Chapter Twelve
The camaraderie of a group of women was something Carrie was still getting used to. In the last few days she’d had coffee and cake with Gemma, she’d had a few glasses of wine with Bella one night at the café after closing and she’d had dinner with Owen and Rosie at their house.
Today was the first baby-cuddling session for the Magnolia Girls and Bella, Rosie and Gemma were in high spirits as they waited for Serena to get them going. But Carrie’s spirits were low because all she could think about was Noah and Norma.
Noah had driven straight down to Main Street yesterday after Carrie called. But rather than return to the house he’d picked Norma up and taken her into the vet’s surgery with Carrie following close behind. He’d disappeared out the back and when he returned Carrie asked whether the dog was going to be OK. Noah had lifted Norma into the back of the truck out on the street. He didn’t answer her question. ‘If you don’t mind, I’ll leave the garden for the next couple of days. I’ll take you home now if you like.’
Carrie put a hand on his arm before he jumped into the driver’s side. ‘I don’t need a lift up the hill, but I do need to know what’s happening. Why aren’t you telling me?’
He pinched the top of his nose. ‘No, she’s not going to be OK. She’s old, Carrie. It’s life, unfortunately. Life sucks some of the time and that time is right now.’ He climbed into the truck, offered her a lift again, but she insisted it wasn’t necessary and off he went. Carrie had walked home with a lump in her throat that still hadn’t shifted by the time she woke up this morning.
With the session at the hospital about to start, Carrie needed to focus. Noah hadn’t replied to her texts but her mind had to be on these babies now and she mustered up as much enthusiasm as Bella, Gemma and Rosie.
They followed procedures before going into the NICU, washing their hands, applying anti-bacterial gel, and Carrie reiterated what to expect. Today they would be cuddling four babies. Three boys, born to one mother, had come into the world premature at thirty-one weeks. The triplets were all doing well but the mum had an older child at home already and was desperate to give her some attention too, which was why baby cuddlers were a godsend for her right now.
Carrie kept a particular eye on Gemma, who didn’t look quite as nervous now as Carrie settled her with the first baby. She moved tubes and wires aside and placed the little one in Gemma’s arms, all the while talking in hushed tones, keeping calm in case Gemma felt like she was going to panic. But even as the baby grizzled and its balled-up fists looked about to do battle, Gemma kept her focus on his little face, let the fingers grip hers, and Carrie knew her friend could handle this.
‘These babies were born too early,’ she said softly to Gemma. ‘The mum took a lot of persuasion to go home and be with her other child. Up until now the child has come here to see her, but she realised it’s best to stick with normality wherever she can.’
‘It’ll give the mum a break.’
Carrie smiled. ‘It will. Most mums don’t want to admit they need one, but I’ll bet she comes back to the hospital smiling. Desperate to see her other babies, yes, but glad she’d taken time out. And we’re here to hold the fort. All these babies need from us are cuddles. The nurses will look after them from a medical standpoint, but human touch is the key.’
‘It really is.’ Gemma didn’t look at Carrie, she was mesmerised by this new life, and Carrie left her to it.
Rosie and Bella were content enough with the other two of the triplets and so Carrie made her way to the baby she’d been assigned.
The little girl’s arms flailed and she whimpered, whether in pain or loneliness Carrie didn’t know. Negotiating more wires, Carrie lifted her up into her arms. ‘Hello, Megan, I’m Carrie,’ she whispered. Serena was on hand to help Carrie settle into the chair beside the bed but then she was off on rounds and Carrie was happy to be left alone.
Megan let out a few cries that seemed far too big compared to her size. At only two days old, this baby was going through the worst time of its life already. Born to a drug-addicted mother, the narcotics had been passed through the placenta and as soon as the baby was born and the food source had been cut off, the baby had begun to go through withdrawal. This was one of the worst cases and Carrie had spoken with Serena to ensure the other girls didn’t get this as their first experience of baby cuddling.
