Chapter 32

Levi looks incredibly scrumptious in the front seat of his dad’s matte gray Maserati GranTurismo. So scrumptious, in fact, that I have to stand back and gape at him for a second.

“Get in, Bee,” he prompts, fiddling with the radio. With the flick of his wrist, the top of the car goes down, and I’m looking at a convertible that’s almost as gorgeous as my boyfriend. He looks up at me when I don’t respond. “Speechless?”

“No,” I lie.

He calls my bluff. “It’s kind of badass, right?”

I pretend to be unimpressed as I climb in. “Nah.”

Levi laughs. “There’s just no way in hell I’m paying for the gas to go get him, and he’s not going to remember any of this in the morning anyway, so we might as well.”

“Sounds reasonable.” It’s ten thirty now, which means it will be nearly midnight when we get to Mr. Orville. Wherever he’s stopped. I silently thank Tracy for letting me take the late shift tomorrow.

Levi follows the map on his phone, which directs us to the Pacific Coast Highway. It’s a drive I’ve always thought of as beautiful, but now I’m stunned. Looking out of this roofless car, I feel like I can see everything and touch all the pieces that make up the mountains and the ocean and the sky. My dress swirls around my legs, picked up by the wind, and my hair is never going to calm down at this speed.

Levi switches on a mix CD and turns it to a low volume that I can barely hear over the rushing and the sound of tires on asphalt and the ocean waves against rocks. We talk sparsely (Levi: If we were stranded on a desert island, who would eat who first? Me: Sh, don’t even think about that. Levi: It’s important. Me: It will never happen. Levi: I’d let you eat me. I’m probably delicious, but then again, I hope no one ever knows for sure.), mostly just holding hands between us, watching the small beach cities and mansions in the hills as they pass.

We reach Mr. Orville’s awkwardly parked car at 11:44, and by this time I’m yawning and stretching and shifting uncomfortably. Levi makes a U-turn and pulls up behind his dad’s sleek, black car—yet another convertible, this time a Jag—and flips off the lights. The beach is to our right, across the freeway; the little town we’ve parked in is called La Conchita.

That is, until I hear, “Son!” Jerking my head toward the sound, I catch Mr. Orville practically springing out of his car. His date is primping herself in the passenger seat, her skimpy purple dress showing me a lot more of her boobs than I ever wanted to see.

“Dad,” Levi answers, and if I didn’t know him so well, I would have missed the underlying relief in his tone. While Levi steps out to talk to his dad, Miss Purple Dress closes her mirror, collects her things, and saunters over to the Maserati in her four-inch pumps. She doesn’t acknowledge my presence, just opens the back door and sits behind me.

Good, I didn’t want to talk to you anyway.

After speaking quietly to his father by the car, Levi turns to look at me. “Bee, you feel comfortable driving one car?”

I immediately shake my head no, and Levi sighs and turns off the other car, the one we’re going to leave here.

Mr. Orville fumbles with the handle on the Maserati for a second. Then he looks up at me, catching my attention only because I can feel his stare. “You,” he says, as if he’s only just seeing me.

I raise an eyebrow. I have no response for this idiot.

“I met you earlier?”

I can’t hold back my laugh, but I still don’t answer. Yeah, I think, and at the last fundraiser, too. Nice to see you again. I’m your son’s girlfriend. No need to remember me, though.

“You’re wearing my wife’s necklace,” he adds, his face darkening. From behind me, his purple-clad date makes a sound of protest. “Ex-wife,” he amends, and finally manages to open the door. He gets in the vehicle (jumps is a more appropriate word), landing beside his girlfriend with a plop, and (I kid you not) grabs her boobs to catch himself.

“AuGUStus!” she shouts, laughing.

I turn to Levi as he gets in the driver’s seat again and just stare at him, waiting for him to say something, anything, because I’m speechless.

He shields his eyes from the backseat and says, “If I wasn’t wearing this suit, I’d probably puke.”

“Son, did you meet Penelope?” AuGUStus! yells from the backseat, even though we’re, like, a foot away.

