After a week of being back home in the hive, Zayd finally started to feel like himself.

Being around the Vilkas had unsettled him. Even though war was in his nature, he didn’t relish the idea of having to ally himself with the Vilkas and Katu against the Hylas. If he thought about it for too long, it felt like his world was falling apart, and the lines that separated the different clans were becoming blurred. Sotu would have thought the blurring a good thing, but the change felt unknown and wild to him.

But then, Sotu had always been braver than him.

And then there was Niva.

He hadn’t spoken to her since the morning he had tried to train her. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking. Having a male Draqon train a female in the art of battle was ridiculous, and he knew it. But after seeing the bright green eyes of the eager young woman, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from wanting to share what he knew with her. She had a magnetic energy about her that drew him in and charged him up, making him forget himself.

During meals the last few days, he’d made a point of staying away from her, but he always knew where she sat and who she spoke to. It was like he had a radar tuned to the exact frequency she vibrated on, and no matter what she did, he could feel her.

He kept to himself or only dined with his close family, but even with them he couldn’t relax. He missed entire conversations while straining to catch a glimpse of her or a whiff of her scent. Normally, he would make the rounds from table to table, checking in with the different family groups and various members of the hive so he knew not only how the hive was running, but also who was interested in mating with whom and what the newest gossip was. He prided himself on being a leader his people felt comfortable being themselves around. It was the kind of thing that Sotu had been so good at, blending in and being one of the hive, not just the Queen.

Zayd walked through the lower valley along the residential dwellings for families as night fell. The cone-shaped buildings built into the rock face were larger here, often with more than one level within. Without realizing where he was headed, he found himself standing outside Nuka’s dwelling.

“Zayd?” Nuka called from her small platform before climbing down the rope ladder.

As he watched her cross over to him, he had to clear the image of Sotu from his mind. They looked so alike; the same olive skin and dark hair, the same cunning eyes. When his eyes adjusted to reality and saw Nuka, not Sotu, he asked, “How did you know I was here?”

“It seems you always make your way here when you have something to talk about.”

Zayd grimaced. “I didn’t realize I was so predictable.” Or how much he’d sought out Nuka’s good advice lately.

“Just because Sotu is gone doesn’t mean we aren’t still family.”

Zayd nodded, unable to believe how easily Sotu’s name fell from her sister’s lips. The sound of it brought the familiar pang of grief and loss cinching around his heart.

“Walk with me, brother.” Nuka took his arm in hers and led him away from the dwelling area and out to the cliff edge. From there they could see over the mountain range that made up the hive’s territory. Rock cliffs and snow-capped mountaintops filled his vision even in the dark. The stars twinkled brightly overhead and the dual moons cast everything in a cool light.

Up here, the air felt purer. Easier to think, Sotu had always said. She’d been right, but he’d come here countless times since her death and thinking of her had never become easier. His thoughts were never more arranged, more reasonable. In this one thing, Sotu had been wrong.

“Did you come to talk about something specific?”

He shook his head, keeping his mouth shut, unable to articulate the fears and worries that nagged him day and night. “How is Dirim doing now that he’s back home? Settling in well?”

“Zayd, I’ve known you for a long time. I know you love your nephew, but that isn’t why you came out here. You, Sotu, and Maxsym were inseparable as kids. Always running around, getting in trouble. And then when you all could fly after your first shifts? I was old enough to see how pure and special the bond between the three of you was. To be honest, I was a little jealous. Friendship like that is hard to find. But if you don’t mind a little sisterly advice, I think it’s time for you to move on. Sotu has been gone for over five years.”

Zayd stared at her. The rage he normally aimed at himself thrust itself to the surface and threatened to lash out in Nuka’s direction.

Nuka must have sensed the same thing because she held her hands up. “Just listen to me. I know you loved her, and I know you miss her, but she wouldn’t want you to live like this. You haven’t been yourself in so long I wonder if you even know who you are anymore.”

“I can’t move on. Moving on is impossible. I spend every day just waiting to die.”

Nuka paled, her lips parted in shock. “What? Why?”

“If Sotu had been my true mate, if I had been worthy of mating the hive’s Queen, of deserving her love, then I would be dead by now. True mates can’t live without each other. And every time the hive looks at me, all they can see is that she’s gone and I’m still here. There’s no excuse for it. I couldn’t have been more in love with her, more devoted, but I’m cursed to still be here, walking Kladuu day after day, waiting for the moment when my heart will finally burst from missing her.”

Nuka rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, and even though he stayed impossibly still and silent, she ran a hand over his scarred face and held him tight.

“True mate or not, no one questions your love for Sotu. No one questions your love for the Draqons. You have to stop punishing yourself.”

