I stepped into the bedroom, then halted. I’d had a very specific plan of what I was going to do to Walden Thompson. Something I knew he’d love, probably as much as I would love doing it. Somewhere between the scotch and watching that huge, sexy body emerge from under his geek clothes, I’d gotten distracted. The bedroom wasn’t where I wanted us to be. I turned, ready to take him downstairs.

Walden crashed into me. “Oh. Sorry.” He took a stumbling step back, then grinned, an expression I’d only seen on him at the gym and in his bedroom. So different than he looked any other time. Maybe the scotch was already working on his nerves, or maybe all it took was to get him naked, but either way, sex was obviously the only thing on his mind. He stepped up to me again, this time bumping into me intentionally and keeping his body pressed against mine. His strong hands gripped my hips and held me to him. Even more demanding than I remembered. I was willing to bet that was the scotch.

Then he kissed me. Not the kiss we’d shared at the hot springs. This was a declaration of ownership. There was no hesitation or asking permission, he just took. And once more, my body nearly went lax at the feel of his lips, the grip of his fingers, his smooth skin against my chest hair, and his steel erection pushing against my stomach.

All my plans fell away. I’d intended to use his ass until I knew he’d feel me for a week. I was going to stretch him out with my fingers, my cock, then use toys. I was going to turn our night together into a scene from a bathhouse porn. But it all vanished under his kiss. I didn’t want any of that right then. I just wanted this. Wanted his lips, wanted him to sweep me away in the emotions he poured into me. Even if the emotions were terrifying; though they weren’t real. I wanted them, all of them. It seemed the scotch was affecting me too. Maybe it was just Walden’s ability to kiss, or maybe the fact that it had been years since I’d allowed anyone to kiss me.

I couldn’t consider that. It had to be the scotch.

I pushed both options away, suddenly aware I was giving in to the spike of panic and missing the feel of him. I wouldn’t be kissed again for years to come, so if I was going to give in to it this night, it would be with everything I had.

Though I hadn’t realized we’d moved, I suddenly became aware of the bed frame pressed against the back of my thighs. I wasn’t a little guy in stature or strength, but Walden was bigger, and I allowed myself to get lost in the sense of being surrounded, being overwhelmed by his strong, thick body. I ran my hands up over his back, feeling the smooth, wing-like expanse of his lats, then moved up his neck and sank my fingers in his long hair, clinging to him as he kissed me.

All too soon he broke the kiss, and I sucked in a breath. Before I could beg him to kiss me again, his lips moved over my jaw, his tongue darting out over my stubble, then down my neck. I tilted my head, giving him better access. Not caring that I was showing just how much I wanted him. I kept my fingers buried in his hair but didn’t try to control where he moved. I just didn’t want to break contact with him.

Walden let out little moans of pleasure as his lips moved down my body. His tongue found my left nipple as his finger curled into the hair over my right pec and pulled just enough to sting. I hissed in pain but instinctively arched toward him, my erection pushing against his chest. He chuckled, but replaced his tongue with teeth and gave a sharp nip on my nipple. I hissed and thrust again.

Another laugh, and he glanced up, the blue of his eyes nearly obliterated by his blown-out pupils. His expression was pure sex, pure heat. I couldn’t get enough of how he was timid and insecure one moment and then a brazen slut the next. “I’m going to get you ready to fuck me.” And then his gaze was gone, and his mouth sank over my cock, taking me in all the way to the root, pressing his nose hard against me and giving a shake of his head.

“Fuck!” I didn’t even try to hold back my scream, though I realized after a moment that my grip on his hair was too firm, so I loosened my fingers. He shook his head again, but I thought the intention was different this time. I tightened my grip and pulled.

He grunted in pleasure and continued to devour my cock, rising up and sinking back down at a frantic pace.

I gripped his hair tighter and held his head still, and began to pump. His groans increased, and I leaned back so I could watch my long cock fuck his full, already swollen lips. One of his hands jerked his erection, and the other pulled lightly on my balls.

