Ali’s house is one of those typical ranch homes built in the eighties. Nothing about it stands out except her mom is a landscape architect and she’s created front and back yards that are ridiculously awesome. They look like something out of Alice in Wonderland meets the Chicago Botanical Gardens. I’ve been here before and I walked around like a zombie. I must have asked Ali’s mom a million questions about how she planned this. What was her inspiration. How long it took. The names of the plants. I was in geek overdrive.
“P-P-P-P-aaaaaaaanos!” Jeremy rushes out of the house to greet me. He’s wearing bright-yellow board shorts and no shirt, and his hair is slicked back. “I’ve been in that pool for the last hour. Here, let me show you where you can put your bike.”
“You running the show here?”
“You know me. I command a room.”
“Do you?”
“You’re the most requested man. Gaige. Kimball. I wish the other Kimball was here. Claire.”
“She’d crush you. So, everyone’s here?”
“Almost everyone.”
I lean my bike in the garage and follow Jeremy into the house. The house where I’ll see Henry for the first time after our kiss. I’m so nervous and excited that every step, every breath, feels cautious and deliberate.
Then the question inside the house becomes Where do I store this backpack?
Jeremy is asking me where my suit is or if I plan to swim in all my clothes like the good Greek boy that I am. Sometimes I very much feel like a stranger in my own town. Not that being Greek feels comfortable either.
“You know, I’m probably going to just lay low with the swimming. I may be getting a cold.”
“What? No. Give me the backpack and get in the pool. You’re going in one way or another, Panos.”
He pulls open the door to the hall closet, grabs my backpack, throws it in. I’m watching it leave my side in slow motion. I’m reaching for it when this voice behind me says, “I was wondering when you’d show up.”
Gaige.
It’s either a really good thing or a really bad one that Jeremy’s here right now. But then, like that, he’s heading toward the French doors and back outside. “Come out here, losers! I’ll be over heeeeeere!” And with that he jumps right into the pool.
Gaige has on a pair of blue-and-orange-striped loose board shorts and a white T-shirt. The look on his face makes me think either he’s high or this is his “sexy” face.
I look outside. I see Henry. I wave as Gaige watches. All my senses are in overdrive. It’s as if every single object and person is waving at me, demanding my attention.
“I don’t think they can see us from outside. The glare. They’ve been asking about you. They thought I’d know where you were.”
“Oh.”
“Are you going to go in?”
“The pool?”
Clearly he’s been in. His swim trunks are soaked and so is his hair. He’s normal without trying to be. I doubt he practices in the mirror like I do.
He says, “You know, at the risk of sounding like a cliché, we should probably talk.” And he smiles. It’s the smile that got me at camp. The one that made me want to kiss him.
“Yep. I got that sense from your texts. The ones that said let’s talk.”
“I’m not subtle.”
“Not sure that here is the right place.”
“I go back tomorrow. It’s going to have to be.”
I can see Henry outside. He’s standing with a drink in one hand and a hot dog in the other. Talking to Ali. They look good. They look like they belong together. Both tall. Blondish. She’s in a teal bikini. He’s in dark-emerald swim trunks with a wide, white stripe down one side, and . . . fuck! He’s looking good. This is a good picture. Why would I want to interrupt this picture?
“Evan?”
“Mmmm.”
“You want to keep staring at those two or can we talk?”
“Evan!” Tommy Goliski swings into our orbit.
Oh, no. “Tommy. This is—”
“We’ve already met. Gaige is a cool guy. It’s like you’re morphing in front of my very eyes, Evan.”
“What?”
“There’s someone in there.” He pokes me in the chest. Hard. “If you can keep the queer at bay.” He pokes me again. “Don’t be this guy. Be . . .” He points to Gaige. “Be that guy.” And with that he walks away as quickly as he circled in. If he only knew.
Gaige rolls his eyes. “What a dick.”
“Sorry, Tommy thinks he—”
“Henry? Is there something?” Gaige doesn’t skip a beat.
“He’s my best friend and I should go say hello.”
