I help Stephanie to sit across from me at our table, which is on the outer deck of the boat. Space heaters are set up at regular intervals to protect us from the chill of the night out on the river, and glass guards are positioned along the railings to block out most of the wind. We’re far enough out from the city that the stars overhead are nearly blinding. The boat is a two hundred foot yacht with a full-sized professional chef’s kitchen and permanent staff. But the food isn’t why I invited Stephanie here. I want to show her the party that takes place after dinner. The party below decks.

“How have I never heard of this?” Stephanie asks, looking around the deck at the dozens of tables and well-dressed guests. She’s wearing a dark blue dress with some kind of jewel pattern at the collar and a wide open back that shows off her smooth, milky skin.

I’m honestly impressed she was able to get herself put together and look so amazing in the thirty minutes I gave her, but to my untrained male eye, it doesn’t look like she cut any corners. Then again, I’m starting to think I might be a little biased when it comes to her. She could probably show up without makeup wearing just a t-shirt and I’d still have trouble controlling my urges.

“It’s a well-kept secret,” I say. “This is actually an invite-only club. The members fees pay for the boat and the staff.”

“Wow,” she says. “Those must be some fees.”

“I suppose they are, yeah,” I say. I lean back in my chair, feeling myself in an unusually relaxed and loose mood. “To tell the truth, I haven’t come here in years.”

She lowers her eyebrows suspiciously. “But you’re still paying the fees? What happened?”

Loose and relaxed or not, I definitely hadn’t planned on talking about Alice, especially not to Stephanie. But I meant what I said about this being a peace offering. I tried keeping Stephanie at arm’s length back at my house. I felt myself getting too close even on the first day she stayed with me, so I tried my hardest to shut her out. All it did was make me want her more. I don’t know what will come next, but what I do know is I need one more taste. One more fucking taste of her and maybe I can fight off my reckless urges long enough to get us through this adoption.

“Alice happened,” I say. “I told you on our first night that I don’t do relationships. Alice was a member of the club, and she was used to being the one who got to say when it ended. She… took it badly when I broke things off.”

“Was she the woman at the auction? The one you wanted to make sure didn’t win.”

I nod. “That was the one.”

“Was it worth what it cost you then?” she asks with a mischievous curl of her lips.

“I would’ve paid more if I knew how much I was going to enjoy the night of the auction.”

She clears her throat, cheeks turning a beautiful shade of red as she seems to struggle with any kind of response. A waiter saves her the embarrassment as he arrives with an offering of sparkling waters, wines, and appetizer menus.

I’m surprised by how easily we fall into a pleasant pattern of conversation from small talk to her updating me about Cole and his case. By the time we’re finishing desert, it almost feels like a real date, or at least what I imagine a real date would feel like.

“You know,” I say, setting my spoon down. “I’ve never wined and dined a woman before. That makes you special.”

She smiles. “You make it sound more like a date than a peace offering.”

“Well,” I say, spreading my hands. My eyes catch movement as many of the couples get up to leave their tables and start heading below decks for the real party—and the real reason they all pay their monthly member fees. “I may have had more than just peace talks in mind, if I’m being entirely honest. I wanted you to enjoy tonight.”

“Mission accomplished,” says Stephanie. “I’ll admit it.”

I grin. “This was just the appetizer, treasure.”

Her fork actually clatters abruptly against her plate when I use the pet name I haven’t used since our first night together, no doubt calling up all kinds of images of what we did together. She says nothing, only staring at me with those gorgeous eyes from across the table as I wait.

“Come on,” I say, standing an extending a hand toward her. “I want to take you to the lower decks and show you what this private club is all about.”

“I feel like I should be scared,” she says cautiously, but still taking my hand and letting me help her up all the same.

“Only if you’re afraid of a good time,” I say.

As I lead her down the stairs, I have a brief moment of doubt flash across my mind like a lightning bolt. What the fuck am I planning? What is the endgame here? Am I just going to lead her on and break her heart? I clench my fist tighter around the railing as we descend because I don’t know the answers. All I know is no matter what I try and intend to do around this woman, I can’t control myself—not forever. I can try to resist her. I can try to ignore the way I feel when I think about her. I can try to remind myself why I don’t do relationships in the first place. But in the end, none of it makes any difference. I just keep coming back like a fucking addict.

I don’t know if what’s between us changes after tonight. I don’t even know how far I plan to take things tonight. There’s only one thing I do know. No woman has ever made me forget my past until Stephanie, and when I’m with her it’s like a clean slate, like I have to force myself to remember why I feel so fucked up in the first place. I guess the real question is how I expect to let go of that when Cole’s adoption gets finalized and this is all over.