The instant Niva settled onto Zayd’s back, he felt something come over him, a kind of clarity or sense of peace and satisfaction he’d never experienced before. He lifted into the air, and the currents were laid out before him, almost as if he could see how the air moved through the sky. Niva’s light weight tethered him, keeping him calm and in the moment.

For the first time in years, he didn’t need to rely on his anger to contain his impulsive Draqon form. Usually, it was the rage and self-loathing that kept him from succumbing completely to his shifted mind. But as he flew this time, he felt exuberance and confidence he had never known. It was like shifting for the first time and realizing exactly who he was meant to be.

It was freedom. It was peace. He was happy.

He flew for the joy of it, rising higher than necessary. When Niva’s breath caught at the beauty of the landscape below him, his heart soared. He wanted to show her everything. When her heart sped up, it pounded in his ears, and when she relaxed into him, letting their bodies be driven by instinct, a shiver of perfect connection ran through him. She touched his scales, soothing and stroking him, and it felt like a balm against his scarred and burnt flesh.

As they flew, he smelled her desire grow. He let out a puff of smoke as the idea of being with her, filling her with his seed and claiming her as his own, played through his mind. He easily saw how their bodies would fit together and need coursed through him.

When he approached the Draqon hive, he wanted everyone to see her astride his back. He circled the valley and then made a broader sweep, pulling in anyone outside the edges of the main living area. The woman upon his back brought a joy to his flight that had been missing. Her excitement and wonder as she rode him for the first time filled his heart with lightness and eased the heavy load he carried on his shoulders.

As he settled onto the ground, people gathered around them. Niva slid from his back, but her hand remained on his side, stroking his scales gently. Her touch sent shivers through his body, and he felt his entire self wanting to melt into her hand. He wanted her. He wanted to wrap around her, have her sleep against his scaled side, and curl his tail around her petite body to protect her from any harm that may come. His emotions swept him away, and he preened before the hive, proud to have them see him with her.

But he couldn’t stay in his second form forever; he couldn’t feel this perfect connection for the rest of eternity. Riders and their Draqons could connect for the purposes of flight, but only true mates maintained that connection after shifting. As soon as he shifted, he’d sever the connection with Niva, and the prospect left a painful ache in his heart.

He stepped away from Niva’s touch and shifted back into his first form. His scales folded in on themselves and wrapped into his body like tiny bursts of sunlight across his skin. His wings retracted, tucking against his back until they disappeared beneath the black lines that outlined their placement. The pressure at his back nearly blinded him for a moment; his skin stretched to contain his two beings, but as he took a deep breath, the tightness loosened and his bones eased back out.

He straightened, his body naked and slicked with sweat in the cool mountain air, and looked at Niva, his eyes drawn to her of their own accord.

He’d thought shifting would sever the connection to her. But he’d been wrong.

Shifted back into his first form, the depth of what he’d felt with Niva struck him first. When he met her eyes, they were wide and her mouth was agape. He stood completely naked in the middle of the valley. Draqons were used to shifting in front of each other so the lack of clothing hadn’t occurred to him, but for a human, it must have been shocking. Her eyes dipped and traced the contours of his body. He found himself standing up straighter, her inspection heating his skin. When she reached his cock, it twitched, and he knew he had to get out of there before his desire for her betrayed him.

As soon as he looked away, the connection between them loosened its grip and the anger and responsibility and sorrow he kept under tight wraps struck him like a boulder. He staggered away, unwilling to look at her again. He was both desperate for her to take this feeling away and terrified that if he looked at her, she would.

He stumbled to a nearby bench and dropped his head into his hands. That freedom he’d experienced couldn’t be real. It didn’t make any sense. His mind reeled, and he felt the onslaught of emotions churning in his gut. As long as he stayed still the world didn’t spin too badly, and the last thing he needed was to pass out in front of the entire hive.

The thought that kept returning to his mind—replaying over and over—was that it had never been like this with Sotu. No matter how close they had been, no matter how much he had loved her, they had never been bonded in the way he felt after just one flight with Niva.

If he’d felt for Sotu even a fraction of the connection he shared with Niva, would Sotu have slipped during that fateful battle? Would she have died?

With a groan, he shoved his hands into his hair, pushing it back from his face. He kept his eyes squeezed shut as salt water filled them. As much as he loved Sotu, was it possible that she had never been his true mate? That as deep a connection as they had shared, it simply hadn’t been enough? The realization, compounded with his failure to save her, reopened the septic wound of his heart.

His whole body shook, but then a small hand touched his shoulder, and the relief he felt was instant, carrying his pain away on a breeze. “Zayd? Are you okay?”

He jerked away, standing up. “Don’t touch me.”

He stumbled back, his hands flailing in front of him for a moment as he tried to regain his composure and remember where he was. A crowd gathered around them, and they couldn’t see their leader fall apart before their very eyes. He had to get back home where he could be alone, where he could think. Niva’s mere presence pulled at him, jerking him toward her like a harness.

