Chapter Eleven
Wren
Julia. The name wouldn’t stop running through my head.
Not just the name, but the word fiancé, too.
How could I have been so stupid? So blind? Of course Axton East was a playboy and a liar. I had known that from the start, but I had been too stupid to see the truth. For three days I had kept holed up in my cabin, unable to do anything but munch on stale Cheetos and stare at the blank word document on my laptop. Megan would kill me if she knew how much I was struggling with my next book. But I was filled with a sadness that I had never experienced. A hollow pit that swallowed my entire stomach, and made me feel nauseous anytime I tried to do anything.
I couldn’t stop thinking her name. Julia, Julia, Julia. It left a bitter taste on my tongue. I wanted to throw up.
The sun had almost finished setting over the lake. The colors were beautiful, but I couldn’t seem to find any joy in them as I stared out of my kitchen window.
Axton had been my break from life; the chance of excitement and desire had swallowed me whole and consumed me like an unquenchable fire. He had helped me forget about my father, about the contract being held over my head, about the book that I needed to write. I had started to stop worrying, and let myself let go and have fun.
It hadn’t gotten me anywhere.
In fact, it had only put me in a much worse place than I had started.
Not only was I back to dealing with the anxieties of my personal life, I was doing it with what felt like a broken heart.
“Don’t be stupid,” I mumbled aloud to myself.
A broken heart was ridiculous. The only people that fell in love after barely speaking to each other were the characters in fairy tales and love stories. And both of those were gimmicks contrived to make lonely people feel better about their lives. I should know.
I wandered into the bathroom to splash water on my face and rearrange the messy bun on my head. I couldn’t remember the last time I had taken a shower. I was a wreck.
When I went back into the kitchen it was full dark outside. I peeked through my kitchen window at the cabin next door. No lights were on. I wanted to go outside, but I needed to make sure I wouldn’t risk the chance of seeing him again. I didn’t want anything to do with him.
There weren’t enough words in the world to make me accept another apology from Axton.
I stepped onto my back deck and took a deep breath, soaking in the chill night air. It felt refreshing after being cooped in my cabin for so long, breathing the same musty air of my bedroom day and night. I needed to find peace again, and in order to do that I needed to relax. But relaxation felt impossible with the lead weight sitting in my stomach, dragging me down.
The sound of footsteps stepping through grass sounded next to my deck.
I turned in time to see his outline in the dark.
“Wren.” His voice was a whisper. Gentle, as if he was speaking to a fragile animal that would spook at the slightest chance of a threat.
I stared, unable to form words. There were too many thoughts racing through my head: from anger, to confusion, to hate, to a pathetic excitement at suddenly seeing his face again. Those bright blue eyes that had gotten me hooked the first time we had met.
“Can I come up?” He took a slow step closer to my deck.
I tried to speak, but all I did was make a strange noise that sounded like a yes.
He took it for one, and climbed up to stand next to me. “Please let me talk to you. I haven’t seen you in days.”
“I’ve been hiding.” I finally managed to spit out some words. I immediately regretted them. I didn’t want to sound so pathetic. I didn’t need him to see how much I had been affected by finding out his secret.
Axton’s lips split into a smile. “You don’t need to hide from me.”
“I think I do.” I argued, taking a step backwards. Closer to my door, in case I needed to retreat. How many times would I have to run away from him before he took the hint?
“Let me explain.” Axton stepped closer to me, refusing to let me put space between us. “You only know part of the story.”
“Does it really matter?” I cringed, disturbed that he would act like there were more sides to the story. “You’re engaged.”
His shoulders slumped as he let out a deep breath. “I am.” Hearing him admit the words stung. It felt like the air had been knocked out of my lungs. “But not because I want to be.”
“What?” I crinkled my face. “Do you take me for the biggest idiot in the world? How many lies do you actually expect me to believe?”
“She’s the reason why I’m here.” His voice was a husky whisper as he stepped still closer to me. “The reason I ran away from the city.”
My body stiffened as he drew closer, our bodies only inches apart. There was a fire burning in his icy eyes that I didn’t recognize. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I could feel myself weakening, believing the words he was saying without argument. I was falling into the same trap, and I needed to catch myself before I fell hard into the dark.
“My family chose her.” He’s still whispering through gritted teeth, his voice a gruff purr, as if he’s struggling to control himself. “I don’t remember the last time I even talked to her, Wren.”