Carrie stroked Megan’s forehead gently with one hand as she held the baby firmly against her body. As with any addict, coming off the drugs with immediate effect meant going cold turkey so this baby was in distress. She wasn’t sleeping, had difficulty feeding, she had muscle tension and was irritable and jittery.
Carrie rocked back and forth gently in the chair. Serena came in after a while and they tried feeding the baby again. She took more than at the last feed, so it was progress, but she had a long way to go.
Carrie’s bum went numb from sitting for so long, she began to feel dizzy from shushing Megan softly over and over, but eventually Megan’s body began to relax, her eyelids fluttered and she was coaxed into a gentle slumber. Carrie continued to rock back and forth, thinking about Noah and Norma, about Lachlan and how he’d spoken to her. She hadn’t texted him and he hadn’t messaged her either. Perhaps they both needed time to cool off, to think about what they really wanted.
Carrie stayed with Megan until the end of the shift, her heart breaking to think that if this little girl woke she’d most probably go through the same kind of hell the next day, and the one after that, until her little body had rid itself of all the poison her mother had ingested. And when Serena came to tell her it was time to go and helped put Megan back in her little bed, Carrie felt drained.
This was a bond she’d never known and could never know, because this – this pain of having something so precious that could be taken away at any second – was something she couldn’t bear to put herself through.
*
The rest of the Magnolia Girls were already in the cafeteria by the time Carrie emerged and already they were chattering away at high speed.
‘Those babies were so tiny.’ Rosie couldn’t get over it.
‘I think my wedding ring would fit over Rupert’s wrist,’ said Bella, who had cuddled the smallest of the triplets.
‘I can’t wait to come and do it all over again.’ Gemma’s eyes lit up. ‘How did you get on, Carrie?’
‘Good. I’m cuddling a little girl called Megan.’ She didn’t elaborate on the details and hoped they all assumed Megan was born too early as well. She didn’t want anyone to be overcome with sadness today, their first time as baby cuddlers.
By the time Carrie arrived home there was no sign of Noah’s truck and still no text from him to update her on the whole Norma situation so, taking matters into her own hands, she made her way to Laurel Drive.
It wasn’t hard to find the house. As he’d said, there weren’t many neighbours and they were spaced out on a quiet road that allowed her to slow right down and peer at the numbers. His truck was outside too, so an instant giveaway.
‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ After she’d knocked it had taken Noah a while to answer the door. He stood there now in a spotless white T-shirt with jeans that frayed at the bottom over his bare, tanned feet. He looked tired, and if Carrie didn’t know better she’d have mistaken him for a man who’d had too many beers the night before.
‘That’s not a very nice welcome.’
He managed a smile and stood back for her to come in. ‘Sorry, that was rude. Come in. You took me by surprise, that’s all.’
Inside, Carrie could see Norma at the end of the hallway in what looked like the kitchen and when Noah gestured to go right in, she took the lead.
‘Hello, you.’ She crouched down beside the dog, curled up in her basket. ‘She looks thinner.’ It was a shock to see her so lacklustre, so different to before, and the way it affected Carrie was more than she knew how to handle.
Noah cleared his throat. ‘She isn’t eating. Her appetite is all but gone, and yesterday she vomited up what she’d managed to get down.’
It was Carrie’s turn to find her voice wobbling now. ‘Was it my fault? Did I make her walk too far?’
‘What?’ Instantly he must’ve realised the conclusions she’d drawn. ‘No, it wasn’t you.’
She felt on autopilot. ‘You said town might be too far for her. I should’ve stopped for longer on Main Street, got her to drink more. Perhaps given her food.’
‘Carrie, it’s not your fault.’
‘I should’ve got the vet straight away rather than call you. They could’ve caught whatever it was and dealt with it.’ Tears fell down her cheeks unbidden. She didn’t even attempt to hide them, because after Megan at the hospital and now Norma, she could no longer bury her emotions.
Noah put his hand on top of hers as she fussed Norma around the ears, one of her favourite spots. ‘Carrie, you’re not listening to me. This is old age playing out. She’s had a good life. I chose to bring her home. She’s only got a couple of days at most, but she’s not in too much pain. She’s sleeping most of the time and at some point she’ll fall asleep and won’t wake up.’