Levi and I exchange a glance. “Ah,” he says. Then he turns around. “Yep, we did. Buckle up, please, or you’ll fall out onto the freeway and I won’t be able to come back for you until tomorrow, and by then you’ll already be a street pancake.”

He mumbles the last bit, making me laugh loudly, over the sounds of AuGUStus! sloppily smooching Felix’s (probably fired) secretary, over the music and the wind. The only thing left is Levi, and just as the rest of the world world disappears, he is everything.

We pull up to AuGUStus’s house a little over an hour later, music blaring to keep us awake. I’ve yawned once a minute for the last half hour, and Levi’s eyes look a little bloodshot. But the massive house looming ahead of us, even with its seven garage doors and palm tree collection and glass roof, provides a sense of calm. In my mind, House + Bed = Sleep.

Until I remember that we have to drive home, of course. “Who’s on drive home duty?” I ask.

“If I have anything to say about it, neither of us.” He inches into the Maserati’s assigned garage and closes the door behind us. With one shared look, we seem to come to the agreement that neither of us wants to drive at this hour, so staying here is our only option. He nods and pulls the key out of the ignition, and at the same time we turn to look at the back seat.

AuGUStus! is passed out with his head in Penelope’s lap, and she looks incredibly annoyed. Levi, in all of his wild-haired glory, shoots her his most charming smile. “Thanks for taking care of that,” he says, climbing out of the car and closing his door behind him.

“Aren’t you, like, going to help?” Penelope whines.

“Oh, I’m totally sure you’ve got this all under control, considering how well you probably know him by now, in these, like, four days you’ve been dating him. Or should I say nights?” Levi walks around to my side (I’m staring openly like a shocked four-year-old) and pushes on my back with two fingers, toward the door that leads into the house. He glances back at Penelope one last time. “Peregrine, right? Have a great night,” he adds, and shuts the door behind us.

I plaster my hand over my mouth, a giggle escaping. “That’s not the first time you’ve had to do that, is it?” I say beneath my fingers.

“Nope.” He flicks on the lights. An expanse of kitchen spreads out before me, so massive that it’s like there’s an entire canyon between me and the other side.

I make a sound of pure awe.

“It’s butt ugly,” Levi mutters.

“It totally is not. It’s just…excessive.”

“Okay, fine, it’s gorgeous,” he grumbles. “But I reserve the right to call anything and everything in this house gross any time I want, okay?”

I practically snort. The house is immaculate, down to the mahogany cabinets and giant sink and wide island tabletop. Everything sparkles. I take Levi’s hand, following him first to the fridge (because he guesses I’m hungry and tells me he’s starving), where he procures yogurt and water for us, and then out into the rest of the house.

I don’t have much time to pay attention to the massive rooms I’m passing. I focus solely on Levi’s hand and his long stride and the sleep that awaits me on the other side of the house. I might cry from sheer exhaustion and emotional discovery and happiness.

Levi first stops by his bedroom, which is set up like his room at home: organized, minimalist. He puts his backpack and yogurt on the bed and sighs down at them.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“The day’s over, that’s what’s wrong.” He rubs the back of his neck. “There’s an extra bedroom for you, down the hall—”

I act quickly, grabbing his hand before he can move. “Um, no.” Suddenly I’m nervous, because I know that I don’t want to sleep by myself in this gigantic, strange house where Levi’s drunk dad could be lurking at any moment in time. But I also know that asking to sleep in his bedroom, where there is only one bed and a lot of floor, might open up a can of worms, and I will have to do a lot of explaining.

About sex.

Out with it, Bee. Just tell him.

My jaw is frozen shut. I don’t want him to think it’s stupid, or lame, or pathetic, because it’s not. It’s important to me, and I want him to know.

Levi raises an eyebrow at me, as if he’s trying to give me the impression that he’s clueless, but I know from the way his skin color deepens that he’s thinking the same thing I am.

“I can’t sleep here,” I say, but since I mean in this house, it only confuses him more.

