Lounging on a chair in the back porch, I took deep, calming breaths to help block out the muffled screams that leaked through the walls. The poor girl was constantly shrieking like she was dying, and behind my closed eyes, I could picture her. She wasn’t particularly pretty, and I didn’t even know her name; there was nothing remarkable about her that would’ve normally put her in her current position.

Nothing but the fact that she got pregnant by the wrong guy.

Flinging my arm over my face, I ground my teeth together and sunk into the chair with a groan stuck in my throat. Only an hour ago, Frank came up to me asking if I thought it was a good idea to slit the girl’s throat. He just wanted to sever her vocal chords; it wouldn’t do any real damage. She’d been screaming non-stop for two days now, and we were both reaching our breaking point.

A shuffle behind me pulled me from my dark thoughts, and I lifted my arm to watch Frank stomp onto the back porch. He looked like an animal that’d been caged too long, his eyes wild and bright in the darkness of early night. Lighting a cigarette, he took shallow, heaving breaths of toxic air before I tore my gaze off him.

“How long is she going to be like this? I’m doing her a fucking favor getting her clean.” Frank’s growling words wrapped my mind in a vice grip, and I sighed heavily before sitting up. Running my hand through my hair, I tried to ignore the tendrils of viciousness that seeped through my shirt to lick my back.

“She’ll be pregnant for another four months, Frank. Did you ever think she didn’t want this baby or to get clean? She’s a druggie- detoxing is painful. Another day or so and she’ll be fine… Who knows- maybe you’ll even like her when she’s not high.”

Cracking open my eyes, I stared blankly at the ceiling as the vestige of my dream lingered in the edges of my mind. Feeling came slowly, and my eyes flickered down to the ocean of dark blonde hair that splayed across my chest. Caroline’s expression portrayed nothing but peace, and I swiped a heavy hand down my face. Dusky gold poured through the window, warming my skin to the point that it was almost uncomfortable.

“God damnit…” Slowly sliding her arm off me, I was careful not to wake Caroline as I shuffled on stiff muscles. Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I shook my head hard to clear my troubled thoughts. Propping my elbows on my knees, my feet bounced against the hardwood as I stared into space.

I had formed the naïve hope that my nightmares had ceased, and I clenched and released my jaw in irritation. Caroline’s invitation had given me a night of darkness; I didn’t dream at all, let alone have a nightmare.

Yet, here she was in front of me, and I couldn’t escape the warzone that was my mind.

“James?” Caroline’s soft, sleepy call pulled me from my thoughts, and I twisted to find her watching me through half sunken lids. “What is it? Did you have a nightmare?”

For a moment I thought about lying, but she sat up sluggishly to scoot flush against my back. Her ample breasts cushioned my shoulder blades, and I leaned into her touch as she wrapped her arms around my torso. Taking a deep breath, I let my head fall back to sigh heavily at the ceiling.

“Sort of… I don’t know. It was about her detox… Frank wanted to slice her vocal chords- the second night in he brought it up… I don’t know why I dreamed of that when he actually did end up doing it two days later.” Caroline yawned in my ear, a feminine, cute sound that loosened some of the knots in my chest. Slowly wrapping her legs around my waist, she rubbed her face against my shoulder like a dog looking for attention. That wasn’t the vibe I felt off her, and I rubbed her calves absently just to feel her smooth skin.

“Progress, not perfection. Your nightmares aren’t going to magically disappear because we hopped into bed together, James. It takes time.” Nodding roughly, I pursed my lips together as I pondered that notion. I was 37 years old, for Christ’s sake- too old to think anything just stops. “Do you want to hear the story?”

“No. I’ll be fine.” Smiling even as I declined, I tilted my head to kiss Caroline’s temple. “I should leave soon. I don’t want your dad to shoot me.”

Reluctance seeped into my voice, and Caroline heaved a sigh that flowed down my back to settle against between our hips. I knew her father had at least one gun; any veteran had an unhealthy attachment to his arms. Our guns were our life savers- or, in this case- a daughter’s dignity saver. My smile grew at how young I felt at the fact that I was sneaking out before her dad got home, and she huffed a small laugh before lolling her head back.

“I guess you’re right. It’d suck if two of us were injured.” Amusement colored Caroline’s words, and I dragged my palms up her legs while she flexed her toes. Her lean muscles strained under her skin, and I relished the sensation for a few seconds longer.

“… Maybe next time you can come to my place.” Holding my breath as anticipation swirled in my gut, I didn’t dare blink until Caroline’s soft hum reached my ear.

“You better get me some real food, then. I don’t think I can eat those anymore…” Letting out a tense exhale, I nodded into the growing silence. My fingers crept over Caroline’s ankle brace, but my mind wandered as we sat in a pure kind of stillness.

I’d already started looking into contractors for my cabin remodel; I didn’t want to do anything crazy, but I found it hard to find the words to ask Caroline what she wanted. She lived with her father out of convenience, but she didn’t need to. There was the entire possibility that asking her would put too much pressure on her.

And that was something I wanted to avoid at all costs knowing she was weary from her last relationship.

Did I even want a relationship? Grinding my teeth together at the thought, I glanced at Caroline out of the corner of my eye. Our multitude of late night phone calls, of her ballsy disposition, flashed through my mind’s eye, and I squeezed her feet absently.

“When I get my ankle cleared, do you want to go camping?”

“Sure.” Stiff with unwillingness, I pushed myself to my feet as I answered, and Caroline’s hands slid under my arms heavily. Snatching her bright orange yoga shorts, I rubbed the fabric between my fingers absently before opening my mouth again. “This feels like shit.”

“My pants, or the fact that you’re leaving?” Casting a dumb glance at her, I tossed her shorts into her lap as she smiled flatly. “It has to happen sometime. You can’t just stay here, James. My dad would probably flip his shit if he found you in my room naked. I’m almost 30 years old, but I’m still his baby. If your dad doesn’t go crazy in situations like that, I can’t believe he cares that much.”

A grim upturn of my lips formed between my cheeks, and I grabbed my jeans with an ugly, dark splotch spreading across my chest. It’d only been an hour, maybe, since we fell asleep, and I knew Caroline was right. I couldn’t stay here just because.

That didn’t make leaving her like it’s the morning after any easier, though.

“It would be kinda creepy if I just didn’t leave…” Conceding this battle, I yanked my pants up my legs with rough jerks. “When can I see you again?”

“Whenever.” Lifting up her foot with a slight scowl, Caroline wiggled into her shorts as a chuckle floated up from my throat. She really hated being homebound, and I reached to swipe her toes before she jerked back with a giggle of her own. “I can’t go anywhere, anyway. Maybe if I told my dad you’ll be there, he’d let me do something. I have strange dreams about my camera…”

Laughing hard at that, I fastened my jeans around my waist as I shook my head. The weird part was that I believed Caroline’s bullshitting, and when I glanced up, she was on her feet with a saucy smile plastered on her face. Scanning her body slowly, I licked my lips at the contrast between her dusky brown nipples and lightly tanned skin. Her hourglass figure was enough to make men drool and women turn green, and I wrapped my arms around her waist to kiss her swollen lips.

“I’ll call you.” Murmuring my promise, I leaned back on my heels to push away the guilt in my chest with air. Soft fingertips trailed along my sides, and Caroline’s eyes sparkled brightly up at me.

“You better.”