I know that I’ve only known Laura Katt for a couple months now, but I’m still smitten by her. Part of me thinks that what I feel for her has grown beyond the ’you want what you can’t have’ taboo.

I’m aware that she’s not available and I’ve discovered that I’m fine with it. She still brings out a side of me that I’m starting to like. Giving to poor people, being a classier, more respectable person. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do but never could seem to accomplish.

But when she’s accompanying me on a non-date or explaining my own neurosis in a non-clinical setting, it’s so easy to follow her lead. It’s like she explains everything so perfectly. When we chat via text, it feels cathartic. Not just a little naughty but also so comforting, like the release of tension. I confide in her what’s going on in my life and she gives me tiny little glimpses into her life. We trade information and we speak honestly to each other.

We’re kind, we’re funny and enthusiastic. But there’s always that respect, that bond that exists because I respect her wishes to not go beyond this platonic relationship. Whenever I call her, she answers, and we talk. It feels like the first day of middle school, that feeling of having made one friend in the midst of all those selfish bullies and pricks. She is a positive force of energy in my world, which to this day has been dark and sinister.

And I have to admit, part of me knows that I’m still trying to date her, even though I claim to be just her friend. She knows I want her, that’s for sure. But she also goes out of her way to tell me that we’re not a good match for each other or that we’re too different to actually make a relationship work.

And I listen, perhaps wondering if deep down, she ever thinks about it. Just the possibility of us giving this thing a try. She accepts my calls, she always answers me. Even when I gave her the chance to get rid of me once and for all, she kept our dialog going. I do believe she wants something from me, but I don’t know what.

Whenever we start broaching the subject of love or lust, she plays up the age difference. She says I’m young, silly and ‘entitled’, whatever that means. She, on the other hand, well she’s from some special world. She works hard, is fiercely independent and is always doing good for others.

A world I will never be a part of, though I can scarcely figure out why.

All I know is that I’m becoming addicted to these chats like a drug, like a rush, or a constant high. And usually she’s more than willing to humor me. If she was totally uninterested in me, wouldn’t she have something better to do at peak evening hours? I wonder.

I smile, already intoxicated with her voice, as I place another call to her cell phone. But to my surprise, no one’s answering.

I hope she’s okay. God, my mind goes to dark places. What if she was attacked? Or is she really sick? Or is she such a bad driver that she got into a fatal accident?

I call back. I text.

Nothing.

This is the first time she’s ever been unavailable. Relax. Maybe it’s nothing, maybe she’s at work, or really busy, or is with her family. That’s understandable. Maybe I should stop thinking worst case scenarios.

I text her again, but nothing. I call back. Nothing!

I start to put my hands through my hair, already feeling the shakes from not hearing her voice as per my normal routine. God, what is wrong with me? This doesn’t feel like a normal friendship, does it? It’s not like I start flipping out when Marcus or Jack don’t call me back. Maybe this is a little more than friendship.

She couldn’t be ignoring me on purpose, could she? How does that work? The nicer I am to her, the more she realizes I’m an asshole and she could do better?

You know what, fuck this. Maybe I’ll go out tonight. It’s obvious she’s going out and doing god knows what! Well, maybe that’s what I’ll do.

I squint my eyes in jealousy, as Laura FINALLY texts me back after taking hours of her sweet time to respond.

Sorry I’ve been busy. I went to see a friend tonight. Bill, we met at an APA psychology and therapy convention. It was nice catching up with him again. How have you been?

---

She answers the phone, already sounding tired. But I’ve barely begun.

“How big was Bill’s dick?”

“What?!”

“Well it’s obvious you’re dating him, right? Why?”

She pauses, then laughs cruelly. “What is wrong with you, Byron?”

“You went out with a friend? Bill, that’s his name?”

“So what? Whether I went out with a friend or a date, that is NONE of your business.”

“I thought you weren’t dating anyone. That’s what you said -”

“That is not what I said. I said I am not dating you. I said I enjoy being friends. So why are you pulling this stunt? This is not becoming of friendship, is it?”

“I am concerned for you, as a friend.”

She laughs. “Oh really? You’re concerned about me as a friend? Well as a friend, I assure you I am an adult, much older than you, and I can handle my ADULT relationships.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Something you apparently cannot do.”

“Just answer me this. Why?”

“Why, what?”

“What does he have that I don’t have?”

