Alex got Sol’s text on Saturday and stared at his phone. He knew he shouldn’t answer it. He was the help. He wasn’t here to have a personal relationship with the family. Getting close to Carsten was bad enough, although it couldn’t be helped. Answering texts on Saturday—going over to meet up with Sol on Saturday—would be overly familiar. It wouldn’t help him to get rid of his inappropriate and unhelpful feelings for Sol, either.

At the same time, Sol had shown just how well he knew Alex by tugging on those familiar heart strings. Carsten wants you to come and join us. As if Alex could ignore that.

So, even though Alex had today off from everything—his jobs, Maya, everything—he got dressed in clean jeans and a clean shirt and headed down to the Central Park Zoo. He found his way to the Children’s Zoo, at which point Carsten made any further searching completely moot.

“Mr. Alex, Mr. Alex, Mr. Alex!” The tiny boy ran out of the show barn and slammed into Alex’s legs, catching him in a fierce embrace.

Hunter Pope followed, although he kept a more respectable distance. “Carsten, Mr. Alex isn’t a superhero. He’s not wearing a cape.”

Carsten rounded on Hunter. “Mr. Alex is so a superhero! He’s in disguise!” He jumped up and down in excitement. “He’s a mild mannered chef until the city needs him and then he transforms into Super Alex!”

Hunter’s eyes widened. “For real?”

“For real! I saw it!” Carsten pointed to his eyes. “Come on, let’s go pet the goats!”

Alex was free to move his legs again as the boys tore off. Alex turned to see Sol and the Popes watching with apparent amusement. “So. I guess they’re getting along.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Like a house on fire.” Dr. Pope laughed and put her hand on Alex’s arm. “You wouldn’t believe it. You’d think they’d been best friends since the dawn of time. This was a great idea you had, Alex. How is it you didn’t go into child care? Not that you aren’t an amazing chef, but you’ve got such a gift with children.”

Alex ducked his head and blushed. “Ah, I don’t know. I just kind of drifted toward cooking, I guess.” He cleared his throat and took his place among the adults.

Apparently Carsten had wanted him here, but Carsten was busy running amok with Hunter. Alex made small talk with the other adults, but he wasn’t supposed to be with them like this. If they weren’t clients he wouldn’t have a problem, but they paid to not have to be on this kind of social interaction with him. By the time the play date was over, Alex was ready to pack it in.

Sol apparently had other plans. When they parted from the Popes, he turned to Alex. “I was hoping you’d be willing to come upstairs and have dinner with us.”

Alex pressed his lips together. “That’s not something we’re supposed to be doing, Sol.”

Carsten looked up at him with big, watery eyes. “Please, Mr. Alex? We can eat the thing we made last week.”

Alex looked down at his young friend. “Yeah,” he sighed. Then he plastered a smile onto his face. It wasn’t right for him to put his issues onto Carsten. “Yeah. You know what? It’s going to be awesome.”

They headed up to the apartment, and Alex headed to the kitchen to heat up the dinner, but Sol stopped him. “You’re not being paid for that today. Madilyn is.” He gestured back to the living room. “Or did you forget how your own company is supposed to work?”

Madilyn, the housekeeper for the day, flicked her gaze between Alex and Sol. She couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable if she tried. That made sense. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Right,” Alex said, and ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. This is all a little unusual. Why don’t we go and get washed up, Carsten, and when dinner is ready, Miss Madilyn will let us know.”

He ushered Carsten into the bathroom, and they both got washed up. Madilyn had dinner on the table half an hour later, and Alex felt like he’d gone through the rabbit hole.

He knew what his food tasted like, of course. And he knew all about proper place settings, not that he ever used them. He felt like a true alien sitting down at a table with more than one fork and with glasses for both wine and water. Carsten insisted on sitting next to him, thrilled beyond belief to sit with his hero.