“I can’t. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

Later that night, alone in his bed, Zayd tossed and turned, unable to quiet his mind enough to sleep. His conversation with his sister-in-law ran circles in his head, threatening to whip him up in its tornado. Even though she had said all the right things and hadn’t judged him, in his mind all he saw in her eyes was an accusation. When would his heart stop hurting him? When would his self-hatred be soothed?

Once he realized he wasn’t going to get any sleep, he headed out to wander the hive. Draqons flew overhead, unobtrusively patrolling to make sure no one approached the mountain pass. There was almost no way into the hive other than from the sky or through the hidden underground passageway, but Zayd demanded vigilant patrols of their border. They might have an alliance with the Vilkas, but that didn’t mean he trusted them.

He made his way past the eating area, across the bridge to the family quarters, and around the western bridge where some of the smaller hot springs were located.

Most Draqons bathed in this area, the water hot enough to soothe any aching muscles or stresses from the day. The pools were small, allowing for intimate groups or a little privacy for an individual. That rarely happened though. Draqons weren’t prone to solitude.

Except for him. His self-imposed solitude had been eating away at him for so long now he wasn’t sure whether it was something he enforced or something others had just come to expect.

He decided it would be a good night to wallow in the waters a bit and take advantage of the quiet evening. The clouds drifted across the moons, bathing the valley in darkness. He stripped out of his clothes and sunk into the warm water, letting it wrap itself around him like a lover’s embrace. With a deep contented sigh, he settled himself against the bench of rocks placed around the edge.

As he sat there, two dim stars from across the horizon seemed to be looking directly at him.

“Good evening.” Niva’s soft voice came from the other side of the pool, and he realized he wasn’t looking at distant stars over the mountain cliff, but at the reflection of two gentle eyes closer than he’d realized.

The very woman who had been causing chaos in his thoughts sat in the hot spring across from him. His pulse sped up and an unfamiliar nervousness crept in, leaving his mouth dry. “I didn’t realize anyone was out here this late.”

“I needed a place to relax and think, but I didn’t want to be alone in my dwelling.”

“I was feeling pretty much the same way.” He shifted in the water, unsure what to do with his hands now that she was there. Dammit, why hadn’t he picked another spring or just stayed home? This night was turning into a complete fucking mess. What was he supposed to talk to her about when all he could think was how good she smelled? He settled for small talk. “You’re learning your way around the hive well.”

Niva nodded in the darkness, and the water moved with her in fascinating currents. Zayd imagined the warm water wrapped around her body, her breasts submerged up to the nipples, which would be peeking just over the surface. His cock hardened at the thought, and he was glad for the darkness as he turned away.

“How is your training with Grace proceeding?”

Her white teeth gleamed at him from across the water; her smile dazzled, blinding in its sincerity. “It’s amazing. She’s really a great teacher. I’ve been wanting to thank you for asking her to help me, but couldn’t seem to catch your eye.”

It took him a moment to recover from her smile and process her words. “What do you mean?”

“Every time I see you it’s like you’re looking everywhere but at me,” she said. She drifted closer until he could clearly make out her slight but curvy shape in the water. “And I didn’t want to bother you.”

“It would be no bother to talk to you, Niva.” His voice came out low and serious.

The water rippled again, and before he knew it, she was right next to him, the hot water drawing them together and the steam lifting off the surface, shrouding them in a bubble of privacy outside of the world.

“No? I wasn’t sure. We haven’t really spoken since…”

He drifted away, not wanting to be too close to her naked body; the temptation to touch her threatened his resolve to steer clear of the beguiling human. Safely in the deeper water, he faced her again. “I owe you an apology for that day.”

“No, you don’t. You were being honest, and if I want a place in the hive, I’m going to have to earn it. I’m working hard.”

He could see the new muscles that had started to form on her arms and how the hollows of her face had filled out even in such a brief time. Her determination impressed him. “Are you happy here?”

“I think I could be. I want to be.”

He watched as the moons came out from hiding and lit her face, but her smile had turned small and lonely. A feeling he knew well. “Have the others treated you kindly?”

“Kindly enough. It takes time.” She moved away from the wall, sinking into the water and dipping her hair back so her breasts rose slightly, hovering just beneath the surface. Her dark skin glistened in the moonlight with droplets of water.

He imagined reaching out, bringing her body against his, and licking each drop from her warm skin. Her body called to him. The water seemed to grow warmer, and the heat of having her so near brought a flush to his cheeks.

She moved slightly closer and their legs touched beneath the water. Her foot grazed his shin in a gentle caress.

When she came back to the surface, she floated ever closer to him. He stood at the deepest point in the pool, but Niva had to softly tread water. His mind filled with the image of wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her close so she could wrap those strong legs around him. His now painfully hard cock demanded he pay attention to its desire, but he just watched as she floated around the pool and away from him once again, her eyes on the stars.

