By Saturday, I was pretty sure everything was over between us. I hadn’t heard from Alec since the allegations on Thursday. He hadn’t tried to call me, avoided me during class, made it clear that whatever we had had, it wasn’t worth all of this.

I guess I couldn’t have blamed him. I was the one that had seduced him, made my intentions clear to him. He was the one that had turned it into more. Now, I was the one that felt like I had lost so much. I was confused, brokenhearted.

Brandi and I were out on the town. She had told me to shower, get dressed so that she could take me out. She knew that I was hurting. I hadn’t told her nearly as much about our relationship as she would have liked to know, but she knew that my heart was broken and that I needed a distraction.

What was worse than my own pain was what I had done to Alec. I felt like I had fucked up his career, his life. He had a daughter to think of, and now I had left them without a salary. What if they let him go? I was young enough to still bounce back from something like this. If this went to a disciplinary hearing, they would vote in my favor; I would be the victim. In reality, it was Alec that had been a victim. I felt like shit about it. Guilt threatened to consume me.

Brandi and I sat at the bar, and I ordered one cocktail after the other. I wanted to drown myself in alcohol, get so drunk that I couldn’t remember the pain.

“Slow down, Izzy,” Brandi said, concerned.

“Why? I’m a student. Aren’t I supposed to be able to do stupid things?” Even I could hear how bitter that sounded. “Maybe I should just drop out.”

Brandi shook her head. “Come on, shit happens, Izzy. You can’t give up like this. You still have class next week; you still have to make a future for yourself.”

“And what about Alec? What about Beth? Didn’t I just take their futures away?”

Brandi sighed, exasperated. “I wish you would tell me everything that had happened,” she said. “I know that you had been caught kissing him in the corridor, but why is this hurting you so much? How much more did you do?”

“Everything,” I said. “I gave him everything. And then I took everything from him.” I realized I sounded terrible, melodramatic. I was already so drunk. Not too drunk to feel, so I needed more. I lifted my hand to wave over the bartender, but Brandi pushed my arm down again.

“Take it easy, Izzy,” she pleaded. “This is not the end of the world. You’re really drunk, don’t say anything now, don’t make any decisions that you may regret later.”

I chuckled without expression. “Too late,” I said and downed the last bit of my drink.

I knew I couldn’t carry on feeling sorry for myself like this. Brandi was right, of course. She usually was. We weren’t only best friends because we shared an apartment. She looked at life differently than I did, she was full of wisdom. This time, though, I didn’t feel like any kind of wisdom that she had to share on the topic would change things. This was all my fault, I had gotten myself into this mess, and I didn’t know how to get myself out again. I had to fix this for Alec, if not for myself. I just didn’t know how.

My phone pinged. I fished for it in my bag, found it, and read the text that had just come through. It was from Alec, asking me to come over.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Brandi said. “You’re really drunk. I’m scared you’ll do something you’ll regret.”

“Again, too late,” I said. I looked for my purse and flipped through it looking for cash. I found the bills and tried to concentrate on how much I had to pay for my alcohol. After I struggled a while, Brandi took the purse from me and helped me out. What were best friends for?

“If you’re going to insist on going, take a cab, at least.” Brandi had given up trying to get me to be responsible. “I don’t want you driving in this state.”

I nodded. “Thank you, Brandi, you’re a great friend.” I got off the barstool, balancing on unstable legs. I walked to the door, with Brandi guiding me to a cab. I gave the driver the address, and Brandi made sure that I was ready to go before the cab pulled off.

The motion of the car made me feel sick, but in no time, I was in front of Alec’s place. I got out and walked to his front door, focusing on not tripping over the bricks. He opened it for me before I knocked, expecting me.

“Are you drunk?” He asked when he saw me.

There was no reason to deny it. I nodded.

He sighed. “I’m sorry it’s gone this far,” he said. “We should have spoken sooner.”

I walked with him to the living room and sat down on the couch. I was more comfortable now that I wasn’t on my feet, my balance less questionable.

“Why did you ask me to come over?” I asked. Now that I was drunk, all my inhibitions were lowered. All I could think about was how I felt about him, how I wanted to fuck him. Of course, that was out of the question now.

“Because I wanted to know something.” He took my hand in both of his, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. “I will get fired for you,” he said.

I blinked at him. “What?”

“What I’m trying to say,” he said, “is that if it comes down to it, I would rather lose my job than lose you.”

I turned over his words in my mind. Could I really let something like this happen? Could I let a father lose his income when he had a daughter to take care of? Of course not.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t want that. I was thinking, I’ll do school online.”

Alex frowned at me. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on his features. If I didn’t concentrate, I saw double.

“You can’t do that,” he said. “The reason you came to Los Angeles was so that you could study at UCLA, go to class. You told me so yourself. I won’t let you give that up, now.”

“Well, that’s not up to you,” I said. I sounded a little bit like the defiant teenager, a little bit like Beth. The idea was funny, and I giggled.

Alec pressed my knuckles to his lips, kissing my hand. “You don’t understand, Isobel. I’m not going to let you do this. I won’t take education from you.”

“You’re not taking my education from me,” I said. “If you get fired, you don’t have a career anymore. But if I study online, I’m still getting an education, just not in the same place as your work.” I was impressed by myself. I was making a lot of sense for the amount of alcohol I had consumed. “I want to continue this relationship.”

There it was, put into words. I didn’t think I would have done that if I was sober.

“God, Isobel,” Alex said. “Why do you have to be so spectacular?”

He didn’t give me a chance to think about an answer. He leaned forward quicker than I could follow, pressing his lips against mine. The kiss was wet and needy, drawing me in. After three days of thinking that we were over, this was exactly what I needed. I kissed him back, throwing my arms around his neck, pressing my body against his. I wanted to drink him in, consume what he gave me. I didn’t know how long this would last, how much of this I would get, I wanted to take as much as I could right now.

Alec guided me backward so that I lay down on the couch. He crawled onto me, pushing my legs open with his. He held himself up enough so that he didn’t crush me, his body pressed against mine. His skin was scalding hot through his shirt, my shirt. I was consumed by need. I needed him inside of me. I wanted to give myself to him completely. Until now, that’s what I thought I had done when he had taken my virginity. I realized now that there was so much more to this. I felt so much more. When I had set out to fuck my professor, I had never imagined something like this would happen.

I had never imagined I would fall for the man that had fueled my fantasies.