“Oh, for god’s sakes!”

“What? Is he rich? Is he funny? Is he badass and alpha? No, that couldn’t be it, because that’s ME. So, what does he have that I don’t have?”

“I am not answering this.”

“YES, you are. Tell me what he has. Give me therapy, Doctor Katt. You know, since you’ve never actually taken me on as a therapist, you owe me an honest answer.”

“I don’t owe you anything.”

“Stop making it about that. Just tell me what does it for you? What, is he an expert in the field of psychology? Does he have a neatly trimmed beard, and does he start every sentence with “Well I read something quite fascinating in Psychology Today?”

“Shut up!” she says, in disbelief, almost laughing but too irate to let this one go. “You know, I think maybe we’re spending a little too much time together. If you’re getting this upset about it, it’s obvious you can’t handle a friendship.”

“Yeah you know, you’re right. Fuck friendship. If Bill wants to date you, then I challenge him to a duel.”

“A duel? Like in the eighteen hundred? A duel, are you serious?!”

“A contest between respectable men. I saw you first, I wanted you first. So, fuck Bill and his neatly trimmed beard.”

She laughs, against her own will. “He doesn’t have a beard. And you know what? You know what?” She repeats herself and her tone gets angrier. “Honestly, I went on one date with Bill and didn’t feel a lot of sparks. But NOW that you’re pulling this teenage-girl bullshit, now I really am interested in Bill. Really interested in going all the way with him. How do you like that?”

“I’m interested in Bill too. I wonder how much it would cost to end his professional interest in you?”

“Don’t you dare! I don’t want you speaking to Bill at all. Whatsoever.”

“Then tell me what I want to know.”

She fumes, and her voice becomes enraged. “You know what he HAS that you don’t? He isn’t you, Byron! That’s just about it. You have no fucking concept of respect, of boundaries or of just letting people live their life without trying to control every aspect. Bill is a fucking grownup, okay? He understands that my life is MY life. Not his, not anyone else’s.”

“Oh, I see how it is.”

“YEAH! That’s how it is. So, chill the fuck out!”

“You’re so sexy when you swear.”

“Thank you. I don’t want you calling me anymore UNTIL you chill out, stop this game, and learn to show respect. You were doing very well.”

“Yeah, I guess I had a relapse, huh?”

“I guess! Now I’m going to bed.”

“I wish I were your pillow.”

“Goodbye!”

Well, that went well. I just about went ballistic on my ‘friend’ and pissed her off and yet I don’t feel that bad about it, weirdly enough. I mean yeah, I get I’m a little jealous. But hey, all is fair in love and war. I’m not going to sit by idly while some fucker, some loser piece of shit, steals the woman that I want and that I was interested in from day one.

The best thing he has going for him is that he’s NOT ME, whatever that means. You’re going to meet a lot of people, Laura, who aren’t me! That’s not such a good thing. I’m fucking Byron Gallows, that’s who I am. And if you’re going to lead me on and pretend as if you weren’t interested in me even a little bit, then I’m going to call you on it.

Come on, deep down I KNOW you felt that attraction. I know it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have replied to me. Part of you knows this could be a good thing but maybe you’re just too afraid to admit what you want. Or maybe you think you can’t handle it.

Been a couple of days and Laura has ignored my rambling texts. Well, maybe not rambling, more like me being a condescending prick again. Yeah, I guess I deserve to be ignored.

And yet I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop, I want the drama. No, I want the fucking abuse. I want her to look me in the eye and tell me that she’s not attracted to me and has no interest in me. I don’t buy it and I sure as hell, am not going to let her put me on the back burner while she explores a serious adult relationship with Bill Fuckwitt.

But of course, Laura, as usual, can’t resist being just as big an asshole as I am. Instead of keeping it classy, what does she do? She posts all over Facebook that she’s visiting with a friend. Gee, who would that friend be, Laura? And where would that place be, where you are gonna sample ’really great shrimp?’

I laugh softly at the silliness of the whole thing, as I sit down at the table with Laura and Bill, nodding my head.

“Oh my God!” Laura says, with rage in her eyes and probably ready to foam at the mouth.

“Hey!” I say, helping myself to some breadsticks. “You know what I don’t get?” taking turns to look at Laura and Bill. Bill looks exactly as I pictured he would, except that he doesn’t have a beard. But he looks nice, mature, late thirties, beady eyes, and a respectable haircut. What a tool! Nevertheless, I will continue to show class.