Tears blurred her vision. She barely heard a word he said. ‘It’s my fault, all my fault, I should’ve known sooner. What have I done?’ She couldn’t see anything but she felt Noah pull her against him and she leaned into his chest, uncaring whether her sobs filled the kitchen, unconcerned whether the whole of Magnolia Creek could hear her and know about her mistake.
Noah held her that way until she calmed down and then he reached out to fuss over his dog again. ‘Did you hear the story of how I came to have Norma?’ He stretched up to the benchtop, grabbed a tissue and passed it to Carrie. ‘I was doing some work over at Magnolia House when the owner, Julie, found a sack in the lake. She pulled it out, yelled for me, and when we opened it up we found four pups. Someone had tied it at the top and left them to die.’
Carrie put a hand against her chest. ‘How could someone do that?’
He shook his head. ‘I have a few choice words when I think about the person who did it, not that we ever found out who it was. It still baffles me to this day. There are plenty of people out there to turn to; there’s a veterinarian in town. All I knew was that when I found Norma, she was coming home with me.’ He laughed. ‘Sounds like I’m out on the pull and have picked up a girl, doesn’t it?’
Carrie managed a laugh, thankful her tears had stopped. ‘What happened to the other puppies?’
‘Two were already dead. The third puppy was in a bad way and died before I could wrap it in my fleece and take it over to the vet’s, and Norma was lucky number four.’
Norma made no moves to get up and Noah sat on the other side of her basket. ‘She was a naughty pup.’ He grinned.
‘Really? What did she do?’
‘She had a shoe fetish, typical woman. She chewed my brand-new runners – not the old ones, only the new. I wouldn’t mind but I’d given her an old one as a distraction and hidden the others away, but she’d found the box, somehow got the lid off.’
‘Maybe she’s trying to tell you your feet are too smelly, even for a dog.’
‘Maybe she was,’ he laughed. ‘But she’s one smelly dog herself. I’m surprised she never treated you to a display of just how much she could fart.’
‘I’m glad she didn’t, she’s a proper lady.’
‘Ha! No, she’s not. She farts so loudly at night that it’s been known to wake me up from two rooms away.’
‘I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t do that would you, beautiful girl?’ Norma’s mouth twitched every now and then as her eyes stayed firmly shut and she dreamed about something they would never know.
‘She ate an entire giant Easter egg once,’ Noah recounted. ‘An Easter egg my niece saved up for and bought from the chocolaterie especially for her favourite uncle.’
‘I’m no dog expert, but isn’t chocolate bad for dogs?’
‘It’s very bad for them. It was an immediate and very expensive trip to the vet, where they induced vomiting. I never told my niece; I bought a replacement egg as I knew she’d check how much of it I’d eaten.’
Carrie stroked Norma some more. She didn’t want to stop. ‘How many nieces do you have?’
‘Just the one, and four nephews. They’re my sister’s kids. She wanted a whole brood and she got them. I think she’d have liked another girl, an ally perhaps, but nature had other plans.’
‘My sister Kristy and her husband Mitch would love to have a family, and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they get started.’
‘I’ve always wanted a house full,’ he admitted. ‘I want a home filled with noise, laughter, kids, pets…everything that makes a house a home. Or at least it would for me.’
It sounded idyllic, but everyone knew life didn’t always work out the way you wanted.
‘How about you?’ he asked. ‘Think you’ll have kids?’
‘Who knows?’ She rarely told people that no, having a family was one of those things she never intended to do.
‘Does Lachlan want a family?’
‘Lachlan and I were always career-driven. It was what first attracted us to each other. We’ve never seen babies in our future and I’m pretty sure he still feels that way.’
‘And how about you? Do you still feel that way?’
She wasn’t used to such a personal grilling. ‘I don’t think it’s for me,’ she felt forced to admit.
‘Because of your career.’ It wasn’t a question.
