The man headed to the next pool and made a show of leaning against the opposite side to stare at us. Part of me wanted to follow him and hold his head under the water for touching Walden the way he had. Not long, just enough to make sure he kept his hands to himself. Even as the temptation arose, I was fully aware of the uncharacteristic nature of that impulse. Typically if I saw a guy I was attracted to starting to get it on with another man, I’d join in or at least observe and enjoy myself. The thought of watching anyone else touching Walden was about the least enjoyable thing I could imagine. Maybe if I hadn’t been Donovan’s patient for so many years, I could pass the sensation off as something it wasn’t. Unfortunately I couldn’t. I was jealous. I was never jealous. Jealously was stupid. Weak. And completely ridiculous in the given situation. I’d been with the man once, kinda twice, and three months later I was jealous? Fuck, I was broken.

The other part of me wanted to mount Walden then and there, for the entire world to see. Claim him as mine. Just as ridiculous as my first impulse and about as effective as pissing on him to mark my territory.

Thanks to my years with Donovan, I was able to ignore both urges and act like a sane person instead of the caveman I felt like. I turned to Walden and flashed a smile. “Hey.”

A flurry of emotions played over his face, clear even in the soft light of the pool. Confusion, hurt, anger. But lust most of all. Lust.

Good.

So he wasn’t mad about me cutting in. At least not enough to stop it.

Finally he found words. “What are you doing here?”

Okay, not the “Fuck me, right here and now” that I’d hoped for, but I’d play the cards dealt.

“I live about half an hour away, on the bank of Lake Tahoe. It’s been a long week. I thought I deserved a spa day. A massage and then a few hours in the pools before going back home.”

“Long week? It’s Tuesday?” Walden’s brows furrowed. “That’s not the point. What are you doing here, in this pool?”

His tone was irritated, but I could swear it was more for show than anything. That he felt he should be annoyed. But I could also swear I felt the electricity radiating from his body, like he was barely containing himself from straddling my lap then and there. I wished he’d give in to that notion. As much as I’d decided I did have a thing for geeky hot, he looked as he had the first time I saw him. No glasses. Long, damp, dark blond waves around his face, droplets of water making their way over the pale skin of his shoulders and down his thick chest.

I shrugged. “You were about to make a mistake with that guy. I decided I should stop it.”

This time his irritation sounded more genuine. “Why would it have been a mistake? Not that it would be any business of yours if it was.”

“Because he isn’t me.” The words left my lips before I could stop them.

Walden flinched.

Shit. There was only one course of action to play this off without letting him see how much I’d been thinking about him. Luckily, that course wasn’t a lie, just not the entire truth. I scooted closer, close enough to touch him, but I wasn’t going to. I was already giving away too much about myself. He was going to touch me first. “Because if you’re going to get fucked tonight, it needs to be with someone who can do it right, give you what you want, give it to you the way you need it.” I cast a glance toward the man, who was still staring at us, enjoying my victory over him more than was decent, I was sure. “Because he sure as hell couldn’t satisfy what I know you crave.”

Walden shivered, and his lips parted. Though his mouth moved, no words came out, and he licked his lips. He wanted me. Wanted me so fucking much.

I wished he wanted me more than I wanted him. Hell, I wished I could even lie to myself enough that I’d believe that. But even I wasn’t that good at self-deception. There’d been countless men since December. And each one managed to possess some aspect of Walden. And not one of them measured up to the real thing. I couldn’t let Walden see that, though. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me anyone can do to your body what I can do.”

I swear he almost touched me. I felt his hand move under the water, and I prepared for the contact I’d wanted for months. Then a shadow crossed his features, and he pulled his hand back. “And what is it you want from my body, Gilbert? Just to make you feel good about yourself? Or do you get a sick thrill out of fucking someone you find disgusting?”

“What?” I broke my resolve and clasped my hand over his shoulder. “Why the hell would you think I find you disgusting? I’m not sure how I could’ve been clearer on how hot I find you.”