“Hello,” Bill says in confusion.

“What’s the deal with pharmaceutical companies pushing medication even to patients who don’t need it?”

Bill looks at me in disbelief as I continue to start the polite debate. “I mean, I know people who work at Bayer AG since my family heavily invests in that industry. And they’ve all but confirmed that pushing products is more important than psychology. I mean, whatever happened to behavior cognitive therapy? Why is there all this heavy push for drugs instead of real healing? I thought drugs were bad, that’s what Michael Jordan once said in the 1980s.”

“Oh,” Bill says with a smile. “So I assume this is Byron Gallows,” he says with a nod, laughing politely.

“Yes, unfortunately,” Laura says eyeing me with daggers. “He decided to come to crash my date for some ridiculous and immature reason.”

“So, you’ve been talking about me?”

“Not THAT much, no,” Laura corrects me.

“Because you know, I’m obviously so young and inexperienced, my entire life is all about sex and partying. Because I’m just a spoiled rich boy. Is that what you all were gossiping about?”

A waiter approaches the table looking nervous. “Is everything all right? Is this man a member of your party?”

“NO, he is not.”

“Well, what can I say, boss?” I smile at the waiter. “I’m trying my damnest to qualify. How about you take this and go get me a real drink?”

I wink and slip the waiter a ridiculously thick wad of cash.

“Yes sir!” he says, gladly ignoring Laura’s objections.

“All right,” she says, still twisting the imaginary knife into my heart and seeing red. “You’ve made your point. What do you have to say?”

“Nothing. I’m here to listen. Continue to chat, by all means. I’ve very interested to know, as an investor, where the psychology industry is headed. I mean, if pharmaceuticals own your ass, I just wonder what about the welfare of the patient?”

Bill looks downright amused and plays along. “I wonder that too! Of course, since I’m a forensic psychologist, pharmaceuticals are not my field of expertise. Unless of course, we’re talking about profiling serial killers. And I must say, my son, you seem quite the candidate for a study.”

Bill smiles, not at all bothered by the scene. I’m almost tempted to troll him harder but then I notice Laura is still eye-gouging me, looking ready to stab me with a butter knife.

“I apologize for making a scene,” I say, keeping it classy.

“OH REALLY? DO YOU?” Laura says.

“Yes. But you see, I’ve been dating Laura for a while now. And I guess I took offense that she suddenly decided to start dating someone else.”

“Oh?” Bill says, still playing along. “Is that so?”

“NO, IT’S NOT!” Laura says, her eyes widening in anger.

“Well you see, Byron is it?”

“Yeah, that’s my name.”

“I’m aware of your family. Your father has a great reputation. I’ve certainly read a great deal about him.”

“Yeah, he’s all right most of the time. Kind of flatulent if you ask me.”

“You are SO immature!” Laura says.

“But you see Byron,” Bill continues. “While I do firmly believe in a man’s right to pursue the woman he loves, I also believe that the woman has the right to make her choice. We must let Laura choose, eh?”

“Yes, but I fear we’re both being played. Laura is playing us both and I think we as men deserve better. We’re not just sex objects here for the amusement of women.”

“Speak for yourself,” Bill says with a shrug.

“Okay that’s enough from both of you,” Laura says. “Bill, I think this date is over. Byron, I’m going to explain something right now, and I want you to get it through that thick entitled rich boy noggin of yours. I am NOT interested in a sexual relationship with you. I will never sleep with you. Ever.”

“Ever?”

“Never!”

“I mean that’s so absolute. Not even if God himself commanded you to procreate and refill the empty earth?”

“No, I wouldn’t. The answer is no. And if there was ever a question before…” She laughs hard. “Then the answer is definitely NO right now. Now that I’ve seen your total obsession with me.”

“Oh my God,” I mumble to myself. “Does that mean you WERE thinking about it before?”

Laura folds her arms and stares at me.

“You know, before I screwed everything up, and granted I did that. But you actually WERE thinking of giving me a chance?”

Bill laughs, as the waiter drops off my drink.

“That’s something. That’s hope.”

“Let’s go, Bill,” Laura says, still giving me the evil eye. “We’ll settle up later. Byron, let me put this in words you’ll understand. You’re grounded. You act like a foolish teenager, I ground you from calling or texting me.”

