Alessandro hadn’t been able to concentrate on his conference call. His mind kept wandering back to Katrina. Her questions had brought up a painful time and he’d spoken to her more about that experience than he had in a long time. He’d handled the pain the same way he always did, ended their talk by walking out so he could stop hurting. He had to change; otherwise he couldn’t make her want to stay in Italy. So he put aside business and went to find her.
The old ballroom door stood ajar. The high drapes, swept into ornate tasseled tiebacks, gave the grand room a theatrical air. Soft strands of music began to play. Alessandro glimpsed Katrina, posed motionless in the middle of the silent grand room. He intended going in but stopped. Something in the angle of her bowed head and arms elegantly crossing her body made him pause. Her long blonde hair hung like a curtain concealing her face and her lithe body swayed. An ache pulled in his chest. He hadn’t seen her dance for so long. It was a particular pleasure that always left him wanting more. He had the sense of intruding, but couldn’t bring himself to shut the door.
The music sent tantalizing shivers down his spine as the violins called to him but he remained where he was, afraid to break the spell that wove around him. In her dance, she revealed her true self. He wanted to see the true Katrina, revealed in this rare unguarded moment.
She stepped forward and seemed to glide as her leg rose behind her. Her body formed an arc of sorrow and she molded forward into a ball. She broke out, standing and turning, walking a few steps then stopping. She braced herself both hands in front on an invisible wall and turned again. Had he trapped her? A chill sped down his spine with the truth of it. His decisions for her life had resulted in raising their son alone until he’d torn them from her carefully constructed safe life.
This wasn’t the dance he’d seen her perform in Melbourne, sorrowful though that scene was, as the prince turned back into a swan. This dance depicted her personal distress, palpable as her only way of expressing what she never said. He hated the pain that marred her beautiful brow and wanted to soothe it – to comfort and hold her. He wanted to still the fingers that fluttered near her hair in an agony of indecision.
She stopped still. The mournful music strained the ache into a tight fist in his chest. Both hands covered her face. He’d cared about her material needs and how he could provide amply for them. But he needed to support her emotionally. She had been all alone. Still was alone with her pain. He could change that.
He slipped through the door and crossed the room. His rubber soled shoes made no sound as he took his place in front of her. She didn’t flinch when he held her arms, so she’d sensed his entry to the room. He moved her hand down, away from her face. He tilted her chin up. Tears welled in her eyes and one drop spilled. He kissed away the salty tear and wished he could remove every bit of sorrow from her life.
She moved quickly. Stepping in time with the music, she turned her body so that her back rested against his front. The floral aroma of her shampoo filled his nostrils. She put his hands on her waist the way a male dancer’s would. She leaned to the side and stretched her leg out. He didn’t know what to do or what it was she needed from him but he held her firmly as she angled her body down and raised a leg high in the air.
Supporting her took little effort. She balanced herself but he was there if she needed him. She rose up straight then stepped forward – but not out of reach – and began to spin. His hands skimmed her waist as she turned and turned. Her hair flew around them; he had to shut his eyes as the gossamer strands curled around his face. He couldn’t hold her but would be able to catch her if she fell. All she needed was for him to just be there.
He didn’t need to tell her what to do. He didn’t need to make anything happen. All she needed from him was to be there. Something he hadn’t done for the last two years. Something he wanted to do for the rest of his life. It hit him like a bolt of energy. His body tensed, strength flowed into his muscles warming them. His heart beat a determined drum. Every little part of him demanded he held on forever.
She stopped spinning and he could look at her again. She turned to him and stepped into his arms and he hugged her.
“I won’t let you down again.” He pressed his cheek against her hair. “Please stay with me always, I want you here with me where I can take care of you and Alex.
“I want that so much, but it’s not easy for me.”
“I know I didn’t make it easy bella, but give me another chance I’ll try harder this time.” He stroked the length of her hair. He had always loved it when she wore it out. This was the first time since he’d found her and his son.
“I want to believe you. You’ve seen me today, when I was dancing but what happens when I can’t dance?”
“What has dancing got to do with you staying with me? You can dance at La Scala.”
“I have to go.” She twisted her body away.
His hands reached to grab hold but he stopped them halfway. He’d been controlling her with money and emotional blackmail what he hadn’t tried was getting to the reasons she wasn’t happy. Why she’d run away from him two years ago and hadn’t explained to him what she needed him to do.
“Tell me what’s wrong. What has dancing got to do with you staying here with me?”
Indecision twisted her pretty mouth.
“Please bella, help me to understand what’s wrong.”
She flicked her gaze to him and away to the door.
