Chapter 21

Despite her words to Mike, Lisa yearned to go home. To a familiar place. To the safe place she’d left behind. Where her real friends lived and where her parents were buried. She longed for the town where life was smaller and slower and calmer. No NFL. No Beacon Hill. A place where she knew who she was and where she fit. The gorgeous townhouse in Boston, with its marble fireplaces and leather sofas, a Baccarat chandelier, and a Roche Bobois entertainment center, had been Mike’s choice, and Lisa had allowed herself to be pulled along.  

The idea simmered for a week. Woodhaven. The more she thought about it, the more she liked it. She could easily find another job. The school system was great, so the kids would be fine. Of course, there was no Boston Symphony youth group for Emily, but there was a magnet school for music. The boys could play on other teams. 

During the second week of May, she took a day off from work and got behind the wheel. She had high hopes for a new beginning in her hometown. Maybe she’d go house hunting today. She remembered to leave a note on the kitchen table for the boys and Em saying she’d be home late that evening. No details needed.

Two hours later, she exited the Mass Pike and drove the familiar road into town. Maple and oak trees shimmered in the breeze, showing off their spring green. White birches dotted the landscape, too. Lisa smiled, feeling at peace. She drove past the central police station, the courthouse, the auditorium. That courthouse…where a blindfolded Lady Justice proudly stood with her scales balanced evenly in her hands. A second inspiration for Lisa’s dream of law, and the reminder caused a flicker of pain. 

She took her time meandering through familiar streets, past shopping areas, a supermarket. Main Street contained a mix of businesses and shops and eateries. People earned their livings here just like they did anywhere else, in a variety of venues. She drove past the school where she’d subbed after her parents died, and later past the high school from which she’d graduated. Maybe she’d surprise Sandy and Gail with a visit. But for now, she was simply getting her bearings…or procrastinating her visit to Hawthorne Street.

Lisa had visited Irene and William on occasion, but today, she wanted to absorb the place where she and her family had been so happy. Surely, it would bring comfort.

After making a quick pit stop, she finally nosed down the familiar street, a tree-lined street with plenty of shade and sturdy wood-framed homes offering safe harbor. She crawled along, looking from left to right, at the familiar houses sheltering families she knew. 

Of course, they were familiar. Yet they seemed smaller than she remembered. She noted details she hadn’t paid attention to years ago—the uneven sidewalks, the potholes—winter’s gift to New England. When she was halfway up the street, she parked the car. On her left, Mike’s old home. On her right, hers.

With a For Sale sign out front. 

Her mother-in-law must have forgotten to mention that fact when they’d last spoken. But it didn’t matter. Her heart raced as she studied the sign.  Was this an omen of some kind? A good omen? 

She clutched her purse and got out of the car, the Lexus’s door closing behind her with a satisfying thud. A Realtor’s name and number were lettered prominently on the poster, but Lisa ignored the information and decided to ring the bell. If these were her old buyers, they wouldn’t be shy.

They weren’t. A friendly greeting and conversation about their move to Houston, Texas. They’d just started boxing up their things. Sure, she could take a look around, and if she knew anyone who wanted to buy…? 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” she said. “And thanks. Thanks a lot.” She stepped inside. “I appreciate…uh…” She choked up. “I’m a little homesick, I think.”

“Take your time, Mrs. Brennan. No problem.”

She quickly regained her balance. Maybe it was the boxes lined up everywhere. Maybe it was the unfamiliar furniture. Or maybe she’d gotten used to the townhouse. Her memory had lied. Like the others on the block, this house, too, was so much smaller than she remembered. She climbed the stairs and walked from room to room, memories whirling. She and Jen had shared a bedroom until she went off to law school, giggling together one minute, fighting for closet space the next. Good times. Across the hall, the twins’ room had held bunk beds, their walls covered with racing car paper. Now, their room was painted pink. 

She continued the few feet down the hall to the master bedroom and slowly pushed open the door. Standing on the threshold, she inhaled deeply, her feet unable to step into the room. Memories assailed…

“Robbie, did you hear the story about my Uncle Harry?”

“No, Gracie. What about your uncle Harry?”

“Well, he didn’t want to marry my cousin, Mary…

“Why not?”

“Well, because Mary was related to Barry, and Harry…

She couldn’t breathe. Not in, not out. She began to rock and grabbed the doorframe as a gray cloud descended. Somehow, she slid to the floor and inhaled a huge gulp of air. Then another. Her head cleared just as she heard her hosts calling her name. Grabbing the wall for balance, she rose to her feet and stepped farther into her parents’ room, scanning the corners, the walls, the closet doors. And wondered if she’d indeed lost her mind. 

Grace and Robbie weren’t here. Not even a trace. This house wasn’t the Delaney house anymore.