Dinner wasn’t as stilted or miserable as Alex had thought it might be. He got through it without losing his mind or dropping anything, and only had to be reminded once that he wasn’t supposed to clear the table. People could denigrate foster care all they wanted, but at least Alex knew how to be polite and clean up after himself.

He played with Carsten for a little while, too, and helped to put him to bed. It hurt. None of this was for him. The whole thing with other people cleaning up the table at home was probably never going to be for him, that was just weird, but he liked tucking Carsten in. He liked playing with him, too.

Why couldn’t he have had this? Why did Sol get to have it, and Alex had to spend his life alone?

He pushed the thoughts away. Sometimes things just didn’t work out, and being bitter wasn’t going to help anyone. He had a good life, all things considered.

He went to leave after he helped put Carsten to bed. As he did, though, Sol stepped in front of him. “Do you have to go?”

Alex folded his hands together. “What is it you want here, Sol?” It wasn’t what he should have said. He should have said, Yes, I have to go. I have places to go, things to do, people to see. The words hung on the end of his tongue, but something else entirely came out.

“I want you.” Sol smiled down at him. His green eyes reflected so much right now. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Alex sighed. Sol didn’t want him, not really. He wanted someone, and Alex had been telling him no. Sol wasn’t used to hearing no. Alex needed to keep telling him no, so he could keep respecting himself and moving forward with his life.

And yet, he wanted. “It’s a bad idea. We both know that.” He moistened his lips.

Sol claimed his lips with a kiss, so powerful and demanding that Alex could only hold on. God, when had been the last time Alex could really let go? When had been the last time Alex could let his guard down, even a little bit? It was one night. One time. If he couldn’t let himself enjoy a night of pleasure, could he really say he was over what had happened ten years ago at all?

Sol pulled his head back to grab some air. “Will you stay?”

“For a while.” Alex refused to commit. He didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings.

Sol took his hand and led him down the hallway toward the bedrooms. The last time Alex had been down this corridor he’d been running to get to Carsten’s room before Lena could kill everyone in sight. Now, his heart was pounding too hard for him to notice much.

Sol closed the bedroom door behind them. “Are you sure you want this?”

Alex huffed out a little laugh. “It’s still a terrible idea.”

Sol lifted Alex’s chin, forcing him to meet Sol’s eyes. “But you want it?”

Alex’s cheeks burned with shame and lust. No part of him should want Sol anymore, but every part of him did. “Yes. This once.”

Sol stood back. “Then let me see you.” If he was bothered by Alex’s stipulation, he didn’t say so. His gaze burned into Alex, making his jeans and shirt acutely uncomfortable.

Alex obeyed, cheeks blazing. He wasn’t typically submissive, or obedient, but he found himself pulling his shirt over his head before he realized what his hands were doing. He went with it, stripping himself bare. He’d agreed to this, and he wanted it. He had nothing to be ashamed of, either. He had a nice body. He might as well show it off.

Sol definitely seemed to appreciate it. He looked Alex over. “You’ve filled out.” He traced the lines defining Alex’s biceps. It was such a little touch, but just the skin to skin connection was like a jolt of electricity for Alex. “My God, you’re beautiful. I didn’t think you could get more beautiful than you were. But look at you.”

He brushed his hand over Alex’s chest, his abs, and his hips. Alex bit down on the inside of his cheek and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. This was really happening. This was really Sol, actually him. Maybe he couldn’t have the life with Sol he’d always imagined but he could have him like this, now.

He reached out for his alpha. “Why am I the only one here who’s naked?”

Sol laughed. “Really? Okay.” He pulled back and tossed his clothes to the side as quickly as he could. “Back to you. Sit down.” He gestured to the bed.

Alex’s mouth went dry, but he sat.

Sol straddled Alex to get another of those bruising kisses, but it wasn’t a long one. His hands left trails of sparks along Alex’s back and sides while he took absolute control of Alex’s mouth. Then he nibbled along Alex’s jaw, and Alex couldn’t resist a little moan. He liked that. He probably liked that more than he should, all things considered.