‘At one time, yes. But even without that, I see so much heartache in my job – I’m not sure I ever want to open myself up to that.’ She felt her cheeks warm as she realised how honest she was being without intending it. ‘You know that most men don’t really talk about this stuff, don’t you?’
‘Maybe I’m not most men.’
Suddenly awkward, she asked, ‘Do you mind if I use your bathroom?’
‘First on the left as you go up the stairs.’
In the bathroom she peered into the mirror wondering how Noah had this uncanny ability to wheedle the finest details out of her.
When she returned downstairs Norma had stirred in her basket and Noah was trying to coax her into taking a drink from the bowl he’d filled with water. ‘Do you think you’ll ever change your mind?’ He gave up and placed the bowl on the floor beside the basket.
‘About what?’
‘Having a family.’
‘I doubt it.’ Back on a subject she didn’t really feel comfortable talking about, she found herself asking, ‘Have you ever come close? To settling down, I mean.’
‘Once.’
Her phone rang and when Noah picked it up from where it lay next to the sink alongside her keys, he passed it to her. ‘It’s Lachlan. Sorry, caller display told me.’
She tapped the screen to decline the call. ‘I’ll talk to him later.’
‘I appreciate you coming today, Carrie.’ His eyes held hers.
‘Keep me updated, won’t you?’ She didn’t look away either.
When Norma shifted in her basket and tried to move, he comforted her and picked up the bowl of water to try again.
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ she said, his attention now, quite rightly, elsewhere.
‘Thanks, Carrie.’
*
‘That’s not good,’ said Owen the next morning when Carrie explained why the garden progress was on pause.
‘It’ll hit him hard when she dies.’ Carrie swallowed a gulp. ‘Can I go up and see the bathroom wall tiles?’
He accepted the change of subject and continued sanding the mantelpiece in the lounge. ‘Sure, I think you’ll be very happy with them.’
Upstairs, Carrie beamed. She reached out a hand and ran it across the mosaic tiles that came halfway up the wall. ‘They look amazing!’ she called out. The bigger tiles had gone in just after the bathroom was refitted, but she’d waited for this more stylish wall to be finished and it was definitely worth the wait.
Owen came upstairs moments later. ‘I’m glad you’re impressed.’
‘They’re gorgeous.’ She smiled. ‘Oh, before I forget, I’ve arranged for a guy to come over this morning to measure up for shutters. He won’t be in your way, will he?’
‘Not at all. What time are you expecting him?’
‘He’ll be here before I leave for work so I’ll let him in. If you could see him out and remind him to email me the quote, that would be great.’
‘Are you having more than one quote?’ He rolled his eyes when she looked sheepish. ‘OK, well let me know what quote he comes back with and I’ll tell you if it’s reasonable or not.’
‘Useless, aren’t I?’ She slumped down on top of the toilet seat.
Owen put down the piece of sandpaper still in his hand. ‘Whatever makes you think that?’ He crouched down on his haunches so he was level with her.
‘Everything is such a mess.’ She couldn’t stop the tears falling, again.
‘You’re renovating, of course it’s a mess.’ His joke at least got a giggle between sniffs. When he pulled away he handed her some tissue from the toilet roll that had yet to be slotted onto the shiny new silver holder. ‘I never once saw you cry; I didn’t think you had it in you.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’ She smiled as she clasped the tissue in her hand.
‘Would I be right in thinking there’s something you’re not telling me or anyone else in this town?’
‘Did Noah say something?’
‘He hasn’t said a word.’
‘He overheard Lachlan and me having an enormous row.’
‘A row about what?’
She should tell him. He was a friend after all. But somehow she couldn’t do it. ‘Thank you for being here, to talk to.’
‘If you need to talk more, I’m a good listener.’ He picked up the sandpaper again. ‘And Rosie’s a good listener too. You’ve got some real friends in this town, don’t forget it.’
She managed a genuine smile. ‘I won’t.’
