“I love you,” I whispered to my son as we surrounded him in the pre-op room.
“I love you too,” he slurred, a goofy smile on his face.
The nurse had just slipped a little something into his IV to relax him while we waited for an anesthesiologist to show up.
Charlotte was standing beside me, looking over his chart for what had to be the tenth time, and Brady was glaring at me from the corner.
I hated that man something fierce. I could have overlooked it if he had been an ass just to me. But he’d been giving Charlotte hell for over a decade, blaming her for what Catherine had done. It took every good and decent fiber of my being not to go ballistic each time I saw him.
But, today, as Charlotte had been talking about me in the courtroom, I’d watched Brady’s face. And every single positive word she had said about me had slashed through him like a razor blade.
He was a dick. There was no questioning that. But we did have something in common.
He loved my son.
Our son.
His son.
Travis.
Lucas.
Whatever you wanted to call him.
Brady loved him.
And, right then, just like I was, he was scared out of his fucking mind at the very idea of him going into surgery.
I settled on the edge of the bed and lowered my voice so only Travis could hear me.
“Hey, bud. Can you do me a favor?”
He smiled toothy and wide. “Sure, Dad.”
I rested my hand on his forearm and gave him a squeeze. “Do you remember that time that you really wanted to buy some coins on that game on your iPad but you weren’t supposed to get your allowance for another week?”
“But they were on sale.” He laughed.
“Right,” I whispered. “They were on sale, so I gave you an advance on your allowance so you could buy them.”
“Yeah,” he drawled. “That was so awesome.”
I chuckled. “So, here’s the thing, bud. Brady and Charlotte love you a lot. And I know you don’t necessarily love them yet, but I promise you will one day. I was wondering if maybe you could give them an advance on that love before you go in and get that new ticker of yours. You know, just to make them feel better.”
“I like Charlotte.” He shrugged. “I could love her.”
I smiled. “That’s good to hear.”
“Brady’s nice and all, but—”
“It’s just an advance, Trav. It would mean a lot to them.”
He stared at me, unfocused for several seconds, then smiled. “Okay, then.”
God, I loved my son.
My vision began to swim, but I refused the tears their release. This was not a sad day.
It was a day for smiles and laughs.
For hopes and dreams.
For futures and celebration.
But, most of all, it was a day for new beginnings.
“Hey, Brady,” Travis croaked.
Brady became unstuck from the corner. “I’m right here, Travis.”
“I…just wanted to say…” He flicked his gaze to mine and then back to Brady. “That I love you.”
I patted my son’s hand, pride soaring inside me.
Charlotte gasped.
Brady’s whole body locked up tight. His eyes grew wide almost as quickly as they filled with tears. He coughed and then cleared his throat. “I love you too.”
“You got to be nicer to Charlotte,” Travis continued, and I tucked my head low and chuckled.
“Oh…uh…yeah, okay,” Brady breathed.
“She’s pretty awesome when you get to know her. She’d be way cooler if she got a TV for her apartment. But at least she has Wi-Fi.”
Charlotte stepped forward and took his hand. “I promise. As soon as we get a new house, we’ll get a TV.”
Travis shot her a wide smile. “Okay, then I don’t have to give you an advance when I tell you that I love you.”
She nodded at least a dozen times. Her face did that scrunchy trying-not-to-cry-and-failing thing she did so often. It usually made me laugh, and this was no different.
Taking her hand in mine, I guided her to stand between my legs.
“I love you too,” she whispered through tears.
“Don’t cry.” He laughed. “Go ahead. You can call me Lucas if it will make you feel better.”
Her face softened and somehow turned sad even as she smiled. “I don’t want to call you Lucas. If you’re Travis, then I love you, Travis.”
He stared at her, his drunken gaze flashing with a moment of clarity. “Really?”
She wrapped her hand over his and lifted her hands to her mouth to kiss his knuckles. “Of course. I don’t want you to be anyone else. I love you.”
There was no mistaking the honesty in her voice.
My throat burned with unshed emotion.
It was amazing the way children could heal you with such simple words.
If only our words could have healed him.