He kept nipping and nibbling down Alex’s collarbone and down to his nipples. Those he sucked on for a while as he slid down to the floor forcing Alex’s legs apart. Alex didn’t time it. All he knew was he felt like he had a fever. He wanted, and he needed, and he ached. If he didn’t get relief soon, he was going to combust right there on Sol’s fancy sheets.

And all of this was at Sol’s hands.

Sol reached into the nightstand and pulled out lube and a condom. This was really happening. The one thing Alex had said he knew he shouldn’t do, was a terrible idea, and here he was doing everything but begging for it. There was no room in him for anything but desire right now, but later he’d be ashamed.

He’d better make this count then.

He fell back as Sol pulled him forward, so he was perched on the very edge of the bed. He wasn’t exactly surprised when Sol’s hot mouth closed around his heavy, needy cock but it felt like shock all the same. He closed his eyes and tried to keep control of himself. He didn’t want to embarrass himself by finishing too early, although he thought he could probably be excused under friendly circumstances.

This was Sol, after all.

When they’d been together before, Sol had hesitated to suck him. Alphas don’t do that, he’d said, and Alex hadn’t known any better. Clearly Sol had learned differently sometime along the way, because he’d gotten very good at it over the past ten years. He’d learned to apply suction just right, just where to use his tongue and how. Oh God, this was too good. He gripped the sheets in his fists and turned his head to the side, looking to bury his moans.

Sol used the opportunity to stretch him out. The dual sensations were almost too much for Alex, and he had to bite down on his cheek to keep from losing it. He was so perfectly distracted by the things Sol was doing to him, that he never felt at all uncomfortable, not until Sol pulled his fingers away to put on the condom.

Sol sunk into him with one slow, inexorable thrust. Alex panted through it, grateful for every inch. He’d been with other men, of course. Some were bigger, some were thicker, but none had fit him the way Sol had. When Sol bottomed out, Alex was perfectly filled.

The rest of the world faded away. All of Alex’s problems, worries, and issues disappeared. There was only pleasure and Sol.

He wrapped his legs around Sol’s waist and met his eyes. “Move,” he directed.

Sol glistened with sweat. Alex could feel the little tremors in his back from the strain of holding himself still while Alex adjusted, but he still managed a smirk and a little salute. “Your wish is my command.”

He snapped his hips back and thrust deep and hard back into Alex, impaling him again and again. He could get deeper because his feet were set on the floor while Alex lay on the bed, forming a right angle. Alex grabbed a pillow and shouted into it as Sol drove into him over and over again.

It was too good, too perfect. He wrapped his hand around his own cock. He had to have release now or else he was going to explode. He stroked himself in time with the rhythm Sol set, crying out as his release exploded hot and sticky over his chest.

Sol kept thrusting away. Alex was boneless and blissed out, but he held on tight until Sol finally lost the rhythm and spilled into the condom. Only then did he let himself collapse.

Sol staggered into the master bath, coming back in a moment with a warm damp cloth. He tenderly cleaned Alex up, and then he clumsily maneuvered him under the covers.

Alex meant to struggle or to at least object. He shouldn’t be staying. He should get his clothes back on as soon as he could and get the hell back to the Bronx. He didn’t say any of those things, though. Instead, he said, “Hm?”

“You said you’d stay.” Sol yawned. “So stay.” He climbed under the covers with Alex and wrapped his arms around him.

Alex stiffened. Then he let go. This wasn’t unpleasant at all. Even when they’d been together, Alex hadn’t been able to stay the night with Sol. “Okay.” He rested his head on Sol’s chest and fell asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

* * *

Sol woke up with something warm and solid in his arms. It took him a moment to realize that “something warm” was human, and another moment to recognize that vaguely piney scent of the shampoo Alex used now. Oh, that was right. He hadn’t dreamed it. He’d finally managed to convince Alex to see reason and stay the night.

