32

“I could order you to rot in prison for the rest of your natural days. That’s what I should do as king. That’s what the people would clamor for.”

I agreed but kept my head bowed. In the hours after sanity returned and the darkrot faded, I had tried to undo the chaos I had wrought. But the damage to Telemaine was already done. The king was confined to his personal chambers, where no one but his sons and his physicians could enter. I had exorcised the demons in his mind that I had put there in my pride, but I could not take away the nightmares I had ingrained in his head. The rest of Odalia had been kept in the dark, but his healers could do little: the king had gone mad.

“This is treason. By law, I could order your death.”

I said nothing in my defense. Prince Kance had every right to proclaim such a sentence. I could feel Fox and Kalen on either side of me, their presences always a comfort.

“Look at me, Tea.”

I did. A part of me still rejoiced to see him awake and well, bearing no lingering effects of the sleeping illness. But Prince Kance no longer looked at me with kindness or affection. There was no more “Lady Tea” in a pleased voice. The green eyes staring back at me were those of a stranger’s—His Majesty’s, I corrected myself—not my friend. Kance ruled Odalia now, and I was to blame for that too.

“What do you say on your behalf, Tea?”

“I will accept any punishment you choose, Your Majesty.” How could I sound so cold and informal? “My life is in your hands to do as you see fit.”

“Kance.” Kalen moved to stand beside me. “You know as well as I that Tea had no choice but to act as she did.”

“It does not matter. She lifted her hand against the king.”

“Your father killed his own brother to take the throne, Kance. Both his brothers. Even worse, he conspired with a Faceless to risk the kingdom in his quest for power. By your own logic, he too is guilty of treason.”

“He was my father, Kalen!” Kance’s shout echoed in the room. “He took you in when you lost your parents! He treated you like you were his own son! I looked to you as my own brother, and this is how you repay him?”

“Your father’s mistress was responsible for summoning the very daeva that killed our mothers, Kance! Telemaine threw my father in prison when my father discovered the plot, and the king had the Faceless compel him to carry out their orders! The king allowed Aenah to poison you. He clawed his way to the throne on the bones of his own family, including yours. You owe him nothing!”

“Don’t you think I know that? Whatever my father has done, I cannot allow people to besmirch his name. But how can I determine if he was in his right mind throughout all this, that the Faceless didn’t compel him as well? Now we will never know! Whatever accusations have been made against him, he was a good father, Kalen!”

“He was a good father to one of us, yes,” Khalad said from behind us.

“Even my own brother turns against me?” Prince Kance snapped.

The Heartforger shook his head. “I was never against you, though he tried to make it seem that way. He capitalized on your guilt for taking the throne. Father was good to you, Kance. He would have had you rule in my place, with or without my silver heartsglass.”

“But why? There was no reason to prevent you from being king.”

“Our father was enlightened in many ways, Kance, but he shared one thing in common with the intolerants of Drycht. You suspected as much the day you took sick.”

Kance rubbed his temple. “Why didn’t you tell me about this, Khalad? Surely you did not think that I shared in his prejudices?”

“Because it should never have been a problem to begin with. I had no obligation to tell anyone about my personal life if I chose not to. I confessed to Father in the hopes he would understand. It is one thing to be treated well because he thinks you can do no wrong, Kance. It’s another thing entirely when he decides you’ve outlived your usefulness.”

“You can have the throne, Khalad. I never intended to take it from you.”

“And that is exactly why I never told you, Your Majesty.” Khalad grinned. “I would have made a horrible king. Father and I agreed on that much. To be the next Heartforger is all I want. I’ll help people my way, and you’ll help them yours. But please—forgive Tea. She has served you faithfully. Do not punish her for your father’s crimes.”

The young king’s hands were trembling; for all his anger, he was finding my sentencing difficult, and my heart twisted, knowing what I had done to bring him such pain.

When he finally spoke, even his words shook. “Return to Odalia at your own peril, Dark asha. I do not wish to see your face in my kingdom for as long as I live, for any reason. Return here, and I’ll wield the executioner’s sword myself if I have to.”

I nodded, struggling to hide my tears and failing miserably.

“Now leave.” The new king’s heartsglass glowed a bright red, fierier and more royal than I had ever seen any king’s.

“You are being unfair, Kance,” Kalen said.

“I am doing what must be done for the safety of my kingdom, Kalen. I do not need your approval.”

“But you need Telemaine’s. That’s what you have always wanted but rarely gotten.”

“Do not raise your voice to me, Kalen!”

“Barely even a week, Your Majesty, and already you sound so very much like your father. Has the crown always been this heavy?”

The two cousins locked gazes; Kance was angry and Kalen sad. But after several moments, the fury drained from the royal noble’s face, and he turned away. “I have been asleep for so long that I no longer recognize my own friends upon waking. I release you from your vow to protect me, Kalen. I cannot ask that from you any longer, knowing what my father did to yours. Do whatever you wish. The same goes for you, Khalad.”

“Then I shall stay here awhile longer,” Khalad decided. Kance looked surprised. “I haven’t been around as much as I should have, given my duties as the forger’s apprentice. We have some catching up to do, Kance.”

