Chapter 3

Learning The Rubrics Of Romance

I am of the school of thought that in order to be the perfect lover, you will need to be well rounded. As regards this chapter, you need to be well grounded in the art of Romance. I do not want you to get this twisted at all,

Romance is a very vital part of any romantic relationship between partners. Another thing I quickly want to say is that romance does not always equate to sex.

Don't worry, we will talk about the sex part soon but you need to understand that there is a whole lot, which couples are missing in terms of romance. Sometimes, marriage counselors comment that most couples complain about each other because they feel they are being seen as objects rather than persons. Let me give you an example for you to understand that better. In the case of Danielle and George who are a couple, Danielle may complain to the marriage counselor that she feels used because her husband always requests for sex without any form of Romance. George may be stunned at that point in time because his whole idea of romance is sex. However, he is dead wrong and will need to have a reconfigure of his mentality towards romance.

So what is romance and is it different from sex?

The answer to that question is that sex is just part of the whole romantic package. A romantic evening may end in a steamy sexual session and it may not. This should lead you to ask the question of the remaining components of Romance.

Here, I will give some components of Romance before we move on to the way to stimulate your sexual relationship.

•Cuddling- Most men may have heard their wives or girlfriends tell them to cuddle them. Large majorities are surprised at the request while some see it as an invitation to sex. However, cuddling is not necessarily an invitation to sex. When your partner tells you, 'cuddle me', she/he is saying that they want to feel loved once again in your arms. They want to know that you have got their backs and you are like a pillar that will remain there. The next time your partner requests that you cuddle him/her, take it as an opportunity to create a mental reminder that she/he is loved. Offer gentle warm squeezes and listen if your partner is talking to you.

•Acts of Service- I have added this because I believe it is very important for you to recognize the power of your little acts. I will once again make reference to Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages. For Gary, some romantic partners are mostly turned on by the acts of Service which their partners do. For example, Fraulein may be turned on by Weiss's acts of taking the trash out, mowing the lawn and repainting the house. While this may sound surprising to you, it may well be the love language that your lover speaks.

•Breakfast in bed- Now, you may think that I am overstretching stuff but who says that fairytale stories cannot be real. I am not saying that you should prepare breakfast in bed for your partner but once a while would do. It literally oozes romance and it speaks a great deal.

Spicing up your sex life

There is no point beating around the point: every perfect love should at least have a great score in bed. Don't blush too much because you know it is true!

In this age when it is a little bit difficult to get quality steps to improve our sex lives, here are some great tips which I got from seasoned sex therapists.

Build up the sexual tension

Many romantic partners do not understand that sex is not just that ten, twenty-minute activity. Let me put it another way; many partners do not understand that females perceive sex in a different way than men. While a man is automatically turned on and in the mood to dish out some good loving, his female partner may not be easily turned on. Sex therapists usually advice men to always send crazy romantic texts that would put their partners in the mood: And these messages should be sent long before game time. When your partner sees the romantic message, she/he is reminded of the love you have for them and it turns them on.

Get a sexy outfit quick!

I should have titled this, Get rid of that regular outfit. You see, I told you that spontaneity is one of the languages of Love that you need to learn and this also applies to your sex life. Couples who always go the extra mile to get more sexy outfits discover better vibes in the bedroom. Being the male partner, you could go and get a fireman outfit and get to strip teasing to your partner before the main act. As the female, you could head over to get a sexy lingerie to make your partner totally stimulated. If you are into handcuffs, you could get it to stimulate the sex act.

Understand the importance of foreplay

Sex is a unique experience that should not be rushed at all. It should be a period where the both of you spend quality time, exploring, massaging, offering gentle kisses before you move into the main act. All these constitute the foreplay and trust me, it brings a long lasting memory when it is done right.

Clear the mental clogs of the past

Many sexual moments are usually soiled by past memories. This happens because a partner may choose to hang on to a great past sexual memory and expect the same from the new partner. Let me show you what I mean.

You have a past.

Your partner has a past as well.

Now, in some cases, one of the partners may be a virgin while the other has had sexual partners. In some other instances, both of them had previous sexual partners. The problem begins when both partners bring the remembrance of the previous sexual partner into the new relationship.

If your previous sexual partner was very aggressive in bed, there is a chance that you will expect your new partner to be aggressive as well.

So what then is the cure to this?

How do you move from the point of constant mental comparisons?

The first step you should take is to always remind yourself that people are different. Repetition is often the way to make things stick in our heads and that is why you must keep repeating it.

The second step is to move according to the pace of your partner. If you realize that you are stuck in mental comparison, allow your partner to dictate the pace of sex. When you do this, you make it easier for yourself and your partner who does not feel like she/he is in a competition.