Bill laughs pretty hard, taking a sip of his drink.

“I’m grounded? You think you’re funny or something? I’m Byron Gallows. My family owns everything. You can’t control me…”

“You’re grounded,” Laura says, as she grabs Bill and encourages him to leave with her. “Remember what I said.”

“Oh, I remember.” You said…if there was ever a question before. Which means you thought about it. It wasn’t all in my imagination. You have a huge shield up, but deep down, you’re thinking about me.” And suddenly blood surges through my veins.

I’m halfway to heaven, halfway into the arms of this woman I can’t stop thinking about. I can’t give up now. But she’s right. I do have to play by her rules, and I have to let her “ground me” until she feels I’ve been punished enough.

Obsession! She’s absolutely right. I don’t know what it is, but whenever I interact with her, my spirit starts to leave me. It starts to go mad with passion. And the more she slaps my hand away, the harder and filthier I fantasize about her.

She’s all the more sexier since she never actually comes out and says to leave her alone. I mean, what the hell is that? Grounding me? Instead of calling for security, instead of demanding I stop stalking her, she “grounds” me! She’s playing this game with me, whether she admits it or not.

I mean hell, the best way to get rid of me, Laura, would have been to take me on as a patient. Then you could never date me. But THAT was never your real motivation, was it? You naughty, naughty girl.

It’s been a week now and finally, Laura tells me I could call her, but only on the strict condition that I apologize. Yeah right! I admit I was worried before. Dating Bill just about pushed me over the edge. But she keeps letting me do this, she keeps letting me self-destruct and make an ass of myself just to see how far I’ll go. Oh, you have no idea, Laura. You’ve opened up a Pandora’s Box with this “emotional connection” bullshit.

“You know, if you had had one night of loveless sex with me, we could have both moved on by now. We’d be bored. Dating other people. Not even the least bit interested in seeing each other naked.”

“I’m waiting for my apology.”

“Ah, okay. I’m sorry. It was rude of me.”

“You were extremely rude to Bill. I haven’t even gotten to the part about how you disrespected me. But think of poor Bill.”

“I don’t care about Bill. I want to date you, Laura.”

“And that’s your problem! You don’t care about anyone else except you.”

“No. I care about YOU. I’m not going to be some fucking cuck and let you date another guy, when I obviously want you harder, and rougher and more madly. You’re all I think about. You put this in me, this…”

“This what?”

“This curse,” he says with a smile. “You put a hex on me. Now you’re all I think about.”

“I DID? HOW?”

“I don’t know but whatever you did, it worked like magic. Now I’m completely obsessed with you.”

“That’s ridiculous!” she says, a little too spiteful if you ask me. “I have not been chasing you. You’re the one who’s been coming after me non-stop.”

“So now that I have you on the phone and now that I’ve apologized, let’s be honest with each other.”

“Honest? How honest? I won’t date you, Byron, because you continually show me a lack of respect.”

“I do respect you. I don’t respect other men, and guess what? I don’t have to. I actually thought I was very nice to Bill, all things considered. And hey, he was laughing too. He thought the whole show was hilarious.”

“Yes, he thought your juvenile behavior was hilarious. Bill is from a different world. A professional world.”

“Is that why he was laughing?” I say slyly. “Because of me or you?”

“It wasn’t ME!” she says. “You’re the one who broke up our date.”

“You know what the tragedy of all this is?”

She laughs. “Don’t give yourself that much credit. Tragedy…”

“The real tragedy is that while you’re so flippantly dating other people, I actually haven’t been having sex with anyone. At all, like none. Can you believe that?”

If she says “Go ahead and date someone else” I’ll know, right now, if she really hates me or not.

“And I could have dated a couple of girls. Well, by date, you know what I mean. Easy girls in bars, a fist full of cash. We could have gone to Vegas and rode the pony all night long. But I didn’t want that. I’ve been so interested in you, I held off. Because I don’t date other people when I’m interested in one woman.”

She stays resentfully silent. “Why in the world would you go to Vegas and score with some floozy anyway? What kind of life is that?”

I smile and shrug. “It’s what I ought to be doing. I’m young. And we’re certainly not in a committed relationship, are we?”

“NO, we are not. And I have no interest in a committed relationship with you. OR a sexual relationship with you.”

“But that will change,” I say with a firm nod. “You’re eventually going to realize you’re fighting an IDEA and not really a man. Because you like the man, you like me. I think you do.”

