“Ms. Young? Are you listening to me?”

I jumped and dropped my notebook with a clatter. Embarrassed that I had been caught daydreaming by a client. I gave him a weak apologetic smile and bent to gather up the wayward notebook. Sitting back up I smoothed down my pencil skirt and cleared my throat. “Yes, of course, go on, Mr. Thomas.”

Mr. Thomas eyed me with disbelief but he launched into his story once more about how he was so close to cheating on his wife with a male partner. While it would have been shocking to others, to me, it wasn’t that surprising. I couldn’t tell you how many men and women alike wanted to branch out and explore their sexualities, but it’d been a hell of a lot. “It’s not that I am gay,” he continued, his voice shaking as it always did when we talked about this. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, of course.”

I nodded reassuringly for him to carry on. I wasn’t here to judge; I was here to be trusted with my client’s innermost desires and worries, a guide to help him on his way.

“I just have this undeniable urge and I know as soon as I do this, get it over and done with, that it will go away. It will go away, right?”

“Mr. Thomas, I can’t guarantee that,” I said. I’d been seeing him and his wife for the last two months but this was only the second time he had come to me alone to discuss this topic. The first time I’d urged him to talk to his wife, but he hadn’t followed up on that just yet. He wanted me to tell him that it was okay, but I wasn’t that kind of therapist, either. “Have you spoken to your wife at all?”

He demeanor changed and he became tearful, as he had previously. “Of course not. How do you think I can discuss that with her? I can’t tell her. It would break her heart.”

“I’m afraid I can’t be the one to tell you that what you want to do is okay. You’re wanting someone to give you the go ahead to break your marriage vows so that you won’t feel guilty. But I can’t do that. Even if I did, do you really believe the guilt would subside? Would you be able to look your wife in her eyes ever again?”

I took a breath and closed my notebook with a snap. Our time was almost up. “You’re currently at a crossroads, I think we both can agree to that?”

He nodded.

“But the decision to go ahead or not is entirely yours. I still urge you to talk to your wife, though. Maybe you would like to bring it up in our of joint sessions?”

He shrugged impatiently then stood, obviously displeased with my guidance.

“I don’t know why I pay you all of this money if you’re not going to tell me what to do.”

“I can only give you options, Mr. Thomas. You have to make the choices.”

He left without saying goodbye or confirming our next appointment, but I wasn’t worried, he would be back. Had I done the right thing though by Mr. Thomas, given him the best advice I could? I was obviously preoccupied, my scattered thoughts becoming more of a nuisance as each day passed, and quite possibly they were impeding the sessions with my clients.

Ever since the visit to the baseball field two days ago, all I could think about was how much of a chicken I was for running away from both Luke and my son. My nerve had dwindled away with each passing moment when I watched the kids play. Of course, I’d felt a slight pull to stay and seek out my son, and then see what Luke had in mind when he’d said he wanted to make it up to me. But fear had won out; seeing my son for the first time had nearly scared me to death and I’d bolted just as practice ended.

I wasn’t ready.

So not ready.

Sighing in frustration, I pushed out of my comfortable chair, hugging myself as I walked over to the window to stare at the inky ocean in the distance. I was so tired. For the last few night I’d been unable to sleep, constantly thinking about how I had royally screwed up this meeting with James. He had reached out to me—that had to have taken courage for anyone, let alone an eight-year-old boy. But what had I done? I’d abandoned him, again. No wonder I hadn’t felt fit to be a mother. I was useless. I couldn’t face my only child because I was too ashamed of what I had done.

“Cara? You okay?”

I turned to see Lucia in the doorway and hastily wiped the stream of tears from my cheeks. “I’m fine,” I replied with a confident smile.

“No. You’re not,” she said, walking into my office and shutting the door. “I heard a sob from my office. What on earth is wrong? What aren’t you telling me?”

Embarrassed that she had caught me at a low point, I broke eye contact and avoided her gaze as motioned over to the couch and sat down. “Oh Lucia, I suck. As a person, as a therapist… as a woman and a moth—” I couldn’t get the last word out and choked on the next wave of tears that wanted to flow right through me.

“Oh, honey, no you do not,” she said firmly, coming over to sit beside me. “Don’t let Mr. Thomas dictate how you practice.”

I laughed. “This has nothing to do with him. Not really. He just hasn’t come to terms with his sexuality yet and is petrified at what his wife will think.”

Lucia nodded and took my hand as we both rested back onto the sofa cushions. “Well, he’s got the right person to help lead him through it.”

“Yeah right,” I said dryly, giving her a look. “How are you and the baby anyway?”