“Okay,” he deadpans. “That’s why I’m giving you your own bedroom.”

“No, no, I mean, I can’t sleep here, as in, the house, because it freaks me out a little bit—okay a lot—no offense.”

“So you want to sleep in my room?”

“I do—I mean—” I whimper, hopeless. “I really want to, but if I do, I have to tell you The Thing.”

This is not how I planned to do it. In fact, I hadn’t planned to do this at all. In the several weeks of our dating life, I’d been so preoccupied with everything else (I’m looking at you, cancer) that I’d only thought about this once. I hadn’t thought about Levi’s expectations, or what his past love life looked like. He’s probably had a ton of girlfriends—oh my goodness, this makes me feel even worse—and probably has experience, because he’s Levi, and look at that beautiful face!

“Bee? What thing?” He’s watching me, eyes traveling back and forth with me as I pace incessantly across his room. I’m pretty sure it’s driving him crazy. Three. Two. One—

“Bee—” He puts his hand on my arm to stop me, running his fingers down my bare skin to tantalize me, bringing me in close to hold me. “What’s this Thing you want to tell me that’s making you so nervous? You’re shaking,” he adds, and it’s true. My hands, especially, are wavering where I have them pressed to his chest.

“Okay, so, like, I’ve never had to explain this to anyone except my mom and Gretchen, and especially not to a boy, and especially not to my boyfriend, because, you know, I’ve never had one of those. One of you. You know?”

He nods, like this makes complete sense. (He’s an angel.) “All right. Go on.”

I wiggle out of his arms and sit on the edge of the bed, my hands fumbling in my lap. “I have this thing,” I begin, and instead of continuing I just stare at his expectant face.

He nods, slowly, like he’s trying to be patient. “You said that already.”

“Okay, and, well. I wasn’t really going to tell you like this. I just don’t know what you expect and what you want but I have made a promise to myself not to have sex before I’m married because I want it to be the most special thing in the world, and I figured out when I was with Karl that it wasn’t going to be special if we stayed together. That’s why I broke it off with him, actually. And now I’m here and we’re a thing and we kissed, naturally my next question is what on earth is Levi going to think about this so I’m asking you here, now, what you think MMPH—”

He smashes his whole mouth on mine, sudden and a little violent, but it’s all the better for it. I grab his face and squish it between my hands because I am a lot panicky and he’s here to make it better.

“Bee,” he says quietly, and chuckles, and presses a few smaller kisses to my lips and nose and eyes and cheeks. “You’re the most wonderful creature.”

I whimper. “But what about your past girlfriends and experience that I don’t have and do you want that from me and—”

“Bee! Bee. Calm down.” He puts a finger on my lips and stands up straight. His hand curls around my head, pulling me close, so that my cheek rests against his stomach. I wrap my arms around his waist, squeezing a little too tight, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “I was only just grasping the fact that we kissed, to be honest, but I’m glad you brought it up.”

“Okay,” I whisper, waiting for him to continue.

Levi’s hands glide through my hair, soft and comforting. “I like more than your pretty face, Bee, so if you want to wait, then so do I.”

“Levi,” I say, but it hurts to speak.

“I’ve only had two other girlfriends,” he adds, and heaves a breath. “They were shallow and nasty and liked that my dad had money, so they got on my bad side pretty quickly.” He takes his hand and presses it to my cheek, which I’m sure feels like the surface of the sun. “Which would, you know, make me a virgin, too.”

Um, Levi, I must have heard you wrong. I want to say this, but my mouth isn’t working.

“Besides, I didn’t work so hard at not turning into my dad for nothing.” Levi gives the back of my head a playful nudge. “So, stop worrying. I mean, who do you think I am?”

I laugh, clinging to him as he pulls me upright. He grasps my chin with one hand, gazing at me in a way that makes me shiver and hope and wonder and dream. I’m full of constellations; they burn, exploding and remaking me. Then he kisses me, sighing as my mouth opens to his. He touches my neck, my hip, fingers tangled in my hair, and my heart expands and bursts.

I am light and stardust in his hands.