Gaige shakes his head. “Evan, this isn’t hard. I’m cool with you and Henry, if that’s a thing. It was fun at camp. I just thought we could have more fun. No strings attached. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I have school to think about.”
“Gaige, I’m sorry. We can’t talk here. How about if after the—”
He leans in a bit and whispers, “No. I just want to get laid. How can you not get that? Damn. Just text me later. Don’t make this into something else.” He moves back and then walks out toward the pool area. What the fuck just happened?
Idiot. I’m a fucking idiot. I’ve been worried that I have to figure something out and what the kiss with Gaige meant, and to him it was nothing. My mind is spinning. That’s what it must be like to know. To know exactly who you are. To be so sure, without angst. I feel somehow deflated, stupid, disappointed, and relieved all at the same time.
I go outside and move closer to where Henry and Ali are standing. Henry sees me. I wave. He waves and goes back to talking to Ali.
“I didn’t think you’d show.” This is from Tess, who’s just walked up. “You want something to eat? The burgers are really good, I hear. I don’t eat meat now, but—”
“Um, I’m good. Thanks.”
I’m watching Henry with Ali look like they’re having a good time. I’m not swimming but my head sure as hell is.
Tess leans in toward my left ear. “I want to ask you something.”
I nod.
“Hey, guys, we need to see about starting a pool volleyball thing. Right?” Jeremy swoops in, clueless as ever. He genuinely wants to play volleyball. He links his arm with Tess’s and then walks up to Kris and links his other arm with hers. They’re being whisked away like contestants on some game show they had no idea they were part of. As they’re walking away I hear, “Panos, get your ass out here and play with us!”
Tess and Kris finally break away. “Jeremy, you’re an asshole, and I don’t want to play volleyball, at least not with you!” Tess heads back toward me.
Jeremy tries to shrug it off and says to no one in particular, “Let’s get some volleyball started.” He turns around briefly and yells in Kris’s direction, “You may want to join us for this, Jorgenson. It is your area of expertise, after all.”
Tess wastes no time. “Okay, now that that’s over, let me just get—”
“She has a crush on Henry,” Kris blurts out, and then looks at Tess and shrugs. “Sorry, I had to. I was afraid you were never gonna do it.”
I snort-laugh a little, relieved that it’s not me. Tess glares at me, then at Kris. I’m completely blown away. “What’s happening?”
Tess looks right at me intently. “Okay. Here’s the deal. I have had a crush on Henry since moving to this boring-ass school. You’re always around him. You know him better than anyone, and now that Amanda is out of the picture . . .”
“Well, there’s Ali now.”
“Ali is merely a simple distraction. I can take care of that.”
I say, “Listen, I gotta get out there and—participate.”
Tess seems excited about this idea. “Oh, brilliant. Get out there and separate Henry from Ali. She has had him cornered since he got here.”
And I go.
Just do this. Be normal.
“Henry. Ali. Thanks for inviting me. It’s great. Place looks awesome.”
They stare at me. She’s visibly not happy about me showing up.
“Hi, Kevin.”
“Evan.”
“Right.” She laughs. “You were the one who loved my mom’s landscaping. She’s over by that fountain. She had to be here.” Ali rolls her eyes big before continuing, “My last party got a little out of hand, so now we’re being chaperoned. Cute. Anyway, she’d love to talk to you more about it.”
Nice. She’s clearly trying to shoo me away. Henry gets the girl and I get landscaping.
“You should probably grab something to eat before all the good stuff runs out. I need another go-around myself. Be back.” Henry smiles at Ali. He looks at me and motions with his head to follow him toward the kitchen.
“I didn’t think you’d show up,” says Henry.
“There was a moment . . .” I try to be cool, but it just comes out sounding sad.
“Really?” He sounds surprised.
“Can we go inside for a minute?”
At first I think he’s going to say no, but then he says, “Okay.”