Ten minutes later, anesthesia finally arrived. With kisses, hugs, and whispered good-lucks, we left our son in the hands of the transplant team. Charlotte stayed with Travis, while Brady and I were escorted to a waiting room where most of our family had already congregated.
Tanner and Rita were there. My mom had stayed home to keep Hannah, but she had sent Dad with strict instructions to text her every ten minutes. Charlotte’s mom and Tom were there, along with some faces I didn’t recognize that I assumed were from Brady’s family.
And we were all there for one little boy.
Strapped in and ready to wait out the longest four hours of our lives together.
I’d just finished making my way around the room, receiving hugs and words of encouragement—including a brisk handshake from Tom—when Charlotte finally joined us.
She smiled at her mom and nodded to Tom, but she came straight to me.
“Hi,” she whispered, folding her arms around my waist and burying her face in my chest.
“It’s going to be okay,” I promised, smoothing her long, black hair down.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my life,” she confessed.
“I know. Me too.”
She peered up at me with glistening eyes. “Thank you for that in there.”
I played dumb. “For what?”
“I don’t know what kind of advance you had to promise him, but to hear him say, ‘I love you,’ I’d gladly pay it a thousandfold.”
I tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “I didn’t pay him anything. That was the truth.”
“Even the part where he chastised Brady for not being nice to me?”
“Actually, yes. I had nothing to do with that.”
She sighed. “God, I love that kid.”
“That makes…” I popped my head up and looked around the room. “A lot of us.”
She giggled soft and sad. “I’m really glad the judge allowed you to be here.”
“Christ, me too. Hey, that reminds me.” I dipped low and kissed her slow and sweet.
Arching her back, she curved her body into mine and wrapped her arms around my neck.
“You were incredible in court today. Seriously, Charlotte, if this whole medical thing doesn’t work out for you, you could have a career in law.”
“I just paid off my medical school loans. I’m not eager to get back into debt for another advanced degree.”
I chuckled. “Well, the option is always there.”
She blew out a heavy breath and glanced back at the door to the waiting room. “Has it been four hours yet?”
“I wish. I hate the not knowing.”
She traced her fingers down my jaw and over my lips. “And Laughlin scrubbed in to observe. He said he’d be sure to keep us in the loop. There will be a nurse who comes in and updates us regularly.”
“Not regularly enough,” I mumbled. And, when her face fell, I felt guilty about not being stronger and more positive for her. “Hey, you want to play a game?”
“Not particularly.”
“Too bad.” Taking her hand, I led her over to two chairs situated away from the rest. “Let’s pretend.”
Her worried eyes flashed dark. “I thought we said no more pretending.”
I kissed her forehead and then murmured, “But this is the good kind of pretending.” I turned her sideways in her chair and draped her legs over one of my thighs. “The kids and I did this a lot after… Well, anyway. I’ll start. Six minutes.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “Six minutes to do what?”
“No. Where are we going to be in six minutes?”
“Uh…right here?”
Rolling my eyes, I huffed in mock frustration. “Okay. I’ll start. In six minutes from now, we’ll still be sitting here, but the nurse will have come in and told us that everything is going well. Brady will drop to his knees, thank the lord, and then stop being an asshole for the rest of our lives.”
She grinned. “Psh… Good luck with that.”
“Now, you go. Six hours from now….”
She blinked. “Um…six hours from now, we’ll be…” She stopped talking, and tears filled her eyes.
“It’s okay,” I breathed, rubbing her back. “Nothing is too big to wish for during Six Minutes.”
She nodded and swallowed. “Okay…so, six hours from now, we’ll be sitting in Travis’s recovery room, waiting for him to wake up, while listening to his new heart play a perfect rhythm on the monitors.”
“Damn right we will.” I winked. “Now, my turn. Six days from now…” I tapped on my chin. “It’ll be me and you, dressed all in black. I’m talking ski masks, cargo pants, black Henleys, combat boots—the whole nine.”
“So, we’re robbing a bank? What is it with you always breaking the law? Do you have a crew you need to get back to in jail?”
I laughed when it should have been impossible. “Nope. We’re sneaking Hannah in to see her brother.”
“Ah…we should probably get a giant duffel bag.”
“See? You know what I’m talking about!”
