Katrina held her position and tried to keep Alex still and looking at the camera for one more minute while the photographer wound up the final shots for Celebrity Magazine. “Stunning,” said the Hello! photographer.
Castello Rinaldo in the spring looked so elegant. Pine trees and clipped hedges featured in the magnificent gardens. Katrina sat on a gilt upholstered stool in the middle of the lawn with her silk georgette gown glowing in the sunlight.
Alessandro stood behind her. He held Alex on his hip with one arm. His free hand rested on her shoulder. Warm and strong, it made her feel safe. Her husband would look out for her and Alex.
How could she turn away from him when he’d done so much to try and be a part of his son’s life? Two years ago he struggled with the idea of being a Dad. He’d driven away, and she needed to know why because this man standing behind her now was more at home with being a father than hers ever were. She’d run from Alessandro, mistaking him for being the kind of man her fathers were. But he’d let her go and that still stung.
“And smiling for a few last shots,” called the photographer.
She pasted a smile on her face for the last few minutes. She’d be so relieved when it was over. They’d had shots taken in the formal sitting room, out by the pool and in the nursery, and there’d been a few changes of clothes involved. Alessandro had answered the interview questions, giving them a story about how they met and how their careers had meant they needed to live on separate continents but now that Alex was older and could travel they hoped the family would be able to spend more quality time together.
He said that since they first met, he knew that they’d been made for each other. That might have been the hope once, but events had since proven it false. Still, it would make a popular article and give the racing fans something of interest to read about, but she noticed pointedly that love hadn’t been mentioned. Perhaps she could move back to Italy next year. She needed to see out the season at the Australian Ballet Company.
“Gracie, that’s a wrap,” the photographer finally announced.
“I’ll see you out,” said Alessandro. He had felt the tension in Katrina’s body as they sat through the shoot. It worried him that her relaxed mood earlier on his yacht had disappeared. He patted her shoulder. “Can you take Alex?”
“Of course.” She sat him on her lap, and he began pulling at the sequins on her dress. “I’ll take him inside and get changed.”
“Okay, I won’t be long.”
Alessandro followed the photographer out the front door and carried some of his equipment down the flight of front steps. Silently he reiterated that he had to make sure Katrina didn’t leave at the end of the week. His son meant everything to him. What was best for him was of prime importance. That meant that this family should be together. He had a backup plan if he couldn’t convince her, but hoped he wouldn’t need it.
Having Katrina and Alex in his arms all afternoon, while the photographer’s presence exposed their vulnerability, stirred a fierce sense of having to protect his family. He needed them to stay here where it was safe. He could control who had contact with them. It was best for his son and for Katrina. Also, there was staff here, who could help her with Alex, and they could take care of his too thin wife also.
She’d covered for her sore knee all day, but he noticed she didn’t put her weight on it if she could help it. No. There couldn’t be any question of them leaving now. No way could she dance in a week. He’d have the Milano Ballet company doctor come to check if she was ready for dancing.
He helped the photographer load his gear. “Make sure those photos are in this week’s edition. I don’t care if you have to reprint. Tell your editor I’ll cover the cost.”
“It won’t be a problem. We’ve held the edition back for these photos. You and your son are hot property.”
That was exactly why he needed to keep Katrina and Alex away from the life in the media glare. He was used to it. Prima ballerinas and baby boys weren’t.
He reached their wing and called for Katrina.
“Shhhhh. I’ve just got Alex to sleep.”
She backed out of Alex’s bedroom, monitor tucked into the back pocket of her designer jeans. There was a silver thread woven into the fabric that made her bottom sparkle. He wanted to rush up to her and crush her against him and demand that she stayed right here forever and never leave him. Make her promise by kissing her into submission. But that hadn’t worked before. He needed insurance that she wouldn’t leave.
His Katrina was a woman of her own. Outside of ballet, she didn’t follow orders, but sometimes her fears did rule her. She’d had their child alone rather than face his rejection. He had to bear some responsibility for her having not had faith in him. What evidence did he give her that he would support her? Ranting about his career and walking out was her experience of him. But she had impressed him. Starting a new life alone with a child on the way took incredible inner strength. He hadn’t given Katrina credit for having a determination like his own. They each had the kind a person needs, to become a Formula One Champion or a Prima Ballerina.
His career required him to be responsible. It qualified him to be a good father. It also qualified her to be an excellent mother. He should include her in the decisions about their son. He’d ran from her needs two years ago then muscled his way back into her life. Alex was the catalyst for him doing that, but he wanted his wife back to. He needed to include her in the decisions about what concerned Alex. He couldn’t railroad his wife into being with him. She had to want to be there.