Somehow we’ve bypassed Tess and Kris and we’re standing in the middle of the most 1980s bathroom ever. There’s a crazy-big whirlpool tub in the corner with two giant spotlights above it. The shower is trimmed in brass, as is the large Hollywood-style light bar above the mirror and sinks. I don’t even know what I’m going to say, but everyone outside and all this back and forth—Go. Stop. Talk. Don’t.—is messing with my head.
Suddenly he leans in. Hard. He puts both of his hands on the back of my head and plants an awkward, sloppy kiss on me. I push him back. I smell alcohol on his breath.
“Henry.” I pull away.
He slowly pulls back and looks at me, his hands still on the back of my head.
“What?”
“I don’t want to get caught. In here.” Plus not like this. Not here in Ali’s house. “Have you been drinking?”
He removes his hands from the back of my head and puts two fingers up to his lips. “Shhh.” Then laughs.
“You have. Where’s alcohol? Ali’s mom is . . .”
“Shhh . . .” He leans in, trying again to kiss me. I squirm as he puts his hands on the back of my head, this time running his fingers clumsily through my hair. Shit. He feels the bumps. I wince and move away.
Suddenly he’s focused. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“It’s nothing. It’s from my fall. From before.” I pull away.
“Ev.”
I raise my shoulders, trying to create some sort of release. Something. “I wasn’t sure I’d come today, and when I decided to, I didn’t know what I’d do. Say.”
“Okay.”
“And you’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk. I just had a few drinks. I needed to loosen up.”
“This isn’t the right time to talk about this.”
“Fuck you! It never is.”
My eyes go wide and for a split second I’m scared. Not scared of someone hearing us in here, but scared of Henry. His face instantly goes soft before he says, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
He has no idea that I live with a constant fear that any kind of confrontation will lead to violence.
“I messed this up, didn’t I, Ev?” He tries to get closer.
“You were right, Henry. There’s so much I don’t tell you.”
We look at each other.
“I’ve got something to show you. It’ll explain a lot and it’ll probably make for more questions, but it’s the only thing I can think of.”
“Henry?” Ali’s voice comes through the door. Shit.
“Be right out.” Henry looks at me with a What do we do now? face. I motion for him to go out. “Just a second.”
From the other side of the door: “What?”
He walks out, shutting the door behind him. I stand there listening.
“I was looking all over for you. Just wait for me. Don’t run away.” The door opens. As I’m standing there.
“Hi, Ali.”
Her mouth drops open. “Evan?”
Henry re-enters. “We were looking for a Band-Aid.” He seems perfectly sober right now.
“What?”
I quickly put my hand up to my head where the cut is practically healed. “I thought it was all better, but . . .”
“It opened right back up,” Henry offers.
“I didn’t want to go in the pool and bleed everywhere, so . . .”
“Why didn’t you guys”—she looks at me, at Henry—“just ask me?”
“I don’t know.”
“You know, so stupid . . . I think I have one in my backpack.” I fly out of the bathroom and head toward the entry hall. Henry follows me. Ali’s still in the bathroom. Please let it still be there.
I grab my backpack and dig out a small Band-Aid from the front pocket. Because of course I have one. I always have one, just in case. I tear it open and place it on my head.
“I’m going to get going.”
“No need. Once Ali comes back out we can all—”
“It’s only going to make things more awkward. Plus I took the day off from the deli today for this and I could still probably rush over there and grab a few hours. I need the money.” I unzip my backpack and reach inside. “We can talk later. Here. Take these. For better or worse, these journals will explain a lot.” I hand Henry my five notebooks. The sixth one, the one currently in play, is still in my backpack. Do I give that one over as well? He looks at me.
And then my hand is reaching into my backpack and I’m pulling out number six. If everything is going to collide I might as well go for it.
“Here.” I hand him the last notebook.
“Henry?” Ali is coming. Henry bends into the closet, sticks the notebooks into his travel bag, and pulls out a towel.
He stands back up and waves the towel at her. “I forgot it.” He closes the closet door and smiles at Ali. “Ready for a swim?”
“Are you leaving?” She looks at me suspiciously.
“I have to work. But it was an awesome party. Thank you.”