She felt a sob rising in her chest. What had she expected to find? Why had she gone inside? If she couldn’t bear it, how could she possibly live here? How could she bring the kids here? Hawthorne Street was out of contention. 

“Mrs. Brennan?”

Lisa forced a smile on her face and went to greet the woman. “I’m coming. Thanks so much.”

“We’re not rushing you, but you’ve got company. Mrs. Brennan, from across the street, is waiting outside.”

#

Irene? Lisa frowned. She hadn’t intended on visiting Irene today. Mike had told his parents about the news of their impending divorce, and she understood Irene and William were disappointed. They’d need time to accept it.

Mike’s mother was standing next to Lisa’s car, fingers drumming on the fender. Not a good sign.

Might as well get this over with. Lisa’s chin went up as she approached her mother-in-law. “Hello, Irene.”

“If you are considering buying back that house, I won’t let you.” 

“I’m sorry you’re so upset.”

“Upset doesn’t begin to cover it. But I’m telling you, Lisa, you can’t move back here. I’m not going to wake up and be reminded every day that Grace’s daughter ruined my son’s life! No, I won’t. Not even for Grace’s sake.”

“I’m not buying it,” Lisa said quietly.

Irene seemed to collapse against the car. “Thank God for small favors. The sooner Michael’s done with you, the sooner he can start a new life. You were his siren song. He fell in love with you and only you. And how did you repay him? By making him miserable. He deserved better… Oh, oh, I knew this would happen. I knew it would be too much. Your relatives should have taken those children.”

“Out of my way.” Lisa stepped toward the driver’s side of the car, feeling as though she were walking under water, Irene’s words echoing from afar.   

Irene blocked the door. “Oh, no. I’m not finished. See what I mean? Even now, you don’t want to listen to anyone.”

“You’re attacking me, Irene. Why would I listen to more?” She hoped her words were coming out faster than her thoughts. Was this what people meant by an out-of-body experience? 

“He’s crushed, Lisa. He loves those children, but they’re not his. And you never gave him children of his own. I love those children, too, but they’re not my grandchildren. You never gave me grandchildren…”

Her visit to Woodhaven had turned into a nightmare. The sun was just about overhead, about noon, but the day felt a hundred hours long. 

“You have grandchildren, Irene. Through David and Nancy, so count your blessings. My parents will never have that pleasure. And this conversation is officially over. So please get out of my way.”

She bent down to open the door, but Irene said, “Whatever made you go inside that house? What were you looking for?”

How could the woman not understand? How could she not know that I’d give anything to find a trace of my family…a flavor, an aroma, a song…a memory…hidden in the cracks of that house. I wanted to find peace! What other answer could there be?

But to Irene, she merely said, “I didn’t find it. And if you don’t get away from my vehicle, I’ll simply run you down.”

“You’ve really lost it,” said Irene before she walked home. “Do those children even know where you are today?”

Lisa started the car and roared away, now anxious to leave Hawthorne Street, sorry she’d ever gone there. So much disappointment among the ashes. She had no appetite for food. No thirst for a drink. No desire for company. She braked hard at the corner and counted to ten. Maybe later, after her next stop, she’d call her friends.  

The gates of the cemetery were wide open. Without hesitation, she followed the gently winding road to the place where her parents lay in eternal sleep. Lifting the two wreaths of flowers she’d brought from the front passenger seat, she got out of the car.

The sun warmed her, the quiet calmed her. Until she studied the headstones. She placed the wreaths carefully and traced the names with her fingertips. Robert Delaney. Grace Delaney. Still so alive to her, but too elusive to help. It wasn’t the first time she’d come here, of course. But as her tears streamed, she realized it was the first time she’d visited without an entourage. Was privacy the true reason for her trip to Woodhaven?  She’d needed privacy to chat.

Hi Mom. Hi Daddy. Bad news today. Nothing is going right. 

Nothing?

Well, Jen is great—she has a nice boyfriend—and the kids are healthy.

Good.

They do their homework.

See? Good job, Lisa!

Wrong. I’m doing a terrible job. Mike and I are getting a divorce, and I don’t know what to do next. You always told me to follow my dreams. Well, I need more direction than that! I keep dropping out of law school. Who knows if I’ll ever be an attorney?  Mike’s out of the house several nights a week. He might have a girlfriend. I don’t know what to believe. We haven’t told the kids yet, but they’ll hate me. As for Mike’s mother…well, you should have seen Irene a few minutes ago… 

Lisa plopped down on the grass, grabbed fistfuls of dirt and pebbles, and slammed them on the ground. Over and over until her knuckles hurt. But she needed to talk to those who would listen.  

I have a second-best career, Mom. No marriage. No home of our own. Not even Hawthorne Street. Your children are not in great shape. Help me!

