I was falling apart, pacing in that holding cell. It was nine the next morning and I still hadn’t been able to so much as call someone. The stench of piss and vomit from the guy asleep on the bench beside me was enough to melt my nose hairs, but that wasn’t why I was sick to my stomach. I had no idea how Travis was doing, where Hannah was, or how Charlotte was holding up. I had too many people depending on me to be stuck behind bars because of a worthless order of protection.
I’d asked for my lawyer no less than seven thousand times, but if anyone had heard, no one was acting on it. I was losing my patience. Well, what was left of it, anyway.
Brady Boyd had caught the brunt of me losing it. And, if it hadn’t been for the security guards, he would have been on the receiving end of me losing all of it. I hadn’t known that it was possible to hate that motherfucker more than I already did. Oh, but the minute he’d opened his mouth to Charlotte, a whole new level of loathing usually reserved for Catherine had opened up inside me. And the day’s emotional upheaval had manifested in rage. I’d have felt bad if the asshole didn’t deserve it. But, when he’d mentioned taking Travis away from Charlotte, I had known he deserved a whole hell of a lot worse than I’d ever dole out.
“Hey!” I yelled at an officer as he passed by my cell. “Any word on my attorney?”
“Yeah, I got word,” a quasi-familiar voice replied from the other end of the hallway.
I strained my head against the bars, hope spiraling inside me only for it to fall flat as Tom Stafford came marching toward me.
“Son of a bitch,” I mumbled under my breath.
According to Charlotte, Tom was not one of my biggest fans. According to every run-in I’d ever had with the man since the truth about Travis had come out, he hated me with a fucking passion. Either way, his being there was not a good sign.
“Not a single word,” he ordered when he stopped in front of me.
I held his stoic gaze as he motioned for one of the uniforms to unlock the cell door.
I sent up a million thanks to whomever had brainwashed him into releasing me.
They seemed a tad premature the minute he caught my arm and started dragging me down the hall.
Without the first fucking clue of where he was taking me or if I was even being released, I couldn’t help myself. He was my only lifeline to my son.
“How’s Travis?” I asked.
“Shut it, Porter,” he growled.
“You have to give me something. I’ve been wearing holes in the floor, stuck in this godforsaken place all night.”
“Shut. Up.” He jerked my arm as two police officers turned the corner and came strolling toward us.
They all shared chin jerks.
I momentarily quieted as they passed.
And then I dove right back into my questions. “What about Charlotte? How’s she holding up?”
He suddenly stopped and shoved me against a wall. “For once, do what you are goddamn told and shut your fucking mouth.”
“Is that what you would do in my situation?” I shot back. “Shut your mouth while the people you love are falling to pieces around you? Fuck that, Tom. I am not that man.”
He turned his eyes to the ceiling and mumbled, “I did not sign up for this bullshit.”
“And you think I did? You think I willingly signed up to have my whole life flipped upside down? My child snatched from me? My woman’s heart broken time and fucking time again? This is my nightmare. I know you hate it, but Charlotte is my family. And I’m not quitting my family. No matter how hard you and Brady try to fight me. You can lock me up, throw away the key, but I will never stop trying to keep my family together.”
“For fuck’s sake, son. Give it a rest.” He grabbed my arm again and started dragging me toward a mystery door at the end of the hallway.
“I want to talk to my attorney,” I demanded.
“And you will get that a hell of a lot quicker if you shut your mouth.”
I silently followed him for a few more steps before adding, “I’m serious, Tom. I love her. Charlotte and those kids are my life.”
“Jesus Christ,” he cussed, stopping at the door. “I got it, okay? You love Charlotte. She loves you. The world is filled with rainbows and butterflies when you two are together…yadda yadda yadda.” He snatched the door open and shoved me through it. “Listen to your attorney this time, son.”
“Porter!” Charlotte called as I stumbled into the waiting room at the front of the police station.
I blinked. Tanner was there, huddled together with…
I blinked again. My two attorneys?
I had no fucking idea how the tide had turned and I was now a free man, but I wasn’t about to waste time asking questions—at least, not about that.