After Noah returned downstairs she pulled herself together, took a deep breath and braved calling Lachlan, knowing it was far better to get it over and done with than to sit stewing about the situation. He was friendlier than she’d expected and rather than rehash the argument that had taken place the other day, they talked about the baby-cuddling program and his upcoming medical conference in Perth.
‘I’ll miss you,’ she told him. ‘Love you,’ she said at the end of the call when the shutter man knocked at the door to announce his arrival.
But right now they felt like just words, things Lachlan wanted and needed to hear, feelings she was beginning to question nearly every day.
*
Carrie took Maria to baby music classes, their regular Wednesday activity, and when they returned to the house Maria had a nap while Carrie happily prepared a beef casserole for the slow cooker as a favour to Tess and Stuart. When Maria woke up, Carrie gave her fresh sandwiches with the crusts removed and mashed-up banana for her lunch, and with the sun gracing Magnolia Creek yet again, they headed into town, the well-rested ten-month-old getting into her stroller without any protest this time.
Carrie pushed Maria around the lake and Maria squealed with delight as they took it in turns to toss pieces of bread to the ducks. Maria’s bread didn’t go far but it still made her giggle as the ducks raced to get to each morsel first, creating splashes and wide waves in the water in their quest. Next it was on to Magnolia Gifts, where Carrie chose to leave the stroller outside and hold Maria. It was much safer that way, with more control over a child who liked to reach out and touch things purely for the sake of it.
She hadn’t intended to buy anything but when she saw the perfect sign for the new shed Noah had talked about putting up in the garden, she wrestled to get her purse from her handbag as Maria tried to thwart any attempt to hand over anything bright, shiny or colourful to Mal. Carrie eventually won the struggle, pocketed the change and stowed the package beneath the stroller outside. She used all her leg strength to bend down with a child in her arms, then extricated Maria’s hands from her hair so she could do up the harness.
When she stood up she felt a head rush and realised that between thinking about Lachlan, organising Maria, cooking the meal and worrying about Norma, she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Her stomach growled in protest.
‘There’s only one thing for it,’ she told Maria, who giggled away over nothing, showing a nap could do wonders for the temperament. ‘I’m just going to have to have one of Bella’s famous scones.’
The bell in Finnegan’s Café tinkled to announce their arrival. Carrie tipped the stroller a little and bumped it up the step to go inside. She was still smiling when she realised Noah was sitting at the table against the wall and his face said it all.
‘Hello, Maria!’ Bella was first over to make a fuss of the baby and Carrie forced her attention away from Noah. ‘Lovely to see you both in here. Now, what can we get you?’
‘Well, I’ve come in for the famous scones, plenty of jam and cream, but I think for this little one maybe a babycino and a small muffin if you have one. She’s had lunch so I don’t think she’s overly hungry but we’ve been by the lake for a little while.’
‘A babycino!’ Bella’s enthusiasm rubbed off on Maria immediately. Eyes wide with delight, she clapped her hands together exposing the two bottom front teeth that were yet to be surrounded by more.
Bella busied herself filling the order and when Carrie leaned over the counter Bella pre-empted her question. ‘Norma died this morning. He’s been at that table for an hour, just sitting watching the world go by. He didn’t even want a scone – he must be bad.’ Bella made the babycino, poured a fresh apple juice for Carrie and prepared the food. When Rodney took charge of the next customer, she said, ‘Why don’t I mind Maria for a bit and you go and talk to Noah? I think he needs a friend.’
Carrie looked over at him. He was still staring out the window, eyes glazed over. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course. What do you say, Maria?’ She was already unclipping the baby. ‘I’ll pop her in a high chair and supervise her with the muffin and babycino.’
Carrie gingerly made her way over to Noah, who looked up and smiled.
‘I’m sorry.’ It was all she could say as she took a seat opposite. ‘Have you been up all night? You look exhausted.’ When he nodded she reached out and touched a hand to his.
He looked at their hands until Carrie took hers away. ‘If you’d rather not have the company, I can leave you alone.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ The same smile that had greeted her more than once was back for a moment. ‘How are the renovations coming along?’
