The next days were an exercise in avoiding her roommate. Lisa waited until she heard his car leave the garage in the mornings before she came out of her room. She stayed away from the house as much as possible, staying at coffee shops until late in the evening grading papers, then sneaking in before bed, often seeing the light from under Jeff's office door, but not saying a word as she went up to her bedroom.

She could have gone to her own house that still sat half empty, half unpacked, none of her personal belongings there. Somehow though, in spite of her newfound determination to end the marriage and the arrangement before the year was up, she couldn't bear the idea of going back there yet. She knew it was foolish—self-destructive and weak—but she couldn't quite yet make herself leave his home where his presence was everywhere.

"What's eating you?" Nell asked as Lisa sat down next to her on the sofa in Lisa's mother's living room on Saturday afternoon. She'd made sure to sleep in until after Jeff had gone for his regular Saturday morning workout, then snuck out to breakfast with Nell before they went to her mom's house to help wrap gifts for the local homeless shelter, something the three of them did each year.

"What do you mean?" Lisa asked as her mother walked into the room and set down three cups of hot cider.

"She means why do you look like you just lost your puppy?" her mom asked.

Lisa shrugged. "Nothing, maybe the seasonal blues."

Her mother and Nell shot looks at one another. "You?" Her mom raised an eyebrow. "You love the season. It's been your favorite since you were a tiny child. You've never once been depressed at Christmas."

"My guess is the real problem is about six feet tall, strong, and silent," Nell added cheerfully.

"Sell out," Lisa muttered under her breath.

"What's this?" her mother asked, worry settling across her face. "Has Jeff done something?"

"No, of course not. I haven't even seen him since the night of the party."

"Oh, and why is that?" Nell asked.

Lisa shrugged again, the recalcitrant teenager in her coming out.

Her mother set her cup down on the coffee table before she picked up a pair of scissors and a square of wrapping paper.

"Lisa Janine, out with it. Nell, start wrapping."

As both her mother and Nell started cutting paper to fit the various toys and necessities they had stacked on the floor, Lisa sighed. "I might have made a little error in judgement."

Her mother hummed in acknowledgment but waited her out.

"Fine, I definitely made an error in judgement. I sort of—" She turned to Nell. "Do I have to say this in front of my mother?"

"Oh for heaven's sake, Lisa, you slept with the man," her mother said, rolling her eyes.

"Just shoot me now," Lisa replied, burying her head in her hands for a moment as Nell laughed.

Her mom picked up a toy dump truck, turning it in her hands, trying to gauge how best to wrap the awkward item. "Sweetheart, you're thirty and you've been married twice, I hardly think you don't have sex."

"But I'm being paid by this man. It's like I'm a...a..."

"Wife?" her mother asked, her eyes wide in false surprise. "Marriage is a combination of sex, money, and companionship, how is this any different?"

"People who are really married don't have a contract stipulating what one person will do before the other person pays them."

"Does your contract stipulate sex as one of those things you'll be paid for?"

"No!" Lisa's cheeks heated in shame. "In fact, it says we won't have sex. With each other or anyone else."

"Then I don't see the problem," her mother answered.

Lisa sighed.

"I think the real problem has more to do with how you feel about the sex than the money he's paying you," Nell added softly.

"Is that true?" her mother asked.

Lisa's eyes burned. "I'm so stupid."

"Oh, sweetie. Have you told him how you feel?"

Lisa shook her head and her mother patted her on the knee. "How do you know he doesn't feel the same way then?"

Nell coughed dramatically and Lisa glared at her, which only made Nell cough harder as she tried to stifle laughter.

"Mom, I know you don't get this, but he only wanted to marry me to get his promotion. He didn't even know me. He wasn't looking for a real wife, just a job."

"Mmhm. And were you looking for a real husband?"

"Well, no, of course not, the ink on my divorce was hardly dry—"

"And did you know him?"

"You know I'd only met him twice—"

"And you only married him to get your debts paid. But you're telling me you ended up having sex with him and now you've developed feelings for the man as well?"

Lisa nodded.

"Huh. So things changed for you at some point in the last few weeks. Why do you think they might not have changed for him?"

Lisa stared at her mother.

Nell cleared her throat. "I've seen the way he looks at you. That's not a man who's using you for a promotion."

Naked fear swirled through Lisa's gut as she sat and processed what they were telling her. Was it possible? That his feelings had changed too? That he might want something more than only a contract and sex? If he did, then what? What happened when he got another deployment? What happened when he wanted to go somewhere else and she didn't? When he wanted that inevitable change and she wasn't new and fresh?

"Lisa," her mother warned, "I can hear the gears in your head from here. As much as I love you, dear, as much as I love your brilliant mind, your tendency to overthink things isn't working for you now. You married him on a whim, you went with your gut. You need to keep doing that. I can't say what will happen if you tell him how you really feel, but I can tell you what will happen if you don't. Nothing. And given the way you've been looking at each other, that would be tragic."

Nell nodded. "So sad," she said, looking unusually serious.

Lisa agreed. It would be sad. Maybe sadder than her divorce and her debt combined. Maybe the saddest thing she'd ever experienced. She wasn't sure she wanted to live with sadness like that forever.

* * *

"I need your advice," Jeff said to Derek as they sat in a Georgetown bar after a morning at Spar gym, where they boxed each Saturday.

"I'll do what I can," Derek answered, tipping his beer at Jeff in salute.

"It's about Lisa..."

"Ah." Derek smirked. "Can't say I haven't been waiting for this."

"What's that mean?"

"It means both London and I noticed how you were looking at her at your Christmas party last weekend."

"How was I looking at her, exactly?"

"Like you were having a lot more than sex with her."

Jeff sighed. Damn. Guess he wasn't as circumspect as he thought. "I may have developed..."

"Feelings?" Derek smirked.

Jeff chose not to engage, sticking to the topic at hand. "When did you know things with London had moved from an act to the real thing?"

Derek's gaze softened as he twisted his beer bottle on the bar top. "If I'm going to be honest, things were never an act with her. I didn't want to admit it to myself, I used every excuse in the book—needing to protect my client's reputation, needing to save the campaign—but the fact is, I wanted her from the first moment I laid eyes on her and the second I had the chance to tie her to me I did it."

Jeff sighed. It sounded all too familiar. He'd picked Lisa out of thin air after seeing her one time. He'd used her debt as a justification, but the fact was, he'd have never discovered the debt if he hadn't been hell-bent on having her in the first place. Yes, it was true, Jeff had used whatever he could to justify getting Lisa into his life, even when he hadn't thought he could have her in his bed.

And now he wanted all of it. He wanted all of her. And he was afraid she might not want him at all.

"How did you know it was real for her?" he asked his friend.

Derek shrugged. "I didn't. It wasn't easy getting us to the point where she could believe it was real and we were right for each other." He paused, chuckling softly. "She had a lot of baggage, you know. There are never guarantees in this stuff, my man. You have to take a chance, but I'm telling you, it's worth it in the end."

"Says you," Jeff muttered. "It worked out for you."

"I have a feeling it will for you too, but my best advice is don't waste any time. Make the grand gesture and do it fast. It's a pit of vipers out there. DC is a hotbed of trolling men, and one of them will snatch a woman like her up quick if you're not careful."

A grand gesture. Jeff looked down at his cell phone. December 23rd flashed on the screen as he touched it.

"I need to go," he said, standing and tossing a handful of bills on the bar top.

Derek stared at him in surprise.

"Grand gesture. No time to explain." Jeff shoved his phone in the pocket of his sweats and turned to rush out of the bar. He could hear Derek's laughter clear to the door.