Katrina was the same as him. Looking back it had been what attracted him to her right from the start. She had been his true partner from the beginning. Whatever control over his life, he wanted for himself, Katrina would also want for herself.
“Katrina, we need to talk about what happens after this magazine hits the stands.”
“Yes, I know. We have to be careful not to get caught out in our lie.”
“It doesn’t have to be a lie.”
“It is what it is. I’ve had to accept worse.”
“What do you mean?” Whatever it was he’d absolutely make sure it was fixed. She didn’t have to accept any kind of unfair treatment in the world he was determined to create for her. “Come into our sitting room and explain.” She sat on a chair facing the view of the lake. Her eyelids were heavy with the exertions of the afternoon.
“It’s time you open up to me. No more secrets.”
“You know that my father and mother died in the car accident that damaged my knee cap?”
“Sì, bella.”
“What I haven’t told anyone is that my sisters are only half-sisters to me. My biological father is different to theirs.”
“I see. What is the connection between this and the car accident?” He should have known about this.
“When they died, the lawyer found the information among their papers. My rich biological father paid for my upbringing.”
“Dio! You’re saying that when you found out your father had died and were grieving for him, you also learned that he wasn’t your Papà at all. Mamma mia that must have been like losing your Papà twice.” The shock of it radiated to every corner of his body. If he was behind the wheel right now, he would rev the engine and unleash it on a turn, sideways.
“Yes.” Her voice was barely audible. Her lips were white, and she held herself rigid.
No wonder she didn’t trust men. A stab in the guts reminded him that he hadn’t given her much reason to trust him either. But he was trying to make that right. He wanted even more to be the man she could rely on.
“That must have been incredibly hard for you Katrina, but you’ve done so well. You’ve made a success of your life.”
She stood up and walked to the window, her back to him. “There’s more.”
He followed her to the window and held her shoulders. “Tell me.”
“I was a teenager and given to romanticizing. I took the information of having a biological father and made up a story about him loving me the way I always wanted. I stupidly put all my hopes on it. Even though the lawyer advised against me going to see him. I had the right of blood relation, to meet my real father.”
She stopped speaking. Alessandro could sense her inner struggle, revealing the painful encounter that couldn’t have gone well.
“I’m here, no matter what. Tell me. Don’t leave it there keeping us apart.”
She shuddered and took in a lung inflating breath. Her shoulders lifted then dropped. She was ready.
“He met me because I ambushed him at work. I pushed past his secretary and went into his office. There were other people there, I don’t know who. I just noticed the man I’d seen in the fashion magazine society pages. The man who was my father took one look at me and ordered everyone to leave the room.
I waited for him to yell at me too, but he was kind at first and asked me to sit down. But then he explained that he had a son who didn’t know about the affair he had with my mother, that his marriage wouldn’t survive the blow. He said he would continue to pay for my upbringing, but I couldn’t be part of his or his son’s life.”
“ Sì, bella. He rejected you.” Alessandro’s Papà had been unfaithful; the result had been honest though. His sister Maria was acknowledged and brought into the family when her mother died.
“I was the one who got angry. I was bitter that he’d so gently slashed my hopes to ribbons. I told him he couldn’t stop me from knowing my own brother.”
Alessandro’s chest ached where anger burned at the unknown father who’d cast off his lovely Katrina. An innocent girl. “Exactly. So you went to your brother?”
“No.” Twisting her fingers together she spoke without looking at Alessandro. “My father said he would stop all financial support and that I’d have to leave the ballet company school. I had nothing else in life that I cared about. My parents died in a car accident while driving me to a concert. I had to become a ballerina or it would have been for nothing. I took my biological father’s money and the day I got my first pay I refused to take another cent from anyone.”
“I see, bella. You’ve had to be very strong for someone so young.”
His heart ached for her. He hated her father, whoever he was. He would fix this. This man would be made to acknowledge her. He wouldn’t rest until she was given the respect she deserved.
“Look at me, Katrina. What is this man’s name?”
She turned. Her liquid eyes pierced him. “It doesn’t matter now.”
It did matter, and he would find out. But for now, he had to do something with this feeling that filled his chest. He caught her lips with his own. His hand cupped the back of her head, even though she didn’t pull away. Her delicate pink lips quivered but molded around his. She sighed into his mouth as he staked his claim. He hated that she had been treated so carelessly by the very men who should have cherished her.
He wanted to kiss away all the hurt they ever did to her. He put his free hand behind her head and took full possession of her mouth, moving his tongue inside her. She tasted like tart berries. And he wanted more. He drove deeper, his lust for her ratcheting up too fast, nearing the point of no return. He groaned and pulled back, resisting every urge to drag her to bed, spread her legs and find heaven between them.
