes for my life, I’d never imagined this would be the route it would take. I’d thought I might fall somewhere in the middle of what I wanted and what Momma wanted for me. Graduate high school, go off to college with Dane, even though we’d both have to pay our own way, prove to all the people of Shepherd’s Mill that he was a good bet, and live happily ever after. Vindicated. Accepted.

But how would it all pan out now? Could I risk telling Dane? Alton obviously hated him. He would probably love having an excuse to make Dane’s life miserable. And how could I live with myself knowing I was the one who made that happen?

I couldn’t.

I loved Dane James. I wanted him to be happy. I’d imagined he might be happy with me, but what if that wasn’t possible? Could I live with myself knowing that he hated me for destroying not just his life, but his father’s, too? Could I take that chance?

With a hollow heart, I realized that I couldn’t. As much as I wanted a life with Dane James, I couldn’t risk what Alton might do, what I felt he actually would do if given the least bit of encouragement. Reputation was everything in this town. He would protect his with every weapon at his disposal. And, when fighting with me, Dane was the ultimate weapon. The only thing he could use to hurt me or manipulate me.

As I sat at the window, watching the sun go down, I began to cry. I couldn’t even tell Dane about the baby. He wasn’t the type of guy who would then just watch me walk away without doing something. And if Alton found out…his life would be over. So would his father’s. And it would all be my fault. Because I couldn’t stay away from him and, when the consequence of that caught up with me, I was too weak to do the right thing.

No, I’d have to leave here without a word to him. I’d have to find somewhere to go and I’d have to start over, make a life for my baby and myself. All alone, just like my mother said.

Sometime in the night, after I’d fallen asleep with my face pressed to my wet pillowcase, I felt hands on my legs. I woke with a start to find Alton hovering over me, his face a dark and terrifying landscape in the deeply shadowed room.

My door. I’d been so upset after dinner, I’d forgotten to lock my door.

With a harsh yank, he spread my legs and jerked until I was half hanging off the bed, wedged up against him. When he leaned down to speak, I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“You’re nothing but trash, Elizabeth, but since you’re giving it away for free, I think I’ll have a little taste. See how you feel about having a baby with scum after that.”

Elizabeth?

Fear, sharp and bitter, sliced through me. “Get off me.”

Even my voice was shaken, my heart pounding away at my ribs.

“Oh, I’ll be getting off. Don’t you worry about that.”

He lowered himself toward me, so I started to kick and struggle as hard as I could. He was so heavy, though. It was like trying to move a block of concrete.

“Alton,” I said, trying to reason with him as my panic rose. “You don’t want to do this. Think of what people would say. Because you know I’d tell them.”

“And risk the pretty boy in the field? I don’t think so. I know your type. I know how nasty little things like you think. In a year, you won’t even remember one more man being between these legs. But I will. I won’t ever forget, Beth.”

He kissed me then, and I almost gagged. I already felt like I was choking on terror and helplessness, though.

“Please, Alton. Please don’t do this.” I was whimpering, but I didn’t even care. I didn’t care how weak I sounded. I just wanted him to stop.

“Keep begging, sweetheart. It’ll only make it better for me.”

I began to cry in earnest, great heaves of my chest as he tugged at my panties and I tried to push his hands away. I turned my head to avoid his mouth, and my eyes fell on the window. Outside that window was the night, was the field, was the rock that I’d made love to Dane James. He’d taken my virginity because I’d given it to him. It didn’t matter what Alton tried to take from me, he could never have what I didn’t freely give. It was that thought that flipped the switch on my emotions and blind rage blew through me like a wildfire.

I clamped my legs around Alton’s waist and I turned my hands. Rather than swatting his away, I curved them into talons aimed at his sides. I dug in as deep and as hard as I could, my nails ripping into his flesh. I felt the warm ooze of blood as he howled in pain.

When he listed to one side, I used the momentary pause to bring one knee up against his belly. In the gap it provided, I reached between us and took one tightly swollen testicle into my hand and, gritting my teeth, I squeezed.

That backed him up. Alton grabbed my wrist and tore my hand from himself and rolled away from me. But I wasn’t done. I was nowhere near finished.

Nearly mindless in my fury, I climbed on top of him. “If you want me, you’ll have to bleed for it. Do you hear me? If you touch me, I’ll touch you back. Like this!” I scraped my nails down his chest, streaks of blood seeping through the material of his sleep shirt in their wake.

I yelled, a wild, ferocious sound that I wasn’t even certain came from my own body. I’d made up my mind that if he raped me, he’d pay for it. I wasn’t going down without a fight. And without leaving him with scars from me.

It was a calm voice that broke the twisted spell that had cursed the darkness in my room. “Alton, leave her be.”

I turned to see my mother standing in the doorway, holding the two sides of her robe tight around her. Her back was straight, chin held high, and I knew what it probably cost her to take a stand against him for me.

She flicked on the light and I saw Alton glance up at me, his eyes first widening then narrowing. He seemed to calm for a few seconds before his fury returned. I could see it in every line of his face.

Both of us heaving, I rolled off Alton and he rolled off my bed. He walked to the door, clutching his sides as he went.

He stopped and looked down at my mother for a few seconds before turning back to me. “This changes nothing. Be gone by morning. If I ever hear of this from anyone, ever, I’ll make him wish he was never born.”

I stood as he started to walk away, but with all the venom coursing through my veins, I could only think of one thing to say. “I hate you.”

I heard his growling, “By morning.” And then he was gone.

My mother waited until he was downstairs before she came into my room. Shaking by then, I sat down on the edge of my bed. She sat beside me. For a few minutes neither of us spoke.

I saw Momma reach for her left hand and begin to wiggle her wedding ring off her finger. Without meeting my eye, she placed it against my palm and folded my fingers over it. “Don’t let them give you less than five thousand for it.”

She stood up and walked to the door. Before she stepped out, however, I stopped her. “So this is it? You’re siding with him?”

“This is my place, Brinkley. I did everything I could for you.”

“Momma, there’s more to life than this.”

“Not for me. This is what I want. I’ve tried and tried to help you, to make you see, and this is the thanks I get.”

“It’s not like I did this, any of this, on purpose.”

“Maybe not, but you’re the only one who can fix it. I’ve given you chance after chance after chance.” I heard her take a breath, like she was trying to remain calm. “Take the ring. It’ll give you a better start than I had.”

With that, my mother walked out of my room and closed the door behind her.