“Sometimes, when I’m out here at night, I imagine what it must be like for you to fly. The stars feel so close up this high. It must be exhilarating, like you could reach out and touch them if you flew close enough.” She drifted back toward the edge of the pool, kicking her feet gently in the water.

“It can be,” he said softly. The words to tell her more were right there, on the tip of his tongue. For the first time in a very long time, he let them fall free. “When we were young, Maxsym, Sotu, and I used to run along the western ridge, daring each other to get closer and closer to the edge, but with the ice, it was hard to stop. One day, Maxsym slipped right over, barreling off the cliff like a wild animal. When Sotu and I reached the edge, we were sure he was dead, shattered at the bottom of the cliff, but instead, there was a massive green and purple Draqon lifting into the air. It was the first time he shifted, and it took three days to get him to stop flying around and come down to change back.”

“Amazing.” Niva ran her fingertips down his arm. He shivered but didn’t pull away. When had he gotten so close to her? Had she come to him or had he gone to her? Did it matter?

She ran a tentative hand through his hair, combing it away from his face where it usually hid the disfiguring scars. The scars that reminded him every day of just how badly he had failed his Queen. But Niva didn’t recoil or look away. Perhaps the darkness hid him enough so she couldn’t see the remnants of his greatest sin. Before he could dwell on the reasons for his appearance, Niva pressed her lips against his.

Her lips grazed against his tentatively. When he didn’t pull away, she came closer, the breasts he’d been fantasizing about all night pressed up against his chest as she sucked on his lower lip. She placed her hands flat on his chest. Her touch was a live wire sending a current through his body, sparking his desire, but he remained distant, standing stock still, unable to respond but unwilling to push her away.

“Zayd,” she whispered against his lips. “Kiss me.”

His restraint crumbled, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her small body against him. Her body melded against his, and he wanted to wrap himself around her, hold her close, and bury himself deep in her body.

She kissed him again, their lips and tongues playing a delicate game as they explored each other. Her hands gripped his shoulders, and his lips moved down her neck, tasting the sweetness of her skin.

The fire spread from his lips down his spine to the small of his back, igniting a swell of desire. He leaned in, kissing her lips and tasting the fresh spring water. She ran her hands along his shoulders with a maddeningly light touch as if trying to drive him insane.

He licked her lips, nipping at the bottom one until she opened her mouth. As they kissed, he tasted her, sweet and light, and was reminded of the moment when he first met her.

She pulled away, and he looked at her in question. “Is something wrong, dewdrop?”

In response, her mouth quirked into a smile before dipping down to his neck, kissing and sucking. She licked the muscle that ran from his shoulder to his ear and nipped his earlobe, sending shock waves of pleasure through his body.

He placed his hands on her hips and moved closer, reclaiming her lips with his own and losing himself in the feeling of being wanted.

As their tongues danced, Zayd moaned, suddenly desperate to be inside her. He wanted to fill her and claim her. Despite the painful need, he felt a tender understanding beneath the surface. Her skin soothed his body and her kiss calmed his mind in a way he hadn’t felt since Sotu.

Sotu.

When he realized what he was doing and how tightly he’d pressed Niva’s body against his, he gripped her shoulders with both hands to push her away from him. Her green eyes stared into his, wide with surprise. “What do you want?”

She frowned, and he pulled his hands away. “I want to stop waiting for the things I want, and I want you.” She paused, her face uncertain. “And I thought you wanted me too?”

Carefully, she reached out for him again. Her fingers against his chest felt like lightning strikes on his skin as desire ripped through his body. He’d wanted Sotu this badly once, before he’d claimed her as his mate.

He stood sharply, sending a wave of water across the spring.

The soft, feminine look that had filled her face a moment before shuttered away and was replaced by shock. “What just happened?”

“I can’t.” His rock-hard cock ached for release, but he climbed out of the spring. This wasn’t like anything he’d felt before and the intensity of it terrified him. As Niva sat staring at him with questioning eyes, his passion morphed into fury.

He raged against himself for betraying his mate, against the world for denying him the touch of a woman like Niva. A woman he could never deserve. It was inevitable that, if they were together, he would hurt her. And the last thing he could handle on his conscience was knowing he had hurt another woman who’d touched his soul.

“I’m not some rutting adolescent male,” he growled as he climbed out of the water and pulled his leathers back on. He turned to her with a scowl on his face and pushed his hair back over his eye, hiding the pain ripping through him. “If you’re looking for a quick fuck, I suggest you go find Maxsym. He’s always up for good romp.”

“Excuse me?”

Zayd turned and strode away.

“Zayd!”

He didn’t stop.