Chapter 18

Gracie and Lisa’s Notebook—Christmas 2012

Dear Mom and Dad,

We’re back in Woodhaven for the holidays this year with Mike’s family. We can only stay a few days because Mike has to prepare for his play-off game—two years in a row! But even so, we’ve all reconnected with long-time friends. Between attending Midnight Mass and the twins’ bike ride through the old neighborhood, everyone knows we’re in town. Irene and William have been keeping their door open to visitors—all ages welcome. Very generous of them.

Lisa put her pen down, walked to the bedroom window, and pulled the curtain aside for the third time. Like a jagged tooth that teased her tongue, the house across Hawthorne Street pulled at her soul. Another family lived there now, but to Lisa, the home belonged to her proud parents and to them all. She heard Mike calling from downstairs and allowed the material to drop into place.

“Just another minute,” she replied, snatching her pen once more.

It’s been almost four years since you left us, and it’s still difficult to look at our house. We were happy there. 

She remembered that hopeful, upbeat world where anything was possible, full of family and fun. She wanted that again, but now snatched at bits and pieces of “happy.”  A moment with Emily, making love with Mike, motivating a class of students.  

She ran downstairs to her husband, ready to catch up with her long-time friends. 

#

The local karaoke club was only half-full when Lisa and Mike arrived. The noise from a back table increased significantly when they walked in. Looking over, they spotted a group of familiar faces and made a beeline to their old friends.

Within five minutes of receiving warm hugs from the guys, Lisa understood that, to them, this reunion was just as much about football as about friendship and pride. Mike had become an honest-to-goodness hometown hero, and with another Super Bowl possibility next month, he’d taken on the image of a superhero. She studied their awestruck faces as they examined the big, diamond-studded Super Bowl ring he always wore on his right hand when not playing. He’d accomplished every little boy’s dream, and his friends were proud of him.

She gave and received tight hugs from her girlfriends. Sandy didn’t want to let go. Compliments and questions followed. About the kids, about living in Boston, about being an NFL wife. 

“I know you’re disappointed about postponing law school again,” said Sandy, giving Lisa her full attention. “I felt so badly for you with the nanny situation. I’m hoping you enjoy your teaching job at least a little?” Her voice rose in question. 

“If it were me,” Gail interrupted, “I wouldn’t work, period. Mike earns enough to support everybody.”

Lisa laughed along with the crowd and smiled at Sandy. Her friend was smart, intuitive, and caring. They were still close, but phone calls were a poor substitute for sharing time in person.  

“Teaching’s not my first choice, but it’s gotten better. Forget about me,” said Lisa. “You all look pretty darn happy yourselves.”

Gail grinned and stood. “Bobby and I are expecting our first,” she said, patting her stomach in that protective way pregnant women do.

“Congratulations.” Mike’s voice aimed at the couple. “My brother has a toddler. A terrific little boy.”

“We know all about him, Uncle Mikey,” teased Rick, Sandy’s husband. “David and Nancy drive in from Cambridge about once a month for the weekend. Got to make Grandma and Grandpa happy.”

“Thank God for David and Nancy,” joked Lisa, sipping a glass of wine and hoping her humor came through. “Mike and I are so not ready.” 

“Which is totally understandable,” Sandy said. “You’re still raising a crop.”

Mike’s bark of laughter had a tiny edge to it. “That’s the truth. And the crop is growing up just fine. We’re proud of them all. But someday, someday soon”—he raised his glass toward Lisa in a toast—“here’s to staying young enough to have some of our own.” 

Her glass slipped and almost fell. Breathing became difficult. Of course she understood his desire for children. She wasn’t that selfish. But how could he discuss this private matter in public when he knew darn well she couldn’t handle another child now? Later…when their lives became calmer and the future held only blue skies. Later…when the thought of starting their own family excited her instead of generating tears. She needed some freedom first. A chance to catch her breath.

She forced a smile and reclaimed her glass. “I’ll toast to the future and to feeling young again.”  

#

The door of the eatery opened and another group of chatting people entered and searched out seating. 

“Speaking of the crop,” said Sandy, “isn’t that Jennifer over there with that tall drink of water?”

Lisa’s head snapped toward the doorway. “Holy cow, that’s Doug Collins. Jen’s brought him around a few times but doesn’t say much about him, either good or bad. But the guy doesn’t give up.”