She laughs loudly.

“But you’re resisting this idea for some reason. You know what my personal theory is?”

“Oh! Do tell. What is your theory?”

“You’re scared that you’re going to like it. Aren’t you?”

“No! I’m not scared. Not at all. And hey, just so you know, I don’t buy for a second that you’re being faithful to me or whatever. You’re a liar.”

“I don’t lie. I have no reason to lie. Sure, I bribe people. I have a lot of reckless, loveless sex with girls that pretty much want to be used and pampered with money. I’m arrogant, I’m full of myself. Sure. But there’s no advantage in lying, none at all.”

“So, I’m supposed to believe that you just pursue one woman at a time?”

“Absolutely. It’s just that well, I’ve never gone this long pursuing a woman before. Usually, all my pursuits end in a day or so. But you, my God, you’ve kept this going for weeks. I’m going to have blue balls by the time this is over.”

“YES, you are! Because I will never sleep with you! I thought I made that clear.”

“I have a one-track mind,” I reply. “You’re the one who started this emotional-connection crap. And it worked so well, I’m playing your game. I want to pursue this the same way you do. You started it, you made the rules, now I’m playing on your terms.”

“It’s not a game,” she taunts back. “Maybe that’s your problem, you think everything is a game.”

“You want to know the truth?”

“No,” she says mockingly.

“I can’t even get it up with another woman.”

“What?!”

“Seriously. Even if I wanted to go out and screw someone else, my dick wouldn’t work.”

“So young to have that problem.”

“It’s not a health thing, it’s mental. It’s a mental block. You know how some women can’t orgasm unless they’re 100 percent comfortable? Well, it’s that way with me. Unless it’s the woman I WANT and not a substitute, I can’t even get it up.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s true. Strange but true. Call it a lifetime of seducing every woman I’ve ever met and getting what I want all the damned time. Now, if I fail to get the girl, my penis turns against me. Lord George says, “Nope. You haven’t succeeded, try again. Or I’m out of here.”

She laughs. “Your penis is named Lord George?”

“Well yeah. Named after George Gordon Byron, of course.”

“I don’t know who that is. Look, Byron…I really do think all this obsession you have with me is just because I’m the first woman to tell you no. Okay? So if I were to sleep with you, and that’s a big if…” She talks over me and continues. “The attraction would be gone instantly because I would stop saying no, and you would lose interest then. It’s as simple as that.”

“So you’re afraid of me losing interest in you? How surprisingly, not independent of you. I never took you for the needy type.”

“How dare you!”

“I’m not being insulting, sweety. I’m just saying, the secret to conquering your fear of abandonment is to stop thinking of sex as this big dramatic thing. It’s just a good time, that’s all. We’ll still be friends. And besides, I’m pretty sure you’ll get bored of me first, more than me of you.”

“Whatever…” she says, pausing as if trying to think of a comeback.

“See now I’m the therapist!” I say with an evil little laugh I stole from Skeletor, naturally my favorite Master of the Universe.

“You’re not a therapist. You’re not even close to figuring me out. And hey you know what else, KID?”

“Eh?”

“You’re not even close to getting me into bed. What do you think of that?”

“I think you’re making me horny by the way you’re talking.”

“Well, have fun with that. Because fantasies are all you’re ever going to get. You’re a brat, a kid, a troll, and a rude little boy. And you ought to mind your manners. I don’t sleep with guys who are jerks. Never have.”

“I’m not a jerk, am I?”

“Yeah, you are.”

“Well I am a little bit, but I do feel like I stop short of being a complete asshole. See, guys like me like to be in the zone between being a jerk and total asshole. Asshole behavior is unforgivable, not gentlemanly. But no one likes a pushover, right? If you’re going to friend-zone me, you might as well hear what I’m really thinking.”

“Well-”

“Thinking about you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re thinking all sorts of things about me.”

“I am.”

“And I don’t care. So, get over it. I am not going to bed with you. I have someone else I’m interested in dating and I think you know that by now. Have a good weekend with your Vegas whores or whatever it is you do.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll still wait for you.”

“Yeah, I remember. Don’t wait for me. Watch porn or something. I’m sure your Lord George will come to life eventually.”

“Have you thought about my penis in graphic detail?”

“Yeah and I’m NOT impressed. It’s actually very disappointing. So sorry.”