I moved straight to Charlotte. “How’s Travis?”
She grinned and a blast of relief filled my empty chest. “Hanging in there. He’s still on the vent, but Greg and the cardiologist agree, so they’re going to wean him off it today. I want to be there for that, so I gave Brady some time with him this morning.”
My jaw turned hard, and I could only imagine the fury on my face.
She pressed up onto her toes and brushed her lips with mine. “Relax. My mom is up there too. She knows to call me if anything changes. I don’t have a choice but to let him see him. However, we do have a choice how we handle this from here on out.”
“And how exactly is that?” I asked, sour settling in my mouth.
“You’re going to have to stay away from the hospital until our court date.”
My blood ignited into a vicious inferno. “No fucking way.”
She rested her hands on my chest. “Listen, Porter. Tom and your attorneys spoke with Judge Gratham to get you released. They told him about Travis’s heart and that, when he collapsed, it was a highly emotional situation, but they have assured him that you breaking the order was a one-time thing.”
My eyebrows shot up. “We’ve been basically living together for a week.”
She cut her gaze away, and her cheeks pinked. “Yeah… We, um…decided to leave that part out.”
“How? We were at Tanner’s for a cookout when the ambulance picked him up.”
“Uh, no. We were not anywhere. Travis and I stopped by Tanner’s to pick up some more of his things. You just happened to show up about the time Travis collapsed.”
I closed my eyes—that sour in my stomach turning into rot. “So, we’re flat-out lying to the police now?”
She looped her arms around my hips and shifted closer. “Porter, we’re doing what we have to do to stay together and keep you out of jail. It’s not ideal. But it worked. Judge Gratham signed off on your release and agreed to move up our court date to two days from now so that you can hopefully be allowed supervised visitation while Travis is in the hospital.”
“Supervised visitation. Outstanding.”
“I’ll be supervising it. So, really, it will be like any other night that we are all together. Isn’t that what matters? That we’re all together?”
I groaned. “It’s not sexy when you use my words against me.”
She smiled and it soothed the worry inside me. “Well, good. Because there is nothing sexy about the way you smell right now.” She giggled and tried to push me away, but I held her close
“Excuse me. I stepped out of the county jail, not a day spa.”
Still wearing a gorgeous smile, she peered up at me through her lashes. “We’re going to be okay, Porter.”
“I know. I’m just sick of all the bullshit.”
“We’ll video chat, okay? The minute he comes around, I’ll call you and Hannah and we’ll hang out like that for the next few days.”
I nodded even though my heart was screaming for me to say fuck it all and head straight up to that hospital to see my son. But, if I wanted any hope of us being together again, I had to play by the rules.
I kissed her forehead. “What’d you have to do to get Tom in on this?”
“I batted my eyelashes and cried a little. He was no match for my guilt trip.”
I barked a laugh. “I’m not sure if I should be proud of you or worried about our future together now.”
She curled in close. “Worried, probably.”
I touched my lips to the top of her head. “One of these days, our lives will become boring. We’re going to be sitting on a couch together, asking each other repeatedly, ‘What’s for dinner?’ and getting frustrated when we come up with no answers. The kids are going to be wandering around, complaining, and whining that they have nothing to do. There will be nothing on TV. No good movies out. The weather will be crappy and the four of us will be stuck in the house all damn day, fighting and bickering with each other for no other reason than it provides two minutes of excitement. And I swear to you. That will be the happiest day of my entire life. This shit, where every day is another drama, is killing me.”
She craned her head back and dreamily stared up at me. “That sounds amazing.”
Just then, Tanner came strolling over. “How many times am I going to have to bail you out of jail?”
I smirked. “Now you know how I felt when we were in college.”
“Touché,” he replied.
Charlotte rolled her eyes and then looked up at me. “I have to get back to the hospital. I don’t want him waking up without me.”
I groaned, my heart aching at the thought of not being there when he needed me the most. But it eased me to know that at least Charlotte would be there. “Yeah. Definitely. Get up there.”
