Chapter 6

Clara

I freeze. I just lock up and I don’t know what to do or what to say. Fritz and the Prince are staring at me, just waiting for me to say something. Anything. Oh, God. Why? I don’t want this on me.

I don’t want them fighting over me. Nor do I recall forcing the Prince’s love onto me. But yet, I find myself in the middle of this.

I just stand there in silence. I feel a huge lump in my throat as I attempt to swallow. My stomach is in knots and I can already feel my skin getting clammy from all my nervous sweating across my forehead.

“Well?” cries Fritz. I understand he’s hurt. He’s fucking devastated. I just continue to stare, this time with my mouth agape, trying to form words.

“See, she’s not yours to claim. Come, love. I’ll show you the reward of your choice,” says the Prince.

“Not so fast! I don’t know. Okay? Can you please just give me a moment to think, here?” I shout. I’m frustrated to even be in this position. I hate having to make difficult choices. How did I get here?

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Fritz interjects. “Seriously, Clara? Can’t you do better than that? For fuck’s sake. Just go off with him then. I’m fucking done. I’m not going to sit here and fight for you if you don’t even want me.”

My heart has a heavy, shooting pain piercing through it. There’s a stark difference between losing someone accidentally, like...if a close family member or friend passes away. You have this incredible sense of loss, but your closure is right in front of you. You don’t want it, but you have no choice but to accept something that isn’t in your hands.

But to lose someone from your own actions, something that’s completely avoidable, is the fucking worst. I know I’ll always be wondering what would have happened if I picked the other way around. And I hate assuming I’m making the wrong decision.

I watch as Fritz wipes his bloody face against his forearm and turns quickly, making his way towards the door.

That jolts me to life. I’m reminded of exactly what’s going on here. I can’t just let Fritz go. I’ve always loved him. He’s been mine all this time, even though our love is forbidden, and I’d be so foolish to throw that away.

Shit. I have to go. I turn to the Prince.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” I say to him.

He grabs my hand.

“Clara, you can’t deny me. You can’t simply ignore the passion I know I ignite in you,” he argues.

I watch the door swing open and see that Fritz is really leaving me here. This is my worst nightmare come true and it’s based on my own actions. I can’t stop the tears from running down my face as I stare at that damn door.

How has this gone so horribly wrong? Yes, the Prince is the object of my fantasies, but Fritz…I can’t turn away from what we have.

“My love, what’s wrong?” asks the Prince.

“What’s wrong? My entire world is falling apart!” I exclaim, even knowing I’m the one who’s making it happen. “Fritz means the world to me, and now because of what we’ve done, he’s leaving!”

“Clara, if you truly didn’t reciprocate any of my feelings, I wouldn’t have pressed on. You and I share a passion like no other. I’d be a fool to not do all I can to fight for it,” the Prince exclaims.

“Okay, but do my words, my instructions, to you not hold any weight? I deserve respect just as much as you do!” I argue.

“My darling, I can’t explain enough. You and I are one. We have been from the moment I gazed into your beautiful eyes. Please, let me help you understand,” he presses on, but not with just his words.

I look into his eyes and see the passion they contain. My entire body feels warm, and I can feel my face flush from such a sudden rush of emotion. The Prince takes his hand and presses it against my cheek.

He leans in, and I don’t know how or why, but I don’t tell him to stop. I can’t. I can’t deny that I want this to happen. He presses his lips against mine. I know I want this kiss too. I love the Prince in my own messed up way. I mean he’s not even real…is he?

My body gives in entirely as we kiss. I have no way to justify it, but it feels so right. How can that happen when it’s all so wrong? When I’m so conflicted?

I part lips with the Prince and gaze into his eyes. I smile at him. His kiss has comforted me in an otherwise extremely uncertain situation. Maybe he’s right. Maybe this is what I actually want.

A knot in my stomach grows. As much as it feels good, a part of me longs for someone else. Memories flash before my eyes. The thought of not having Fritz...or just replacing him altogether is one that makes me feel physically sick. Isn’t that a sure-fire sign of real love?

“Listen—” I start to say, but I’m cut off by the sound of the door swinging back open.

Fritz. He’s back in a twisted deja vu. Only this time, he’s not being the hero “saving” me from a villainous monster. His eyes show true pain. Everything about him is always so real, so transparent.

So to know that he’s hurting just by the look in his expressive eyes, I know this is the real deal. The good news from it is that I know what I want.

Fritz left me with no choice but to be with the Prince when he left the room. But in his return, the realization that this door is not closed for good, has made me realize I cannot be without him again. There are some things you need to lose before you realize how important they truly are.

I’m never going to be as happy as I am with Fritz with anyone, that much I’m sure of now. I turn to him and look directly into those pitiful eyes.

“I choose you,” I say, to Fritz. “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I doubted myself. I’m sorry for everything...just don’t leave!” I cry at him, reaching for his arms.

The Prince persists.

“Clara, please reconsider your options. Perhaps if I cannot have you to myself, I can share you with...him.”

“Share? What are you proposing?” I inquire. I’m so confused. A mere moment ago, I thought I’d have to break my heart and choose…I now have to reconsider and choose from more options?

“If it’s permitted, do allow me to show you what we can give you. Have an open mind,” he says.

“Back off, man. She’s already chosen me. Don’t cross this line because I won’t lose her again,” threatens Fritz.

“Fritz, I can speak for myself. And while I choose you, I can’t deny that I would feel like I’m missing something by not fully understanding what he has to say here. Can you please entertain it? I’m not going to be without you, but let’s put this to rest?”

“Sure. Anything for you, Clara,” says Fritz.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode from how full it is. Are these two men, the men I love desperately, really willing to share me?