Noel.
I let her take what she needs from me. I let her abuse my mouth to release everything she’s so desperate to get out with a kiss that’s hot, fast and aggressive. In return, I fist her hair and pull her to me, getting as close as I can, but it never seems close enough. I deserve all that is thrown at me. I’ve caused all this for her. Hurt. Anger. Anxiety. That’s all on me. It’s my doing and I hate that I’ve put her there. December is hard for her and I’ve gone and put her in a position that will leave her vulnerable and lost. My job is to protect her but instead I’ve done the complete opposite that will bring her down and it breaks me. It’s doesn’t make me feel like a man.
I authorise her demand and walk backwards to the bed, never loosing contact with her mouth as her tongue sweeps in my mouth with long powerful strokes. Our hands are everywhere, not knowing where to touch each other first. Buttons scatter across the room when the wrath of her anger rips the shirt free from my torso, sending another jolt to my cock with her ravenousness behaviour. I remove her clothes just as fast, matching our kiss that’s greedy before I’m forced down to the mattress.
“Don’t,” she orders, pushing my hands away when I go to unfasten my belt. She replaces my hands with her own to remove my trousers, shifting them to my ankles but never removing them. Her eyes flicker with heat when my cock springs free and she teasingly licks the tip before she grazes her nails over my shaft. I groan, grabbing her hand to pull her to straddle me.
I cover her collarbone with demanding wet kisses, tipping her head back to lick up the side of her throat before turning her head to find her mouth. I lay back on my elbows as she rocks against me, the combination of her lace scratching over my cock and her dampness soaking through has me slamming my eyes shut and gripping the sheets with ecstasy. “Fuck, that feels good.”
She doesn’t respond. She just continues the torture because she knows what it’s doing to me.
Two can play that game.
She moans when I match her devilish play and circle my thumb over her clit through her lace. She’s dripping, her arousal igniting a need to have her even more as she dances against my thumb. Leaning forwards, she tugs my hair through her fingers. I add pressure with my thumb, and with a moan into my mouth, her climax charges through her core.
I can’t hold on much longer as she rocks out her orgasm against my cock, teasing me with her hips as her underwear is completely ruined with her wetness.
“Angel, I need to be inside you.”
I’m pushed back so I’m flat against the bed for her to position herself over me. She needs this as much as I do, and it’s evident when she shifts her underwear aside and slams down on me. Both of us grown loudly, and my name is cried from her lips for the first time since we argued.
“Noel.” Her head tips back and her nails bite into my thighs. Everything stops for a moment. Her moves. My heart. Everything.
Tightness grips my chest and I sit up on my elbows, needing to see her eyes. “Angel, look at me.”
When I have her silver-greys on me, they are full of every emotion: red from her tears of hurt, dilated from her desire and warm from the love I know is in there no matter how hard we fight. But even her eyes can’t hold back the fire that ignites deep in her soul and as I’m pushed back to the mattress once again, she tells me in every way that she’s still bubbling with hurt and anger. She rides me like her life depends on it; deep groans leave the back of my throat and battle against her pants. Just like her kiss, she’s fast and demanding. She’s dirty versus delicious and so fucking hot. “Fuck you feel so good.”
Wanting her mouth, I shift my upper body to sit up. She whimpers from the slight change in position, and I grab the back of her head to kiss her in hunger. She stops the rotation of her hips to fall into our connection before pulling away with my bottom lip between her teeth. I growl and fall back with the push of her hands that tells me loud and clear that she’s the one in charge right now.
“This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.”
“You still angry with me, angel.”
“Yes,” she pants in barely a whisper.
“Is playing rough with me making you feel better?” I circle my thumb on her clit and her body arches with a cry.
“God, Noel.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Stop talking and let me fuck you.”
I grin. Sweet Jesus, I love this woman.
I feel her pace waver and I take the lead, thrusting into her as I hold her hips. My arse cheeks begin to tingle with the orgasm that’s going to rush through me, and I feel Tamzin begin to tighten. I change direction with my thumb and the pressure has her screaming, clenching my cock with her climax that draws out my own.
We both break in unison, hard and fast. Her breathless pants mirror mine as her head falls back.
“Fuck, we should argue more often,” I gasp.
Even though I’m still inside her, I don’t feel completely connected. Her eyes are focused on the ceiling as she tries to control her breathing. Not having her silver-greys on me makes me uneasy, and I slowly bring her back to me with my hands to find they are once again dark grey and watery. “Angel,” I whisper, with a heavy heart. “I promise everything will be okay.” I kiss her with grace, gently combing my fingers through her hair as I caress her mouth with adoration. I love this woman more than words can say. Everything that I am and have become is because of her. She has no idea how much I’m hurting at the thought of having to leave right now, but what I feel will never match her pain because the second I stop kissing her, she dips her head to my shoulder, grasps the back of my neck and breaks out in sobs.
“This is killing me too, angel.” I caress her gently. “You have no idea.”
Tamzin.
I’m trying to be brave. I’m trying not to cry but my heart is hurting with the hollowness I’m about to feel when he walks out of the door.
It’s just four days: three lonely sleeps and ninety-six hours without him.
Those hours may seem so meaningless to most people, but to me it feels like a lifetime. My heart feels fractured, even before the sand timer has been turned. I cried silently most of the night, wrapped up in his arms as he held me like he too was struggling. I keep telling myself that it’s just Paris, and that soldiers go through a longer distance with months in between before they see their loved ones again, and here I am broken over a few hours travel time. It’s pathetic, but at the same time, I’m only human and this month has never been easy for me in years. I’m not mad at Noel; I’m mad with myself at the thought of not being able to cope because he’s not standing by my side. I’m mad with the person that’s done this to us at Christmas, taking away our time because of his stupidity and selfishness. I was never mad at Noel; it’s just unfortunate that he was in the firing line at the time. It never registered with me that he too will be affected by our time apart. I am his everything and our baby is his world.
His lips hold a kiss on my stomach and a tear slides down my face as I close my eyes.
“I’ll be back real soon, Dumpling. Look after your mummy for Daddy, okay?”
He stands, his exhale deep and heavy. Gripping hold of his jacket, I try to keep my legs from buckling as the ice wind sweeps in the doorway to blow my hair around my face. My heart is beating fast and no doubt matches his own as the warmth of his lips presses against my forehead with promise: an adoration that no one can take from us no matter the distance.
“Please don’t hate me, angel,” he whispers.
“I don’t hate you. I hate the person that’s taking you away from me.”
“You can do this. You are strong.”
“I don’t feel strong. I feel stupid for overreacting and being so overwhelmed by something I can’t control.” I sniff back my tears and whisper. “I’m sorry.”
He takes hold of my jaw, making me look at him. His eyes are thick with remorse. “Don’t you dare apologise, you hear me? You can’t help, nor can you control, what your heart feels.”
Even though I know the reasons behind my melancholy, I find it hard to comprehend. It was less than four weeks ago that I was on my own. Noel was in Paris then and he was there longer than four days but I managed. Yes, it was hard, yes, I cried myself to sleep nearly every night because I missed him and yes I hated every second, but I got through it. So why do these coming few days feel twice as bad as back then?
“Why do I feel so weak?”
“Because that’s what love does, angel. You’re not on your own with that one.” He tucks the hair behind my ears, bringing his lips to mine for a soft kiss, slipping the tip of his tongue into meet mine. There’s so much passion behind it. “I love you,” he whispers. “I’ll be home for Christmas.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
With that, he kisses me once more and leaves.