I am in the school parking lot behind the wheel of my car when Jeremy knocks on the window. I jump about ten feet. I roll the window down and he goes, “Dude, whose car is this?”
I sigh. “Get in.”
He comes around to the passenger side, opens the door, throws his backpack into the backseat, and drops into the seat next to me. “When did you get this?”
“It doesn’t—”
“Panos, is your face—”
“Let’s not.”
“Who—”
I want to blow it off, but that’s not what I’m doing anymore. “My mother. I’m not accident prone.”
“Fuck. I don’t—”
“You don’t have to. Just sit here with me, okay? I’m waiting for Henry.”
“Oh.” He hangs his head a little. “He probably hates me.”
“Yep. Blame him?”
“No.”
We sit in silence before Jeremy says, “Can I go in with you guys?”
“It’s probably not going to be good.”
“I feel like an asshole.” He squints toward the school. “You know, I don’t totally get . . . what you and Henry are . . . but I know that what happened isn’t right. You shouldn’t get the shit beat out of you for who you are.”
I look at Jeremy. “I’m gay. Henry too. That’s it. Everything else is . . . well, it’s all the same. Really.” Jeremy nods.
We get out, and I think I can practically hear Jeremy breathing. He looks scared to death. His usually pink face is white. Paper white. Henry spots us and starts walking over.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I say, “He wants to come in with us.”
Henry lifts my chin with his hand and starts to examine my face. I pull away. “Sorry. It’s a little tender.”
“Ev, this . . .”
“She can’t hurt me anymore. This was the last time.”
I look at Jeremy, who hasn’t moved at all, then back at Henry. “He knows he fucked up.”
Henry sighs. “It’s your call.”
“I guess I want him to come in with us too.”
Henry looks at Jeremy and slightly changes his tone. “As much as I want to punch your face right now, at least you’re not a complete asshole.”
I remember the first time I entered high school. The anticipation and anxiety of what this place would be was overwhelming. It looked so big and frightening that I was sure the best way to make it through would be to keep my head down and go unnoticed.
Okay, so that hasn’t exactly played out.
The three of us are walking up to the entrance and part of me feels the same anxiety I felt that first day as a freshman, but now there’s another feeling. One of belonging. I belong with these two people I’m walking with.
Once inside, we all look at one another, knowing that, at the very least, we’re going to have stories to share at the end of the day.
“Your F-squad growing?”
That didn’t take long. Tommy and his pals are wasting no time. I’m figuring the F in F-squad isn’t referring to fun.
Ali chimes in. “Jeremy? Really? I guess it figures.”
Before anyone can react, Principal Balderini appears and physically gets between them. He’s not a fast man, but he is large. Over six foot two and built like a defensive lineman.
“Nope. This isn’t going to happen.” He’s blocking them. “Everyone is going to class. Now.”
People start to disperse. Mr. Balderini says, “Tommy, Lonny, Scott, and Gabe. You stay close.” He then zeroes in on me. He continues, “Everyone to class. We’re all on high alert. No shenanigans.” He stares right at Tommy with that one. “Mr. Panos, my office, please.” He turns to Tommy and the others. “You all will wait outside my office. I’ll be with you next.”
This is the second time in my whole high school tenure that I’ve been to the principal’s office. I sit across from Principal Balderini, waiting for some sort of lecture.
“Take a seat.” He drops into his chair. “You’re back now.”
“Yes, sir.”
“How was your week? Thanksgiving?”
“Fine.”
“I had a conversation with Henry’s parents. I’ve watched the video. Spoken with the others involved after viewing the video.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Kimball wanted to make a few things clear.”
“Yes.”
“Mr. Panos?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You didn’t start it. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.
“I blacked out for some of it.”
“It looks that way. The students involved will be dealt with. The video is with the police and they will need a statement from you.”
He clears his throat. Stares down at his desk. When he looks up again, I can see the frustration and sadness, and for the first time I think, What a hard job this must be.
His voice is firm but soft as he says, “You can always speak to me. I want you to know that you will always have a safe place here. I’ll make sure of that.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’m sorry if I or anyone else here at this school has made you feel misunderstood or unsafe.”
“Thank you.” As much as I appreciate what’s happening here, the guy can’t even begin to comprehend the half of it.
I’m barely halfway down the hall before Tess Burgeon and two of her volleyball teammates pop up next to me.
“Hi, Evan.” Tess seems to have more pep than usual. “Good holiday?”
“Sure. Yours?”
“Probably not as good as yours. Nice face, by the way.” This from Leesha Johnson.
We’re at my locker now and I turn around to look at all three of them. I’ve never had any kind of real, lasting experience with any of these girls. The only reason I’ve ever spoken to Tess was because I was hoping to help Jeremy, before . . . well, before everything.
“So—I feel a little better knowing that it had nothing to do with me when your boyfriend wasn’t interested.” I think that Tess is gloating. “He wouldn’t have been interested in any girl.”
I roll my eyes and turn to my locker. I can hear them walking away.
All but one.
“Come on, Kris!” Tess yells.
I turn around and see Kris just looking at me. She half smiles. “Good to have you back, Evan.”
I smile back.