“I know it hurts to talk about, but it’s important. I want you to stay and trust me and if you can’t I need to know why you can’t.”
Her moist eyes searched his. He hoped she found a man who cares for her there.
“My father only noticed me when I was dancing, on a stage.”
He could barely hear her soft voice but the thunderous clanging in his mind almost shook him to the ground. “You think I only care about you when you dance?”
She nodded. “The man I believed was a family friend turned out to be my biological father. He also never missed a performance. My fathers wanted nothing to do with me the rest of the time. As if I’d done something wrong or I was just wrong. You wanted me when I was a dancer too. I didn’t think you’d care about me when I wasn’t a ballerina, when I wasn’t able to dance because I was pregnant with an unwanted child.”
A hammer of guilt bludgeoned his chest because he’d made her feel that their child would be unwanted. That she too would be unwanted. He had to convince her there was more to him than she believed. He wasn’t like her fathers. Was he? Or did his refusal to talk about having a family for his own reasons translate to the same treatment she’d gotten from them?
“I noticed you first when you were on stage, but I got to know you in our bedroom, Sundays walking in the park, recently playing with Alex, seeing what a devoted mother you are.”
“For two years I wasn’t dancing and you were absent. When I went back to dancing you came back.”
“You being a ballerina had nothing to do with it.”
“It helped you find out about Alex, but you understand what I mean, don’t you?”
He did but she was wrong about him, he saw her all the time. Not just on stage. “I’m not like your Papà. He hid his guilt over not being able to respond to you as a daughter needs. He couldn’t look at you because he’d fail you. Your biological father was the same. He wasn’t prepared to do the right thing and bring you into his life when you needed him. I’m not them.” But hadn’t he left her too, alone and pregnant and gone off early to his next F1 race? A knife-like pain speared his heart. His arms dropped limp at his sides. “I know I failed you two years ago, but never again.”
She turned back to him but shut her eyes. “I ran away, I was scared you’d reject me, because, because...”
“No, don’t close your eyes. I need you to look at me when I say this.”
Her lids came up and raw bravery shone from her liquid gaze. “All right. I’m listening.”
“I’m going to fix it. I’ll make it up to you. You’ll never have to endure the loneliness I put you through when we were first married.” His chest expanded as the truth of his determination resonated deep inside. “I left you alone in Milan without considering the friends and family you might be missing at home. When you were at your most vulnerable I walked out. I promise that will never happen again.” The bitterness of his culpability made him swallow hard.
She placed her palm on his cheek. “I believe you would have come back and supported me through having our child. I see that I made a massive mistake leaving Milano. I won’t run again.”
Relief like the antidote to poison softened his back and neck muscles and flooded down his body and into his legs. But her lips trembled and he wanted to still them. Let her know how safe she was but he couldn’t find any words that sounded right so he lowered his mouth and covered hers. His arms wove around her and bound her to him. Her sweet breath filled his mouth and he breathed her in. He kissed her again and again. His lips pressed against each cheek, her nose, her hair, each eye, his hands found hers and he kissed each fingertip until a flicker of a smile grew into a giggle. Something taut and aching inside his chest relaxed a little.
“Stay here with me. You belong here.”
“I’ll want to, but there’s a lot to discuss and consider before that can happen.”
“You’re right, no more snap decisions. I want you to be sure and I’m happy to help with that.” He kissed her again and his body flamed with desire. He had to claim her as his now. “Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Our bedroom.” He held out his upturned palm.
She slipped her hand around his and his fingers locked on.
The bedroom door closed behind her. Alessandro turned the key, they wouldn’t be disturbed. All the tension created by his uncle’s visit had been danced away. She thrilled at the chance to make love to him, now there was more of an emotional connection. She’d promised Alessandro she’d consider everything, but she wanted his love. Perhaps this was how he showed he loved her, even though he wouldn’t say it.
She waited for him to walk over to her. He didn’t come straight away. He stood just inside the bedroom door staring at her. She couldn’t read what he was thinking. He flicked open the buttons on his shirt as he toed off his loafers. When he was undressed he strode to where she waited for him, mesmerized by his beautiful body and his gaze laden with smoldering need. He kissed her hard. He lowered her leotard and unhitched her bra and drew it away from her breasts. “Lovely,” he murmured. Her nipples pricked as they puckered. He kissed each one sending darts of exquisite pleasure sped to her core.
He tugged the rest of her dance gear down her body as she surrendered to the raw need, to be entwined with Alessandro.
He swept her up and carried her to the bed while kissing her deeply. Passion exploded inside and energized the parts of her that demanded attention. Oh God. Now. She wanted him inside her, more than the next breath.