Katrina squeezed his hand. “Wait, let me speak. I told you all of this so you’d understand. I don’t know what a loving home is. My parents had my birth as a thorn between them. I bought my career by blackmailing my biological father. I won’t be bought ever again. You have to understand. Being independent is the only way I can live with myself.
“That’s the reason I agreed we wouldn’t have children. Being a ballerina was the most important thing in my life. I’ve since discovered I was wrong about that. When I found out I was pregnant, it hit me that I had a child in my body. My monthly cycle was so irregular it was three months before I noticed anything. Nothing mattered but the baby. I loved it more than myself immediately, and everything in my life had to be about this precious thing.
“I wasn’t as upset as I imagined I would be when I was let go from my role of Prima Ballerina at La Scala. Even though it had been a career high that I’d worked my pants off to achieve since I was ten years old. Alex is my world. He’s everything to me. I’d do anything for him.”
“Then you’ll stay here with me and be a family. You know I can’t see him often if you live in Australia.”
“Alex needs stability. I’ve given him that. To uproot him with a new nanny and a new home without knowing if it will work out, I’m not sure that’s best for him. No matter how appealing that might be for me, how much I might want to try and see if we can make it work. I have to have my independence. I can’t have that in Italy.”
“I think you should try because he deserves a Mamma and a Papà.”
“My parents didn’t love each other. I bore the brunt of the repercussions that had in their relationship. They barely even spoke. In public they presented as devoted to each other, in private, they were unfaithful. I’m a love child, born outside their perfect, public image. I won’t do that to Alex. I won’t bring him up in a home based on lies. I want the kind of marriage my Grandparents had.
“When my grandfather died my grandmother never took off her rings. She loved him alone until she died ten years later.” Tears welled in her eyes, making them glisten.
His heart thudded against his ribs. He wanted to give her the hope that they’d be happy like that forever, but he didn’t know if he was that kind of man. He just wanted his wife and his child in his home. The irony of that afternoon, pretending to be the happy family she wanted, hit him. It was a bittersweet thing, to hold a woman of worth and yet not actually possess her.
The study phone rang, he should answer it, but that would have to wait. This was more important than anything else. “That kind of love takes years to build, bella. You can’t expect us to feel that way now. Perhaps in time, we will also be that way, although life doesn’t offer those kinds of guarantees.”
Katrina understood what Alessandro meant. Telling him about her father not being her real dad and that her biological father rejected her didn’t change anything. Blood doesn’t mean a thing in the real world. She had seen a home built on love when visiting her grandparents. She needed Alessandro to really love her before she can ever accept his offer and bring up Alex in his house. She couldn’t bear Alex growing up the way she did. But seeing Alex with his Italian family put a sting of guilt in her spine. He could have had their love from birth. Alessandro was such an attentive and caring father when he wasn’t racing. If she’d known he would have changed his mind once he knew for a fact she was pregnant, she wouldn’t have run home to Australia.
But how could she have known? He’d given no indication of this side of himself. Or had he? Didn’t he reach for her hand when they crossed a road or for walks in the park? There were picnics with his head in her lap afterward.
But being loved wasn’t something she’d ever learned to expect, but she’d had her dreams just the same. On the cusp of leaving Italy, he’d proposed they marry. It hadn’t been traditional. There’d been no declaration of love or ring ready to place on her finger. She’d married Alessandro because she loved him and chose to believe his proposal was evidence of his love. The months of silence after she left shattered that illusion.
“I know you can’t promise me a love that isn’t there,” she said softly.
An emptiness in her heart made her breath shallow.
A maid coughed at the door way. Alessandro turned to her. “What is it, Gretta?”
“The team manager is on the phone. He says he has to speak with you immediately.”
“Tell him to hold, I’ll be right there.”
The maid left.
“I have to take this. I’ve been expecting this call. But we aren’t finished.”
He grabbed her and kissed her. It sent shivers down her spine and curled her toes. Lightheaded, she swayed as he let her go and strode off down the hall to his study. It wasn’t fair to do that. He shouldn’t dismiss her with a kiss. Not when she needed him to say he loved her. But if he had, could she believe him?
She followed him and stood in the doorway, in plain sight because she wanted to know what was so important that he’d cut short their talk.
The phone call from the team manager was about the racing organization’s challenges to the refit on the car since the Melbourne accident. Officials were proceeding to disqualify his win in Malaysia. This meant that Alessandro would put family issues on hold while he went to take care of it. Yet wouldn’t it be a real sign that he was changing from the old Alessandro if he stayed here, let his team take care of it while he put her first.
He hung up. “I’m going to have to deal with this now. I promise we’ll talk once I get this issue settled.”
A cold stone of disappointment dropped inside. “Sure, I’ll close the door.”