“Though, on second thought, it would probably be easier if I walked her in through the door. Six days from now, he’ll be out of ICU and in the transplant unit. I know some people who can get us in as long as she’s not sick and he’s healing up properly.”
“Oh. Well.” I scoffed. “Now, you’re just showing off.”
Her shoulder shook with laughter and she beamed up at me. “I love you so much.”
“I know.” I winked. “Now, six weeks. You’re up.”
“Humm…six weeks. Well, we’ll be home from the hospital.”
“Whose home?” I clarified.
“Uh…my new one.”
I made the sound of an annoying buzzer. “Wrong answer.”
She twisted her lips. “Okay… Your house?”
I did the buzzer thing again. “Still wrong!”
“Whose house, then?”
I leaned in close and brushed her lips with mine. “Our house.”
“What? No.” She jerked away, but I caught the back of her neck to prevent her from going far.
“You need a bigger place,” I whispered. “I happen to have a bigger place.”
She gripped my wrist, her fingers biting into it as she held it tight. “We can’t just move in together.”
“Why not?” I asked. “It solves all of our problems.”
“Only by creating more problems. What if we don’t work out? The kids would be devastated.”
“So we’ll work out.”
Her panicked gaze searched mine. “It’s not that easy.”
“It is that easy. It’s a commitment. To each other. To the kids. To being a family. Look, I know it’s going to be hard sometimes and we’ll go through our ups and downs like any other couple, but come on, Charlotte. I’m thinking, after all of this, there isn’t much we couldn’t conquer together.”
She began gnawing on her bottom lip. “I don’t know.”
“Yeah, you do. Think about it. Travis gets to go back to the house and bedroom he calls home. You yourself said today that this stress is not good for him. Imagine what another move could do while he’s trying to recover? And, this way, he gets to keep both of us close. On the nights when you’re working at the hospital, he’ll have me there. And, on the nights when I’m at the restaurant, you’ll be there. And, on nights when we’re both there, we’ll be together like a family.”
She cut her eyes over my shoulder. “You’re talking a lot about the kids, but what about us, Porter?”
“Us?” I laughed. “Sweetheart, we are the easiest part of this. I love you. You love me. I get to fall asleep every night with you in my arms. I get to make love to you in the darkness. And hold you in the light. I don’t have to crawl out of your bed to rush home. We don’t have to make time for each other when our schedules get too busy. We can finally be together.”
She shook her head, short and jerky. “It’s too soon.”
“That’s what the six weeks are for, crazy,” I teased.
She half laughed, half cried. “You’re the crazy one.”
“I’ll gladly accept that title as long as you’re planning to move in with me.”
She peeked up at me with timid eyes. “I don’t—”
The whole room jumped when the door suddenly swung open.
Travis’s surgeon was standing on the other side, his face pale and filled with sorrow.
Greg Laughlin stepped in behind him, his face contorted in agony, his eyes aimed on Charlotte.
They weren’t supposed to be there.
They were supposed to be in the middle of surgery.
On my son.
They were supposed to be giving him a new heart.
Giving him a second chance at life.
They were not supposed to be standing there with apology in their eyes.
“Charlotte,” Greg called before swallowing hard.
“No,” she whispered.
He swept his gaze through the room, stalling on Tanner and Rita for a beat, but the pain in his eyes was stronger than ever when it landed on Charlotte.
“Maybe we should talk in the hall,” he whispered.
On shaking legs, Charlotte rose to her feet, her eyes feral. “You are not here right now.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You are not here right now!” she repeated, her tears finally breaching the surface.
Every hair on my body stood on end, and nausea rolled in my stomach.
“No!” she screamed. That single word was so tortured that it was as though it had been torn from her soul.
And, as it ricocheted around the room, it tore through mine.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus.
My legs wouldn’t work, and my arms were slack at my sides.
It felt as though every part of my body were simultaneously being ripped off while I was being stabbed with a million hot irons.
Greg moved fast and was on Charlotte in a second. His arms wrapped around her, keeping her on her feet, while his mouth moved at her ear.
The room erupted in a flurry of cries and questions.
But I couldn’t hear anything over the thunder of my own pulse.
I sat there, unable to move, desperately trying to figure how it was possible for the darkness to get even darker.