Your career, Lisa? Surely you have bigger goals than that. I’ve told you how I met Daddy and how he made me laugh. There went my big “show biz” career and began the best career I could have had. And I taught you all to sing.

Lisa burst into tears. She missed their laughter. Their outlook on life. She missed the music and carefree good times. With Michael Brennan, she felt old and worn. 

Mike and I don’t laugh much.  

After your father and I got married, I never looked back. I made music with the family. You can make music with Mike.

Times have changed, and besides, Mike can’t hold a note!

Ah, Lisa.  The boy was crazy about you. You harmonized perfectly. 

That was before…before we lost you. And before I disappeared too. He doesn’t understand how hard I’m trying to make you proud. And not make mistakes. Your other children…need you!

You’ve kept our babies together. We are very, very proud of you. 

It was her heart speaking. Of course, it was. But maybe she’d lost her mind. A calmness descended, and her tears dried. Exhausted, she remained sitting on the grass. 

“Lisa, Lisa!” 

Real voices? Or her imagination?  Warm hands rubbed her arms and back. Female chatter, low and comforting and familiar. 

“Hey, girl. What’s going on?”

“Come on, Lisa. Talk to us.”

Sandy? Gail? How? When?

“Irene called me,” said Gail, kneeling beside her. “She was worried. She saw the wreaths in your car.”

“And you peeled out of Hawthorne Street leaving rubber behind.”

Irene, worried?  “That’s impossible,” Lisa replied. “Lexuses don’t squeal.”

Suddenly, she was laughing, and holding on to her friends, who were holding on to her. They began to giggle, enjoying one of those absurd moments when hysteria bursts through for no reason at all. 

“I’m so glad to see you.” Taking each of her friends by the hand, Lisa rose to her feet. She started humming “Stand By Me.”

“Oh, let’s do it for real,” said Gail quickly, “even if I can’t sing on key.”

Arms around each other, they swayed and sang a chorus right there in the cemetery. Gail hadn’t lied about carrying a tune, but it didn’t matter to Lisa. 

“We sure gave your folks something to laugh about,” Gail said, nodding toward Grace’s and Robbie’s resting places. 

“They loved it. I promise you, they loved it.” Lisa’s eyes watered and she rubbed them with the back of her hand.

“Don’t you dare start crying again,” warned Sandy. “I can’t take it.”

“I miss you both so much,” Lisa said. “Did Irene tell you about Mike and me?”

“Yes. And we’re so sorry to hear it,” said Sandy. “Sorry and surprised, Lisa. You’ve never mentioned anything—”

“But on the other hand,” Gail interrupted, “his life in the NFL is probably not too…what’s the word? Hum-drum, shall we say?” 

“I don’t think he’s cheated, if that’s what you mean,” Lisa said quickly, “but frankly, we’re both miserable. We make each other miserable, so, I’m…I’m thinking about moving back here with the twins and Emily. Jen is happily employed and has her own life now in Boston.”

To Lisa’s surprise, her friends remained quiet for a moment too long. 

“That’s a very big decision,” Sandy finally said. “Take some time to think about it. Teenagers don’t like change. And you and Mike are hitting them with a big change.” 

Her friend stepped closer and squeezed Lisa’s arm. “I’d bet money that the kids don’t feel the same way about this place as you do. They were so young when you moved. Seven? Nine? Their childhood and most of their memories are intertwined with you and Mike in Boston.”

Soft words, true words Lisa hadn’t considered and didn’t want to hear. She began to shake. 

“But it’s not our decision,” said Gail. “If you do want to move back, we’ll help you find a place. In fact, there’s some new construction on the west side of town. A development called Cranberry Cove. You’d love it.”

Lisa felt a smile emerge and a warmth fill her. Her friends would stick by her no matter what she decided. “We’re talking to the kids within the next week or two and we’ll see what happens. In the meantime, I’m treating for lunch.” She glanced at her watch. “Hmm…a late lunch.”

“I’m sorry, Lis. I have to get back to work,” Sandy said. “I used my lunch hour to come here.”

“And I have to get back ASAP. I left little Bobby with a neighbor.”

They bestowed kisses on her and rushed to their cars. Lisa tracked their hasty departure, instantly aware they’d moved on with their own busy lives and routines. Jobs, husbands, a child. Their friendship had remained strong, but they wouldn’t be at her beck and call if she returned. The three of them had grown up, and she couldn’t turn back the clock.

She paused as the thought seeped into her soul. Had she spent the last four and a half years looking backwards instead of forward? She got behind the wheel and headed to the highway. You can’t go home again. Thomas Wolfe had it right. People and time didn’t remain static. So, Woodhaven was out. Boston was in.

She stepped on the gas.