This couldn’t be the last time this happened. It just couldn’t. It was too good. And he was too beautiful kneeling in front of me.

And holy shit, Bryant, that’s the last thing you should be thinking.

This was the last time. Well, no, there’d be tomorrow morning before I took him back. This wasn’t going to become a thing. I needed to get a grip. This was fucking. This was damn good fucking, but that was all it was. And if I couldn’t remember that, then I didn’t deserve it.

Despite the turmoil in my head, I suddenly realized I wasn’t going to last much longer fucking his face. I pulled out and released his hair. Time to regain control, turn this back into what it was supposed to be. “Stand up, Walden. I don’t want to come yet.” I’d take him downstairs and return to the original plan.

He stood, causing me to pause again at the view. It had only been a couple of minutes, but somehow I’d forgotten just how large and male he was. He dipped his head to mine, and he gripped my cock, using the slickness from his mouth to stroke me. “Yes, I want you to come while you fuck me.” Walden kissed me again. He wasn’t supposed to do that. His tongue darted into my mouth and caressed mine.

I melted. Though it had been years, I didn’t remember kissing being that big of a weakness. It was something I didn’t want to do anymore. It kept things simpler. But even back then, kissing hadn’t turned me into fucking Jell-O. It did now. As Walden kissed me, all thoughts of my plans evaporated. And it hit me, kissing wasn’t my big weakness. Walden was. Or at least kissing Walden was. Which should’ve been enough to make me stop. But that’s the thing about weaknesses. They make you weak. So I didn’t stop. I gave in and kissed him back. Blood tingled in my veins. My breath stopped. My heart ached for some stupid fucked-up reason, and I couldn’t stop kissing him.

Walden’s lips didn’t leave mine, but he paused enough to whisper, “Fuck me, Gilbert.” A kiss. “Please.”

And I was done. Utterly and completely done. “Get on the bed.”

The second his body moved from mine, I missed the contact. Ridiculous but true. I hurried to the drawer of supplies and pulled out the condoms and lube. When I looked back, Walden was on the bed, positioned on his forearms and knees. Totally presenting himself to me. It was exactly what I loved. A bottom who was willing to do anything his top wanted, not ashamed to show his hole, to beg for it to be used. And the fact that a man of Walden’s size and beauty was in that position on my bed made it all the more appealing.

And it wasn’t what I wanted. “Turn over.”

He hesitated, glanced over his shoulder at me, his wavy hair falling over his eyes. “On my back?”

“Yeah.” I should ignore my insane impulse and fuck him like I had before. I was playing with fire and losing my fucking mind. “And scoot up, make room for me.”

He did, and though it wasn’t an unusual request, he must have noticed something in my tone or my expression. Or maybe my heart was screaming so loud he could hear. “Okay.” He sounded hesitant.

I ripped open the condom and rolled it over my cock as I got onto the bed and took my position, kneeling between his legs. I took another moment to get some lube, swipe it over myself, and then on his hole. Again, this wasn’t the plan. I was going to spend a good hour, playing with him, taking control of his ass, of his body. I wasn’t going to fuck him in the missionary position, the most vanilla and lame position of all fucking time.

Only, I was.

“Raise your legs for me.”

He did, and I dipped down so my shoulders pressed against the back of his knees. I lined my cock up with his opening, waited for his sharp nod, then pushed in.

Walden sucked in a breath. “Hold on. Just one second. I haven’t had sex since…. It’s been a while.”

I balked at his near admission. He hadn’t had sex since me. He hadn’t had sex in three months. It was almost enough to make me feel ashamed of all the sex I’d had. All the ways I’d tried to fuck Walden out of my mind. It should’ve been enough to set off my mental alarms screaming danger, danger, danger. It didn’t. It just made me want him more, want him like this. On his back, so I could see him, touch him, so I could—

“Okay, I’m ready.” He grinned up at me, some of the fire had left his expression, and he looked a touch nervous.

I pulled out nearly all the way, then pushed back in. As I did, I positioned my hands on either side of his face and lowered my head to kiss him.