As he lifted his toned chest, his biceps bulged. She might come just looking at him.
He left her mouth and shifted his attention to where her body ached for sweet invasion. She didn’t have to wait long. His fingers slid inside her and her interior world lit up like a field of daffodils dancing in the sunshine.
She arched into the delightful love-making thrusts that seemed to pop pleasure bubbles that doubled and trebled with each stroke.
He sucked her pleasure button sparking wild fires racing up and down her drawing a groan from deep in her throat. Alessandro knew everything about giving her pleasure. But she wanted to delay her release until he joined her for his own.
“Your turn,” she said
He smiled up at her and winked lazily. Okay. I won’t argue. I flopped down next to her.
Her fingers roamed over his legs and body. She enjoyed how the muscles tightened beneath her touch. She flicked each male nipple playfully then followed the line of his chest hair down to his big, gorgeous, maleness. She cupped the soft skin at the base and ran her tongue over his pink tip. He gasped and it made her smile with satisfaction. She hovered there for a moment taking him into her mouth sparked her own thrills of sexy powerfulness. That she was able to do this to his body made her feel more a woman than ever. For her, it would only ever be Alessandro.
“Enough, I need to be inside you. Now,” he said.
In a flash, he flipped them both over. He paused for a moment. Oh goodness what was he waiting for? Permission? He has it.
“I need you too.”
“Good.” He glided inside as her body welcomed him and stretched to take his bulk. is neck lengthened so that the sinews showed. His eyes were closed but hers were open. He began to stroke, slow and long creating waves of ecstasy washing up over her. He grimaced as he struggled for control but surged faster, deeper. She let a spiral of passion build in the waves and become a drugging whirlpool. She let go and entered the pounding ocean of pleasure and came apart under him.
Waves of ecstatic pulsing coursed through her closing her eyes. She wrapped her legs around his buttocks and guided him further inside. Another burst of pulsing release racked her. She cried out. He shuddered and groaned and his release flooded and warmed her core. He rolled away and lay next to her. She panted, catching her breath. The glow of passion lulled her fears for the future. The reassuring sound of Alessandro’s heart beating close by.
She didn’t have the baby monitor, as she’d taken it into the bathroom after she’d put Alex down for a morning nap. She rolled to the edge of the bed and sat up.
“Where are you going?” His arm circled her waist and coaxed her back to the bed.
“I should check on Alex. I don’t have the monitor. It’s in the bathroom.”
“Okay, but hurry back. I want you close to me.”
He snuggled her against him when she got back and she fell asleep. When she woke he was still holding her. His even breath showed he was still sleeping so she slid from the bed, tugged on her track suit and went to check on Alex. He was still sleeping so she went back to the bedroom.
Alesssandro was sitting up with just the sheet draped across his long sexy legs. “Is Alex awake?”
‘Not yet, he’s still asleep. “Id better freshen up before he wakes.”
She snagged the monitor and went back to the bedroom. When Katrina came back, Alessandro was checking his phone. When he saw her he put it face down on the bedside table.
I want you, Katrina, more than any woman–ever. It’s like driving my racing car. We need to push the limits and see where it can lead. Without a risk, there’ll be no us.”
He had a point. She couldn’t get a written guarantee that everything will work out for her and Alessandro but for Alex’s sake she should try.
“Alright, I’ll change our flights from tomorrow to an open ended date.”
“That’s great, are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured? I know you have to feel that this is your decision.”
“Yes, I think we need more time.”
“You won’t be sorry, bella. Run and do that, but hurry back, mia sposa. Your husband wants you.”
Katrina went into Alessandro’s study and turned on the computer so she could alter the flights online. She put her notes on the table and waited while the screen loaded. A corner of a photocopied document peeked out from a stack of papers. It looked familiar to her. Like a form she filled in when she applied for residence in Italy so she could dance at La Scalla. Indecision burned her fingers. She ought to leave it. Ignorance would be so much better than taking the risk of seeing a side of Alessandro he’d just convinced her he didn’t possess.
She focused on the screen in front of her and keyed in the website address. But the seal on the corner of the paper called to her. She ignored it and keyed in her frequent flyer number. Her body stiffened, she had to be strong and face the truth. Running away from what scared her wasn’t something she did anymore.
Katrina tugged on the document and Alex’s name appeared from beneath the plain folder. A sob rose in her throat. She dragged the piece of paper all the way out and other pages came with it. Her eyes scanned each page. Her fingers flicked over each sheet in turn. Citizenship papers for Alex and also papers to have Alessandro made his legal guardian was pinned behind the DNA test.
