The Masterpiece by Francine Rivers (5)

GRACE, AGE 20

A shock wave coursed through Grace as she caught a glimpse of what might lie ahead. Patrick had been benched from the football team due to an injury. She tried to bolster his spirits, but he was bitter. She’d come home from classes today and found him watching television. When she asked why he wasn’t at practice, he said he’d quit the team. He wasn’t going to suffer in practice for a team that had no intention of using him.

Grace assumed Patrick would use the extra time he now had to get a part-time job, especially now that he had forfeited his football scholarship. They’d just gotten married and were barely getting by with both their scholarships and her job at McDonald’s. When he made no effort to do so, their bills mounted. When she pleaded with him, he called her a nag.

After two months, he went to the campus employment office, but claimed they couldn’t find anything that suited him. Library or office jobs were for girls. Fast-food restaurants were for losers. Had he forgotten that’s what she was doing to support both of them?

He said he was working hard enough just to keep his head above water with his course load. He had conveniently forgotten that Grace had a heavier load than he did and was also working twenty-five hours a week. When he suggested she add more work hours until he could find a job, she reminded him she had to maintain her GPA to keep her scholarship. He accused her of being selfish, of caring more about school than her husband. Did she have any idea how difficult it was for him to do college-level work? Someday, he’d be the breadwinner. What sort of job could he get if he didn’t finish college?

The more Patrick talked, the guiltier Grace felt. School had never been easy for Patrick. She wanted to be supportive and encouraging. Wasn’t that what God said a wife should be? And, in truth, between school, work, and Patrick’s demands, she was exhausted. She didn’t know how long she could keep up with all of her responsibilities.

She tried to pray, but worried instead. Whose education mattered more? His, she decided. With that in mind, she applied for a full-time clerical job at a public relations firm, praying that if God had other plans, the job would go to someone else. When they offered her the position, she saw it as a sign. She withdrew from UCLA, grieving in private, while wearing a smile for Patrick’s sake. He was grateful, of course, but it didn’t make their lives any easier. He had no intention of taking on any duties around the apartment, considering that women’s work.

So Grace would come home after a full day at the company to find Patrick lounging on the couch, watching sports on TV. He’d give her a kiss and tell her about his classes and what assignments he had to do. The apartment was always a mess, his books and papers strewn over the table.

She had to work out a tight schedule so she could get all the shopping, laundry, and cleaning done on one of her days off. She gave up going to church. It had always been a battle between them anyway. Patrick never went with her. He said church was a boring waste of time. Better if she used Sunday to prepare meals for the week ahead, packaging and stacking them in the freezer so all she had to do was warm them up when she came home from work. That left her evenings free to help Patrick with his studies. Often he was more interested in having sex than doing his course work. “We can come back to it.” He always fell asleep. Frustrated and worried, she’d get up and finish his work.

Halfway through junior year, Patrick informed Grace he’d changed his major from business administration to physical education. He figured it was a better fit for him. She thought he had a point. When he said he might need postgraduate work to get a really good job, she felt another shock wave of warning. She said that wasn’t part of their agreement. He smiled, kissed her, and said they’d talk about it when the time came for a decision.

There was one thing they had to talk about, though. Grace was pregnant. It wasn’t part of the plan, but she hoped it would help turn things around for them. There had to be some way to make it work. She’d always assumed they would start a family sooner or later.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen!” Patrick raged when she told him. He wanted her to have an abortion. She refused. It was the one time she didn’t go along with what he wanted.

She lost the baby in the second trimester. He didn’t try to hide his relief. He brought home flowers and a bottle of champagne. “Back to plan A.” When he popped the cork, she came close to hating him.

Patrick headed into his senior year, and Grace was promoted to office manager. With her raise, she managed to put away some savings. She would need funds to go back to college. She wouldn’t have her scholarship anymore. She’d have to pay for tuition and books. With a little nest egg, she wouldn’t feel guilty about the expense, especially if they started a family. Every time she brought up the subject, Patrick said they should wait a couple more years. They were still young. He’d slaved for four years to get through school. He wanted to have some fun before they started talking about kids.

Graduation day came, and Grace felt an overwhelming pride as she sat with Patrick’s parents and her aunt Elizabeth. She and Patrick had both worked hard for this day. Patrick looked so handsome in his cap and gown. His parents boasted that he had graduated with honors. Several of his term papers were on file in the university library. Aunt Elizabeth looked pointedly at Grace. The Moores agreed Grace was the best thing that ever happened to their son, and they insisted on a celebration dinner at Lawry’s steak house. They also insisted Aunt Elizabeth join them.

The Moores ordered champagne. Aunt Elizabeth declined and drank water. Grace sipped cautiously. Patrick imbibed freely. He told stories about professors and students he’d hung out with at the student union. Grace was surprised to hear that. When his parents asked what he planned to do now that he had his degree, he said he needed a break to consider his options. His mother gave Grace a pained look. Aunt Elizabeth sat in stony silence.

He drained his glass and announced he’d joined a gym, and he’d already talked with someone in management who thought he’d make a great trainer. All he had to do was spend a couple of weeks in a course to get a certificate. Aunt Elizabeth gave a derisive snort and said he could have done that straight out of high school. When Mr. Moore agreed, Patrick poured another glass of champagne and sulked.

Embarrassed, Grace ate in silence. When had Patrick had the time or money to join a gym and get to know the management? He’d never talked about any of this with her. She felt Aunt Elizabeth watching her and tried to keep the smile on her face. She attempted to look as though nothing he said was a surprise and she was happy about the plans he’d made.

On the way out of the restaurant, Aunt Elizabeth gripped her arm and held her back. “You didn’t know, did you?”

“Know what?”