My friend smiled smugly, patting her stomach. “We’re good. But don’t you go trying to change the subject, thinking you can deflect my poor, pregnant brain onto gushing about the little one growing inside me. This is about you. And I want to know what’s going on. You seem so lonely lately.”

“Oh, geez, thanks.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that… well maybe a little but I thought you were going to get out more? What happened to that plan?”

I shrugged and thought again about Luke as I had been on and off since I’d seen him again at the park and felt the growing flames tickle my stomach; like raging butterflies, they were brimming with passion. He had been the only man I had been remotely interested in since I moved here and I was intrigued to know what his story was. First he was a rude jerk in the bar but the next minute he’s a sweet Little League coach? It didn’t make sense.

“I really wish you would let me set you up with one of Jacob’s friends,” Lucia continued. “They’re all quite hot, you know. I think any one of them would be able to make any woman purr.”

“Lucia!” I said with a fake gasp. “You’re a happily married woman.”

“I know that,” she said with a wink and giggled. “But I’m not blind.”

I laughed again, feeling a little lighter. I always did when we’d got together for a good chat. “What if I told you I did meet someone, briefly?”

Lucia’s eyes grew round as she sat up almost giddy. “What? You met someone? What the heck, Cara? You’ve been holding out on me! What else are you hiding, eh?”

“Well I wouldn’t say met exactly, it was more like a forced encounter,” I said, blushing. “I went to a speed-dating event.”

“You are kidding me,” Lucia said annunciating each word, her hand coming up to her mouth. I shook my head and she started to giggle again. “I really shouldn’t be laughing but I can’t imagine you doing something like that. What was it like?”

I sighed and picked up a pillow, hugging it to my chest. “It sounded like a good idea at the time. But I was an idiot for going.”

“Why? What’s the guy like?”

“He’s different,” I said slowly, thinking about his grin and the shape of those dark, yet blue, broody eyes. “He’s an asshole. But I have to admit he intrigues me.”

“Well,” Lucia said finally after a few moments. “Sounds like your kind of guy.” She stuck her tongue out and I threw my pillow at her.

“Hey! Lady with a baby here,” she tried to say but dissolved into laughter.

“What are you trying to say? That I like assholes?”

“I don’t know who you like,” Lucia grinned, throwing the pillow back at me. “It’s been so long since we have played the hook-up game.”

I thought about how different I’d been over the years with my short list of guys. Lucia would’ve been really surprised if she’d met them all. Hell, I was surprised by some of them. “I just don’t understand this guy. He’s an arrogant, cocky, bastard but at the same time he’s a Little League coach, sweet to all the kids and so hot, too. Isn’t that like some kind of oxymoron or something?”

“A Little League coach?” Lucia asked. “Well that is weird, I guess, but not that unusual. Maybe you’re reading too much into it? It’s probably best for you not to understand him in a way, especially if you’re going to date him… it would be boring always knowing what he was going to say or do.”

“Maybe…” I wasn’t convinced. “I don’t know, there’s just something off about him, but I can’t stop thinking about him either.”

“Maybe you just have a huge case of horniatus.”

“I do not… I’m not that horny.”

“Liar,” Lucia threw back with a smile. “So, what did he start out with when you met? ‘Hey sexy, I coach tee-ball for a living?’”

“Haha no, it was far worse,” I said, rolling my eyes. I couldn’t tell her how I knew he was a Little League coach… not yet. That would only bring up more questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer. But he had seemed to enjoy the coaching, which based on what I knew about him (very little) was a surprise in itself. Maybe I had judged him too harshly.

“Oh, really now?” Lucia leaned forward but I mimed zipping my lips shut, locking it, then throwing the imaginary key away. “Bah, suit yourself. Keep your dirty-talk to yourself and away from your deprived friend,” she pouted.

“You ain’t deprived, you little liar. You’re fifty shades of knocked up!”

She laughed and nudged me. “Yeah, I know. But either way I want to see this bar, it sounds like fun,” Lucia announced, standing and stretching her back. “And it’s time for me and Jacob to have a night out anyway. Let’s go tomorrow.” She said it like it had already been decided.

“You want to go to a single’s bar?” I asked. Why the hell would I drag a married couple to a single’s dating event?

“No I want to go to the bar with my friend and spend some quality time with my two favorite people,” she stated, walking to the door. “I’m going to call my parents now to babysit Nora so you can’t back out. I might not be able to drink, but I can still have a good time. And we’ll see about getting you hooked up, too!”

I sighed as she walked out, once Lucia put her mind to something there was no going back. I shook my head and let out a laugh in the empty room.

What the heck had I just gotten myself into? Was I really going to let my preggo best friend and her all-star quarterback husband drag me to a single’s bar to help sort out my love life?

Apparently yes. That’s exactly what was going to happen.