12
DEVEN
I lie on my stomach, all strength bled out of me. To blink is to harness the power of a thousand men. To swallow is to employ the gods. The Aquifier pours more healing waters over my back. The warm liquid releases a cascade of fresh smells, from sun-warmed muslin to coconut to white sandalwood. My skin tautens painfully and then tingles with welcome coolness.
A member of the brethren has not come to offer a healing blessing on my behalf, as is customary in Tarachand, but I did not expect it. During my time training with the brethren, I learned Janardanians do not worship the Parijana faith as we do but a varied sect that places the land-goddess above her husband, the sky-god. Janardanians believe returning to the ground to feed the land, Ki’s domain, is an honor. They accept that they will die when the land-goddess chooses, and they do not interfere with her will through prayer.
The Aquifier trickles more of his fresh-scented water over my back. Foggy dreaminess drifts over me with the lifting pain, my mind flowing from one abstract thought to the next. An image of a fox arises from the darkness.
“I’m finished for now.” The Aquifier’s voice sharpens my focus. With great effort, I turn my head to see him gathering his empty jug and bandages. “I’ll leave your back unwrapped. The air is good for your wounds.”
I thank him, and he leaves, shutting me in the dark.
Closing my eyes, I relish the release from pain. I intend to sleep, but Kali’s grave stare blooms in my stream of thought. The rest of her materializes next, her willowy frame, thick dark hair, and delicate face. I reach for her, and the second my fingertips touch her cheek, her expression changes to hurt. She backs away and runs into the shadows.
I set out after her, calling her name, and my surroundings transform into snowy woods. I run through the dark forest, and a snap sounds behind me. I round a tree and stumble to a halt. A fox lies dead at my feet, scarlet staining the snow around it, a snare wound around its leg.
The door to my cell creaks open, bringing me back to the present, and a hulking figure comes in. I drum up an ounce of strength to clench my fist in defense.
“Hello, Captain,” Yatin says. I uncurl my hand, and my friend pulls up the healer’s stool. “I cannot stay long. The guards check the prisoners’ tents twice an hour. The Galer guards may start listening to us, if they aren’t already.” Yatin lays his wide palm on the top of my head. “I am sorry I didn’t stop them.”
“My punishment was just. You did nothing wrong.”
“Neither did you,” he asserts.
“That’s a matter of perspective.”
Yatin leans forward and clasps his hands. Shadows play with my sight, revealing sections of his solemn face. Yatin is the youngest of six children. His older siblings are all sisters, and his mother a widow. Like me, when he joined the imperial army, he was more accustomed to women than men. I was brought up at the Turquoise Palace, surrounded by nursemaids, courtesans, and ranis, an experience my mother insists made me the peacemaker I am. Yatin is even more of a peacemaker. I admire his long-suffering temperament and belief that every soul is fundamentally good. He speaks carefully, with deliberate thoughtfulness. “The vizier announced the trial tournament to the men . . . I don’t understand. Why is the kindred competing?” His words carry another question. Don’t you love each other?
I lick my parched lips. They feel dry, like tree bark. “Do you remember when we were camped in the lower Alpana Mountains, traveling with Rajah Tarek to the Samiya Temple?”
“That was before Rajah Tarek claimed Kalinda,” Yatin recalls.
“I was on watch one night. It was snowing and especially still, the snowflakes muffling the noises of the forest. In the distance, beyond the quiet, I heard scratching noises. The rest of the men were asleep, so I took a lantern into the woods and came upon a trapped fox. A hunter had set a snare, and the fox had the misfortune of finding it. When the fox saw me, it growled and tried to wrench free. In its struggle, the snare wrapped tighter around its hind leg, and blood soon flecked the snow.”
I wet my dry lips again. My body is dragging me over a cliff of exhaustion, but I hang on to consciousness. I need Yatin to understand. “The fox was unharmed other than the snare strangling its leg. I knew if the animal worked itself free, it would survive, but it would not calm down and outsmart the snare so long as I was near. So I walked back to camp, and soon its growls and yips ceased.
“The next morning, I rose before dawn and returned to the trap. As I got closer, I heard no sound of struggles. With some dread, I thought the fox had died trying to twist free. But when I reached the trap, the fox was gone, and the snare had been chewed apart. Tracks led into the woods. The fox had wriggled and gnawed its way to freedom. When I returned to camp, Rajah Tarek asked me where I’d been, and I told him about the fox. He said I should have harvested its pelt. He saw the trapped fox as something to take advantage of.” I shake off the memory of Rajah Tarek and go on. “Last night with Kali, I remembered that fox. She asked me to go with her, and I was tempted. But that snare . . . It would have still been around her leg.”
Yatin processes my meaning. “You think Kalinda can break free from her throne?”
“I think she has a better chance if I leave her be. The closer I am to Kali, the harder she resists the snare that has her.” For two moons I have tried to find a way to release her from her throne, but her fate belongs to the gods. “I cannot save her, nor should I try.”
“Even if it means walking away.” He is silent a long moment. I begin to drift off, but his low voice tugs me back. “Will the prince exercise his first rights to Kalinda?”
“He will try.” I despise Prince Ashwin for dangling Kali’s freedom before her for his gain. He is like Rajah Tarek was with the snared fox, extorting control over another’s pain and misfortune. “But she will find a way to break free.”
“What if she doesn’t?” Yatin asks.
Exhaustion pulls me toward sleep, but I rasp out one more answer. “Then I have failed her.”