Alessandro was planning to take her son away if she tried to leave Italy. He’d been playing a double game with her. If she didn’t open her eyes and see the truth now, it would be too late. He wanted his son, not her. A heavy lump of ice lodged in her heart and froze her emotions. In the ballroom, he’d looked like he was going to say he loved her but had kissed her instead. He’d never actually said, Katrina, I love you.
He’d never said it to her.
Even though she’d believed he did. Had he ever really loved her, how could she know? Two years ago he’d insisted they marry so she could stay in Italy with him. She’d been so happy but he’d never verbalized his affection for her.
Alessandro wanted things. He’d wanted her, now he wants his son. He’d been manipulating her to achieve that end. But the guardianship and passport documents were originals, signed but not mailed yet. She needed to leave Italy now. If she stayed like he asked her to he would be able to complete his plan and she would be trapped in Italy unable to leave with Alex without his permission.
She needed to remember that Alessandro had a very dangerous job. He said he would stop racing after this season, but would he? He was choosing to take every phone call from the team over being with her. She’d left him for a moment to check on Alex and he was back on the phone. What if he didn’t retire? He could be killed each time he climbed into a car that was more like a rocket with wheels. She’d be living a life of anxiety and so would Alex, he always picked up on her feelings. Alessandro hadn’t been trying to reconcile with her. He’d been manipulating her like his car on a racetrack to gain time, to win, and the prize was her son.
Her frozen heart beat on. She’d fallen in love with Alessandro. The beautiful illusion he’d been building up for her of loving parents and extended family in the golden Italian sunshine became irreparably tattered. He’d even used his sick mother to gain leverage over her. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to get his own way. She had to leave Italy if she wanted Alex’s future to be different from her own upbringing.
She shut down the computer and left the study. In her hand she carried the evidence. She found Alessandro in their sitting room gazing at a framed photo of Alex. He rose and smiled as she walked into the room. He took a few steps toward her but his smile faded when he took in her demeanor.
Katrina held out the hated forms. “On your desk, I found a copy of the DNA tests I had done when Alex was born. The paternity test was clipped to papers to give my son Italian citizenship and make you his legal guardian.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I hate that I can’t trust you. I know why you’re doing this”
“Because he was born in Australia and needs to be registered as my son here.”
“I’ve made a huge mistake. You’ll stop at nothing to make sure that I can’t take Alex home. You want to trap me here with him. Or maybe you really just wanted Alex all along.”
His fingers pressed his forehead. “I just assumed you’d stay, that you’d want this.”
“How did you know I had a DNA test done?”
“The lawyers checked, and gained copies as part of the citizenship process. I’m legally allowed to have a copy because I’m one of the parents. I’d like to know what you took of mine that had my DNA on it?”
A stab of guilt deflated her outrage a fraction, but she shook it off.
“Hair follicles from your comb. After seeing Zio at the office I came back home to pack. I didn’t want a dispute over who Alex’s father was.”
He nodded. “Do you really believe I’m going to betray you and take our son away from you?”
“What am I supposed to think? You didn’t discuss this with me. I’m sorry, but I’m taking Alex home as arranged.”
“Don’t go. Don’t run. Stay, we can work this out.”
“You can’t unwind the clock and have things how you want them. You’ve shown me that. There was a time I wanted nothing more than you to ask me to be with you forever. But now that you have, I can’t believe you mean it.”
“I won’t let you go. I must act as my conscience dictates.” His tone was steely and his gaze turned to flint.
“You can’t stop me.” A shiver sped down Katrina’s spine. This was the real Alessandro. This was the truth. He’d do anything to get his own way.
“You know that I can stop you. I can get an injuction to prevent you leaving.”
She tore up the papers and threw them on the floor. Not with these documents you wont. If you cared about me you wouldn’t threaten me this way.”
His wide eyes took in the papers scattered on the floor between them. “It’s because I care so much, Katrina. I do love you but please, don’t force my hand.”
He’d said he loved her but it didn’t fill the cavern of emptiness inside. She didn’t know if it was real. She plucked the photo of Alex off the table and gazed into her child’s eyes. Strength filled the empty space in her heart. She’d protect Alex from ever experiencing the pain she had. Alessandro couldn’t be allowed to force her or her son to do as he wanted.
“You’re misjudging me, confusing me with the fathers that disappointed you.”
“I learned what a father isn’t from them. Fathers put their children first, without manipulation and underhanded tactics. They don’t put their children’s mother in untenable situations. Being a real father means being there for your child not your child is there for you.”
“How can I do that if you leave Italy?”
“Here’s an idea. Instead of uprooting him to suit yourself, move to where your son lives, in Melbourne.”