The king hesitated. “I would like that.” Kance looked back at me again. “Go with the gods, Tea.” There was not as much anger in his voice, but the regret in its timbre hit me harder. “May you one day put to rest the demons that still hold you.”

• • •

“Why didn’t you defend yourself?” Fox asked me as we left the palace. “You know you had no choice in what happened.”

“But I did. I shouldn’t have raised a hand against Telemaine. Guilty or not, he was the king. Kance deserved every chance to hear the old king’s deception from his own mouth, with his own words. I took that away from him.” I closed my eyes. If you had been stronger, a voice inside me whispered, if you had been better, then Telemaine would be sane and Polaire would need not be dead. “Shouldn’t you be with Inessa?”

“She understands.”

“We have different lives to lead, and sharing a bond makes that much more difficult. I…I don’t know what you want to do, but if we have an option to break our—”

“No!” My brother leaned forward and wrapped me in a fierce hug. “We need someone in our heads to tell us whenever we’re being idiotic. It’s the Pahlavi way.”

I returned his embrace. “But we don’t need to be in each other’s heads all the time. The best thing you can do for me is to live the life you want, Fox, and I know that is with Princess Inessa. I’m fine. I’ve been exiled, but Kance isn’t going to lop off my head.”

He glared at me. “Are you reading my thoughts again?”

“A wise man once said: ‘We need someone in our heads to tell us whenever we’re being idiotic. It’s the Pahlavi way.’”

Fox sighed. “I’ll get the horses. Best to leave Kneave before Kance has second thoughts.”

As my brother took his leave, Kalen said, “You’re good at hiding things from him, despite your bond.”

“How would you know that?” I asked.

“I’ve been with you long enough and can tell that Fox doesn’t read heartsglass. Polaire’s death wasn’t your fault, Tea.”

“Then whose fault was it? I brought these events to fruition. I killed Aenah. I drove the king mad. If I was responsible for those happenings, why can’t I be responsible for anything else?”

“Tea.” Kalen’s hands were on my shoulders. He did not argue, he shared no words in my defense, but his eyes were soft and his heartsglass glowed several brilliant shades of white. How strange it is, I thought, that Kalen knows my guilt, knows my culpability, and yet, it doesn’t matter to him.

“You cannot let your cousin dismiss you like that,” I whispered. “You cannot let what I did affect your relationship with Kance.”

“It doesn’t matter. As soon as I learned that Telemaine was responsible for my mother’s death and my father’s imprisonment, I knew I could not stay here in this kingdom. We will mend our bridges one day.”

He took my hand. “I am no longer of the prince’s guard nor his protector. I have no position to speak of other than Deathseeker and nothing but the sword on my back. I…I am not sure how much use I can be to you.”

“You really are a bumbass.” I kissed his hands. “If it wasn’t for me, you would not have lost favor with Kance, and I will always bear that burden.”

“What are you planning, Tea?”

“The elder asha are complicit in all this intrigue. Vanor said they did not conspire with Aenah, but I saw them in her head, Kalen. They shared common goals—enough that the elder asha were willing to look the other way when it came to Mykkie’s heartsglass. I hold them just as responsible for Polaire’s death as…”

Saying her name provoked another fresh bout of tears. “I have to find out, Kalen, for my peace of mind. I want to know why the elders are keeping secrets from the other asha. I want to know why they wanted Mykaela’s heartsglass to stay hidden. Whatever falsehoods Aenah said, in this I know she spoke the truth: the elder asha are not what they claim to be. You should return to Holsrath and…and mourn.”

“Are you turning me away, Tea?” His fierceness broke my heart.

“I can’t ask you to stay. You just lost your father…”

“I lost him a long time ago, Tea. I’ll mourn in my own way, and it won’t need to be at Holsrath.”

“But there’s something wrong with me, Kalen.” I unfastened my cloak, letting the fabric fall down my shoulders. My heartsglass gleamed in the fading light. Amid the hues of silver were the telltale flecks of black swimming in and out of view.

“Aenah talked about black heartsglass, and I can feel it starting within me. I killed her so brutally…and even now, I feel no remorse. Kance was right. Fox was right. I am changing—and not for the better. I don’t want anyone else to die.” I stumbled over the words. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You will never lose me, Tea.” Kalen kissed me gently. “And your heartsglass is all the more reason for me to be by your side. Turn me away if you want to, but that will not stop me from following your lead.”

“Promise me one thing,” I said. In the days after Polaire’s death and Telemaine’s madness, I could feel the darkness swirling inside me grow, the urge to give in to the darkrot became more appealing than ever. I felt no guilt over Aenah’s death, and even with Telemaine, my conscience was affected only because he was Kance’s father.

But that darkness eased whenever Kalen was near. I knew I would not break his trust for even the sweetest of the Dark. I remembered the comfort of his heartsglass when I had lain injured in the gardens, his Heartshare warming me like no antidote could. “Don’t let me become a monster like Aenah, Kalen.”

“You aren’t a monster, Tea.”

Not when you are with me, I’m not. I closed my eyes and lifted my face so Kalen’s lips could find mine. With you by my side, I thought, I could never be a monster.