Alex stirred beside him, and Sol kissed the side of his head. “Good morning, sunshine.”

Alex’s hazel eyes fluttered open. “Christ.” He stretched, grimaced, and then grinned. “That actually happened, didn’t it?”

“As a matter of fact, it did.” Sol looked over at the clock. Nine in the morning. Oh well—he didn’t typically sleep in this late these days, but Inge was here to keep Carsten from burning the place down. “It was incredible.”

Sol could still feel it. He’d had other partners since Alex, obviously. He’d made a child with Stuart, and there had been other men besides. None of them could hold a candle to Alex. None of them had Alex’s heat or his spirit. None of them turned Sol on the way Alex did. Sol just didn’t care about them the way he cared about Alex.

Alex let out a long, controlled sigh. “It was.” He rolled out of the bed and groped around for his clothes. “I enjoyed it.” He turned his head away. “I enjoyed the whole day, actually. Hanging around with Carsten and his friend was fun.”

“You should come and do it more often. He thinks you hung the moon, you know. He’s always telling me about what a superhero you are.” Sol sat up, his lower half covered by the sheet. “He could stand to have a good influence like you in his life more often.”

Alex hung his head, so that the long hair on the top of his head hid his face. “Sol, that’s not a great idea.”

“Why not? He loves you, his dad—well. We already know we have great chemistry, We’re older now, why can’t we have this?” Sol turned to face Alex. “Why won’t you let yourself have this?”

Alex turned around. One corner of his mouth had quirked up, but he wasn’t smirking. It looked more like he was trying to smile, but just failing. He pulled his shirt on over his head. “You going to take me to the Valor Entertainment holiday party?”

Sol frowned. “I hadn’t thought about it.” A few weeks ago, he’d have had an answer without thinking about it. The answer would have been no. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Alex sat down on the edge of the bed. “Sol, I was naive back then. I can probably be forgiven for that, because I was still a kid, but it was never going to work out between us. We’re not…we’re not even from the same planet. I’m not the kind of guy you could take to your company party, unless it was to cater it. I’m not very educated, I work with my hands and I like it. I’m rough around the edges and in the middle too. My life is loud, brash, and completely uncouth. I could only ever embarrass you, and I get that now.”

Sol rubbed at his temples. “Is this because my father came by to pester you? Because he’s a dinosaur. He still thinks the ‘lower classes’ shouldn’t be allowed on airplanes. You can’t listen to him. You have to know that.”

Alex grinned and shook his head, but he didn’t initiate contact. “You know it’s not just your dad, Sol. I stuck out like a sore thumb yesterday. The Popes knew I didn’t belong there. I knew I didn’t belong there, like I was family. And deep down, you know it too. You don’t even want that. You just want to roll around in the hay sometimes.”

Sol stood up now. He wanted to punch a wall, but he didn’t. Good alphas didn’t do things like that. “I guess I don’t see what’s wrong with that. It’s okay to have sex. We’re adults. It’s okay to enjoy each other’s company. It’s okay to be comfortable with each other.”

“Except, I want a partner I can actually be partners with. I want someone I can stand next to in public. Someone who wants me around his friends, and who wants to be around mine instead of wondering if they’re safe to know. Someone I have a future with, someone I could start a family with.”

Sol opened his mouth, but words wouldn’t come out. Did Alex reject all of his partners because they weren’t family men? But of course, Sol had a family already. He had a son, who had to be his priority. And yes, Carsten adored Alex, and Carsten wanted Alex to be around and thought he wanted Alex to be his other dad, but Carsten was six.

“I’m not mad. Not about now. I’m still mad you led me on back in the day, but I’ll always be mad about that. I can’t be mad about now, Sol. It is what it is. I get it, you know? You can hardly have me go to Carsten’s school and pick him up, right?”

Sol bowed his head. “You’d certainly stand out.”

“I know.” He put a hand on Sol’s shoulder. “That’s why we can’t do this again.”