‘It’s all going well.’ She thanked Rodney for the scone and spread some jam and cream on top. ‘I’m going to put shutters throughout, give it a fresh look.’ She was rambling but he didn’t seem to mind the distraction. ‘The bathroom tiles look even better than I’d imagined, the window seat in the bedroom is painted, the carpet goes down in there this afternoon. The upstairs is finished apart from another coat on the banisters for the staircase, and Owen has sanded all the floors. I’ll need to move out again while they’re polished.’
‘Wow, that’s progress.’ He grinned and pointed to her mouth. ‘You have a little bit of jam…’
‘Where?’ She wiped one corner but he was still grinning. ‘Where?’ She was grinning herself by now.
He reached out and wiped just below her lip and showed her his finger with the telltale raspberry jam. When he licked it she knew she was blushing.
‘Will you go back to the city while the floors are done?’
His question brought her back to earth. ‘I’m going to stay with Kristy.’
‘I’ll be back to your garden today if it suits.’
She let the cream dissolve on her tongue and finished her mouthful. ‘You don’t have to. Take all the time you need.’
‘I’ll be all right, Carrie.’
‘Well, if you’re sure.’
‘I am. I want to stain the pergola as it’s due to be dry for the next few days so I don’t want to waste the opportunity. And you need to choose a shed so I can put it up at the back of the garden.’
‘Can’t you just use your initiative? I mean, it’s a shed. I don’t know what I want.’
He shook his head but not in a mean way. ‘If you give me the go-ahead, I’ll choose you something.’
‘Consider it done. I’m giving you the nod.’
‘Will you want it painted a colour, or stained natural like the pergola?’
She finished her scone and smiled.
‘Don’t tell me – use my initiative?’
‘Exactly. Oh, I just remembered something.’ She licked her fingers of cream and jam, went over to the stroller, took out the package and unwrapped the purchase from its tissue paper. ‘What do you think?’ She lay the sign on the table.
He read it out loud: ‘Woman Cave. And you’re going to fix this on the shed?’
‘Sure, why not?’
‘It’s just that I can’t see you ever hanging out in the shed.’ He grinned. ‘Man Cave is a good phrase because men generally go into their sheds, garages, anywhere we can have a bit of space. You don’t do outside, dirt, spiders or insects.’
‘I think I’ll survive. I’ll have you know there was a spider in the bath this morning.’ OK, so it was tiny, but he didn’t need to know that. ‘I covered it with an empty jar, then slid cardboard beneath it so I could throw it outside.’
He nodded, impressed. ‘And there I was thinking you’d kill them if they dared to come within a fifty-metre radius of you. Not such a princess after all.’ His cheeky remark earned a winning smile from Carrie.
He also didn’t need to know that she would’ve killed it if she’d had a can of bug spray – but she couldn’t find it, and she refused to squish it in her nice new bathtub, so the old-fashioned spider-removal method had been the one she used. She’d then taken the spider part way down the hill, jar and cardboard outstretched in front of her, and thrown the eight-legged terror into the bush.
Carrie noticed Maria beginning to get fractious and Bella looking unsure how to resolve the matter. ‘I’d better rescue Bella. Maria can be a handful sometimes. It was great to see you, and I’m so sorry about Norma. I’m also sorry that all we’ve really talked about is my house – you must be sick of it.’
‘On the contrary, it was a nice relief to think about something else.’
‘I’ll see you soon.’
His voice stopped her. ‘You haven’t finished your drink yet.’
She picked it up.
‘Now where are you going?’
‘You don’t want to share your quiet time with a grumpy child,’ she stated matter-of-factly. ‘Maria was so serene when we first walked into town. I get the feeling I may have pushed it a bit now though.’
‘Carrie, bring her over. I’d like the company.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure.’
She rescued Bella, or Maria – she wasn’t sure which of the pair looked more fraught. ‘What’s all the fuss?’ she asked Maria, scooping her out of the high chair and into her arms.
‘She was happy one minute and the next…’ Bella puffed out her cheeks.