“I love you, Porter. Just a few more days.”
“I love you too. Take care of my boy.”
“Hey, buddy!” I cooed in a baby voice I knew for a fact he hated, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was seeing my son alive and awake for the first time since I’d dragged him out of that pond.
I hated that it was via a damn video chat, but beggars can’t be choosers. And, right then, I was a beggar to the highest power. It had been a horrible twenty-four hours. At that time just the day before, we had been laughing and eating pasta salad. Now, my son was covered in wires and laid up in a hospital bed, waiting for a heart that may or may not come.
“Hey, Dad,” he said weakly.
He looked like hell—dark circles under his eyes, his face swollen and still pale. But his heart was beating, and that was all that mattered.
“Let me see him!” Hannah yelled, climbing up onto my bed and into my lap. “Hey, Travis.”
“Hey, Hannie,” he mumbled.
“How ya doing?” I asked, turning the phone on the side so he could see both Hannah and me in the same frame.
“Not good,” he groaned.
My stomach pitched, but Charlotte immediately moved the phone to her face and corrected him.
“He’s doing great. His BP is steady, pulse ox is coming up, and his EKG looks better than any of us had hoped. He’s still a little groggy and tired from the medication, but as soon as that wears off, he should start feeling better.”
“Okay. Good,” I whispered when I didn’t trust my voice.
God, this sucked. In all of the times Travis had gone to the hospital, I’d always been the one to go with him. And, now, I was stuck at home like some kind of caged animal waiting for permission to see my own damn son.
“And, now, he’s asleep,” Charlotte drawled, flashing the camera to my son, his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open in slumber.
I chuckled at the sight, but it did nothing to tame the anger brewing inside me.
“Go watch your movie, baby,” I told Hannah. “I’m going to talk to Charlotte for a minute and then I’ll be out.”
“Okay,” she chirped. “Bye, Charlotte.”
“Goodnight, Hannah. I’ll see you soon.”
Hannah started to climb off the bed, but then she froze and leaned back into the frame. “Travis only likes red and orange Jell-O. If he gets green, Daddy brings it home to me.”
Charlotte laughed. “I’ll be sure to set it aside for you.”
Hannah nodded and then wandered out of the room.
I shoved two pillows behind me and reclined against the headboard. Once I was settled, I asked, “How are you holding up?”
She quietly moved through the hospital room and into the bathroom, where she shut the door. “I’m okay, actually. He really is looking better, Porter.”
“Like, good enough to maybe come home?” Even I heard the hope in my voice.
She winced and shook her head.
“Right. Of course,” I said, pretending like I hadn’t been stabbed in the gut.
“He’s going to get a heart, Porter. I can feel it.”
“I’m glad you can, because I’m not feeling anything these days but a whole lot of worry and dread,” I replied, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. But I found myself unable to get comfortable.
“Turn off the light, Porter,” she whispered.
I shook my head. “I can’t. I need to go feed Hannah dinner. Something with, like, an actual vegetable. Mom dropped her off earlier and I swear she had a lollipop stuck in her hair. I love my mom, but she takes the job of spoiling her grandkids seriously.”
She stared at me blankly. “Off, Porter.”
“It’s still daylight outside, Charlotte. I could turn all the lights in the house off and it wouldn’t never be dark enough.”
“Okay. You want to talk in the light?”
Suddenly, a lump of emotion lodged in my throat and I had to force the words around it. “Is this the light? Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.”
“Everything is going to be okay. He’s asleep, baby. I feel really good about his stats—as a mother and a doctor.”
I shook my head. “See…that’s the problem. I felt really good yesterday. I was lecturing you on holding on to the happy times and not allowing the fears to consume you. And here I am, learning that it was a bunch of bullshit. Just because you don’t think about the future doesn’t mean it won’t one day become the present. I’ve known this day was coming for a long time with Travis. And I still feel like it came out of nowhere.” I turned my face away from the phone with hopes that she didn’t see me wiping my cheek on my shoulder.