I felt like I was losing touch with reality, dizzy with the scent of his metallic cologne that was a mixture of aloe and pine needles and cool ocean spray. “They can’t do that.” It was all I could spit out. I pressed my back against the wall of my cabin, out of space to retreat from him. I didn’t want to believe him, I didn’t want to fall. But my argument was weak, and my will weaker.
“They can control my life.” He argued. “They can control my entire future, if they want to.” His lips were twitching, grimacing. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch the corners, to comfort him away from the pain that was so obviously etched into his face.
“So you rented a cabin for the summer?” I scoffed. I was trying to find any loophole in his argument that I could get my hands on. Anything that would reveal the truth to me. What good would a Colorado vacation do for avoiding his family?
“I wanted to make one last vacation for myself,” he shrugged. “I wanted one more summer to myself. To live the life I’ve always lived.” He stepped forward again, our bodies almost touching, and reached out to me, cradling my cheek in his hand. “I wasn’t expecting to find you.”
His touch felt like burning ice and I leaned into it, closing my eyes and trying to bathe in the moment. His fingers were so cold against my skin.
He dropped his head forward, the stubble of his chin grazing against my shoulder as he moved his lips against my ear. “I wasn’t expecting any of this. But I need you, Wren.” He wrapped his other arm around my waist, pulling me gently against his chest as he whispered again, “Please don’t run away
.”
I gave up on every argument, possessed by the moment, taken over by the feel of his rough fingers wrapping around me and the warmth of his breath running down the side of my neck as he whispered. I threw myself at him, pushing off of the wall behind me and wrapping my arms around his neck, driving my fingertips into the lush pool of his thick hair. Our mouths collided. Burning ice consumed me, and I became lost in the fire as his lips grappled with mine, softly and then with powerful force.
His tongue edged against the curve of my lips, and I opened to him willingly. Our mouths connected, our tongues entwined in perfect synchronization. I wrapped my hands around the thick column of his neck, pulling at him with hunger and desire.
He dropped both hands to my lower back, digging his fingers underneath the fabric of my pajama shirt and pulling my body into his. Our hips met with a hard slap and danced, rubbing against each other. I could feel the solid mass of his erection rubbing against my thigh. I let go of our kiss long enough to let out an intoxicated moan. He took the moment of freedom from our kiss to move his lips down onto my chin, trailing lavish kisses down my neck until his hot breath was sliding down my shoulder. His teeth nipped gently at my skin, and I held his head in place with my hands, unwilling to let the moment end.
“Stay with me.” He growled into the cup of my ear.
“I-,” I started to say, then held back the words as reality came crashing into me like a tsunami, extinguishing the fire that had been burning me alive, throwing me into Axton’s body without thought. I threw myself off of him, my back slamming into the cabin wall.
With shaking eyes I stared at him, the taste of his tongue still radiating through my mouth, the feel of his breath on my skin still causing goosebumps to rise. “We can’t do this,” was all I could say, my voice shaking from the thrill of our kiss and the pain of realizing what I had just done.
My body slid closer to the door, my hands fumbling awkwardly behind me for the knob. I needed to get away from Axton East as quickly as possible. I wouldn’t be the one to destroy an engagement. I couldn’t be just another experiment to him. One last joyride before he went back to the city, and back to Julia.
He reached his arm out to grab me, but I pulled away, rejecting his touch. He looked wounded, dazed by the intensity of our bodies dragging and pulling and colliding. But he didn’t say anything, only stared in confusion as I managed to tug the door open and slip inside.
Through the glass window of the door I stared at him. The anguish in his eyes shattered my heart, and I fought back the urge to crumple to my knees.
Axton reached forward, pressing his fingertips against the glass of the window. His eyes closed and he visibly let out a deep breath, dropping his gaze to his feet.
I opened my mouth to speak, but only a muffled bubble escaped my lips. I realized then that I had started crying, the tears flowing like hot needles down my cheeks. I was ashamed of myself.
He turned away from my door and disappeared into the darkness. I couldn’t hold myself together, and I fell to my knees with an earth-shattering sob. I was ashamed for throwing myself at a man who was getting married, ashamed for having fallen into the trap of his charm.
Anger surged up from deep within my chest and I screamed into my fists.
How could he do something like this to me? How could he ask me not to run away, when he had no intentions of staying? How would I deal with the rest of the summer living next door to him?
I didn’t have the answers I desperately wanted.
All I knew was that Axton East had done something to me that no man had ever done before.
And buried deep within me, beneath the raw pain and the tears, I knew what I truly wanted.
I wanted him to stay.
End of Part One
To Be Continued in Part Two…