“Okay, but you don’t have any of those things now. Why can’t we keep going on like this?” Sol turned and pulled Alex close. “I understand what you’re saying, but it’s not like you’ve got someone who’s looking to give you children or a family or any of those things. At least this way we get to be together in some way.”

“Until you marry some other shmuck.” He shrugged. “I may not be marriage material for you, but I’m worth more than that. And at least I won’t be the other man, you know?” He put his shoes on. “I’ll see you Friday, unless you want to release my contract.”

“Like hell.” Sol snorted.

Alex huffed out a humorless little laugh and took off.

Sol stared at the ceiling for a little while and then headed into the bathroom to wash up. He understood Alex’s position. It wasn’t substantially different from Alex’s position when they’d been ten years younger. The only question was whether or not Sol’s had changed.

He couldn’t answer that honestly for himself, not yet. As he lathered himself up in the shower, he forced himself to consider the question honestly. He wanted to be able to say that yes, he was more than able to commit to Alex now. He’d had enough of living the life his father wanted for him and, with the exception of Carsten, it had brought him nothing but pain. He could afford to live for himself now.

But should he? He did have a career to consider, and Alex hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true. He couldn’t imagine himself showing up to a company event, or a networking event, or a family event, with Alex on his arm. Hello, Uncle Gerritt. This is my new husband, Alex. His mother’s doing life for murder, he’s in the mafia, and he’s spent his whole life as the help, but he’s going to be an excellent steward for my grandfather’s fortune.

Yeah, it didn’t make a lot of sense when Sol put it that way. When he tried to phrase it differently, though, it felt a lot better. Hello, Uncle Gerritt. This is Alex. I’ve been in love with him since I was twenty. He makes my son feel safe and secure, and between me and Carsten we’ve decided we want him in our lives forever. Feel free to take up any complaints with my father. It won’t do you any good, but you can at least commiserate together. Won’t that be fun?

He knew Alex would be gone by the time he got out of the shower. It might have been the best possible outcome anyway. He couldn’t exactly admit he was on the fence. He didn’t want to give Alex false hope again, and didn’t want to insult him.

Carsten didn’t say anything about having seen Alex when Sol walked into the kitchen. He just waved and took a big spoon full of yogurt. Inge, on the other hand, raised her eyebrows just enough that Sol knew she knew. He knew she knew, and he knew she was jumping to all the wrong conclusions. She was all but running up with congratulations.

Sol pretended he didn’t notice and focused on getting ready for the day. He went about his usual Sunday routine of playing with Carsten, doing work, and paying bills. He went to bed early despite having slept in, because the weight of his own indecision pressed on him.

What was the right thing to do here? What did he want?

The answer to that was deceptively simple. Sol wanted Alex.

He lay in bed and considered everything that would go along with Alex. Alex would bring with him some unsavory connections that hadn’t been a factor the last time they’d been together. If Sol stepped back and looked at the people he himself knew, though, he had to admit his own associates weren’t all the most innocent of men. They might not be involved with organized crime, but he’d be lying to himself if he pretended everything at the Hellion Club was entirely above board.

But honestly, that was only part of it. Sol had already been part of one disastrous marriage. He didn’t want to be part of another. If he thought he and Alex were well matched, maybe they could be together. If he thought Alex had it in him to bring him the kind of domestic bliss he thought marriage was supposed to be, he’d march on up to the Bronx and get down on one knee. His father was just an excuse now.

But Alex…well, Alex was combative. Alex had a chip on his shoulder as big as the whole island of Manhattan. Sol might be able to look past class distinctions, but Alex definitely couldn’t. And he never would be. He didn’t want to be able to. He liked where he lived, he liked his friends, and he didn’t care that his friends were crooks.

Alex wouldn’t accept anything but marriage. And he wouldn’t accept marriage, either.

When Sol woke up next to Alex, he’d felt the same kind of glow and pride he did any time he landed a great deal or got any other kind of win. Now, as he lay in bed, he had to admit that win had been only temporary. Sure, he’d talked Alex back into his bed, but that was all. He hadn’t talked Alex back into his life, and he wasn’t going to.