I’d wanted him on his back just so I could kiss him.

As soon as our lips touched, Walden sighed into my mouth, tasting of scotch and man. His legs wrapped around my hips as his arms encircled my back and pulled me to him. Whatever hesitation he’d experienced vanished, and he kissed me with passion and heat and desire.

Without trying to find a rhythm, I began to fuck him. Never breaking the kiss, our bodies writhed, skin on skin, his hands moving over my back, setting my nerves on fire. I felt him clench around me. Felt his heat surround my cock. Felt the hair of my body scratch against him. Felt all the things I loved about fucking, about sex. They were all there, but they were simply background noises. Pleasant ones to be sure, but off in the distance. My entire world was Walden’s lips. The feel of his breath on my cheek.

I quit supporting my weight on my hands, allowing my body to crush against him, and cupped the back of his head, fingers in his hair.

I didn’t know him. Not at all, really. I couldn’t list ten facts about the man if I had to.

I didn’t love him, and I didn’t fall in love as I was inside him. That wasn’t something I did.

But I was aware of him, of the Walden-ness of him, as I kissed him. As I fucked him. It wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just fucking. I couldn’t label what it was. All I knew was that I was glad it was him beneath me. He was the only one I wanted in that moment. There wasn’t one other person in the world that could replace the feel of him. And that was never true. Sex was just sex. Slide one guy onto my cock or another one. It didn’t matter. Same thing, different body.

But that wasn’t true as I fucked him. As I kissed him.

Whatever he was, it was Walden Thompson below me, kissing me, and I was glad. Relieved, even.

My orgasm built so gradually I barely noticed, all concentration captured in our kiss. Walden must have sensed it, though, and he arched his back, managing to take me in deeper, then hissed out a heated “Yes.”

I kissed him as I came. Our tongues met as I panted out my release, and I wished there was no condom between us. That my orgasm would’ve filled him. Become part of him.

And then it was over.

Orgasm gone. Kiss broken—the kiss and the moment.

I pulled out of him, removed and tied off the condom, and suddenly felt lonelier than I had in a long, long time. Which said something. Loneliness was a good friend of mine.

Not noticing, Walden moved his hand to his cock.

Shit. I’d gotten so caught up, I’d forgotten.

I was a lot of things, an ass included, but I didn’t leave a guy hanging. “What do you need?”

He grinned up at me. “I’m close. After that, very close. Just kiss me.”

Of all the things he could’ve asked. I couldn’t do it again. Not again.

It would hurt.

I lay next to him, pressing the length of my body to his, and propped up on my side enough to lower my head and kiss him. I did my best to make it deep and full like it had been moments before. To pour in emotion. But all I had left was cold loneliness.

Maybe he didn’t feel it. Didn’t notice the change. Less than a minute later, Walden let out a cry into my mouth, and come splattered over his stomach, hitting my shoulder.

He stroked a couple more times, then broke the kiss with a sigh. “Thank you.”

This time, those words hurt.

They never had before.

He stifled a yawn, then studied me, maybe finally noticing I was a crazy person. Walden narrowed his eyes. “If you wanna take me back, you can. I don’t have to stay here.” He sounded sad. Tired and sad.

And look at that; I’d passed my loneliness on to him. Always a prince of a guy, Bryant. Though the option sounded like a needed escape, the thought of him not being there made the darkness deeper. “No, I’d like you to stay. If that’s okay with you.”

He smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He yawned again.

“I’ll bring you a towel.” I hurried to the bathroom, grabbed a hand towel, and brought it back. It was less than a minute, but he’d already fallen asleep.

As I wiped the come from his chest and stomach, he woke again. “Oh, sorry.” He blinked like he’d been dreaming. “I think I’m a little drunk.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Lightweight.”

He just nodded.

“Here, scoot up and we’ll get you under the covers.”

Walden did as directed. His head barely hit the pillow, and he was out. I pulled up the sheets and looked down at him, considering.