Mike peered at the couple and put his drink on the table. “Collins. How the hell did he find her in Woodhaven? He’s got it bad.”

“He’s a big boy,” Lisa interrupted.

“Their relationship’s interesting,” said Mike. “Remember that first essay? She wanted to kill him.” He began walking toward the couple. Lisa rose and pulled at his arm. “Don’t you dare embarrass her.”

He turned and placed his hands on her shoulders, pressing gently but firmly. She got the message and sat back down. “Come on, Lis. Try trusting me.”

Five minutes later, the younger couple approached Lisa’s table, Mike with them, grinning from ear to ear.

“I keep forgetting what a small town this is,” said Jen with a big sigh. “And I’m so glad we live in Boston.” She waved at the group. “Hi, everybody. This is Doug Collins on his way back home after skiing in the Berkshires. He just happened to notice the turnpike exit to Woodhaven and decided to take a chance and call me.”

“Not quite right,” said Doug. “I exited on purpose. Mike may be famous, but his parents are still listed. Ask Google.”

“Meet Jennifer’s nemesis,” said Mike, his arm around Jen. “But I like him.” 

“Want to join us?” asked Lisa.

“Sure. We’re starving,” Doug replied.

“We’re just about to order,” said Lisa as Doug added two chairs to the long table. 

Jen pointed at the karaoke machine. “See that apparatus? I’m going to be the first one to use it.”

“No kidding?” Lisa couldn’t have been more shocked if Jen had said she’d be swimming the Atlantic naked in winter.

“Yup,” Jen replied, not seeming too happy about it. “I’m going first to get it over with.” She pointed at Doug. “He dared me.”

“And she accepted,” said Doug. “Payoff time is near.” 

Lisa laughed. Her friends began to chuckle. “Dared you to sing?” Lisa asked. “Well, that’s no problem, is it, Jenny-girl? You can show him.” 

Jen winked, then waved to someone and wandered off.

“You’re in for a disappointment if you think she’ll embarrass herself,” Lisa said to Doug. “My sister has pipes.”

“Your sister is wonderful,” he replied, “except she doesn’t believe it. She’s put you on a pedestal.”

“What? That’s not true.” Lisa glanced at her sister, remembering her criticisms from a while back. Jen hadn’t heard Doug’s remark, but it seemed the guy had more to say.

“Yup. She talks about you all the time. I think she lives in your shadow.”

“Dr. Freud, I presume?” snapped Lisa.

Collins shrugged. “I know what I hear, what I see.”

Had Jen said Doug was an English major? Maybe creative writing or theater? Some liberal arts area that would give her logical, mathematical sister a case of hives. Or would it capture her imagination?

“We can make this more interesting,” said Mike, sitting back in his seat, seemingly relaxed and having fun. “I’ll double dare Doug to try it.” He nodded at the song machine.

The young man grinned, his eyes on Jen as she returned to the table. “I accept.” 

“I heard that, and it’s not necessary,” said Jen quickly. “I know he can carry a tune. Hell, he can read the phone book and make it sound like Shakespeare.”

“Glad you noticed, Jenny-Henny-Penny.” 

Mike’s questioning gaze caught Lisa, who shrugged, realizing the details of her sister’s relationship were unknown to her. Her stomach tightened. 

“So, what are you going to sing?”

Jen brightened. “Thank goodness it’s Christmas. I’ll just do “Jingle Bells” or some other holiday song programmed in the karaoke machine. I bet the audience will join in. And then I will have fulfilled my part. The string bean won’t be able to nag again.”

Not such a string bean anymore. Doug had filled out quite a bit. Jen either hadn’t noticed or wasn’t giving Doug the satisfaction of having noticed. Lisa’s thoughts flew awry. Relationships weren’t her strong suit. She and Mike seemed to ride a roller coaster even when they were both trying to do their best. 

The club was now almost full, their waitress had brought their food, and the disc jockey lit up the karaoke area. “To keep you in the holiday spirit, we’re going to start the evening with a sing-along of holiday tunes.”

“He stole my idea!” complained Jen.

“It’s Christmas, Jen. What did you think he’d do? But listen up. He’s still talking.” Doug put his finger over her lips.  

“And while we’re all singing,” continued the DJ, “those people who want the spotlight can look through the track listings and write down their song choice on a slip of paper. You’ll get up to sing when I call your name.”

As though heading to the guillotine, Jen made her way to the song book. 