He glanced at my hand on his skin, and I thought he was going to pull away for a moment, but he didn’t. Then his eyes met mine, and the lust and irritation were both gone. Only hurt remained. “I saw the way you looked at me at the engagement party. Whatever happened made something change, and you found me disgusting. And you walked away without a word.”

Oh. Of course he would’ve interpreted what he’d seen in that way. I could only imagine what my expression must have been. At the memory, I had to force my hand to stay where it was. As much desire as I had for Walden, part of me was still repulsed.

“See? Right there. There’s that expression. I disgust you.” This time he did pull away. He stood, the water rippling around him. “It was bad enough the first time. This is just fucked-up. Maybe I do want you, more than I should, but I’m not going to fuck around with someone who looks at me like I’m trash. No matter how much your ego needs it.”

“Wait.” I nearly grabbed him, afraid he’d walk away and not listen to me. But I didn’t. I didn’t have the right. And maybe he should walk away. Do us both a favor and leave me sitting there in the pool. Go over to the dumb fuck he’d been about to screw before and make me watch as he took the guy back to his room. That was what he should do. It would be better for both of us. Even if it hurt, it would feel better than where this would end up if we had sex again.

Fate, being the bitch she was, caused Walden to pause and look back at me. Maybe he’d decided to do that himself, but I was betting it was Fate. She liked to fuck with me.

I stared at him, terrified, but trying to keep that emotion from my face.

“What, Gilbert? Why should I wait?”

You shouldn’t. You should run away. Run far, far away. Hook up with every man between here and Lavender Shores and never think of me again. The last thing you should do is wait.

“I don’t find you disgusting. You’re the furthest thing from disgusting I’ve ever seen.”

Walden didn’t attempt to hide his scrutiny of me, and he must have seen the truth in my words. Damn it, who knew what else he could see?

“Then what is it? Why did you walk away like you did?”

Twenty different lies flitted through my mind, but I discarded each of them. Walden would be able to tell. Or maybe I just couldn’t lie to him. “I didn’t realize you were a teacher. I don’t fuck around with teachers.”

A disbelieving laugh burst from him, but it faded quickly, his eyes narrowing. He stepped closer once more but didn’t sit down next to me. “Seriously? You left because I’m a teacher?”

I wanted to stand, to be on equal footing with him. But I didn’t really deserve that, did I? “Yeah.”

“Why? What’s wrong with me being a teacher?”

“I… ah….” Again the lies came to the surface, then excuses. I couldn’t use them, though. Not on him. And that realization completely scared the shit out of me. Nearly as much as his profession. “I really can’t explain that to you. Or at least I really, really don’t want to. Can you just believe me that I was reacting to your job, not to you? You do not disgust me. Not at all.”

He sat then, and once more didn’t hide that he was inspecting me. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. There was wariness, but a hint of his old openness as well. “Okay. So you don’t fuck teachers, yet you made it pretty clear you were planning on fucking me tonight. Is that just a mind game, or are you trying to decide if you really want to fuck me or not?”

Just hearing him talking about me fucking him so plainly, no sugarcoating or pretending it was anything lighter or sweeter than what it was, would’ve taken away any hesitation I had. That was not true. It didn’t take away my hesitation, but it sure as hell smothered it. I didn’t fuck around with teachers, but I was going to. Even if it meant daily phone sessions with Donovan afterwards. Walden was worth whatever mental anguish he cost. “No, I’m going to fuck you tonight. I shouldn’t because you’re a teacher, but I’m going to. There’s no doubt. I’m going to fuck you exactly like you want and need.”

The lust returned to his eyes, though his hesitation was still evident.

“If that’s okay with you, of course.”

He touched me then, his large hand gripping my thigh. “Yeah. That’s completely okay with me. Even if I shouldn’t—” He cut himself off with a little shake of his head. Then he tilted his chin, studying me. “I don’t have my glasses on, obviously, and stuff far away is blurry. Was that you in the pool watching me a while ago or the other guy? I thought it was you but decided that it was stupid to think you were here.”