Fuck. I was supposed to be the man here. I should have been the one taking care of my family. My woman. My son. Protecting them from the harsh realities of life.
And there I was, helpless and grounded like a fucking teenager who’d stayed out past his curfew.
I cleared my throat, but that pain-filled lump settled right back in. “And this waiting bullshit? That’s all I’ve been doing recently. Waiting on custody hearings. Waiting on the cops to clear my name. Waiting for the judge to allow me supervised visitation. And, now, I have to wait on someone to die so my child can get a goddamn heart? I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know. But I’m doing the exact same thing.”
“Swear to God, Charlotte. Tanner and I passed a fucking fender bender on the way home and my first thought was, oh maybe someone died. Who does that?”
“Desperate parents do that, baby. All the time. You aren’t alone in that guilt.”
My heart thundered in my ears as I confessed, “But that’s the thing. I don’t even feel guilty.” I rose from the bed and began pacing, holding the phone out in front of me even though I wished I could hurl it across the room.
“And you aren’t alone in that, either.”
“I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“And you’re entitled to that. It’s been a tough two weeks for all of us. But the key words here are two weeks. A few weeks ago, I didn’t think I’d last a day in this hell. But we’ve made it through two weeks. And, now, we’re going to make it through the next two days. And then, together, with Travis and Hannah, we’re going to make it through the next however long it takes for him to get a heart. We can do this, Porter. And we will do this—because there is no other choice.”
I stopped pacing and allowed her words to infuse me. There had been a lot of days in my life, not just over the last two weeks, when I’d thought the world was going to swallow me. After Catherine died, I hadn’t had the first clue how I’d ever move past that kind of hurt and betrayal. But I had. And, through that, I’d found Charlotte.
The day I’d met her, I’d told myself that people entered our lives for a reason, and I was determined to figure out why she had come into mine. Logic told me it was because I’d needed her to treat my son. The more spiritual answer was that I was raising her son and the heavens saw it fit for us to figure that out. But, right then, as I stared at her on the phone, her brown eyes bright with love and her face strong and fearless, I decided that this was the reason she’d come into mine.
Without her, I’d still be lost in the hate and pain.
Without her, this would have been another source to feed the constant rage forever growing inside me.
Today would have come regardless if I’d met her or not. Travis had been fated to need that heart from the get-go. But Charlotte quieted my storm. She extinguished the fire. And she soothed my demons.
Without her, I’d be lost in darkness. Alone.
Sinking to the bed, I closed my eyes and willed my pulse to slow.
She stayed silent, in true Charlotte fashion, until I was ready to return to the world of rational thinking.
“Hi,” I whispered as I lifted my lids.
“Hi,” she whispered back.
“You stole my line with that whole ‘no other choice’ bit,” I told her, my smile tight.
“Then take it back,” she told me. Her gorgeous grin felt like a drowning man’s first breath of air.
“There’s no other choice. He’s going to be okay.”
“And…” she prompted.
“And…” I drawled in question.
“And we’re going to stick together before, during, and after it happens.”
I fell back on the bed, holding her smiling face above me. “Well, that was a given. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life.”
“Good,” she smarted. “Ian will be happy to have the company.”
I barked a laugh. “Did I forget to mention that I swung by your place on my way home?”
“Porter,” she warned.
“Yeeeeaaaaah. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but there was an accident involving Ian.”
She laughed. “Porter, I swear I will hunt you down.”
“It seems he tripped into the shredder.”
“You are such a liar. One, I don’t have a shredder. And two, he’s, like, six feet tall and made of cardboard. No way he’s going to fit in a shredder.”
God, I loved this with her. Even stupid shit about her Ian Somerhalder cardboard cutout made me smile wider than I’d ever thought possible. It was fun and it was light, not at all like the suffocating shroud that cloaked us on a daily basis. But it was moments like that, when we got to be just two people in love, that gave me the strength to carry on for another day.
“You’d be amazed how affordable an industrial shredder is on Amazon.”
“Porter!” she scolded and then burst into quiet laughter.
That sound alone was more than enough to get me through the next two days.