It wasn’t a good realization to make.

On Monday he went back to the Hellion Club. He didn’t want to dally with any of the readily available omegas, and while the shirtless bartender made it clear he was open to more than mixing drinks, Sol couldn’t help but shudder. He didn’t want to be that guy anymore. He hadn’t entirely realized he’d been that guy to begin with.

He took his drink and headed into the library, where he could be assured of relative privacy at least. Something was happening to him, and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Alex had always hated this place, and now Sol could understand why.

As though the thought of Alex summoned him, a well-dressed man with swarthy skin and a slight smirk seated himself beside Sol. He was an older man, maybe in his sixties, but he was still handsome. Sol took a second to recognize Vinnie and Frank standing nearby, almost inconspicuous.

“You must be Mr. Senior,” Sol said in a quiet voice.

Jimmy Senior chuckled. “It’s Neri, actually. But Jimmy Senior sounds better. And hey, it’s not like anyone wants to be associated with a no-good wife beating son like mine.” He sighed and looked off into the distance for a moment. “You know, I was always busy when he was a kid. Always busy working. A business doesn’t run itself, whether it’s a record company or what I do, you know what I’m saying? But, I should have made more time for him. I should’ve seen the signs.” He licked his lips. “They took Pauline off of life support today.”

Sol had no idea who Pauline was, but he could guess. He wasn’t stupid. “I’m sorry to hear that. I know she had kids.”

“Two of them. I hate to separate them, because they’re siblings. They need each other. But little Jimmy, he’s going to need a lot of rehab. Pauline’s ma is a nurse, and she can take him, but she can’t take him and a little baby. Or a toddler.”

Sol swallowed. He had no idea what the rules of the game were here. This wasn’t his world. If Alex were here, he could call and ask him what the etiquette was. Unfortunately, he suspected the etiquette was, Give the nice mafioso whatever he asks for and shut up about it. “I guess he’s pretty bad off then.”

“Oh, yeah. My maggot son did a number on them.” He took a deep breath. “That’s why I passed Maya off to Alex. He’s a good kid. He’ll keep her out of trouble. Raise her right. And he’ll teach her right, too. With what happened to his ma, he’ll make sure she doesn’t wind up in the same position, you know? He’ll teach her to stand up for herself long before she winds up in court for defending herself.”

“He seems pretty taken with her.” Sol licked his lips. “I don’t know what he’ll do for child care in the long term.”

Jimmy Senior just smiled and waited, patiently.

Sol got it. “I’ll talk to my nanny and see how she feels about taking another kid on. I don’t think she’s likely to have an issue with it, all things considered, and I certainly don’t. But I can’t make promises for other people. That’s creepy.”

Jimmy laughed and patted Sol on the shoulder. “You’re not so bad. I figured with your father being the way he is, you might not be so clean, but you’re a good egg. I can see why Alex gets so hung up on you.”

Sol almost choked on his drink at the mention of Alex, but he decided not to go there. He wasn’t ready to confide in anyone about Alex, never mind a mob boss he was just meeting for the first time. “You’ve met my father, sir?”

“Only by reputation. I’ll admit to being a little envious that he can get away with the things he does, but that’s neither here nor there. A word of advice, Sol?” He leaned a little closer. “Disentangle your finances from his. And if he should happen to pass before he gets an audit, don’t touch a dime until the feds go over it with a fine toothed comb. Believe me when I tell you he’s up to his eyeballs in some stuff I wouldn’t touch, and you don’t want to get splashed with it.” He stood up. “I’ll go tell Alex the bad news. He and Pauline were friends. I know he’ll be pretty broken up.” He bowed his head. “Thanks again, Sol. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”

Sol watched him go. He didn’t think to wonder how Jimmy Senior, a beta, had gotten into a club for alphas until after he was gone.