Chapter 6

Being Open in the Relationship

Openness is one of the most under-rated and least discussed topics when it comes to relationships. For anyone willing to engage in an open experiment, you can check out what are the most discussed topics in romantic relationships and you may not see openness. In the rare occasions when openness is discussed, it focuses on being open after a partner has broken the trust of the relationship by having an outside affair. Does this mean that openness is not important within relationships? And if it is important, what does it mean to you?

I would easily describe openness as an art: a kind of slow art of revealing and a process of allowing your partner to get to know you better. This is not just something that you can run through in a day; it requires a daily effort. Most marriage counselors give a kind of collective view that two partners, who tend to share more, bond on a deeper level than other couples where a partner shares more. The consensus is quite remarkable and provides one key ingredient for anyone to become a perfect lover.

Without further ado, what are you supposed to share with your partner?

Be open with your fears

Now, this is a big one, I must admit because most of us are taught that strong people deal with their fears alone. If you plan on being in a relationship and making it work, you will have to be open about your fears.

What are you scared of when it comes to your partner?

Are you afraid that she may leave when she sees another guy who seems to have more than you?

Are you scared you may not be the perfect woman who will be loved by his parents?

Are you scared of losing your job and her leaving?

Are you scared of not having babies for him after the last abortion that you did?

These are just some questions out of the thousand worries that races through our minds on every given day.

Talk about them!

Then, listen to your partner's thoughts about them and experience a kind of calm response from him/her.

I have to be specific here and address the male readers because most men see opening up as a weakness. You know, sometimes we were taught some wrong things about life that we live our lives based on such deadly mentality. One of such mentality is that real men do not cry and are not expressive of their emotions. The problem with this mentality is that there are many men who have their emotions so bottled up that it is killing them from the inside. Their partners want to know what is going on, but the men keep silent.

You will have to consciously begin to allow your partner into your mental space from this point. Through gradual sharing of your thoughts, you will reach there.

Being Open with your Aspirations

Everyone has aspirations in life regarding many areas. Trent and Maggie are a unique couple I met who had the craziest aspirations ever. Trent wanted to become a golfer like Tiger Woods while his wife wanted to be like Serena Williams and a mother of 6.

That's is kinda weird right?

Well, that is what they want and they are already racing towards achieving it. We are all hardwired to always seek for something that is better. Whether it is in the field of sports, politics, Romance, name it, we always want something better.

The art of Openness requires that you share your dreams and aspirations with your partner. Let them catch a glimpse of the dreams that fuel you and perhaps they will offer the drive that you seek. What you do when you open up your aspirations to your partner is that you are telling them that they matter. It is also like an invitation for them to be a part of the dream and ultimately your success story. I do not know any loving partner who would refuse such an opportunity. Romantic partners who are in the courtship stage of their relationship and about to get married should be more open than everyone else.

Openness in terms of finance is needed- Here, both partners need to state their savings records and also how they spend money. When they reveal these, they will be able to plan efficiently on who would handle what within the marriage. The reckless spender out of the two would be identified and the saver would be known as well.

Openness about family history- Intending couples have got to be totally open about the nature of their families.

What are the basic traditions that their families hold on to so strongly?

What is the nature of the relationship between the parents?

These deep questions require truthful replies because they will set the tone for the marriage and help the couple deal with challenges in the early stages of the marriage.

I want you to note this last statement before this chapter ends:

Don't do it if you will not be truthful.

The art of Openness does not require lies. It is a time when you are naked before your partner: A time when she/he gets to see the real you and show that they understand and care for you. Do not spoil such a unique experience by lying to your partner at all.