Maybe that was all I’d felt. Drunk Walden giving off different pheromones or some shit. Or maybe I was more buzzed than I realized.

That thought made me sad. That I’d imagined whatever I’d felt while inside him. For once I couldn’t hear Donovan’s voice in my head. I had no idea what he’d say about this.

I left the bedroom and got ready for bed—shutting off the lights, brushing my teeth. I considered sleeping on the couch, but the thought brought a sting to my eyes. My God, I really was buzzed. Instead, I crawled into bed.

For probably half an hour or more, I lay ramrod straight on my side of the mattress, thoughts and emotions raging, and fucking tears so close at hand I nearly got back up and gave an emergency call to Donovan. Instead, almost as a test, I rolled toward Walden, then scooted closer until I was pressed again him once more. I rested my head on the pillow next to his and placed my hand on his chest.

He sighed in his sleep and cuddled closer.

The loneliness didn’t leave, but the panic did. My brain went silent, blissfully silent. And though I knew his absence the next night probably guaranteed an actual emergency call, for the moment, I allowed myself to find comfort in his nearness and to pretend the things I’d felt as we’d kissed and fucked had been nothing more than side effects of drinking overly expensive scotch entirely too fast.

I woke at sunrise, which was early, even for me. I hadn’t pulled the blackout blinds, and soft gold light filled the room. There hadn’t been much sleep. Fears and memories had raged through the first part of the night, reminding me why I shouldn’t do this, why I didn’t deserve moments like this. And that Walden had done nothing to deserve having someone like me at his side. I could only imagine what he’d say if he knew.

Finally, around three in the morning, the darkness eased somewhat, probably more out of exhaustion than anything. I gave in to the fantasy, to the comfort of Walden’s warm body next to mine, again marveling that the relief was mostly because it was Walden, not simply because someone shared my bed. In those moments, I quit trying to understand the why and simply allowed myself to find some peace in the illusion.

But with sunlight pouring over us, I studied him as he slept. His stubble, longer than it had been before, made him look older, shifting his handsome baby face into something a bit more rugged. I liked both looks. There was more blond in the loose curls around his face than I’d realized as well.

I couldn’t believe he was there beside me, sharing my bed.

He was so beautiful. A masculine cherub.

That was beside the point, though. I’d had many beautiful men. Countless. A few more classically handsome than Walden, if I was being honest, though none had been this attractive to me.

I didn’t know him. I had to keep telling myself that. And yet he elicited the same comforting response my family did, that Andrew’s family did. I felt completely safe and understood and accepted. There was a trick in there somewhere. Certainly of my mind’s making, not from any design Walden had crafted. He knew as little about me as I knew about him. It seemed, if I figured out why I felt the way I did with him, it would lose its power.

Walden let out a long sigh and shifted slightly. I thought he was waking, but he didn’t. His mouth fell open in a way that made even the most beautiful people rather unattractive. It did the same to him, but I found it adorable.

Fucking adorable.

What the hell?

I’d figured I’d wake him up with his cock in my mouth. Have a sweaty round of morning sex, and then I’d take him back to the spa. But lying there, watching him, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The thought brought the lonely shadows from the night before tapping on my shoulder. They’d already been lingering at the corners of the room; I didn’t need them closer. No sex was worth that right now, not as suddenly fragile as I felt. Maybe if I woke him up with kisses. Maybe that would vanquish the shadows. His beautiful blue eyes would open, and Walden would really be there. He’d ask to stay another night, so we could spend the day together. And I wouldn’t have to miss him. If I just leaned over and kissed him….

I slid out of bed. If I stayed beside him a second longer, I’d screw myself royally.

Work. I’d work. The rough sketch of the bracelet-and-ring set was due next week. Maybe I’d get it done early.

I paused at the doorway and looked back over Walden’s sleeping form, the curves of his muscles and cock so alluring under the sheets. And his stupid mouth hanging open in sleep. Ridiculously adorable.

I shut the door, knowing there’d be no design able to distract me if I felt the call of his body from the next room.