He turned and strode away, but Maxsym’s broad chest appeared directly in front of him as if from nowhere. “What the fuck, Zayd?” he demanded. Concern was etched in his brow despite his harsh words.

“Fuck off,” Zayd growled.

He dared to look behind him and found Niva’s sparkling green eyes watching after him despite what he had said. The crowd had started to disperse, but he could hear them whispering all around him. Were they concerned for him, or had they finally seen through his charade and realized they should hate him as much as he hated himself?

“I’m worried about you, man. You’re acting unhinged.”

Zayd snorted and walked around Maxsym, body checking him with his shoulder for good measure. Maxsym couldn’t know the truth, that his best friend was already unhinged and had been since the day Niva had walked into his life.

Zayd spent the entire evening alone in his room. He paced up and down his oversized dwelling, too much room for a single Draqon male. It had been intended for the Queen and her brood, not for a useless leader who never deserved the position as her king in the first place.

He tried everything he could think of to soothe his mind, short of shifting and flying as far away from the hive as he could manage.

When he tired himself out enough that he thought he might have a chance at sleeping, he lay down on his cot, not even bothering to pull the sheets back. On an evening like this, he would normally wander out, socialize before dinner, maybe try to find a hot spring to rest in. But right now, he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone seeing through him to the anchor of pain that weighed down his body.

As he lay there, his mind slowed and the dim lighting of the dwelling soothed his frayed nerves.

The flap of his home opened, and Kinyi walked in.

“What are you doing here?” he said, opening his eyes and draping an arm over his face. He knew it was her without even raising his head to check. Who else would come in with such brazenness? Who else thought they had the right?

“I came to check on you.” The light-haired woman with the black-rimmed eyes and stark features sauntered toward him. The blue scales on her cheek sparkled in the light, and she reached behind her neck to untie the halter top binding her breasts.

“Kinyi…” He felt exhausted. He didn’t have the energy to fight with her and certainly had no desire to play with her tonight. She was a good fighter, a good hive member, but she wasn’t someone he would build a life with. He’d told her that over and over again, but he still succumbed to his carnal side when she offered. It wasn’t fair; he’d given her hope for something that would never be.

“Let me take your mind off it.” Kinyi dropped her halter and strode toward him, wearing just her tight leather pants. Her tall muscular frame was accentuated by high breasts with perfect pink nipples. She had blue scales down one side of her stomach, highlighting the abdominal muscles that showed just how strong she was.

But Zayd’s cock didn’t even stir. It was like someone had turned off the lights on any desire he’d ever felt for her, even though she was one of the most beautiful women in the hive.

“Not tonight.”

“What do you mean not tonight?” She stopped at the foot of his bed and waited until he looked up at her before continuing to speak. “There’s never been a not tonight.”

Zayd sat up. “Now there is. I wish to be alone.”

“Being alone isn’t good for you. You think too much.” She stepped forward again and placed her hand on his thigh, her fingers inching up toward his cock. “Whatever it is, let me take your mind off it.”

Zayd pulled his leg away, unable to disentangle himself from her touch fast enough.

She jerked her hand back and stared at him in shock.

“Why can’t you get the message? I don’t want you here. I don’t want you at all.” He stood and ran his hand through his hair before pushing it back over the scarred side of his face. He paced, the energy he’d been tamping down ramping back up the longer Kinyi remained.

Her shock fell away, and with a softness he rarely saw from her, she said, “Don’t send me away.”

“If I don’t send you away, you’ll never get the fucking point. We aren’t mated, and we’re not going to mate. I’m not interested in that.”

“Not interested in that, or not interested in that with me?”

“I… I don’t know anymore,” he admitted.

Tears spilled from her eyes, and she grabbed her halter before rushing from his room, not even bothering to put it back on.

Despite his relief that she was gone, he hated that he’d had to speak to her that way. He probably shouldn’t have let things begin with her in the first place. He’d known all along what she wanted—to be the next Draqon Queen—but she could never hold his heart, not when Sotu held so much of him already.

But even thinking about Sotu felt hollow. His sadness and regret remained, but they were distant, as if his self-hatred was what pained him most. If he was honest, that was what had given him the most difficulty moving on all along. It wasn’t so much that he missed her, even though he did, it was more that he’d failed her. He’d failed the entire hive.

If that were true, why hadn’t he realized it before? Why had he held on to the memory of her so strongly?

In his heart, he knew the answer. If he’d been her true mate, he would have died when she did, and finding out that he wasn’t had destroyed him. Sotu wasn’t his true mate, but he punished himself as if she had been.

Was it noble to hold on so tightly to something long after its time had passed?

And if Sotu wasn’t his true mate, was it even possible a human could be?