“About the student union. About the gym membership.” Aunt Elizabeth looked fierce. “Open your eyes. He’ll use you until you’re a dried-up husk, and then he’ll throw you away.”

“He’s my husband.” She couldn’t change direction now. She’d made vows.

“I know.” Her aunt turned away. “I tried to warn you.”

As soon as Grace and Patrick walked into their apartment, she asked him when he’d joined a gym and how he’d been paying for it. Patrick turned evasive. He’d gotten a really good deal. It wouldn’t cost her a dime. The way he said it made her feel like a moneygrubbing penny-pincher. She dropped the subject.

Two weeks later she came home to an empty apartment and found a note on the table.

Enjoy church? Easter Sunday was the last time she’d gone. She’d left halfway through the service because she couldn’t hide the tears streaming down her face. And they hadn’t been tears of joy. Every time she tried to talk to God, she felt her words bounce back off the ceiling. Why should God listen to her prayers? She hadn’t listened to Him. She missed the friend who had come to her when she was a terrified, lonely child. She hadn’t heard his voice since the day she gave herself to Patrick.

Skiing was an expensive sport, and Patrick wasn’t working. Suspicious, Grace logged onto the savings account. He’d withdrawn five hundred dollars of her hard-earned school savings. She dug her fingers into her hair and wept.

Hurt and angry, Grace confronted Patrick when he came home Sunday night. He dumped his duffel bag and said he knew she would say no, so he hadn’t asked. Why should he have to ask? He was an adult, not a child, and they were married. That money was as much his as hers. He could do what he wanted when he wanted.

When she said she wished she had the same privileges, he cursed at her. He’d worked four long, hard years to earn his degree. Some of his friends were going to Europe for the summer. It was bad enough he was stuck in Los Angeles and had nothing to look forward to but a nine-to-five job, without having a nagging wife waiting to harangue him the minute he walked through the door.

His anger frightened her. He kept advancing until he backed her against the sink. Heart pounding, she apologized. He wasn’t finished. He said she’d turned into a drudge. All he’d done was go away for three days and have some fun for a change. Maybe he’d go again! Maybe he’d stay away longer next time!

By the time Patrick finished his rant, the seed of fear was firmly planted. He hadn’t touched her, but she sensed he’d wanted to hit her. Grace didn’t say anything more. When they went to bed, Patrick turned his back to her. She lay in the darkness, weeping silently, trying not to move a muscle lest she disturb him.

Lord, what have I done? What have I done?

Patrick slept soundly, and Grace knew they’d crossed a line. She was afraid of what lay on the other side. When she finally slept, she dreamed of her mother and father and awakened drenched in cold sweat. Her inner child wanted to drag a blanket and pillow off the bed and hide in the closet.

She survived the next few days, putting in extra hours at work to help her boss, Harvey Bernstein, finish a big project. He commented on her pallor. “Is everything all right, Grace?” She assured him everything was fine. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” A bonus would have been nice, but Harvey gave her a half day off on Friday. Maybe she and Patrick could sort everything out over the weekend.

Unlocking the apartment door, Grace walked in and found Patrick on the couch with a shapely blonde, neither wearing much of anything. They sprang apart. The girl grabbed her clothes and fled into the bedroom.

Patrick stood. “What’re you doing home?” His face went from red to white. “You’re supposed to be at work.” He pulled on sweatpants.

Grace looked from him to the bedroom door and back again, speechless.

“You weren’t supposed to be here.” Patrick sounded annoyed.

Dazed, Grace stammered, “H-Harvey gave me the afternoon off.”

The girl came out of the bedroom, her perfect body encased in pink-and-black spandex. Even her socks and aerobics shoes matched. Without looking at Grace, she hurried to the front door, then quickly retraced her steps to grab her pink jacket off the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was a husky whisper. “I’m so sorry you had to find out this way.”

Find out what? Grace stood in the middle of her own personal apocalypse.

Opening the front door, the girl slipped out, but not quick enough for Grace to miss the gym logo on the jacket she pulled on or the pleading look she gave Patrick. Grace stared at her husband. “She works at the gym you joined?”

“Her father owns it.” He sounded resigned. “Look.” He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a heavy breath. “Can we sit down like civilized people and talk this out?”

She knew what he would say even before he started making excuses, but she listened anyway. Patrick said he didn’t intend to fall in love with Virginia, but she’d come on strong to him when he joined the gym. At first it was a harmless flirtation, but he and Grace had been having problems by then. “You don’t like sex, Grace, and Virginia, well . . .” They had a lot in common.

Grace was always on him about finding a job, so why not work at the gym part-time, even if only to pay for his membership? He got along well with people. He made a lot of friends. Virginia’s father noticed. He dropped hints about future possibilities. He said he wanted to retire and hoped his daughter would find a nice, outgoing, ambitious young man who would stand beside her and run the business.

Patrick talked and talked, the words pouring over Grace like hot lava. She understood what he was saying. Patrick had loved her for a while, but she didn’t have enough to offer anymore. He’d found someone who did. “I couldn’t help myself, Grace. Virginia is my soul mate. Try not to hate me. It’s not my fault.”

The initial shock and pain turned to numbness. Grace felt nothing.

“Okay. Don’t say anything.” Patrick grew angry at her silence. “I guess it’d be too much to expect some understanding.”

Grace sat at the kitchen table while her husband packed. Part of her wanted to beg him to stay, beg him to love her, beg him for a second chance. Another part kept her silent and frozen in her chair, her eyes fixed on the plates he and Virginia had left on the table, one with a few crumbs and the other with a half-eaten deli sandwich.

She was Patrick’s wife. Shouldn’t she fight for her marriage? Say something, Grace. Speak up before it’s too late. Don’t just sit there and let him walk out the door.

Another voice gently whispered inside her heart. Forgive him and let him go.