‘Thanks, Bella. You get back to work and Maria can come and terrorise Noah instead.’
Bella and Rodney ran the café around them and with Maria refusing to sit on any type of chair, or sit full stop, Noah and Carrie eventually gave up and took her over to the lake instead. They sat on the low wall surrounding the water and watched the ducks, and Maria didn’t seem to notice that they had no bread to throw this time.
‘What do you two get up to most days?’ Noah enquired.
‘Oh, we get up to all sorts, don’t we?’ Carrie pulled on her cardigan and then took Maria back from Noah’s arms. With the child on her lap she could smell the freshly laundered knitted jumper Maria was wearing, her angel-soft hair and the scent of baby lotion they’d applied after her bath. ‘This morning it was music classes.’
‘Bit young for that, isn’t she?’ He squinted in the sunshine and pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes, only for Maria to have other ideas and reach out to tug them off. He rescued them, returned them to his face and she did the same again, fascinated by this new game.
‘I guess it’s more what you’d call music appreciation,’ Carrie explained. ‘But it’s loud.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘Picture this,’ Carrie giggled as Maria squirmed in amusement on her lap, still playing the sunglasses game. ‘Ten kids in a room, each with a percussion instrument.’
‘I hope you took some headache tablets with you.’
‘Always.’ She joined in with his amusement. ‘But Maria loves it and it’s nice to have a planned activity for her.’
Noah let Maria grip his fingers as she sat on Carrie’s lap.
‘She likes you,’ Carrie observed.
‘Most women do.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I can’t carry off comments like that at all, can I?’
Carrie didn’t answer but being bashful was an endearing quality, unexpected of this rugged gardener who seemed confident in every other way. She reached beneath the stroller. ‘Do you want the rest of the muffin?’ she asked Maria, who took the proffered piece once it was unwrapped, grinned and squished it in her hand.
‘How can you not want one of these?’ Noah asked, and Carrie realised he was referring to Maria rather than the muffin. There’s no way he could know how deep his comment ran, and it terrified her. Because one of these could be taken away and the pain would be unbearable, she wanted to tell him. Because every time I see a parent break down in front of me it wears me down that little bit more.
Noah did the honours and prised what was left of the muffin out of Maria’s scrunched-up fist, flinging the scraps to the bird pecking by the wall to find what the ducks might have missed.
‘I’d better get going,’ said Carrie, looking at her watch.
She attempted to put Maria back into the stroller, much to the baby’s disgust. For a girl so young, she sure knew how to dig her heels in. She arched her back, kicked her little legs, went rigid, making it next to impossible to get the harness in position and clipped up.
‘I’m sorry, Carrie.’ Noah waited until Maria was finally secured in the stroller. He must’ve known he’d hit a nerve and he was too sensitive to ignore his faux pas. ‘I shouldn’t have mentioned the B word.’
‘The word is baby and no,’ said Carrie, ‘you shouldn’t. It’s none of your business. Everyone feels differently.’
‘Carrie —’ But his words fell short as she turned to go. ‘Carrie, wait.’ He followed close behind.
‘I’m sorry.’ She stopped, shook her head and then, not knowing what else to say, carried on walking. As he caught up with her, she added, ‘I shouldn’t have snapped at you, you didn’t deserve it.’ They passed the curved veranda at the front of Magnolia House and Rosie waved over to them.
‘It was deserved, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.’
They both waved back at their friend before continuing on their way and at the top of the path, Noah hovered uneasily. ‘It was good to see you today.’
‘You see me most days,’ she smiled.
‘You know what I mean.’
She really did. ‘I’ll see you again soon.’
When he tore his eyes away from hers he bent down and gently squeezed Maria’s hand. ‘Bye, Maria.’
Maria was too busy rubbing her eyes to make a grab for his sunglasses this time. Her head tilted to the side of the stroller as they said goodbye to Noah and Carrie wondered if she’d be asleep by the time they got back to the house.
If only she could close her eyes too, and turn back time to when she was confident, knew what she wanted out of life.