Lisa turned her attention to Doug. “So, what power do you have over my sister?”  

“For God’s sake, Lisa!” Mike interrupted. “Give the guy a break. She invited him here.”

Lisa shrugged. “But my question remains. And I want to know the answer.”

“Well, well, well. Now, that’s proof you’re still a lawyer,” Sandy interjected. “And Doug, I feel sorry for you.” 

“Don’t worry about me,” replied Doug. “Jen’s worth it. After two years, I’m still peeling away the onionskin. I don’t understand everything about Jennifer yet, but I will.”

“The onionskin? Sounds like psychology talk. Is that your major?”

“Minor. It’s helpful when I watch a movie or read a book. Helpful for what I want to do later on.”

The young man wanted to know people inside and out…real and fictional. So maybe he was a theater major, an actor.  Good Lord, what could be worse?

“I’m a writer.”

She groaned. Writing was no way to make a living. “Are you any good?”  

Mike choked on his drink and turned to Doug. “It’s her sister you’re involved with, but you have to get through Lisa first…and me.”

Lisa squeezed his arm. Doug’s gaze rested only on Lisa when he replied.  

“I’ve completed two stage plays, and now I’m working on a screenplay. One of these days, you’ll go to a theater and see my movie up there.”

“Right,” she muttered. The guy needed a reality check. Hadn’t he ever heard about starving writers who thought success was just around the corner, just one script away? Jen could not possibly be serious about him. 

Mike, however, was already extending his hand. “Welcome to my world, Doug, where you either have the chops or you don’t.”

For crying out loud. A second ago, Mike was supporting her. Had his opinion changed in a moment? He shouldn’t encourage the guy. 

But her husband had already captured the younger man’s attention. For the first time since arriving, Collins’s smile disappeared, his slouch evaporated as he straightened in his chair. The expression on his face was appropriate for a funeral.

“Thanks, Mike. I intend to make my own touchdowns.”

Doug Collins seemed to be as passionate about his career choice as Mike had been. She’d talk to Jen. A writer? Jen liked security. She was the one who’d pounced on the budgets from the beginning. She’d hate living her life unsure of the next script, the next sale. 

“Relax, Lisa,” whispered Mike. “They’re still undergrads. Not even old enough to order a drink. You’re borrowing trouble.”

Maybe. But she and Mike had only been eighteen when they’d met. She’d opened her front door, and her life had changed forever.  Jen needed to have her eyes wide open.

A verse of “Deck the Halls” was ending, and the DJ spoke into the microphone. “For those new to karaoke, there are no rules, except not to break my equipment. In karaoke singing, only the background to popular songs is prerecorded on each track, so whoever comes up here tonight will take the place of the lead singer. And remember, folks, we’re here to have a good time. If you can’t clap because the singer did a great job, then clap because the song is over!”

The crowd chuckled, and suddenly all eyes were on Jen, standing alone at the microphone. She scanned the crowd and said, “This one’s for my big sister.”

Lisa leaned forward, wondering what Jen had in mind. But when she heard the introductory notes, she knew what was in her sister’s heart, and a corner of her own started to tear. 

“Stand by Me.” Jen’s voice, with its smoky jazz delivery, was a natural for Ben E. King’s song. Her sister was as pitch-perfect as she’d ever been when the whole family used to belt out songs, singing and laughing until they couldn’t breathe at all.  

The verses, the chorus. 

…stand by me….

Jen caught her eye and waved her over. Lisa didn’t think twice, didn’t stop, didn’t pause—she just went. She harmonized, and she carried the melody, sometimes weaving in and around Jen’s voice.

…won’t be afraid…. 

Stand by me.

A weight lifted. She was a girl again, back home with her family, singing their hearts out. Mike used to be there, too, not singing, always saying he’d ruin the harmony, but she wouldn’t have cared if he had. Not in those days. 

And when it was over, it was Doug Collins who asked, “Who do you ladies think you are? The Von Trapp Family?”

Jen and Lisa looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“No,” they cried in unison. “We are the Delaneys!”

Whistles and catcalls came from her old friends. Other patrons applauded wildly. Gail cried out, “You will always be the Delaneys. Grace and Robert are up there with you. They live through you.”

