32
CHRIS
Plenty of spare chairs at the table, next to one of his oldest friends, meant taking a seat opposite Frank was the obvious thing to do. He wasn't throwing himself at Frank, after all; they'd already cleared the air between them, exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet up.
The thought of throwing himself at Frank appealed greatly. However, Chris suspected Frank wouldn't appreciate it in front of this particular audience. So Chris was surprised by footsie under the table, and for a moment he thought Frank was about to come out alongside his friend Ben.
When he heard the direction of the conversation, Chris almost regretted joining this group. Sometimes he'd have fun with his friends discussing outrageous and hilarious ways to tell or find out if a guy was gay. They usually agreed sleeping with him was the best method, checking out his Grindr profile worked quite well too. Unfortunately, at the table, it didn't seem like that kind of playful conversation.
"Yeah, no more assumptions." Joe rose his pint in the air. "I'll drink to that."
"Of course this will mean even more ruthless teasing of the younger lads," said Bas. "We'll try to fix them up with guys as well as girls."
Joe grinned. "I'm all for expanding the banter."
The women began chatting among themselves.
The conversations safely excluded Chris, who watched Frank with interest. He was quietly listening, making little effort to join in and focusing on his food.
"I feel bad about what we said about some of the gay clients behind their backs. They didn't hear us, but now I think about it, it can't have been nice for you, Ben, or for the others."
Ben shrugged.
Presumably like Chris, he didn't want to hear a retelling of historic homophobic incidents.
"You know we didn't mean anything by it. It was just banter."
Chris shifted uncomfortably in his seat. What was mere banter for Joe could have been soul destroying and humiliating for another man. Chris didn't want to hear details, and hoped for a shift in conversation.
"We teased Mickey mercilessly after one job, telling him he was going to get AIDs."
Tom snapped. "Oh my God, spare us the details."
"Joe, those things might have seemed funny to you at the time. But they weren't. And we don't hear about them again," said Ben and he glanced at Chris.
"Sorry, mate. I knew Mickey couldn't get AIDs by going to the loo in a customer's house or drinking out of the wrong cup. It just seemed funny at the time. I wouldn't say that now. "
You shouldn't have said it then either, Chris thought but said nothing. He wanted to get up and walk away but froze, rooted to the spot. And if he walked away, how would that look?
"So, if you are gay and have HIV, do you just stick with other men who have HIV?" Joe asked suddenly.
Ben's jaw dropped open and he stared at Chris. Not subtle.
Chris could imagine Tom's eyes rolling.
Frank wasn't eating, the food ignored on his plate, he watched the whole exchange intently.
Oblivious to the silent horrified reaction to the comments, Joe continued speaking. "I guess you do. Come on. It's a serious question. I'd like to know. If a bloke has HIV, he has to tell someone before he goes to bed with them, doesn't he? So no one healthy is gonna choose to put themselves in that position."
Ben looked Chris in the eye. A long and sympathetic look that apologised for the ignorance of his work colleague.
Ignoring Chris completely, Tom replied, "Joe, you really don't know what you're talking about. Think about it this way, do straight people think about diseases every time they get together with a new partner?"
Ben turned to Joe. "Can we just change the subject?"
Meanwhile, Chris was aware of Frank's eyes constantly on him, and that he saw the way Ben had looked at Chris.
"If you knew you had HIV, or any sexually transmitted disease, would you tell a guy before you slept with him?" Frank addressed the table. The question appeared aimed at no one in particular.
No one else at the table would have known this question was specifically aimed at Chris. He bit his bottom lip, looked down at the table, and almost undetectably shook his head.
This was not the way to have this conversation and certainly not the place. There was no reason for Chris to answer the question. And he could hardly blame Ben for giving him away. They did nothing but exchange glances.
After pushing his almost empty plate toward the middle of the table, Frank stood up and walked away. The women continued chattering, and Joe and Bas focused on their discussion, so they probably didn't notice. Even Ben and Tom were unaware of anything between Chris and Frank.
This was not happening.
Chris stood up and followed Frank outside into the garden. "Wait, Frank."
Frank waited, and when Chris was almost alongside him, he walked around the side of the marquee near the table they'd sat at earlier. There were still no people in this area.
Dusk was turning almost to darkness, and neither of them sat down.
"Are you HIV positive?"
A definite question with only one possible answer.
"Yes." With events completely out of his control, Chris felt awful. This wasn't how he wanted a lover to find out.
"And you were when we met?" Frank seemed calm.
"Yes. I have been for more than ten years." Chris hoped they'd have a rational conversation, even though he knew there remained widespread ignorance about HIV.
"Ben has been seeing Tom for only a few weeks. He knows. And you didn't think you'd bother telling me? I can't believe this." The sound of anger rose in Frank's voice. His face creased with disgust.
A sense of nausea and panic rose. Chris had been in this situation before. "Frank..."
"And after what we did." Frank turned. He began to walk away, his hands firmly clenched into fists. "You should have warned me."
"Frank."
"No." Continuing to walk, Frank looked over his shoulder at Chris. "I've heard enough. You make me sick. Stay away from me."