Maggie
I’d spent the whole day getting my face smeared with mud, my feet soaked in steamy water, and my body massaged to the point of becoming as pliable as Silly Putty but, somehow, I still couldn’t bring myself to relax.
On a physical level, my muscles were looser and my skin was smoother. But on a spiritual level? I was a frigging wreck.
My mind was just as topsy-turvy as it had been the day before. In the moments when I wasn’t thinking about the odd comments everyone was making about Sam, I was thinking about Sam himself. The way the smell of his spicy shampoo clung to the air around him. The way he moved in his low-slung jeans and how, when he lifted his arms high, I would catch a glimpse of those abs and that narrow trail of hair that led from his belly button down…
And then, when I’d finally managed to force myself to stop thinking of Sam, I thought of Trevor and how he was nothing like Sam. Trevor, who’d abused my trust and treated me like a doormat to wipe his feet on and then ignore. Trevor, who was still probably sitting outside my apartment door right now, waiting for me to come out and take him back into my arms.
Which, of course, was never going to happen.
Flinging myself down onto my bed, I buried my face in the pillows and debated screaming out my frustration. None of this was going to be solved by me lying here doing nothing. I was going to have to do something to address all these new, conflicting feelings bubbling inside me… I just had no idea what.
Twisting around on the mattress, I pulled my robe tighter just as the door swung open and Sam walked in, his cheeks still slightly flushed from the chilled winter air.
“How were the slopes?” I asked, wondering if the shrillness of my voice had always been there or if I was simply overcompensating for the sudden rush of nerves that washed over me.
Either way, Sam didn’t seem to notice. “It was great. Peter bit it pretty hard toward the end there.”
“Perfect day, then.” I grinned.
“Exactly.” He pulled off his hat and gloves and tossed them on the dresser. His gaze narrowed on my face and he eyed me, his grin fading. “Hey, the guys were talking about going on a tear tonight and I was thinking it might be just what you need. Some booze, loose women, and debauchery might be a good start to getting old what’s-his-name off your mind.” He flashed me that signature grin I loved.
I smiled, unsure how to feel. I wanted to spend the evening with Sam, but the idea of hopping from one crowded bar to the next on New Year’s Eve sounded about as appealing as gouging my own eyes out with an ice pick.
And, even if I forced myself to do it, I would just be a downer, so I settled on, “You know what? You go have fun with your friends. I think I’m in the mood for a more low-key kind of night.”
Sam let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I was thinking the same thing. The idea of standing in line in twenty degree weather to get into a bar where I can’t hear myself think is not my idea of a good time. I’m not twenty-one anymore—hell, I’m not even thirty-one anymore. I’ll text them and tell them we’re not coming and we can chill together.”
I refused to examine what his response was doing to my pulse rate as he shrugged off his jacket and snow pants, revealing the jeans and sweater beneath.
“What kind of night did you have in mind?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Up to you. I’ve got to take a quick shower and warm up; I’m like a popsicle. Why don’t you see what restaurants are around and make us a reservation and we’ll start there?”
“Good idea,” I said and he slipped into the bathroom. I opened my laptop and searched the surrounding area. This would be great. A chance to wipe away all the awkwardness that had been building between us the past couple days and to get my mind off Trevor.
In a resort town like this, nearly every place was upscale and on New Year’s Eve, I knew it would be hard to get seats. I just had no idea it would be impossible.
I called every place in a fifteen-mile radius and literally every one of them was booked.
“Crap,” I mumbled, my stomach grumbling as the tenth hostess hung up on me.
Feeling hopeless, I climbed from the bed and slid into the simple, long-sleeved black dress and black tights I’d brought along for tonight and ran a brush through my hair.
Sam stepped from the bathroom already dressed in a pair of black chinos and an emerald green sweater. A heavy roll of steam followed him into the room as he shot me an expectant smile.
“So, what’s the plan?” he asked, finger-combing his still-wet hair. He looked delectable and it took me a second to manage a reply.
“We don’t have one,” I admitted with a wince. “Everywhere is booked.”
“Shoot. I was wondering if that might happen.” His chiseled lips pursed. “So, let’s just go down to the hotel bar and grab a drink for now while we talk it over. You game?”
“Not if we’re going to drink and not eat. That sounds like a recipe for—”
“A great night?” Sam cut in.
“A disaster,” I finished.
“Don’t be silly. If they can’t seat us for dinner, we’ll get room service after and watch a movie. Come on, one drink. You have to show off that dress a little anyway.”
His gaze dropped, skimming over the neckline of my dress and lower before flicking back up to meet mine. “You look great, by the way.”
It wasn’t the polite words so much, it was more his husky tone that had my arms breaking out in goosebumps.
I swallowed hard and croaked out a low “thank you” before following his lead into the hall.
When we reached the lobby, Sam ordered my vodka soda and a whiskey for himself and we sat and watched the droves of people strolling through the doors of the hotel, all dressed to the nines and ready to party.
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather… This isn’t lame for you?” I prodded.
“Hell no.” Sam shook his head. “I’m telling you, the best place I could be tonight is hanging out with you.”
A thrill of warmth coiled around my spine and I sat up a little straighter, taking my drink as the bartender sat it in front of me.
“You remember last New Year’s?” Sam grinned.
I rolled my eyes. “How could I forget?”
I’d gone to a company party with Trevor at his insistence but he’d agreed Sam could come with us so I wasn’t alone while he schmoozed with the bigwigs. He swore we’d only be stopping by to make an appearance. After two interminable hours of listening to a bunch of blowhards brag about the size of their bank accounts—and other stuff—Sam and I had snuck out to his truck and sat in the cab. For the next hour or so, we watched the fireworks explode over the Hudson as Sam played the CD of Christmas songs he always kept in his car just for me.