“Tell me something then-”

She hangs up.

Laura just bashed me over the head with her damned mind games earlier today. I always thought I was the creepy-seductive type until I met Laura. She is really driving me crazy. For such an adamantly uninterested woman, she sure has a problem SAYING that she’s not interested in my life.

Oh sure, she says she won’t sleep with me. I get that. And I back away.

But then says something like, “I’m grounded” or “Keep dreaming.” She flirts with me even though she keeps telling me no. It’s making me go bonkers. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even masturbate anymore because Lord George knows I haven’t sealed the deal. She hasn’t shown interest YET, so I don’t get the pleasure. I just get the throbbing heartbeat and crinkly feeling in my stomach every time I talk to her.

God, she makes me feel so alive every time she humors me on the phone. Maybe if she had told me to never call her, I would have forgotten this crush. Maybe. But now, now that she insists on taunting me, how can she blame me for keeping on the chase? Then, of course, she sends me texts like this.

---

Byron, I’d really appreciate you knocking off your arrogant attitude. I encounter enough of that at work. I don’t need it coming from you.

Just for your information, I am not a prude and I do enjoy the idea of a sexual and romantic relationship. With someone else! That’s why I’m informing you that I have a growing attraction to Bill and if anything, I’ll probably sleep with him, not you. Probably tonight. And no, I’m NOT going to post where we’re going so you can show up and throw another emo-fit. So please let me go. Go fall in love with someone else. And invite me to your wedding, silly boy.

---

I was so provoked by the message that I couldn’t wait to crash the party over dinner. I simply had to show up at her office, shaking my head, and pointing at her in smiling glee.

“Excuse me sir?” her secretary says.

I walk right by her and open Laura’s office door. There are two people already sitting in front of her desk, both turn back to look at me in shock. But I can only see Laura at this point.

“You know what I noticed that was so peculiar?”

She sends me those daggers again. “You know what I notice? You are barging in here like a high schooler!”

“You said I should go fall in love with someone else.”

“So?”

“That was an odd way of phrasing it. Why would you assume I want to fall in love with anybody? If anything, you should have told me to go get laid, like a young reckless billionaire might.”

“I am in the middle of a session! How dare you!”

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Hey folks,” I say to the confused couple. “What are you both fighting about? Let me guess. Money issues?”

“Well,” the husband answers with a shrug.

“Here. Go out and have a second honeymoon, it’s on me.”

I hand over a fistful of cash to his wife, probably thousands of dollars in that wad. They look shocked and waste no time getting the hell out of dodge and onto their romantic getaway vacation.

I knew it was about money. It’s always about money.

“And I’m giving them a story to tell for a lifetime, you know.”

“You’re a piece of shit!” Laura finally screams.

“Oh, now that feels genuine. Lay it on me. Tell me what you really think.”

“You ARE an asshole! You are a fucking piece of shit! You come in here and steal my patients, just so you can fuck around with my head?!”

“You’re the one fucking with my head. That’s what I realized this morning after I read your message.

“NO. I don’t fuck with your head!”

“I think you get some psycho fetishistic thrill out of turning me down. Like, you’re turned on at the idea of saying no to me. I really do believe that.”

“NO, I don’t!” she says right before shoving me in the chest.

“OH!” I react in surprise. “That almost hurt. Now you’re really pissed.”

“YES, I AM! How dare you. How fucking dare you!”

“Now that’s not professional at all, is it?” I ask smiling at her madly and daring her to get a little angrier. I don’t care anymore. She’s pushed me to the very edge, with that shit about fucking someone else just to spite me. I may be a pushover for a lady but I’m not a cuck, that’s for sure.

“GET OUT OF HERE!” she screams.

Suddenly her secretary pops up behind me. “Ms. Katt, would you like me to call the police?”

“NO. Just give me a minute,” she says, smiling. Grabbing the door and slamming it on her secretary’s (confused) face. Oh yeah, her secretary knows something’s up.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to hear your voice…” I say, starting to feel a little…

“Oh bullshit!” she says, shoving my chest with her fingers. “You know what, you immature, chowder head, emo-dunce?”

“What?”

“I do like playing mind games with you. How’s that, huh? Because you’re so fucking stupid, you will never take a no for an answer. You want me to tell you what a real man would do to me, huh? What I’m going to do with that other man INSTEAD of you? Does that turn you on, does it make you weak, dirty little boy?”