#

Mike winced at the reminder. It seemed that the entire world conspired against him on the question of Lisa’s identity. He had to admit, however, that she looked and sounded wonderful up there with Jen. Joyful memories filled his mind. So many dinners in Grace’s kitchen, so many impromptu concerts afterwards. A sharp longing pierced him. Startled him. It wasn’t often that he yearned for yesterday. No profit in that. Only pain. But seeing Lisa up there, singing with her sister, brought it all back. That damned auto accident had wrought huge collateral damage. No one sang anymore.  

#

The girls returned to the table while another patron took to the stage, causing Mike to wince. “Everyone thinks they’ve got a voice.”

“Especially when they have a few too many belts in them.” Doug nodded toward the performer.

“Lisa and Jen are naturals,” said Mike, snaking his arm around Lisa’s chair. “You were both great. Maybe you should join a glee club or a choir or something back in the city. Have a little fun for a change.” As soon as that F word left his mouth, he wished he’d bitten his tongue. Fun was still not part of Lisa’s agenda—as far as he could tell.  

“I wish,” said Lisa. “But the last time I looked, there were still only twenty-four hours in a day.” 

An excuse. If she wanted to join a chorus, she could do that. He was home at night; so was Jen. A weekly rehearsal was just as important as a weekly therapy session. And as for their social life? Hell, it didn’t exist. He had the time and money now. They could easily afford a dinner out and a show or movie plus a babysitter. His wife wasn’t even trying to meet him halfway.  

She had a trust problem, but he wasn’t getting into that again. Especially not here. Not with everyone in good spirits.

Sandy and Rick Bennett stood, glasses in hand. “We’d like to propose a toast to Lisa and Mike,” said Rick. “First, it’s great seeing you guys again. Make the trip more often.”

“Hear, hear!”   

“We know your lives haven’t been easy in the ways that matter most,” Sandy said, “so tonight, we drink to the Brennans, to a successful play-off game and Super Bowl, and to a super family. Remember that we miss you in Woodhaven.”

Mike watched Lisa’s tears trickle as the love and comfort of longtime friends poured over them. She made her way around the entire table, hugging every man and every woman. For the first time, he wondered if they’d made a mistake moving to Boston. Maybe Lisa would have had an easier time here with a “phantom” husband—as she’d called him—but with the support of friends she didn’t have in the big city. Not that she’d bothered to seek out new friends, he reminded himself, certainly not the players’ wives. He and Lisa lived in a magnificent house, in a magnificent city that provided magnificent opportunities, but Woodhaven still held her heart.

Mike loved Boston. Loved the team. He was close with some of the guys. They had no “off-season,” not if they wanted to stay on top. They played cards only after a day of training at the stadium. They worked at the game full time, year-round. They reviewed videos, worked with coaches to stay in shape, and had small-group practices with whomever was available. He’d gone out for a meal more often lately and to a few clubs, too, enjoying the noise, the people, the camaraderie. 

Now, he looked around the small-town karaoke club and thought of his life in Boston. Two different worlds, with him straddling both. In Boston, women swarmed the Riders as soon as they walked through any door. Beauties who knew how to pay attention to a guy. In Woodhaven, friends swarmed him and Lisa as they did now. And that was great. But thinking about his life a hundred miles east made him smile. Excitement rushed through him.   

He should be living that good life! He was only twenty-six years old. He was decent-looking and had legions of admirers. For God’s sake, he was the star of the show! A celebrity—and he barely enjoyed it. 

Lisa probably didn’t think about the groupies on the road and in town. She had to be aware, had to. But they’d never discussed it. Maybe she had no idea how much temptation he resisted on the road, like that night he won his first Super Bowl. Volunteering the information would seem like a threat, and that was no way to have a good marriage. If only she would take joy in his accomplishments. If only she’d go on the road with him at least once in a while and cheer the team on. He’d love to show her off. Show everyone that their QB had a beautiful wife and a strong family behind him. 

“If we make it to the big game in Miami,” he said, stroking Lisa’s arm, “I expect you to go. I’m tired of traveling solo. I want you with me.”

Startled, she had that deer-in-the-headlights look. “Can we please take it one game at a time? You know, with Emily, I can never promise anything in advance.”

Of course he knew. And hated it. “Get the shrink in on this right away. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Mike didn’t have a lot of faith in the woman, not after she’d allowed Lisa to stop the sessions. He wanted to be wrong this time.

Maybe he’d wind up going solo again. But he wouldn’t make it easy for his wife.