“That was me.” If there was a time to lie, this was it. It would be showing nearly every card. I had to admit I’d spent over an hour watching him—warring with myself as I tried to make my body get out of the pool, run to my car, and drive back home. At first I’d thought he recognized me, but then noticed he’d seemed confused. I’d forgotten about the glasses for a bit. When he’d looked away, I had my chance. Get the hell away from him and back to sanity. But I hadn’t been able to leave. And then fuckface had made his move. There was no way I was letting any other man touch him. Not if I had anything to say about it. Teacher or not. “I wasn’t going to bother you. I was going to just let you do your thing, but… I couldn’t. I… couldn’t watch you with some other guy.”

The water splashed as he darted forward and kissed me. His fingers dug into my thigh as his lips pressed to mine. I felt relief in his kiss. Or maybe that was just me. The kiss was nothing more than firm pressure for several moments, then it altered slightly. With the scrape of his tongue on my lips, I opened to him. He sank against me, his chest pressing against mine. Our tongues met, and despite the fire that exploded through my veins, something within me sighed and I went slack against the wall of the pool.

He pulled back slightly and our gazes met. He searched me again, and I searched back. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, what either of us hoped to find. But what I saw was enough. I found desperation in his eyes. Not a weak kind of thing, but a desperation that was for me. That spoke of needing me. A desperation that matched how I felt for him. That echoed the need that had grown for him over the past three months, whether it made sense or not.

It suddenly hit me, what had happened.

We’d kissed.

I never did that. Ever. Prostitute version of Julia Roberts or not, I simply didn’t do that.

I kissed him again. Firm, quick. And not caring if I showed him that I was just as desperate for him.

“Wow.” He sat back down, hand still on my thigh. He let out a quiet puff of air. “Wow.”

I didn’t ask for an explanation. Though I kept silent, I felt every bit of wow that he did. And it was terrifying. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d experienced fear as much as I had in those few minutes in the pool.

Walden looked at me after a couple of seconds, appearing a bit dazed. “Should we get out of here?”

I nodded. “For sure.” If I could move.

He glanced down, then back up. “I’m not sure we can get out of the water without showing the world what we’re planning on doing next.”

Somehow with the kiss, I hadn’t noticed half my blood supply had traveled to my dick. And it wasn’t returning to my brain anytime soon. “I don’t care.”

“Me neither.” Walden’s grin was the only sign of how dirty I knew he could be, and I twitched in the confines of my trunks. “Do you wanna go to my room or yours?”

“I wasn’t planning on staying. I never do. I always go back home.”

“Oh, okay. Easy enough. We’ll do my room.” Walden turned and started to step out of the pool.

Disappointment cut through me. “Wait a second.”

When he looked back, it was clear he thought I’d changed my mind. A hardness crept over his features even as I watched.

“I’m not changing my mind. Just give me a second.”

He relaxed.

What the hell was I thinking? It was insane and dangerous. And like the kiss, it was something I never did. It wasn’t something I’d ever wanted. But suddenly I did. Even as I spoke, I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “Why don’t we go to my place, actually. It’ll be… more comfortable.”

His eyes brightened, but then he seemed to reconsider. “You said you’re half an hour away. So by the time we get there, you bring me back and then drive home again, you’re adding an hour and a half to your night.”

I never did this. I’d never wanted this. Ever. “I know, which is why you should just stay. I can bring you back in the morning.”

He froze. “You want me to spend the night?”

Holy shit. Yes. Yes, I wanted him to spend the night. Nearly as much as I wanted to kiss him again. To have his hands on me again. To bury myself deep inside him. I wanted all of that. And then I wanted him to fall asleep beside me in my bed.

God help me.

“Yeah. I want you to spend the night.”

Walden took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly. I swore he was thinking the same thing I was. That spending the night together was going to hurt later. Make things so much worse. But I knew I was just projecting. Finally he nodded. “Okay.”