“No, it’s doesn’t,” I say. “I want you. I don’t want to share you with anyone. Lord George wants you all to himself.”

“Stop telling me the nickname of your goddamn penis.”

“As long as you kiss it hello, Lord George won’t hold it against you.”

“I don’t want you!” she says viciously. “I want to fuck someone right in front of you! That’s what I want. The only obsession I have is with grabbing that little smirk and wiping it right off your face. I want to strangle you! You deserve to be tortured, Byron because you’re that insane!”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.”

“I SAID I DON’T CARE!” she finally snaps and looks at me in rage. She slaps me hard across the face. So hard I do a double take and grab my stinging cheek.

She looks back at me in shock. No, not shock. Not regret. Confusion.

I suddenly grab Laura and take her down to that fucking blue therapist couch. I drag her wiggling body with me and roll her over until she lays across my lap. I’m filled with so much rage, I’m not even seeing straight. My hands are shaking, and my heart is throbbing.

I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I’m shooting crazy words out like an automatic weapon. “Maybe you’re the bad girl, huh? Are you the bratty, out-of-control, hot cougar that needs a good butt slap, huh? You fucking tease, you fucking psycho.”

I open my eyes frantically and put my hands on her skirt, feeling her thick bubbly ass through the material. “Is that what you need, huh? A little discipline? A little smack on that bubble butt, huh?”

“Uh huh?”

Did she just say uh huh? Or did I imagine that?

I roll her skirt up halfway before I stop myself, realizing I’m going way too far.

And then I figure, oh shit I’m in trouble. But since I’ve gone this far…

I slap her ass-cheek hard with my left hand.

The sound is so loud, damn sure the secretary heard it. It was so loud it echoed. It was so hard, I moaned a little bit.

Laura screams and turns her head. She looks at me in…whatever that look is!

I don’t even comprehend what I just did.

Oh shit, there’s no going back now, is there? I went too far this time, I know.

I halfway expected Laura to scream, but instead, she pulls her skirt back up and calmly climbs off my knees and onto the couch. Then she stands up and rolls her skirt back into place.

“I…” I shrug. What the hell can I possibly say now?

She doesn’t even look at me. She flinches, her mouth opens in shock and she quivers. She clears her throat. Her face is beet red, her whole body looks flushed. She takes a deep breath. Finally, she looks my way and gives me the strangest look.

“I can’t believe you just did that. No one has ever EVER spanked me. My own father never spanked me.”

“Sorry…”

Another moment of silence. Awkwardness. She adjusts her skirt, grabbing her wedged panties.

“Did you just have an orgasm or something? Because that looked weird,” I say.

She stares back at me, not really denying it.

Finally, she looks away. “Get out. Please leave.” She says, but surprisingly with a calm voice.

“Yeah. Good idea.”

I almost say something else. I try to say something sweet, something cocky, something apologetic…anything!

But then I remember I just grabbed a mature, intelligent woman and smacked her ass like a maniac. I probably should just leave. And go to a sex rehab or something.

I shake my head and just walk fast, getting the hell out of there.

I glance at the secretary just to see if she heard it.

Oh yeah, she heard. She’s opening her eyes wide and fighting a big smile. She definitely heard it. Umm, me spanking Ms. Laura Katt on her ass, in the most undignified way possible. To which she simply asked me to leave.

I’m going to go home and stick my face in the corner.

It took me a whole of two days, but I finally mustered the courage to text Laura again. She responds like any sane person would.

I can’t believe you’re texting me. How dare you! You pulled my pants down and spanked me, in my office, in front of my secretary. I don’t know what to say to you.

Save your apologies. You know I could sue you. I could report you. You know that?

---

“Yeah I know,” I say aloud as I type it back to her. “I did screw up. It was not just juvenile, it was downright crazy, possessed, animalistic. But that’s the problem. When it comes to you and this weird energy we have between us, I can’t control myself. I lose my shit every time we start arguing.”

And she doesn’t exactly make it easy for me to grow a conscience. I mean, she could have told me…well…maybe not. Maybe I am just a lunatic. Maybe I am pushing her way too hard.

---

Whether or not I liked it, is not the point. You invaded my privacy and then grabbed my ass! I mean…what the hell, Byron?! What were you thinking? Please tell me. What in the fuck was going through your mind?