“I’ll never understand why the *NSYNC Christmas album just screams ‘Maggie’ to you,” I said with a grin, feeling oddly choked up at the memory.
“Because of your thing for Justin Timberlake.”
“My what?” I demanded.
Sam laughed. “You have a thing for Justin Timberlake. When he got married, you were inconsolable and you always make a point of watching when he’s on Saturday Night Live.”
“I make a point to watch because he’s an excellent performer!” I protested, pausing to take a long pull from my glass. “And I was not inconsolable, thank you very much. I just didn’t see him and Jessica Biel together, that’s all,” I added with a grumble.
“Which you reminded me of often, and loudly.”
“I still don’t get it.”
“Jessica Biel? I could explain it to you,” Sam teased.
I rolled my eyes. “Men.”
“What? She’s a beautiful woman and she looks a little like you. She’s got the heart-shaped face and the dark, rich chestnut hair and the almond-shaped eyes. You could be sisters.”
Another shiver shot through me. Hadn’t Sam just said Jessica Biel was hot? Did that mean he thought I was hot, too?
And there I go, reading into things again.
“So, just to be clear, does that mean you think I have a chance with Justin Timberlake?”
“You’d have to admit you’re into him first.” Sam clinked his glass with mine and we chattered on, teasing each other as we finished our drinks.
We wound up having two before conversation became impossible due to the crowd. I covered the tab over Sam’s protests and we headed back up to the room to peruse the room service menu.
After stepping into the room, I kicked off my shoes and made my way over to the bed, where I plopped down and opened the menu, reading each option to Sam and ignoring the way my stomach growled at the mere mention of food.
“We have to get something Trevor would never let you order,” Sam reminded me with a grin. A sizzle went through me at the sight and I turned away, cheeks flaming. This was getting to be a problem. If it didn’t stop, he was sure to notice eventually and it would surely get in the way of our friendship.
The thought sobered me instantly and I dragged my gaze from him and focused on the menu again.
“How about lobster mac and cheese?”
“Lobster in a land-locked state in the dead of winter? I like it.”
I rolled my eyes. “I bet it’s amazing.”
“Then get it. You can get whatever you want.”
Sam ordered for us, getting a cheeseburger for himself, and I sat back and watched him as he hung up the phone. He’d pushed his sleeves up to bare his muscular forearms and I found myself in the same exact spot I’d been in less than a minute before.
A pang of warmth filled my heart and I chewed my bottom lip, trying to decide whether to tell him what was on my mind. We’d always been honest with each other before. Maybe pretending this wasn’t happening would do more harm than good.
I pushed myself from the bed and grabbed my pajamas from my bag before padding into the bathroom.
“I’ll be out in a few. I’m going to wash my makeup off and change for bed.”
Also, by the way, I’m a big, fat chicken.
I shushed that annoying inner voice that sounded remarkably like Dee and made quick work of my dress. Once I’d changed into my usual nightwear of boxer shorts and a T-shirt, I paused to glance in the mirror, wishing I’d packed something a little sexi—
“No way,” I snapped at my reflection. I wasn’t about to blow up a friendship I’d had and cherished since college no matter how squishy Sam was making my stomach feel lately.
“Did you say something?” he called back.
“Nope, sorry. Just um…talking to myself.” Good save, genius.
I blew out a sigh and washed my face before patting it dry and going for a second attempt at a pep talk in the mirror.
“Just because your relationship blew up does not give you the right to shift everything between you and Sam. Get it together, woman,” I hissed.
My reflection nodded back at me and, together, we turned off the bathroom light and made our way back into the bedroom with a smile.
“What’s up?” Sam asked, brows draw together quizzically the second I walked in. “You’ve been in there forever and now you’ve got your serious-thinking face on.”
“I do not,” I laughed.
“Don’t lie to me about your thinking face,” he shot back in mock anger.
I sighed and then shrugged. If anyone knew I had a tell it was Sam. “Fine, you caught me.”
“And what are you thinking so hard about?”
“I just… I want to thank you, I guess. For being my knight in shining armor all the time,” I said, knowing I was hedging, but unable to make myself tell him the full truth. “It feels like every time I need you, you’re there for me and I… I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”
“Don’t be silly, Mags,” he replied, brushing me off with the easy warmth that came so naturally to him.
“It’s true,” I insisted. “Remember when my cousin was getting married and Trevor bailed on me at the last second? You stepped in and helped. And when my tire exploded in Maryland? You drove all the way from New York just to help me. Not everyone would do something like that.”
“For you they would,” Sam said, his blue eyes suddenly soft as he gazed at me.
My heart froze in my chest as our gazes collided and I swallowed hard, suddenly overcome with a rush of emotion that knocked me on my ass.
It wasn’t just a look of friendship or even devotion.
No, the warmth in his gaze held so much more than that, and even without being able to see myself, I knew my eyes looked the same. A war waged inside me as I tried to think of what to do. But then, just as I was about to speak, a knock sounded at the door.
For what felt like an eternity, he didn’t move and I stayed rooted to the spot, knowing the second the moment passed it might never come again. But then the pressure and tension overwhelmed me and my mouth was moving before I could stop it.
“I-I think our food is here.”
There was no mistaking the disappointment in his eyes as he nodded and moved toward the door without another glance my way.
I’d blown it. What might have been my one chance to see if what I was feeling for Sam was real, and I’d chickened out.
Already the regret tasted bitter in my mouth.