---

What was I thinking? Well…oh god! I can feel it starting again. My whole life I’ve never had self-control, I just did whatever felt natural. And the world, my family, my associates, they loved me for it.

And then I meet this woman who tells me NO, for the very first time. And how do I react? I lose my sanity. I lose all semblance of self-control, all resistance to the idea of being a perfect gentleman. I JUST CAN’T. Maybe with any other woman, I could.

But with Laura, I don’t know how to quit. I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want it to stop.

---

“Call me.”

No. We can text just fine.

Okay, here goes nothing.

“You want to know what I was thinking? I give up, Laura. That’s what I was thinking. I cannot control myself around you. I’m obsessed with you. I tried really hard to just be your friend but I can’t. I can’t handle it. I can’t be a normal, intelligent person when I’m around you. You bring out the animal in me, the demon, the raving monster. I’ve wanted you more than any other woman in my life.

What I was thinking? I was thinking that I just wanted to pull your skirt off and pound that ass of yours. The same thing I was thinking when I first met you. And all those times we’ve been talking.

I don’t know if I want to fuck my therapist or my mom’s hot best friend. Or if it’s just some weird mother issues, or if I just get so turned on by snarky women who reject me. I can’t figure it out, okay?

But I’ve never been this turned on before. You’re all I think about. You’re all I crave in the universe. I would die happy if I just got to kiss you and make love to every inch of your body. I love your body, I love gawking at you and pretending as if I’m talking to you when I’m actually just worshiping your every curve.

What am I thinking? Thinking I’ve never, ever, waited for anybody or been exclusive with anybody like this. But I want you so bad, I’m letting you make the rules. You’re worth it. You’re perfect. I don’t know if we’re a bad match, honestly. I don’t even know if you’re a mega-awesome woman with a brain and a good heart and that’s why I’m falling for you.

Or if you’re a psycho bitch who’s playing me just like I thought I was playing you. I don’t know, but what I do know is that I will climb Everest, I will crack the safe, I will become whatever man you want me to become just for a taste of your passion. You possess me.

I could give you everything. Enjoy it. Enjoy this feeling. Have you ever had a man who lusted after every fiber of your being? Who couldn’t even keep his hands to himself whenever he was put in the same room as you? I have no shame, no pride, no semblance of being a mature adult, not when I see that perfectly shaped ass of yours.

PLEASE. Cure me. Take me. Use me. Use me selfishly, for your own purposes. I don’t even care. Just let me get this demon out of me and help me get over you. I’ll do anything to remove this temptation. Anything! I want to go back to being normal but I can’t, not when you are this firmly implanted in my brain.”

And yeah…she ignored me. Jesus, what could she say to all that anyway? I definitely didn’t lie about what I feel. I’m still obsessing over Laura for four days now since I touched her ass. I know it must be some strange fetish thing, maybe it’s just that she stands up to me. I don’t know. But all I know is I can’t keep living without her.

I can’t keep trying to control myself because I am failing at it. And when I fail, I get stuck in a loop of OCD psychosis. I will roll, and roll, and fight and fight until there’s nothing left.

Oh Christ, I start sending her more texts. I can’t help myself. I can’t control it. My brain feels like a hard dick that’s fixing to spasm and squirt.

Did you enjoy it on some level? Just answer me that. Did you orgasm? It kind of looked like you did.

Come over here and pound all my young rebellion out of me. Punish me like you want to punish me. Let me come to you. Put this fire out. Just for one night.

I know you feel this attraction too. I don’t know about you, but I can’t sleep at night. I’m hard all night long for you. But I won’t jack-off, not until it’s really you. On top of me, under me, fucking me.

Oh God Laura, can you feel it? Let’s just give in. One night, never speak of it again. NO, NO, NO. I’m sorry. I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I’m a bad friend, I know I am. I can’t control myself,, not when it comes to you. But you told me NO and I should respect that. I have to respect that. If I have feelings for you…

Which obviously I do…I have to respect your decision. So please, write back to me right now. Right now. Tell me this is all in my head. Tell me I’m delusional. Tell me you don’t want me as badly as I want you. Break my heart but do it right now. Tell me to walk away forever and I swear to God, I will. Just tell me. Tell me you don’t feel it. I’ll get professional help, I will. If you tell me right now it’s all my imagination.”

Silence. Nothing. Not a single letter in response.

Until hours later.

I did like it. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I need to go sleep now.